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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
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CWT143

My Lovely Lad

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Last month my son suffered massive head trauma in an accidental fall and died.  He is my eldest son and I miss him deeply.  I get up every morning and relive the pain of knowing I won't see him again in my lifetime.  The grief is immense and it consumes me.  I can share my grief with my husband but not my 18 year old son because I am afraid it will upset him more.  

My son was a gentle giant at 6' 5".  He was passionate about golf, rugby, being outdoors, family and friends.  I know I will get through this.  I talk to him every day and I believe he hears me.  When does it get easier?  How do you answer the question "how are you?"  I want to tell the truth but feel people will get fed up with me.  I don't want to feel like I am wearing cement shoes and everything is a chore.  I want to feel good again...

xx

Edited by CWT143
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CTW143, I am very sorry for the loss of your precious son.   I believe people ask us "how we are" because they don't know what else to say.

No one should have to bear the pain we bear every day. I can truly say, the people in this group have SAVED my life literally many times.  I don't post a lot, but I do read often.  Many people are here for you.  Do as you feel, cry, scream, stand in cement, whatever the feeling DO IT!  Every chance you get to take a deep breath, take it.   Thank GOD for a supportive husband. Not everyone has that support. 

It will be 19 months for my son on this Friday, I still can't believe he is gone. 

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When people ask you 'how are you'.....that is simply their way of trying to communicate.....there simply is no book or movie that can prepare a parent for this kind of loss...and trying to explain it to others is like trying to put moonbeams in a jar. If they are close friends....simply say 'I am making it one day at a time'.....if they are just people you know...a simple..."Thank you for asking...we are doing as good as we can"....or something like that....even close friends will be at a loss as to what or how to approach you....(if you have not lost a child...there is no way they can walk in your shoes)...but...there are many people that have a large heart of empathy. Please do not take this personally....or be offended....by what others do or don't do....it will only make your grief journey harder and sadder.  This is a time to be very gentle and kind to yourself....don't try to look too far down the road....or too far back in the past right now.....this grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. This is a day to day ....sometimes...hour to hour kind of living. There has not been much written about sibling grief....but....their grief is very, very deep.....do not use your living children as grief counselors. Do let them know that you are open for talking...or crying together....or just taking a walk together....let them know you do acknowledge their grief with honor and respect....and your shared history. There is simply no easy answers or magic words....please know that we are here to hear....and we do understand that heavy pain.

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