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JustMe1

Is this the right place?

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Earlier I had posted in the wrong loss place.  I am having a very difficult time getting through a break up.  I moved 7 months ago many states away from all I've ever known only to be treated like crap and in turn I became someone who faught back as well with ugly words.  Eventually, he kept saying he was miserable after little arguments or big fights..he would say so many hurtful things and that's of course when I would lash out to defend myself.  He is a narcissistic person.  He's never known love or loved himself.  I decided after our last arguement I couldn't stand to hear him say he was miserable.  I felt like the selfless thing to do was let him go to be happy.  Now he blames me for leaving for myself and says he doesn't care at all.  This was 2 weeks ago and he's already moving his ex fiance in.  He only knew her for a month and she is bringing along a child she says is 1 yr old and is his.  This just out of the blue.  All I wanted was a peaceful goodbye/closure, but instead he just continued to blame me for leaving and saying he doesn't lose sleep over it.  2 days prior to knowing of the ex coming back..i emailed and told him how sorry I was for failing him.  He emailed nice things saying he did love me, but we needed to move on.  Hiurs later it was, " i don't care.  It's your fault."

 

So many exes cheated on him and left him and were let back in many times.  Why am I so damned from coming back when I was the best gf he ever had.  I cooked, cleaned, helped pay bills, took care of his daughter etc.  Minus the hateful words in fights...what did I do so wrong? I swear he just used me to help with bills and his daughter.  I hurt so bad knowing how quickly he moved on and how I feel he never hurt at All.

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JustMe1,

Narcissists are an island of people unto themselves. I've known 4 in my life time. 2 of them are family members. I have had to estrange myself from my own family in order to save my sanity and lead a normal life.

There is a lot of info on the internet about narcissism. It is considered a mental health issue. There is no cure for it, but there are some good articles to help with coping with a narcissist if a person is absolutely not capable of getting rid of them, such as a boss, parent, sibling or whomever.

Narcissists lack the ability of empathy for others and self love. They have no control over themselves and instead of making the effort to help themselves via counseling, they take the easy way out by controlling others and using people. It boosts their own self esteem to belittle and control.

Consider yourself lucky in being a strong person who values your own self worth and breaking the relationship. I know you are hurting right now, but down the road, you will be better off.

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KMB,

I read your reply and my stomach just sank.  I hurt for him.  I hurt that he will never know love, and I hurt so bad that I moved 1500 miles away from my whole life to be used and thrown away.

We did go to therapy, but since the therapist is not a Dr. he could never diagnose him and tell him he is a narcissist.  

Any time I tried he would blow up.

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21 hours ago, JustMe1 said:

Any time I tried he would blow up.

I am sorry. Blowing up when being told the truth is another narcissist trait. They are also good at twisting everything around and making you the bad guy.  if you are with a narcissist long enough, you become brainwashed by them and won't even realize it.

I know you are hurting for him right now, and you are hurting. Maybe in time you might consider moving back to your home town and putting a distance there, in order to help you heal. All we can really do for a narcissist is pray for them, and hope that at some point when they keep losing people in their life, ( because losing people is a repeated cycle), that they seek out therapy.

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