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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
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Opiesmom

Don't tell anyone

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Opiesmom   

I have a friend who has been "hiding" her terminal illness for years.  It became quite apparent that something is terribly wrong and for months we have been begging her to tell us what is happening.  She has adamantly refused to admit anything is wrong, saying I'm fine, just lost a bit weight.  Well, yesterday we got the official news and we are likely at weeks, maybe months.    I can't say I'm shocked, exactly, but I'm trying to figure out why you wouldn't trust those closest to you with your best interest at heart with the truth.  I've read a ton of info and appreciate the concern about social judgments, etc, and I suppose one really doesn't know how such information is going to be received, but here we are just trying to grasp our worst fears.    My position, if you will, is not directly with my friend.  She effectively said goodbye to me weeks ago, tho I didn't realize I was being cut off.  My position is of support for her adult child who is completely devastated.  I'm trying to offer practical support (which bills are paid, which are not; disability claim in process, care options, are you eating, how can I help you, call me anytime, it's ok to all and yell at me, just get it out).  There's a question in here somewhere, I"m just trying to find it.  I guess I just want to make sure I'm doing what needs to be done and be there for them but not be in the way?  I dunno.  Right now we are looking at various upcoming events, and I just want to scream.  No. Stop the world. We need to deal with this first.  No Thanksgiving, no Christmas.....  Not now.  My own grief stems from the pain I know she is likely suffering knowing she won't see her children grow and all that entails.  I want to reach out to her, let her know I will always be there for them and that she'll always be a member of our family and that she will be loved and cherished and never ever forgotten..... but she has shut everyone out.  

Words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

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I am very sorry about your friend's terminal illness and the closeness of her death. I think you are doing the right thing by being supportive of her adult child. You've tried to sort through finances and you are supportive in every way possible. Continue to be supportive; listen to him/her when the time comes. 

Reach out to your friend anyway; can you still contact her? Let her know what you are thinking, and have a discussion with her about all of it. It may help to deal with things, and it may help you to help her child. 

Unfortunately, the world isn't going to stop. This time of year is especially difficult. If you don't feel like celebrating the holidays, then don't. They will be here next year. Do what you need to do to get through all this. Change your routine if you have to. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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Mon_buck   

I'm sorry to hear of your friend. I agree your doing the right thing by helping her child with the practical side of things that terminal illness brings. Everyone is different and the only insight I can give you is from my husband who was terminally Ill with cancer ... he only had about a month when we were told ... but weren't surprised as his cancer was a rough one. He said his goodbyes early on as he didn't like people seeing him get sicker and skinnier and everything involved with dying ... he never liked the way people looked at him knowing he was that sick. He only had me and his immediate family in the final weeks and then only me in the end as that was his wish. She might not be able to cope with talking about her daughter and what she'll miss out on or even be physically able to ... I know my husbands mind was so weak in the end he couldn't even listen to music coz it hurt let alone think about anything else. He wanted to live his last few weeks at home with me by his side and he knew the rest would take care of itself. Can you message her? I know my husband (up until he couldn't) messaged with a lot people and he didn't mind that. I hope that helps a little but I think your a great friend to be doing all this for your friend and still trying to reach out. 

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