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Hello I'm new here, I thought maybe this might help. I lost my bf 7 weeks ago he died suddenly we were friends for three years and together one year I knew he would go before me he was older 52 and I'm 35 but I thought there were still years left for us to have it hurts so much I'm lost without him we were always together and now he's just gone I don't know what to do he was my best friend it's hard getting through the days without him here i ask God why, why did he have to go and what's the reason for this pain I think about the years I have to go without him and don't want to. I want him here with me, for him to make me laugh and smile the way only he could it's hard to imagine him not being here anymore and sharing things with him it's so lonely without him my heart is broken 

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Patti14   
1 hour ago, Loss of bf said:

Hello I'm new here, I thought maybe this might help. I lost my bf 7 weeks ago he died suddenly we were friends for three years and together one year I knew he would go before me he was older 52 and I'm 35 but I thought there were still years left for us to have it hurts so much I'm lost without him we were always together and now he's just gone I don't know what to do he was my best friend it's hard getting through the days without him here i ask God why, why did he have to go and what's the reason for this pain I think about the years I have to go without him and don't want to. I want him here with me, for him to make me laugh and smile the way only he could it's hard to imagine him not being here anymore and sharing things with him it's so lonely without him my heart is broken 

I am sorry for your loss. I know your pain I lost my husband a month ago. He was only 47. I am 38. He was my best friend and soulmate. It is lonely and I feel so broken. I also can't imagine him not being here any more. 

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KayC   

Loss of bf,

I'm so sorry...you are my daughter's age, it seems so wrong especially when you're so young!  I was 52 and my husband had just turned 51 when he died, we'd been together 6 1/2 years, he was my soulmate, it took my lifetime to find him and then we were ripped apart.  It's the hardest thing in the world to go through...and yet I've learned to continue, I don't know how except one day at a time and one foot in front of the other, living in the present.  I look forward to being with him again, I'm 65 now and hope I don't have thirty more years to do this, but if I do, I'll do it the way I've done thus far, one day at a time.  I've learned to carry him inside of me, and draw strength and comfort and encouragement from him.  His legacy to me was everlasting, his love impacted my life.

I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone in your feelings, we're all walking this together.  

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KMB   
13 hours ago, Loss of bf said:

Hello I'm new here, I thought maybe this might help. I lost my bf 7 weeks ago he died suddenly we were friends for three years and together one year I knew he would go before me he was older 52 and I'm 35 but I thought there were still years left for us to have it hurts so much I'm lost without him we were always together and now he's just gone I don't know what to do he was my best friend it's hard getting through the days without him here i ask God why, why did he have to go and what's the reason for this pain I think about the years I have to go without him and don't want to. I want him here with me, for him to make me laugh and smile the way only he could it's hard to imagine him not being here anymore and sharing things with him it's so lonely without him my heart is broken 

I am so sorry for your loss. Sorry for that reason of you seeking out this forum. This is a safe place to share your feelings and thoughts. Only those of us in this unwanted club know what you are going through. Life can be so unfair when you finally find the love of your life and they are taken away through death way too soon. It is the most painful part of the rest of our life, in trying to continue on without them. My heart goes out to you.

The best advice I've been given is to go day by day. Minute by minute, hour by hour, if that is what it takes. Just getting through the present day is enough. Please, don't worry about the future, because it is overwhelming to do so  and so unknown. Focus on yourself, the present moment and seeing to your needs in coping. You will always miss your bf, but remember the love you two shared. That love is still there and you will carry it with you in your heart.

Sending prayers for strength and comfort.

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Francine   
15 hours ago, Loss of bf said:

Hello I'm new here, I thought maybe this might help. I lost my bf 7 weeks ago he died suddenly we were friends for three years and together one year I knew he would go before me he was older 52 and I'm 35 but I thought there were still years left for us to have it hurts so much I'm lost without him we were always together and now he's just gone I don't know what to do he was my best friend it's hard getting through the days without him here i ask God why, why did he have to go and what's the reason for this pain I think about the years I have to go without him and don't want to. I want him here with me, for him to make me laugh and smile the way only he could it's hard to imagine him not being here anymore and sharing things with him it's so lonely without him my heart is broken 

I am so sorry for your loss and know too well your pain.  You are in shock; nothing prepared you for this and although we know we all must die, you are unsure what pain is worst; the shock of what happened and that you'll never see him again or the ache for what will never happen.  It is totally unfair and for me, I will never understand why my Charles was taken; perhaps I'll never know and perhaps it is not meant for me to know.  I had those "Why" questions and still do. And even through my mind may know that his spirit is in a better place where there is no pain, I am at peace. I understand that, I just wish I could explain it to my heart.  There is an empty space where my heart was once housed and nothing will ever fill it again.   I grieve, but I know my tears are for me.  I feel you, I too want my husband back and when he made his transition, I didn't think I could live without him.  And to tell you the truth, I still don't - day in and day out, I don't know how I getting through this.   You see, I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with my Charles and then I realized, he spent the rest of his life with me.  I smile because I know he loved me until the day he went away and I will keep loving him until the day we're together again.

As far as I can see, this grief (for me) will never truly end.  It may become softer over time, more gentle;  but there will be some days when the pain will feel sharp like a razor's edge and you may even feel like a deep heavy fog has fallen over you; Expect that; but know that the storm will pass and the sun will shine again.  You will be together again someday; until then, know that the time you shared will always be and part of you went with him. My prayer is that God gives you the hope and strength you need to make it through this horrific journey; Hope to know that it will get better and the Strength to hold on until it does.  You are in my prayers.

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Azipod   
17 hours ago, Loss of bf said:

Hello I'm new here, I thought maybe this might help. I lost my bf 7 weeks ago he died suddenly we were friends for three years and together one year I knew he would go before me he was older 52 and I'm 35 but I thought there were still years left for us to have it hurts so much I'm lost without him we were always together and now he's just gone I don't know what to do he was my best friend it's hard getting through the days without him here i ask God why, why did he have to go and what's the reason for this pain I think about the years I have to go without him and don't want to. I want him here with me, for him to make me laugh and smile the way only he could it's hard to imagine him not being here anymore and sharing things with him it's so lonely without him my heart is broken 

Hi Loss of bf:

I am terribly sorry to here about this.  First, I am also in my 30s so I can absolutely know how it feels to lose a love one at this age.   I lost my wife suddenly, almost 4-months ago.  This has been the most devastating experience I have ever encountered in my life.   It is absolutely normal to question "Why" and "How could this happen" along with the thoughts of "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?"     There's no real answer to any of those questions.   I know you absolutely feel like you're in a fog.  You can't believe what has happened.  You feel numb.  You are scared.  You feel that you don't know what you're going to do.   These are all normal feelings.

All I tell you is that your feelings are all normal.  You will have these thoughts and aching pains at various intensity levels (mostly high) all the time.  It's going to be rough, for a while.  It's never easy losing someone.  I can understand how you feel.  At 35, I'm sure your wondering what you are going to do with the rest of your life for the next 40+ years.  There's no good answer right now.     Just take things one moment at a time.  Be kind to yourself.  And know that in time, life may throw you a (good) surprise.

 

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Cucciola   
On 10/26/2017 at 9:31 PM, Azipod said:

At 35, I'm sure your wondering what you are going to do with the rest of your life for the next 40+ years.  There's no good answer right now.     Just take things one moment at a time.  Be kind to yourself.  And know that in time, life may throw you a (good) surprise.

 

It is overwhelming, I am 34 so I can relate to you both. I lost Carlo only 4 months ago, we weren't married yet. Do you have children?

We don't have any, and I think it would make a huge different, to know something of his is continuing to live in this world, a part of him, a fruit of our love.

I have no idea how to deal with losing him, but I have this urge inside of me to go and do the things we wanted, because there is no time to waste on waiting for better moments and so on. I know it's soon, some say I am crazy, but I am starting seriously to think about having a baby by myself. I feel I can fight death only with creating life. Crazy I know.

 

Lost of bf, I so sorry for your loss, I have no big advises, I understand so deeply how life doesn't make any sense now, feel free to share more about your story, about your bf.

 

 

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Azipod   
On 11/1/2017 at 11:56 AM, Cucciola said:

It is overwhelming, I am 34 so I can relate to you both. I lost Carlo only 4 months ago, we weren't married yet. Do you have children?

We don't have any, and I think it would make a huge different, to know something of his is continuing to live in this world, a part of him, a fruit of our love.

I have no idea how to deal with losing him, but I have this urge inside of me to go and do the things we wanted, because there is no time to waste on waiting for better moments and so on. I know it's soon, some say I am crazy, but I am starting seriously to think about having a baby by myself. I feel I can fight death only with creating life. Crazy I know.

 

Lost of bf, I so sorry for your loss, I have no big advises, I understand so deeply how life doesn't make any sense now, feel free to share more about your story, about your bf.

 

 

No kids here.  But as far as doing this you want, just be careful and try not to make big decisions for a year.  Your feelings and emotions will develop and change over time and you don't really want to do anything that you may not follow-through later on.  Yes, there is no real way to "deal" with the loss of someone special.  The only thing we can do is finding our own individual way to carry on each day, while keeping a piece of them with us every day.    Each of us will need to find a way on how to incorporate them into our new life.

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Hello thank you for your kind words. I know everyone is going through the same thing as me and I am sorry for all of ur losses as well, it's been very very hard for me to accept that my bf is gone he was everything to me I know that time is suppose to heal you that's what people say. I lost my parents and most of my family when I was in my 20s so I know about loss and yes in time it got better to deal with but this is different kind of pain it was a shock for him to go so suddenly they said it was a heart attack. I miss him so much it's hard to think about never talking to him or seeing him again he had a troubled life but was doing good this past year and everything was going ok for him and us and then this happens it doesn't seem fair to me that he got taken from me I don't know if I'll ever get over him being gone or if this pain will ever lessen 

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Azipod   
8 minutes ago, Loss of bf said:

Hello thank you for your kind words. I know everyone is going through the same thing as me and I am sorry for all of ur losses as well, it's been very very hard for me to accept that my bf is gone he was everything to me I know that time is suppose to heal you that's what people say. I lost my parents and most of my family when I was in my 20s so I know about loss and yes in time it got better to deal with but this is different kind of pain it was a shock for him to go so suddenly they said it was a heart attack. I miss him so much it's hard to think about never talking to him or seeing him again he had a troubled life but was doing good this past year and everything was going ok for him and us and then this happens it doesn't seem fair to me that he got taken from me I don't know if I'll ever get over him being gone or if this pain will ever lessen 

I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced other losses in the past.  As you had indicated, your prior losses such as losing both of your parents feel awfully different than this time around, wherein you lost your boyfriend.   It's never easy to lose anyone, but I'm sure that you feel that losing your boyfriend, compiled with it being sudden and without warning, seems so unnatural.  It just wasn't suppose to happen.    I do feel your pain, as do others on the forum.   It is still very early, and it is very painful.  We all understand that.  We are feeling the pain with you.   I know at times, it seems confusing, it seems unfair, and it seems that a part of you had died and time doesn't move on.   It's the constant aching of the heart and the longing to see him.  But, as shaken up as you are, there's a small part of you that knows that he's not coming home.    I am so sorry.    The initial weeks/months is a very long, slow, grueling strench in the grief journey.   If therapy is something you can obtain, please see if you can get some help.  Along those lines, all you can really do right now is to keep yourself busy.  Try not to be isolated.  Try to pack your schedule with activities.  Find support, either with family, friends, or co-workers.       The initial period is intense up and downs.    These are very strong intense waves.  Keep yourself busy so that your body/mind gets use to your new life.   After the initial period, there will be some opportunities to work with the grief a bit more.  But in the early stages, it's almost like you have to just go through it and take the blows.

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KMB   

Loss of bf,  I ditto on Azipod's post to you.  This grief road is terrible and lonely. Time alone doesn't exactly heal our heart, ease our pain, but time does help in evolving the process to a bearable way of surviving.  Time does help in causing the pain to become softer, easier for us to carry.  I am sorry you have had so many losses. The unfairness of life gives us much to reflect on and learn from. You will survive, somehow, some way and you will become a much stronger person.

No, you will never get over your bf being gone. You will miss him the rest of your life. You will carry him with you in your heart, love never dies.

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KayC   
13 hours ago, Loss of bf said:

Hello thank you for your kind words. I know everyone is going through the same thing as me and I am sorry for all of ur losses as well, it's been very very hard for me to accept that my bf is gone he was everything to me I know that time is suppose to heal you that's what people say. I lost my parents and most of my family when I was in my 20s so I know about loss and yes in time it got better to deal with but this is different kind of pain it was a shock for him to go so suddenly they said it was a heart attack. I miss him so much it's hard to think about never talking to him or seeing him again he had a troubled life but was doing good this past year and everything was going ok for him and us and then this happens it doesn't seem fair to me that he got taken from me I don't know if I'll ever get over him being gone or if this pain will ever lessen 

I don't think it's something we "get over" but we adapt to as we process our grief, little by little.  The intensity of our grief pain lessens but the missing them continues.  Grief evolves, it doesn't stay the same.

My husband also died of a heart attack and it was a huge shock, never in my wildest dreams did it ever occur to me he'd die so soon!  I never considered for a moment that I'd have to grow old alone and struggle as I have.  But in learning to take one day at a time, it has helped me tremendously.  It also helps coming here and knowing there are others here that understand, my family can't get it, they all have their spouses.

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I have some family left and I know that they care but they say to not be so sad and cheer up I know they mean well but I'm not going to stop being sad and hurt for a long time My bf and I spent pretty much all of our time together and I took care of him and helped him with whatever he needed I don't really know what to do now I try to keep as busy as I can but the memories of him and how it was come back and things that we wanted to do but now won't be able to and how things should be right now, him here with me and not gone it just hurts a lot I'm trying to take it a day at a time i know this pain will never go away I can only hope it will lessen some. We didn't have any kids but he has two grown kids I feel so bad for them that they won't see him and wont be able to mend their relationship with him. Thank u everyone for listening to me from time to time. I'm kind of a shy person so I'm not used to sharing my feelings with others but this site seems like a good place with people that understand 

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KMB   

We do understand, Loss of bf. You are not alone here.  People want us to be are old selves for their own selfish comfort. It would relieve them from thinking of their own mortality or the undeniable fact that someday, they are going to lose someone they cherish.We are never going to be, who we used to be. It is not possible. Others need to accept that sad fact, that we are forever changed by our loss.

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Azipod   
4 hours ago, Loss of bf said:

I have some family left and I know that they care but they say to not be so sad and cheer up I know they mean well but I'm not going to stop being sad and hurt for a long time My bf and I spent pretty much all of our time together and I took care of him and helped him with whatever he needed I don't really know what to do now I try to keep as busy as I can but the memories of him and how it was come back and things that we wanted to do but now won't be able to and how things should be right now, him here with me and not gone it just hurts a lot I'm trying to take it a day at a time i know this pain will never go away I can only hope it will lessen some. We didn't have any kids but he has two grown kids I feel so bad for them that they won't see him and wont be able to mend their relationship with him. Thank u everyone for listening to me from time to time. I'm kind of a shy person so I'm not used to sharing my feelings with others but this site seems like a good place with people that understand 

Loss of bf:     Don't worry about being shy.   We encourage everyone to face the grief head on.  It is a safe place here so share what you feel you need to and follow your heart.   It sounds like you do get some comfort from your family, but I understand how it's still hard even though they make certain comments (ie. Don't be sad and cheer up).   The difficult part is that no one truly knows and understands how you feel.   They don't feel the loss the same way that you do.  It doesn't impact their life the same way as it impacts you.   It doesn't hurt them and the pain for them is not nearly as intense as yours.  You lost your soulmate, your best friend, the love of your life, your future.  It is everything.   No one will truly understand how you feel.   Be nice to yourself and take care of yourself.     At the end, it's just us who needs to walk this grief journey, alone.

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Azipod   
3 hours ago, KMB said:

We do understand, Loss of bf. You are not alone here.  People want us to be are old selves for their own selfish comfort. It would relieve them from thinking of their own mortality or the undeniable fact that someday, they are going to lose someone they cherish.We are never going to be, who we used to be. It is not possible. Others need to accept that sad fact, that we are forever changed by our loss.

It's so sad for me to tell myself that my live has changed forever.   It's still a difficult message to grasp..... but I know it's true.    This evening at 7pm, I went to an informal drop-in grief support group at a nearby church.   In the past, 7pm was when my wife would walk through the door and we would begin to spend our evening together.    It is such a stark difference now.   I don't like this.  Not even a single bit.

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KayC   
15 hours ago, Loss of bf said:

I have some family left and I know that they care but they say to not be so sad and cheer up I know they mean well but I'm not going to stop being sad and hurt for a long time

People say that because they are uncomfortable with your sadness and they honestly want you to be happy again, but just saying not to be sad doesn't make it so, it doesn't help or change anything.  You're right, this is us in for a  l o n g  haul.  We do learn to adjust and cope eventually, but it takes longer than I can say and timetables are different for everyone depending on their own coping mechanisms, how integral the relationship was, their support system, the grief work they put into their journey, their own personality, etc.  

I lost ALL of our friends overnight when George died.  Some didn't even come to his funeral!  The only ones that stuck by me was my family and of course they couldn't begin to understand what it was like, how I felt, what I was going through, but they let me talk to them.  I had one sister that always tried to tell me what to do ("fix" me) and that didn't work, I tried tactfully getting her to back off, that didn't work, I finally had to get blunt and tell her, "Guess what, Polly?  How about when YOUR husband dies, I tell YOU what to do!"  It was harsh but it was the rude awakening lightbulb she needed to hear.  She didn't speak for a few months but she got over it.

I thank God for my family because we are there for each other through thick and thin.  I wish we were younger and closer in proximity so we could be there for each other in tangible ways as well, but at least we're only a phone call away.

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KayC   
11 hours ago, Azipod said:

It's so sad for me to tell myself that my live has changed forever.   It's still a difficult message to grasp..... but I know it's true.    This evening at 7pm, I went to an informal drop-in grief support group at a nearby church.   In the past, 7pm was when my wife would walk through the door and we would begin to spend our evening together.    It is such a stark difference now.   I don't like this.  Not even a single bit.

:( Oh how I know...

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