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Lost my soulmate


Bjsbabydoll

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3 weeks ago today my husband was killed in a horrible accident at work. I know the doctor did everything he could to save my husband. I have everyone telling me to be strong. It is so hard to stay strong all the time. He was truly my soulmate and my best friend. I know I have to take care of our 3 year old. But some days the pain is just unbearable. I have no on to talk to.

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I am so very sorry to see your post. I am sorry that your husband and soulmate died. We are members of the club nobody wants to join. 

You are already being strong by still living. I know it’s brutal and unrelenting. Most people have no clue what wego through. Have you tried to find a grief support group or a grief counselor? 

Be gentle with yourself. I have learned that keeping going until we can figure out the “new normal” is crucial. There is no getting over this. It’s about learning to move forward a day at a time. 

It will be 5 weeks for me in a couple of days. I still cry every day. My wife died suddenly and unexpectedly as well.  There are others here that will offer more experience than I have.

There are some great people here. They have helped me keep moving. We know how you feel. Again, I know it’s so hard but you are not alone. 

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babydoll,  I am so deeply sorry! I know the pain you are enduring. It is non stop, day and night. My husband passed suddenly of cardiac arrest. It sent me into shock for a long time. Then came the denial and the bargaining with God. A little bit of anger was thrown in there as well. Mostly, with life in general. You always hear of loss of life partners happening to others, and then suddenly, you find yourself one of them.

The best advice given to me is to take it one day at a time. Take it moment by moment, hour by hour. Take care of yourself. Your body, mind and heart took a traumatic blow. Drink plenty of fluids to stay hydrated. A little bit of food throughout the day. Try your best to rest and sleep. Your little one needs you. That child carries the love and legacy of dad. You will do him proud in raising his child to know the amazing person dad was.

We are all here for you. This is a safe place with amazing people who will listen to you and understand. You are free to express any thoughts and feelings. There is no feeling or thought that we haven't been through ourselves.

Sending prayers for peace, love, strength and comfort.

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Thank you for all your kind words. Where I live at there is ready no support groups for me to be a part of.  My father in-law told me last week that I need to find someone to help raise my son and I have been bitter and angry ever since. As far as counseling it's over an hour for me to travel and cause I don't have any transportation right it's hard.

On top of the loss of my husband I had to move out of the house were going to buy cause I can't afford to fix it. Having to move took a lot out of me. Is it ok that I still have all of his stuff put away the way he kept it. I still haven't been able to go visit his grave 

This was him the day our son was born.

received_855814781253068.jpeg

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Bjsbabydoll, I am so sorry to hear about this.    From your posts, it sounds like there are some challenges in finding support groups and therapists.   Do you have family with you?   You should consider putting together a support system.  A list of individuals who you can lean on, talk to, and those who can help you with your daily needs.   It doesn't have to be long term, but you will have to get some helps for the challenges you are going to face.   The loss of a spouse is considered your primary loss.  But off that bat, it sounds like you have your secondary losses too:   home, transportation, care for son, etc.    It's going to be tough.    I know the pain is unbearable.  We have all gone through this --- and most of us are still going to go through it.   Keep posting here and use this forum as an outlet for your pain and grief.   Take care of yourself.   You are going to be starting a long long, journey with many turns and twists.  It will not be pleasant but we are here to help.   You are not alone and everyone here understands what you are going through.

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Bjsbabydoll, I am so sorry to hear about this.    From your posts, it sounds like there are some challenges in finding support groups and therapists.   Do you have family with you?   You should consider putting together a support system.  A list of individuals who you can lean on, talk to, and those who can help you with your daily needs.   It doesn't have to be long term, but you will have to get some helps for the challenges you are going to face.   The loss of a spouse is considered your primary loss.  But off that bat, it sounds like you have your secondary losses too:   home, transportation, care for son, etc.    It's going to be tough.    I know the pain is unbearable.  We have all gone through this --- and most of us are still going to go through it.   Keep posting here and use this forum as an outlet for your pain and grief.   Take care of yourself.   You are going to be starting a long long, journey with many turns and twists.  It will not be pleasant but we are here to help.   You are not alone and everyone here understands what you are going through.

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9 hours ago, Bjsbabydoll said:

Thank you for all your kind words. Where I live at there is ready no support groups for me to be a part of.  My father in-law told me last week that I need to find someone to help raise my son and I have been bitter and angry ever since. As far as counseling it's over an hour for me to travel and cause I don't have any transportation right it's hard.

On top of the loss of my husband I had to move out of the house were going to buy cause I can't afford to fix it. Having to move took a lot out of me. Is it ok that I still have all of his stuff put away the way he kept it. I still haven't been able to go visit his grave 

This was him the day our son was born.

received_855814781253068.jpeg

No it's not necessary for you to "find someone to help you raise your son.  How about your FIL stepping in and helping to be a good male role model?  If you have a brother, or your husband did, maybe that person could help fill that role.  
It'd be good to see a professional grief counselor, even if you had to travel to the next town to do so.  He was killed on the job, they should have offered a settlement to help with expenses.  Please see a lawyer to help you with this, it's too hard to make decisions on your own right now, you need someone looking out for your best interests.  I remortgaged my home to pay my husband's hospital bills, they were hounding me and I couldn't afford their exorbitant interest.  I later discovered I hadn't been responsible for them according to my state's law, something they didn't tell me, of course.  I could have saved myself a lot had I seen an attorney.
Of course it's okay to keep things the way he liked them!  This is YOUR grief journey, you can do it anyway that makes YOU most comfortable and no one should tell you how to do it.
I hope you'll continue to come here, we'll be here for you.

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Yes he was killed as results of injuries from work but he worked for cash from his father. In the tree cutting business. And he hasn't offered any type of financial help. As for family his mom and younger brother and my older brother stay in contact with me but they live through out the country

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15 hours ago, Bjsbabydoll said:

3 weeks ago today my husband was killed in a horrible accident at work. I know the doctor did everything he could to save my husband. I have everyone telling me to be strong. It is so hard to stay strong all the time. He was truly my soulmate and my best friend. I know I have to take care of our 3 year old. But some days the pain is just unbearable. I have no on to talk to.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss and know the pain you're experiencing.  After losing your husband, a part of you, it is hard to overcome;  perhaps one of the hardest things you'll ever do.  Anyone can give up, that's easy; true strength is holding it together for yourself when you feel like falling apart; holding it together for you and your son when everybody else thought you couldn't.  Sometimes the pain is unbearable and if all you want to do is cry, scream and let it all out because it's killing you inside; than do it.  Sometimes my pain hurts so much it feels like my chest will cave in and the only thing stopping it are the gasps of air I take in between my tears.

Don't lose hope, sometimes bad things happen that put us directly on the path to better things in stored for us.  I believe in God and prayer and as strange as it may seem, we are exactly where we are suppose to be at this time in our lives.  I believe there are beautiful things awaiting you and your son and while the storm is still raging, sunshine eventually comes to all who feel rain.

My prayer is that God carry you through every storm and the strength to make it.  HE will, just open your heart and ask HIM.  I hope you continue to post; we are all here at this place, at this time, at this moment for a reason; no coincidence; or fluke, or fate, or happy accident - but God's Will. 
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I was able to make it to start getting some counseling today and I was told that I my husband's death has started to trigger repressed memories of my childhood and that I'm starting to suffer from PTSD.

There is hope for things to get better it's just hurts so much being alone

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1 hour ago, Bjsbabydoll said:

I was able to make it to start getting some counseling today and I was told that I my husband's death has started to trigger repressed memories of my childhood and that I'm starting to suffer from PTSD.

There is hope for things to get better it's just hurts so much being alone

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 weeks ago to. I feel your pain. It is very hard to be alone. I am glad you started seeing a counselor. Everything you are feeling we have all felt to. 

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2 hours ago, Bjsbabydoll said:

There is hope for things to get better it's just hurts so much being alone

It does hurt so much being alone.  It is a real awful feeling and it will come at you in various ways as you work through these initial weeks and months.  Hang in there and I won't say things will get better in time.  I don't think better is a good word for describing grief.  Rather, I think in time, you will feel different.   The intensity will lessen.  You will gain some knowledge and coping mechanisms to face the grief.  You will get stronger.  Your life around the grief will get bigger.    But it will take time and A LOT of hard work.       I remember how difficult the initial weeks were for me.  I hope you know that you can always come here to share your feelings, your anger, or whatever it is that you need to let out.

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Your FIL owes you big time.  He was likely in violation of employer regulations.  There are set regulations about whether or not someone is an employee and if he met those qualifications, your FIL should have been paying him as such, paying in social security, work comp, etc.  You might want to see an attorney since he hasn't "offered" anything.  I know, it's hard to do since he's "family" but that doesn't seem to bother him enough to offer you anything!  Your child needs to come first.  I hope you can at least get social security for your child.

We may not be able to help your situation but we can always listen to you and care.  No one should have to make their way through this alone.  I'm sorry you're suffering PTSD, I hope your counselor is able to help you. I pray your child brings you much joy.  

Thank you for sharing the picture, it's a good one, of one of the best days of his life, which you brought to him!

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babydoll,  That is a beautiful pic of your husband and son. Your husband left you his love and legacy in that child and you will make your husband proud in raising that child to become the person you both dreamed he could be.

Keep reaching out to resources to fight for yourself and your son's future. I know how hard it is to want to give up, when we are grieving. But, your husband knew your inner strength and he would want for you to stand up for yourself and his son.

One day at a time. One step at a time. You CAN do this!  We are listening and we care about you. You have us here as your back up support family.  Sending God's blessings out to you.

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23 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 weeks ago to. I feel your pain. It is very hard to be alone. I am glad you started seeing a counselor. Everything you are feeling we have all felt to. 

Thank you Patti. I'm sure I probably weren't with my husband as long as you. On the 15 it would have been our 3 year wedding anniversary although we have been together 6 years all together

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1 minute ago, Bjsbabydoll said:

Thank you Patti. I'm sure I probably weren't with my husband as long as you. On the 15 it would have been our 3 year wedding anniversary although we have been together 6 years all together

I have been with my husband for 20 years and we have been married for 11 years. I was just 19 when we started living together. The amount of time doesn't matter though it's really hard when you love someone and lose them.

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24 minutes ago, Bjsbabydoll said:

Thank you Patti. I'm sure I probably weren't with my husband as long as you. On the 15 it would have been our 3 year wedding anniversary although we have been together 6 years all together

Bjbsbabydoll, I would like to suggest that you have a plan on how to go through your day on the 15th.  The "firsts" are usually very difficult.    If you think you will be Ok then you will be fine.  But if you are not sure, it is a good time to start planning how to handle the day.

Last month on our anniversary, I went back to the golf course and relive moments of our wedding.  Then I went to the cemetery to have a picnic lunch with my wife.   I managed to go through the day just fine.

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On 10/17/2017 at 7:08 PM, Bjsbabydoll said:

3 weeks ago today my husband was killed in a horrible accident at work. I know the doctor did everything he could to save my husband. I have everyone telling me to be strong. It is so hard to stay strong all the time. He was truly my soulmate and my best friend. I know I have to take care of our 3 year old. But some days the pain is just unbearable. I have no on to talk to.

Hugs to you.  I know how much it hurts, hang in there.  And hang onto good memories. 

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