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Jay W

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Jay W   

Many persons on this Forum have stated things such as not wanting to live after their spouse has died. We almost all have. Please be careful who you say this to especially anyone such as a counsellor or a medical professional. When my wife was dying I saw a counsellor on numerous occasions. I was understandably very upset and was pouring my heart out to them. At one point I said I don't know how I could ever live without my wife. Those everyday words had the police department at my door and forcibly taking me to the psychiatric ward of the hospital. Once there I was grilled by two doctors asking questions about me killing myself. It seems one of the counsellors overreacted to my comment and informed my GP and figured I was suicidal. After 4 hours of questions  I was sent home. But it was traumatic in every sense. Please be careful to whom you are talking. It is unfortunate that when we want to express our grief that it can get us in trouble.

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Patti14   
6 hours ago, Jay W said:

Many persons on this Forum have stated things such as not wanting to live after their spouse has died. We almost all have. Please be careful who you say this to especially anyone such as a counsellor or a medical professional. When my wife was dying I saw a counsellor on numerous occasions. I was understandably very upset and was pouring my heart out to them. At one point I said I don't know how I could ever live without my wife. Those everyday words had the police department at my door and forcibly taking me to the psychiatric ward of the hospital. Once there I was grilled by two doctors asking questions about me killing myself. It seems one of the counsellors overreacted to my comment and informed my GP and figured I was suicidal. After 4 hours of questions  I was sent home. But it was traumatic in every sense. Please be careful to whom you are talking. It is unfortunate that when we want to express our grief that it can get us in trouble.

I wish people were more understanding but unfortunately they don't know unless they have been through this. Of course we all feel like our lives are over. We lost the best part of ourselves when our loved ones died. We are left with pain and sadness. The fact that we want to be with our loved ones doesn't mean we will hurt ourselves. It means we miss them and want to be with them. This world is such an unfair place and there is nothing we can do about it. We can't get back the one thing we want in the world. Our lives are just supposed to go on like everything is ok. That is horrible that you had to be put through that when you are already in pain. 

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Francine   
8 hours ago, Jay W said:

Many persons on this Forum have stated things such as not wanting to live after their spouse has died. We almost all have. Please be careful who you say this to especially anyone such as a counsellor or a medical professional. When my wife was dying I saw a counsellor on numerous occasions. I was understandably very upset and was pouring my heart out to them. At one point I said I don't know how I could ever live without my wife. Those everyday words had the police department at my door and forcibly taking me to the psychiatric ward of the hospital. Once there I was grilled by two doctors asking questions about me killing myself. It seems one of the counsellors overreacted to my comment and informed my GP and figured I was suicidal. After 4 hours of questions  I was sent home. But it was traumatic in every sense. Please be careful to whom you are talking. It is unfortunate that when we want to express our grief that it can get us in trouble.

When I first saw a grief counselor after my Charles passed, he too was concerned about my state of mind (I desperately wanted to be with my husband and even considered crashing my car into a truck).  Fortunately he understood my grief and stated that by law they were bound to report persons with suicidal tendencies to the authorities.  I get that and I can only imagine in some cases, it would be right thing to do. 

When I visited by doctor recently, they'd asked questions about if I was depressed or had suicidal thoughts. When I answered yes, I get a slew of nurses/interns asking all kinds of questions.  I'd explain that my husband recently passed away and they would be more understanding; some doctors would suggest medication to some patients.   It is unfortunate you had to go through that ordeal simply for grieving the loss of your wife.

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KayC   

I'm sorry for your experience, it had to be traumatic.  Suicidal feelings in grief are common, it doesn't mean we'll act on it.  Feeling something and letting it dictate your actions are two different things.

Someone with a degree in Thanatology should understand this.  I suppose medical personnel are mandated reporters, but they should be able to ascertain whether someone is truly suicidal or not.  My doctor was concerned about me also when George died and told me to call him any time, day or night.  I'm glad he had a more understanding approach.

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Jay W   

Not only did it affect me but also my dying wife. Because I was taken away so was she and put in the hospital under the thought that as I was "insane" she would have no care giver (me). When I was released that night I had to fight to get her home.

I said nothing or did nothing although I was very upset. I waited until my wife passed and confronted my GP who signed the complaint form and he sensed my anger right away. He apologized profusely and realized he had erred. He has known me for 20 years and knew I was not the kind of person to do anything suicidal.

I do not trust anyone now. I even went to another counsellor and had to sign a statement saying if I spoke of harming  myself, a child, or wanted to commit an act of destruction she was forced to report it.

Watch who you talk to.

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TeddTodd   

I was with the doctor for my sleeping pills. He asked questions and his last question was - "do you have any desire to hurt yourself or suicidal thought in anyway?"  I gave him a big pause before replying  - "suicidal? no but I think about living my life in a very unhealthy so I can die faster is that count." The doctor found my reply acceptable and gave me a bunch of sleeping pills. The doctor was actually the one who gave me the thought that I have never thought off. I did feel like dying but "suicidal" never actually cross my mind until the doctor asked me. 

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KMB   

Jay, I am sorry you had to endure that traumatic experience. Also, for your wife enduring it also and was unable to do anything about it. You are absolutely right. We have to be careful where and to whom we express our thoughts and feelings. We all want to be with our loved one. And we really don't know how to live without them. But saying those words doesn't mean the intent to act on suicide. There is a difference.

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KMB   
2 hours ago, TeddTodd said:

 

I was with the doctor for my sleeping pills. He asked questions and his last question was - "do you have any desire to hurt yourself or suicidal thought in anyway?"  I gave him a big pause before replying  - "suicidal? no but I think about living my life in a very unhealthy so I can die faster is that count." The doctor found my reply acceptable and gave me a bunch of sleeping pills. The doctor was actually the one who gave me the thought that I have never thought off. I did feel like dying but "suicidal" never actually cross my mind until the doctor asked me. 

 

I can also see your reply as being an acceptable response. You were not implying the intent on the actual act of suicide. Nobody can be considered medically or lawfully suicidal if you are not leading a healthy life style. That is your personal right as a human being. If unhealthy living was considered suicidal,  99% of us would be in psychiatric wards.

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Jay W   

Or as someone in our situation told a counsellor "I am not suicidal but if I got hit and killed by a bus today I would not care"

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KMB   
26 minutes ago, Jay W said:

 

Or as someone in our situation told a counsellor "I am not suicidal but if I got hit and killed by a bus today I would not care"

 

I agree on that. Those that have been able to find a motivation/purpose in moving forward, those with children yet to raise and those who have already entered into another partner relationship probably would not agree.

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KayC   
20 hours ago, Jay W said:

Not only did it affect me but also my dying wife. Because I was taken away so was she and put in the hospital under the thought that as I was "insane" she would have no care giver (me). When I was released that night I had to fight to get her home.

I said nothing or did nothing although I was very upset. I waited until my wife passed and confronted my GP who signed the complaint form and he sensed my anger right away. He apologized profusely and realized he had erred. He has known me for 20 years and knew I was not the kind of person to do anything suicidal.

I do not trust anyone now. I even went to another counsellor and had to sign a statement saying if I spoke of harming  myself, a child, or wanted to commit an act of destruction she was forced to report it.

Watch who you talk to.

You know, it's really unfortunate that people can't say what's on their minds, that seems the purpose in going to a counselor.  Unless someone is threatening suicide I don't understand their reporting it if you just say you FEEL as you do because that's a very common feeling in early grief.  They of all people should know that.

Our pastor has spoken on these subjects, feeling suicidal, depression, anxiety, he's caught some flak for it, but so many people experience these feelings and suffer in silence, alone with their feelings and that's hard.  

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jacbog   

No one can understand grieving after death of spouse than someone who experienced it. I can't imagine to talk with someone freshly graduated about this tremendous pain. I think it's the reason of their overreaction. They don't understand. 

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KMB   
7 hours ago, jacbog said:

. I think it's the reason of their overreaction. They don't understand. 

No, they don't really understand. I also believe that over reaction stems from society and these last years of mass shootings. Especially with the kids still in school who performed these violent acts and ended their own life on top of it. Bullying and mental health issues have stepped up policy protocols with reporting possible issues of suicide.

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