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Stephanie Buttons

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Stephanie Buttons

Hello. I have been reading postings on this forums for about 2 months,but have not posted anything. I was on another forum that seemed more difficult as far as the signing in process goes,so we will see if I get any responses.

i have read many posts here and the community seems very helpful and supportive. I lost my 19 1/2 year old daughter to suicide on February 9th of this year so I am about 9 months in. So far, it has been a long and difficult road on this grief journey. My favorite time is when I sleep.

I have tried a number of groups and therapies, individual,family, sos groups and about 6 plus sessions of grief share. I would love to hear what works for people and also post information about what works and doesn't work for me......Stephanie's mom

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hi stephaniesmom. I am sorry for the loss of your girl it is a tragic happening and suicide sadly seems to be more frequent these days. if you log onto Loss of a child and then Loss of an adult child at the top and choose the last page you will meet other parents in your situation. We have all lost a child/children so totally understand how you feel and can offer care and advice for you to help you. I tried compassionate friends site which was quite good but have formed stronger connections here. I lost my eldest son Tommy in aug 2015. He went out on a window ledge to save his suicidal friend 14 floors up when the police could not intervene. he talked his friend down eventually but as they were climbing back in the window it broke and they both fell. His friend survived although badly injured but my lovely son lost his fight for life in the ER soon after. it was the most devastating day of my life. Even worse it happened in Hawaii where he was living so there was a long delay before his body was flown home. I totally lost my mind and suffered a major mental breakdown ending up in hospital for a while. The next year passed in a daze of shock grief and medications. I was very lucky to have an excellent bereavement counsellor who I saw for a year and she really helped me make some peace of the situation. I was unable to attend group meetings but have weekly visits from my mental health team and am making progress slowly. It is a very slow process I am sad to say full of ups and downs but there will eventually be some light at the end of the tunnel although the loss of a child is something you never ever get over, you just adjust to. Our group is the most active and replies every day and have been a lifesaver for me. We help each other and that in itself is healing. Please join us take care

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Stephanie Buttons

To tommy so mum thank you for your reply to my post re my dear sweet Stephanie and I am so sorry for the loss of you dear son. I don't know how I did it but found a way to start replying. I do not expect the grief to ever go away but will see if it subsides. I do not have contact with a lot of people that is my choice. Today I was considering doing some errands but opted out to just say home and go on forums.

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stephanie I get those days when I deflect jobs to another day too, hey they will still be there to do tomorrow. I have very little contact with anyone either except my parents and sister and occasionally my disabled aunt. I talk to friends online or by text because I find social events very stressful. I have managed to fight against the agoraphobia that swallowed me after my son's death and have pretty much beaten it but prefer to keep myself to myself I live by myself and am most comfortable with my own company doing my thing. I am so glad you took the step of replying and opening up. The more times you write the words about your child passing the easier it gets although at first you bawl your eyes out each time. It is healing to meet other people online who understand and later you feel able to offer suggestions or quotes etc to help others and that creates a healing in yourself. Sometimes just reading other people's experiences helps too. None of us know why our children were taken but maybe part of the reason is so we can help others and create a safe caring online community together. Not all of us have caring family or friends and those that do can still be hurt by judgement or ignorance, so it is really refreshing to chat with people who do not judge, who understand crazy thoughts, who also struggle with some of the same things and know you are not on your own.

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Stephanie Buttons

Tommy's mum thank you for your replies. I am attempting to respond so I hope you get this and it doesn't vote back to me I think it came back tome last time. If it doesn't get to toy I will try something else.

i feel the same as you,I do not really have desire to be with too many people,it is just easier to be myself. I move from one activity or task to the next, right now I have started a 500 piece puzzle and am reading a light book. My therapist has also given me coloring pages,sometimes this deflects or is distracting other times it is not so helpful. I also try to go to the cemetery once a week,the therapist has me write a note or letter each time I go so I can talk to her, oh how I miss her...thanks again....Stephanie's mom

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Stephanie Buttons

To Tommys mum, let me know if I am posting the replies to you in the right place, if not maybe you can just check when th Stephanie Buttons post come so far I have heard from you the post,so I appreciate my forum friend.

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stephanie you can still post on this page or you can click on loss of a child and choose the top choice with most replies which is loss of an adult child then choose the last page to find our group and post on there. There are quite a few of us and it is by far the most active page, it also keeps us all together which is better. What have you found helpful and not helpful when dealing with grief? Do you a supportive partner, family friends around you? do you have other children and if so how are they dealing with the loss of their sibling?

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Stephanie Buttons

To Tommys mum. I just got on line to respond sorry for the long wait. I do have a 17 1/2 year old daughter and my husband Chris living at home. All the family members go to individual and group therapies,I question how much these are helping. It has been hard for my daughter Isabel as well. It appears to be getting harder as we move through time. We are at the 9 month point so not quitea year. My daughter tries to keep herself busy with school and friends so she seems to have a good balance. She does not really speak too much about her sister Stephanie,but her therapist assures me that they speak often about her sister in therapy.....Elizabeth,Stephanie's mom

 

 

 

 

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Stephanie Buttons

In re to what has been helpful and not helpful in my grief journey I believe the therapies are maybe a little bit helpful. In re to groups grief share thru our local church the actual study was helpful the group discussions not so much also no one has a significant other die by suicide. Sos meetings I have gone to couple of those again, the participants are not always a good  match for meand the meetings are late,I am an early riser and go to bed at 10 every night. I find the forums to be helpful,I can stay in my home and don't have to face to face group with anyone. I don't really socialize with anyone family or friends. I encourage them to text me or send me notes,cards etc thru snail mail. If people call by phone,I do answer the phone.........Elizabeth, Stephanie's mom

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TearsInHeaven

Hi Elizabeth, I happened to see your post and see that Lesley has been conversing with you.  She is such a good person.  I have lost my son 2 years 10.5 months ago. It is unimaginable what grief is like and I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.  I was about a week into my loss when I found this forum and it has helped me.  Like Lesley has advised if you go to Loss of a Child--Loss of an Adult Child and go to the last page you will find the most active thread.  There are so many kind, considerate, bereaved parents on there. There actually are about 2400+ pages and sometimes even just reading old posts might offer you some comfort. But, the most active is going to the last page and it is there you will get responses.  Please, feel free to talk about Stephanie when you are ready and again, as Lesley says sometimes just talking about your loss helps get it out from that festering place in your heart.  In this place we have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. When a child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees. This grief process is one long, emotional roller coaster. I know only to well that lost feeling-- and the pain--- and the anguish.  You have found a way to put one foot in front of the other for nine months. I understand that sometimes those steps are pretty shaky and maybe there are more steps back than what you would like but somehow, some way you have survived. the path of grief throws things at you. But having the ability to get my feelings out  has helped...if helped is the right word.... There is not a day goes by that I do not think of losing my son and the sorrow is always hanging around my heart. I can probably admit to crying daily still.  Not always the gut wrenching cry from early on but a thought, saying his name, can make the tears come. There is not a morning that I wake (an sleep is not always a willing action) that I do not think my son is gone.  There are many on this forum I think of as my mentors who have helped me this far along. I could not do the counseling part as it just did not work on a personal level.  Grief always lasts longer than the people around you expect it to.  A grieving parent has to find their own way to live with the loss but they do not have to be alone. Share your thoughts, frustrations, feelings, whatever you are comfortable with whenever you are ready.  We are listening. Hang on with both hands but never be afraid to reach out.

Lesley, your comforting words are so touching.  Tommy stands with his arm around you.

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Stephanie Buttons

To Tears in heaven. So sorry for the loss of your son. I will be forever missing my dear sweet Stephanie. This forum has been very helpful and I like that the members are very active here. I am on another forums that is strictly for survivors of suicide but members are not as active. Lesly has been very helpful. I especially like reading the posts which I have been doing for a good 2 months before even stArting to post myself. 

I prefer the forums to in person groups those haven't always worked out so well. I am even questioning how helpful the therapies are. 

Stephanies mom,Elizabeth

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Keep going Elizabeth connecting with others is a huge step foward we welcome you.

dianne thanks for your kind words. My aim is to try and reach out to anyone who comes to this site to let them know they are not alone, their words are heard and responded to, and their children and their story is important. We all need a caring connection.

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Stephanie Buttons

To Tommys mum thank you for your words of encouragement. I will keep my calender filled for today as much as possible and see where my distractions take me.

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Hi I am Kim. I lost my oldest child - Dennis on 11/04/2016 to an overdose . After many years of  him trying to get well and praying he would make it. (And I truly believed he would beat it). It’s been over 4 years and I’ve had lots of help. But now I need friends that I can talk openly about my son and the pain I still feel. At this point everyone around me is done talking about him and uncomfortable with it. I thought maybe this site would help me and I could possibly help others. I don’t even know if I’m posting this in the correct spot . Help

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Hi Kim, I’m not sure how I’ve found your post - it seems to be tagged on the end of old posts from 2017.  If I’m reading correctly you only posted March 2021 so I will keep going and see if this reaches you...

I am so sorry to hear about your son, Dennis, and what you will have been going through since then.  I lost my own lovely son, David,  at the end of November 2016.   I post here on the Loss of an Adult Child (top left , last page) where we take a great deal of comfort and understanding from each other.   It’s not surprising to find that we share very similar experiences and challenges amongst the group members.   We’d be very welcoming if you’d care to join us there, Kim.

If you are, in fact, reading this would you let us know and we can continue to chat.

 Take care, Roz

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