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Social Isolation


Jeff In Denver

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Jeff In Denver

Before I lost my girlfriend we, and I, had many friends.  We were always doing something, hosting parties, going out, etc.  Lots of fun stuff.  Fast forward 16 months.  I am no longer working (oil and gas isn't great now, but I have my own business), but I am alone, alone, alone.  I took a trip back east a few weeks ago by myself and it was sad.  Now I am by myself morning, noon, and night.  I rarely hear from friends literally a block away anymore.  It would be great to go to nearby restaurants once in a while, knock back a few cold ones, etc. Nope.

The phone hardly rings.  When I do receive an occasional e-mail from what few distant friends (not mileage-wise), it takes two weeks for them to respond to my reply.  I'm getting into a f*** 'em mode.   But when I am with people I am upbeat, friendly, and fun to be with.   I am not some sad sack, although they know what I am dealing with.

I do have one friend up the street who I talk to once a day and meet twice a week on weekends.  That helps.  Some people don't even have that.

But the reversal in my social situation is jarring.  I now find that my entertainment is limited to YouTube and a few beers.  I feel  invisible when I go out.

I will never love anyone else, and I have zero desire to be in a relationship.  But a little companionship once in a while would be great.  But the more I want it, the more elusive it is.  It makes a terrible situation worse.

Anyone else experience this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yeah this is pretty much my life minus the actual meeting up with a friend twice a week. Like I said somewhere else, I was replaced in a fantasy football league I had been in for a decade because the other guys didn’t know how to be around me. I joined a random league but it’s not the same. A small thing I know but it still sucks to not even have that distraction. I don’t hear from friends I’ve had since kindergarten. I have one buddy that lives in Colorado that texts a couple times a week but that’s it. My wife was my best friend and without her there’s pretty much no one. Everyone has disappeared.

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7 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

Before I lost my girlfriend we, and I, had many friends.  We were always doing something, hosting parties, going out, etc.  Lots of fun stuff.  Fast forward 16 months.  I am no longer working (oil and gas isn't great now, but I have my own business), but I am alone, alone, alone.  I took a trip back east a few weeks ago by myself and it was sad.  Now I am by myself morning, noon, and night.  I rarely hear from friends literally a block away anymore.  It would be great to go to nearby restaurants once in a while, knock back a few cold ones, etc. Nope.

The phone hardly rings.  When I do receive an occasional e-mail from what few distant friends (not mileage-wise), it takes two weeks for them to respond to my reply.  I'm getting into a f***'em mode.   But when I am with people I am upbeat, friendly, and fun to be with.   I am not some sad sack, although they know what I am dealing with.

I do have one friend up the street who I talk to once a day and meet twice a week on weekends.  That helps.  Some people don't even have that.

But the reversal in my social situation is jarring.  I now find that my entertainment is limited to YouTube and a few beers.  I feel  invisible when I go out.

I will never love anyone else, and I have zero desire to be in a relationship.  But a little companionship once in a while would be great.  But the more I want it, the more elusive it is.  It makes a terrible situation worse.

Anyone else experience this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know exactly what you mean. Friends I thought would be around haven't even checked on me. It's bad enough that we have to go through this. But to be isolated by people that were always there when you were together sucks. I would have never dreamed that they wouldn't be here for me during this difficult time. 

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33 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I know exactly what you mean. Friends I thought would be around haven't even checked on me. It's bad enough that we have to go through this. But to be isolated by people that were always there when you were together sucks. I would have never dreamed that they wouldn't be here for me during this difficult time. 

I understand this. I reached out to someone yesterday and they were there for me. They were just waiting for me to call them. I was surprised by this but it was so welcome in my time of need. 

There are some who abandon for a variety of reasons. Perhaps some need us to reach out to them first and others prefer that we don’t. I’m going to test this belief by reaching out repeatedly. 

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Jeff,

It's good to see you here again.  Yes, this has pretty much been my experience.  ALL of our friends disappeared and in short order!  George would have been shocked.  Even his brothers disappeared.  He would have thought they'd be here for me, but nope!

I made a friend after he died, she was my best friend, then she moved away three years ago when she remarried, I miss her a lot.  I've gotten out, am in groups, but making a true friend, one I can talk to, that seems elusive.  Still, I need one, so I keep at it.  I'm around people at church, in my grief support group, in two ladies groups, at the senior site twice a week, but still, no special friend I can be close to.  I miss that.  Someone to call up and do things with, someone to let down your hair with, nope.  It seems everyone already has their chosen circle.  That is until THEIR husband dies!

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Hi Jeff,  I'm in the same boat too. We just don't lose our best friend and soul mate, we lose pretty much what was our life, including the people that were in it. I've wondered about this a lot. Maybe the purpose for all the losses sustained with our grieving, is for a fresh start, rebuilding a new life.  if it is, I don't really want it. All I have been doing so far is keeping with the routines and chores that I have been able to salvage from my "before" life. The outside chores have kept me busy from spring until presently, until it gets too cold and the snow comes in. I have no clue about getting through another long, lonely winter. My husband was my constant companion and I feel so lost and lonely without him. I have no desire to go on any trips. I have no interest in my old hobbies, much less new ones. The light of my life is gone and I know my heart went with him as well. I just keep plugging away, putting days behind me. The faster the better. Each day that ends, brings me closer to my expiration date.  That sounds so sad, when I see that sentence in black and white .It is what it is.

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Jeff In Denver

Djh0901kc, I am so sorry to hear what you're dealing with.  Every part of it is terrible.  I can't think of any other way to put it.

Thank you, KayC.  Good to see you here.  It's almost like we're old friends.  I hate to see what you're going through.  As if the loss of George isn't enough...  Everyone then disappears and it's so damn hard to establish any connections.  I really don't understand it.  

There is a bad, vindictive side of me that says (silently) to my would-be friends:  "Okay, be that way.  Some day it will be you who is feeling this pain and huge sense of loss.  Don't come to me for support."  

I doubt that I would actually be like that, but it makes me mad.  I have to remind myself that they don't know what this is like.  Your friends, too, I would imagine, are in the same boat.

KMB, thanks for writing here.  It's always good to see your words.  I know what you mean about winter.  It just makes it worse.

 

 

 

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I know, but we'd be there for them anyhow.  They don't know.  Still, you'd think they could have made some effort if they cared.

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