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Can't get over this

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I live in a small town in Texas called Levelland, about 30 miles from Lubbock. On July 21st of this year my sister and niece left Levelland to drive to Dallas for soccer tournaments in my car(to save gas money). I received a call at work from my mother crying hysterically on the phone a little after 12:30pm, she kept saying my sister and nieces name over and over again. I didn't know what was going on. I hung up and called my sisters phone. My 13 year old niece answered and was crying and scared and didn't know where her mom was. Unfortunately, they were getting out of Sweetwater on I20 when a semi slammed into the back end of the car when they were slowing down due to construction, they crashed into the vehicle in front of them and ended up getting hit by another semi. I was told they were going to be transporting my sister and niece to Abilene Hendrix hospital. You see... Abilene is 3 hours from Levelland. Took us 4 1/2 hours to get there due to traffic. Longest 4 1/2 hours of my life. No answers, no updated information... I just wanted to know that my sister and niece were going to be ok. Later on we knew that my sister was in a induced coma. Brain damaged, skull and spine were dislocated, internal bleeding... I couldn't see my sister like that. My niece on the other hand had a small fracture on her wrist. Some cuts bruising but that was it. There was a angel with her,  she said right before the 2nd semi hit that her seat belt popped off and she was thrown in the drivers seat on top of my sister.  Throughout the days my sister would make some progress but then get back to square one. On July 27th at 6:00pm, my sister took her last breath. We were being stingy wanting her to be here with us but she would just be a vegetable if they kept her on the machines for the rest of her life... On Aug 1st we laid her to rest. A beautiful funeral with mariachis and rain. We were all soaked but my sister sure did love the rain. I thought it would have been better by now. At least me not crying so much. I burst out in tears so much. My anxiety and depression is out the roof and I just feel nobody understands. 

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Nobody does understand. That's how I feel too. Nothing irritates me more right now than to have someone say "I lost my sibling,  so I know exactly how you feel". No. No, you don't actually. No one knows the way I felt about my brother or the way he felt about me. No one shares OUR memories.

Anxiety and depression are my middle names right now. It's been less than 2 months for me. I don't expect to feel better anytime soon especially with holidays approaching. So I imagine you are in the same boat even though it's been longer for you. I don't see myself at this point and time being better with this a year,  two years from now. Time doesn't heal,  like they say; not everything,  not THIS. All you can do is take one day at a time and LET YOURSELF GRIEVE. I feel this is a problem with my family members,  everyone's trying to be strong and keep it together,  including myself. But I think you gotta feel it ALL to move forward. Can't process it by holding back your emotions. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother passed in a sudden car accident as well. I hope and pray--for you and me--that we both find some sort of peace with these tragedies in the future. 

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