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How long before i can look at his pic without crying


Heartbroken87

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Heartbroken87

My childs father passed and even though its been a year im still mentally stuck. Im lost. Im bewildered. Im exhausted. Idk what to do. Ino i must progress for my child but its easier said than done. Ive           become aggressive, short with people and im starting to be more aloof. Other than my daughter i view people as disposable because i dont wantto  get close. I just want my old carefree life back before this trauma. But i must always be strong for our daughter

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1 hour ago, Heartbroken87 said:

My childs father passed and even though its been a year im still mentally stuck. Im lost. Im bewildered. Im exhausted. Idk what to do. Ino i must progress for my child but its easier said than done. Ive           become aggressive, short with people and im starting to be more aloof. Other than my daughter i view people as disposable because i dont wantto  get close. I just want my old carefree life back before this trauma. But i must always be strong for our daughter

I am sorry for your loss.  Death does affect us, it changes us, and you've discovered that.  We try to protect ourselves from further hurt.

I hope you are seeing a professional grief counselor, one with a degree in Thanatology, because not all "counselors" are the same, it takes one that knows grief.

Not sure you'll ever be carefree again, it's like we lost an innocence, but you can learn to do life again, it takes time to process their death, even more time to build a life for ourselves we can live.  It's different for everyone how long it takes, but it takes what it takes.  One day at a time.

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Heartbroken87

Thank you kay c. I just miss my friend he left my house and 3 hours later he was dead i had to notify his father his only son was dead after the coroner notified me. I feel like i was stolen from. I feel so shortchanged. Ive been trying to hold it together but i think its time i get some help. I look at my daughter and sigh cause ino theyll be a time that i have to explain. 

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Heartbroken87,    I am sorry for your pain, sorry for your loss. A year is not a long time to be grieving. It can take even longer to fully process our loss and find a different way of living for ourselves. It has been just under 14 months for me. While I have progressed to a certain degree of functioning, I am filled with constant sadness. I still get into low states of depression and have crying spells. Losing our loved one definitely changes us. Sometimes it can bring out the negative side of us. We are less trusting,  because we want to avoid being hurt anymore than what we are. Trust issues also come about when friends and even family start disappearing. We swear when we normally didn't. We can become short tempered. We are hurting and we feel the need to lash out. There is no relief from the emotional pain. It is hard to balance our emotions and moods. We don't mean to behave the way we do. It is the complexities of grieving that is the cause. Grieving is exhausting and overwhelming. We need to take care of ourselves. Be our own best friend. We need to put in the hard work, the effort, in helping ourselves through. Grief support groups and grief therapists are a resource to help us. It is not a sign of weakness to reach out. It is a sign of strength. It takes courage to admit we need someone to talk to, someone who will show us how to be able to cope with our loss.

We all feel we got cheated. We miss the one person who "got us", loved us unconditionally and was always there. We feel cheated from the dreams and plans we had for the future. We lost them, the life we knew and we lost our identity that we had with our loved one.

You have your daughter as your motivation to keep moving forward. You love her and want to be the best mom possible. Her father lives on in her and you will make him proud that you can do this.

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I'm a firm believer in getting help with this...a grief counselor, grief support group, books, articles, journaling, art therapy, all of the tools at our disposal to help us through our grief in addition to forums.  It took me about three years to process my husband's death and way longer than that to build a life I could live and find purpose. Grief can be exhausting, it's hard work.  Meanwhile it's so important to take good care of ourselves and treat ourselves with patience and understanding, the same as we would a friend.
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html

 

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On 10/14/2017 at 6:23 AM, Heartbroken87 said:

My childs father passed and even though its been a year im still mentally stuck. Im lost. Im bewildered. Im exhausted. Idk what to do. Ino i must progress for my child but its easier said than done. Ive           become aggressive, short with people and im starting to be more aloof. Other than my daughter i view people as disposable because i dont wantto  get close. I just want my old carefree life back before this trauma. But i must always be strong for our daughter

I am truly sorry for your loss; it just something we never get over.  When you lose someone, someone you truly love, it is the hardest thing you will ever go through and no matter how much time has passed, the emptiness never really goes away.  Often times you may think you're getting somewhat better, but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest, you fall apart for the hundredth time, and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out.  You loved this man with all of your heart; and when he was taken from this earth, a part of you left with him.  And because he was a major part of your and your daughter's lives, of course you miss him, it's perfectly natural.

For what it's worth, there's no time limit to our grief; we can't stop it whenever we want.  What I do think is that we can try to make a conscious effort to change to this *new* person we've become or stay the same. There are no rules to this grief thing; we can make the best of our situation or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it; if not for yourself, for your daughter.  And I hope you see things that startle you; I hope you feel things you never felt before; I hope you meet people that you can respect and appreciate and not find them disposable or useless.  And lastly, I hope you live a life that your daughter can look to and be proud of and imitate.   If you find that you're not, I hope you find the strength to start all over again.

My prayers are with you and your daughter.

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I don’t have advice, but I recently lost someone. All I can do is send you healing vibes and I hope you get to a somewhat better place than where you are now. 

You aren’t alone. Blessings to you

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