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      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Azipod

A place for pain.... and suffering.

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Patti14   
2 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Patti,  I know it is so difficult.  Many of us here have very unique losses.   Sometimes, I wonder if it makes any difference whether someone was married for 20-years vs 5-years?  I guess time is really just one form of measurement.  There is also consideration for how happy the couples were in the relationship and how meaningful it was.   With all things being equal, I still cannot fathom someone losing a spouse when they've spent 20-years together.   It is a total game changer.    My marriage was much shorter, just shy of 6-years.   But even then, I feel robbed of my soulmate.   I thought we had so much more time to enjoy our time together.  We just started out and things were falling in place and we were settling in.   Having a short marriage, sometimes makes you wonder how much more we could have had.      I guess every lost is unique.  You can't really compare two losses together.

 

Love is love it does not matter if it was a year or 40 years. If you lose it it is painful and it sucks.  No matter how long it was it's to short.

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Paluka   

Time is irrelevant when it comes to love and losing our soulmate to death. I met Lauri in October 2013. She told me on our first date she was going to marry me. Scared me! Ha. She was right. 

Im missing her so badly. Every time someone asks me how I'm doing I fall apart. It's been 4 weeks and 2 hours since I tried to resuscitate her. I simply do not know how to do this! It's crushing me. 

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Patti14   
40 minutes ago, Paluka said:

Time is irrelevant when it comes to love and losing our soulmate to death. I met Lauri in October 2013. She told me on our first date she was going to marry me. Scared me! Ha. She was right. 

Im missing her so badly. Every time someone asks me how I'm doing I fall apart. It's been 4 weeks and 2 hours since I tried to resuscitate her. I simply do not know how to do this! It's crushing me. 

She sounds amazing and perfect for you. I know what you mean I fall apart Everytime someone asks me how I am doing. I have no idea how to do this either.

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KayC   
21 hours ago, Azipod said:

Sometimes, I wonder if it makes any difference whether someone was married for 20-years vs 5-years? 

It doesn't make a difference to our missing them, if we love them we feel the loss, but it can make a difference as far as secondary losses.  I have a friend in her 80s, never paid the bills, never drove.  She is lost without him.  It's overwhelming for her to take on the role of paying bills.  The longer you're together the more interdependent you can get.  But on the other hand, someone who was in it a short time feels so cheated.  It's hard to navigate no matter how long we were together.  We can get used to each other rather quickly, it's amazing how quick, and the loss is felt years on down the road.

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Azipod   

Well, it's Friday again..... and here we go again.

Fridays are usually my worst days.  I don't like the vibe from the office -- people are happy, and they are celebrating in preparation for the weekend.   I also don't like Fridays because it marks the end of another week, for me without my wife.    This morning, I also realized perhaps I also don't like Fridays because it is the day of the week in which my wife passed.

Last night, I attended a Service of Remembrance offered by one of the larger funeral homes in my area.  It was beautiful.  There were poems which were read, a choir who sang many uplifting songs, and we all had an opportunity to light a candle for our loved one(s) after saying their name(s).   Then there was yummy food.   

After attending the event, my mood has been uplifted, abeit it being slight.  Today, Friday, I feel OK.  I have to admit that this is probably one of the better days I've had for some time.  I feel more calm, composed, and feel that I'm currently using my heart to deal with this pain.   I am by no way feeling good, but I feel I'm "managing" at the moment.

Do I feel like I want to die and end my life at this moment?  Surprisingly ..... no.   With grief, I know that our stages, whatever it may be, could be short lived.   I don't expect to feel comforted for the long-term.  But at the moment, I feel OK.

Today is a better day.    :::hugs to all:::

Here's a photo of all the candles that were lit last night.  Sorry, it's not the best photo.

59e0fb6d2a683_IMG_5149(1).thumb.jpg.09fbdd15c2e113ae5af6e75ac8189e59.jpg

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KMB   

Azipod,  It is a great pic and I am glad you went to the Remembrance event. The local hospice in my area has a similar event in December. Last year, since I was attending grief support through hospice, I was given the info for the event. I didn't feel up to going at the time, but later, at the next support meet, I did purchase the special cardinal ornament with my husband's name  on it. I am thinking of going this year so I can light a candle for my husband.

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Azipod   
1 hour ago, KMB said:

 I am thinking of going this year so I can light a candle for my husband.

For me, being able to do something for my wife makes me feel a whole lot better.  I realized that after I lit a candle for her last night.  I also now realize why I felt so good after I had a picnic at my wife's grave site on our anniversary a few weeks ago.

I've never been very creative.  I don't have a lot of ideas.  However, when there are opportunities, I feel that I should take advantage of them so that I can do something memorable and meaningful.   

I'm learning that even the smallest things that require the slightest efforts, are important.  It is still something.  And it may just be that little something, that we need to heal our loving and precious hearts.

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KMB   
4 hours ago, Azipod said:

I'm learning that even the smallest things that require the slightest efforts, are important.  It is still something.  And it may just be that little something, that we need to heal our loving and precious hearts.

So very true. Everything that we do to honor our loved one, including moving forward and fulfilling our life path, they see and appreciate. Our souls growth just doesn't benefit us, it benefits our loved ones soul in furthering their growth in the afterlife, and it benefits our soul family as a whole. It is up to us to see that their legacy of life and love here is not forgotten. When we leave this life, we are meant to be remembered by the loved ones we leave behind here, our kindness, our compassion and the love. Learning acceptance, tolerance and giving and receiving of love is the true meaning of our life here. Every single person on this earth is connected to each other by our souls. It would be nice if humanity collectively recognized this most basic principle. In the afterlife, we are not segregated by race, religion, politics or anything. These are all earth things, created by humans and their egos. In the afterlife we are all the same. Spiritual beings that are given the gift of life on this earth for the experience and to further our souls growth. God is very much real. He is our souls creator. But even in the afterlife/Heaven, there is just love, peace and harmony. In the afterlife, there are no different sects of religion like on earth here. All of the different churches and their separate religious beliefs as to how they perceive the bible, do not exist in Heaven. That is all man made here. All God expects of us is to love and believe in Him and do our best to honor Him and what he wishes our souls to learn.

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KayC   

Azipod,

That is beautiful and I'm glad you had the chance to attend.  When they had George's a year after he died, I didn't feel up to it, maybe if I'd had someone to go with me, but now I wish I could, but now it's too many years too late.  I don't drive at night and these things are always 120 mile round trip.  I'm really glad you were able to honor her in this way, it is a very meaningful expression of your love for her.

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