Family euthanized my dog without telling me

[kylie4322]

I lost my dog, Luna, on September 5th. She was almost 16 years old and sick, she couldn't jump anymore because her legs were too weak and she would need pills for the pain. Even when she was in pain, she would still want her pats and cheek rubs, she loved them and she loved to be next to you all the time.

So I left my country 10 months ago and moved to the U.S. to be with my now husband. Back then, he was going through a lot so he needed me there. What I knew though is that once I left, I would never see my dog again. I had to prepare to say bye to her, I had to prepare for her death in advance, and it killed me inside. I cried so much, so so much. In the end, I got a plane ticket this January after my husband threatened me to break up if I didn't get one (he lost all control of his emotions). On January 9th, I was about to leave for the airport. She was laying on my bed, next to my pillow. I patted her and I was about to break down but I told her I loved her, that I would miss her a lot. She watched me leave from my bed, she looked so sad... And that was my last memory of her.

On September 5th, early in the morning, I received 10 messages from my sister. She told me that my dog stayed in the vet for a few days and that, in the end, she had renal failure and they decided to put her to sleep. They told me when my dog was already gone, so suddenly. My sister said that she didn't know how to tell me, so she just didn't so I wouldn't worry about my dog. It still broke my heart and I cried my heart out that day.

I asked her where will she be buried, but she told me she would be burned. I almost threw up, I didn't know how horrible it was to think that someone you love will be burned to ashes. I breathed in and thought, well, maybe I'll have her ashes to cry to. But no, my sister said that it was too expensive to keep her ashes and that they would be kept with other animal's ashes or who knows where. I lost it there. I was angry and incredibly sad, I would have nothing to cry to, only her toys. My sister said her ashes or body would have no value, because it's just a skeleton, not really her, that she would live in our memories and hearts. I know she is right but it still hurts to think that I couldn't say bye to her and that I will never be able to.

The fact that I am far away from home makes it worse too. I feel like if I go back home "I'll go back in time" and she'll be there, but I have to keep telling myself that even if I go back, she won't be there, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, she won't be there. It just feels like a nightmare I'll wake up from soon.

I do have a puppy (she is my husband's dog) and she does remind me of Luna. She is a yorkie and my old puppy was a mix of a yorkshire and something else we don't know, but she had a yorkie face. Her name is Little bear and I am really grateful that she is there for me, she is a sweetheart, super silly and caring (she loves to give you kisses on the nose) and I love her a lot.
But I will never forget my puppy, Luna. She was the sweetest puppy I've ever met, she had no malice in her soul, super patient, super loving and caring. Clever too, she knew many tricks I taught her. 

I'll always miss her... This was her last photo, when my sis took her to the vet a few days before she was put to sleep. As you can see she was old but she still had so much love in her eyes, she still wanted to be with us but she couldn't...

[AJWCat]

I am so sorry to hear about sweet Luna, she is adorable. Sadly, if she was in great pain and so sick they did the right thing. To prolong it would only make her suffer. We lost our cat a couple months ago, suddenly, and we chose to have him cremated. I could not carry his ashes around. I kept just a couple favorite toys. Of course I have photos. At least you have photos and all those wonderful memories of having her with you so long. We have been discussing on this forum that our animals are always with us in spirit, no matter where they or we are now. Luna is with you. Again, I am sorry for your terrible loss, my heart aches for you as I understand all too well.  

[KayC]

Kylie,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know you must feel inconsolable. It's very hard to not be able to be with the one we love when they die, I know because when my husband died, the hospital threw me off the ward and locked the door, I reckon because they didn't want me to see what they'd be doing to him, but he died anyway.  For years that haunted me.  But then I thought, maybe he needed to be alone to face his going into his afterlife, without having to worry about me and how I'd be.  I had a cat, Autumn, that went off to die alone, she was 14 and by her choice was an outdoor cat.  She was arthritic and I think she knew the end was there.  So even though it bothers us to not be able to be with them when they die, perhaps it's easier on them that way so they can let go and let what is next, come.
I truly believe we'll be together again, and that hope keeps me going.  I hope you'll draw comfort from that thought.