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A place for pain.... and suffering.


Azipod

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2 hours ago, Paluka said:

I've cut off contact with all of Lauri's family except her two adult kids. They "get it." They knew how happy we were and do not try to blame me for anything.

A blessing despite the pain.

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1 hour ago, Ka9219 said:

is easier to me to pretend than to explain or be responsible for my parents sadness.

I totally understand. You are protecting your parents and looking out for their feelings. You have a good heart.

I pretended a lot more in the beginning. My husband considered me the stronger of the both of us. I had to see to his end of life wishes and all the other stuff with the will and finances. I didn't want to disappoint him. Now, that this life is just me, and I don't need the added stress of pretending, I decided not to do it anymore. What you see, is what you get. Somebody doesn't like it, they can leave me alone. I have to be my authentic self to manage getting through each day.

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4 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

It doesn't seems to get better, I feel worst and people say: you look better, well maybe I am better at hide it because I am tired of listen to people tell me what to do, or how to feel, so is kinda worst because I am taking all the weight of grieving and pain and loneliness by my own and it feels like a seed of bitterness is growing inside me.

Oh people out there don't have the slightest clue to what we have to endure each day.   We look better because we need to leave the house with a mask.   We are like ducks in the river.  We look fine and dandy above water.  But underneath, we're paddling like hell.   I hate everything now.  I hate it when I hear people laugh and enjoying themselves.  My life is at a standstill.   Everything is moving around me.   People are still enjoying their lives.   But for me, life is on hold. I lost the love of my life.  And everything is frozen.

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4 hours ago, KMB said:

My husband had a good last day also, which was also a Friday. Everything was normal. We had a friend over for the day and we sat at the kitchen table having coffee and laughing. We spent the afternoon outside. Normal supper and evening. Normal bedtime. When I replay that last day, there were no red flags I can see.

Life is crazy.  One minute they are here, the next minute they are not.  Life is so fragile.   I wish my life was just as fragile too.

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I know this will sound crazy but that is sometime how I comfort myself. I won't be able to bear to see him in this stage that I am in either - full of sorrow and loneliness. I want him to be happy (he had a great holiday week with me before he passed away, no sign nothing) and so if I have to bear this pain as the one who is being left behind. I will take it. 1,000years on earth is 1 year in heaven which meant he will see me in less then an hr for him. It is a torture for me but I will take it for him. I will have faith, belief and pray. Hopefully it won't be too long. 

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4 hours ago, KMB said:

I totally understand. You are protecting your parents and looking out for their feelings. You have a good heart.

I pretended a lot more in the beginning. My husband considered me the stronger of the both of us. I had to see to his end of life wishes and all the other stuff with the will and finances. I didn't want to disappoint him. Now, that this life is just me, and I don't need the added stress of pretending, I decided not to do it anymore. What you see, is what you get. Somebody doesn't like it, they can leave me alone. I have to be my authentic self to manage getting through each day.

I have to say I'd love to reach that point, I am thinking to moving alone, so I don't have to say hello or "good morning" to anyone, if I want to cry I could cry if I feel upset I won't have to hide it. But it is easier said than done, I have to wait until I can find a decent job and find a place, as Mario died suddenly I didn't had to pretend to be strong, but I imagine than going into a situation where you are the responsible one, give you some sort of strength, maybe we will never now where it comes from but I think is love itself, we loved them so much that makes us do the most unbelievable things.

Your words are kind but I don't see myself as a girl of "good heart" I am just trying to avoid  more pain to all the weight I have over my shoulders

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2 hours ago, Azipod said:

Oh people out there don't have the slightest clue to what we have to endure each day.   We look better because we need to leave the house with a mask.   We are like ducks in the river.  We look fine and dandy above water.  But underneath, we're paddling like hell.   I hate everything now.  I hate it when I hear people laugh and enjoying themselves.  My life is at a standstill.   Everything is moving around me.   People are still enjoying their lives.   But for me, life is on hold. I lost the love of my life.  And everything is frozen.

You tell me, a couple of days ago our country classified for the World Soccer Cup and everyone at home was so happy and yelling because they were excited and they went to the park to celebrate and I just felt like crap because I can not share all that happiness, and they give me this "pity look" and I hate I don't want people to feel pity I just want to be respected, if they don't understand it is OK, but I don't want a 24/7 psychologist on my bed asking me how I feel if it is obvious that I feel like sh*t.

I understand you I also lost the love of my life, for me everything is moving so fast around and I am the one who is frozen. I also hate a lot of about this situation I am getting more and more exhausted, the pain is restless everything is a trigger, even if I try to go back to the old me I smash myself with memories and thoughts that bring me back to this reality in which I am miserable without him. We shared so much and as he left me everything was also taken away, there is nothing left for me in here. It might sound silly but today came out the Stars Wars Trailer and I was such a big fan and today I saw it and I didn't feel a single drop of excitement because all I could think was the theories we discuss together about the movie, also I was watching the Justice League Trailer and watching at Flash totally break my heart because he was his favorite super hero so what brought me once excitement and happiness now only brings pain and agony.Life is not what once was

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TooDevastated
2 hours ago, Azipod said:

Oh people out there don't have the slightest clue to what we have to endure each day.   We look better because we need to leave the house with a mask.   We are like ducks in the river.  We look fine and dandy above water.  But underneath, we're paddling like hell.   I hate everything now.  I hate it when I hear people laugh and enjoying themselves.  My life is at a standstill.   Everything is moving around me.   People are still enjoying their lives.   But for me, life is on hold. I lost the love of my life.  And everything is frozen.

Feeling of everything frozen definitely applies to me too. Its like pages of the calender turning over and over but it doesnt feel to me like months have passed. How can my boyfriend be long gone? We were only kissing yesterday! 

I too have become better at putting on a public mask. For people at work and others. I hate my life now. There is absolutely no future plans left that excites me. I havent even had any OK days the last 3 months. My life is literally living hell.

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15 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

I have to say I'd love to reach that point, I am thinking to moving alone, so I don't have to say hello or "good morning" to anyone, if I want to cry I could cry if I feel upset I won't have to hide it. But it is easier said than done, I have to wait until I can find a decent job and find a place, as Mario died suddenly I didn't had to pretend to be strong, but I imagine than going into a situation where you are the responsible one, give you some sort of strength, maybe we will never now where it comes from but I think is love itself, we loved them so much that makes us do the most unbelievable things.

Your words are kind but I don't see myself as a girl of "good heart" I am just trying to avoid  more pain to all the weight I have over my shoulders

Of course you have a good heart for trying not to hurt your parents. Maybe wait for a bit before moving out on your own. Dark thoughts might be harder to manage then. I had moved back with my mum some years ago to help her with her cancer surgeries etc. But she goes to a lot of holidays so I end up being alone most of the time. It helps having someone else (even though that someone else keeps giving me useless and hurtful comments).

This is just so hard. There havent been a day that I didnt spend hours crying. Why cant we have them back? Havent we suffered enough?

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5 hours ago, Patti14 said:

Here it should not have taken that long. We live 4 minutes from the hospital and that is driving at 40 mph. The fire station is right across the street. I know what you mean I don't know what life is expecting out of me either.

Some things are out of our comprehension , it makes me wonder if "our time" is already given and we can not do nothing to avoid, I always think in the amount of bad things that happened the day of the accident and it seems it was unavoidable, of course it doesn't bring me any peace or consolation. 

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11 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

You tell me, a couple of days ago our country classified for the World Soccer Cup and everyone at home was so happy and yelling because they were excited and they went to the park to celebrate and I just felt like crap because I can not share all that happiness, and they give me this "pity look" and I hate I don't want people to feel pity I just want to be respected, if they don't understand it is OK, but I don't want a 24/7 psychologist on my bed asking me how I feel if it is obvious that I feel like sh*t.

I understand you I also lost the love of my life, for me everything is moving so fast around and I am the one who is frozen. I also hate a lot of about this situation I am getting more and more exhausted, the pain is restless everything is a trigger, even if I try to go back to the old me I smash myself with memories and thoughts that bring me back to this reality in which I am miserable without him. We shared so much and as he left me everything was also taken away, there is nothing left for me in here. It might sound silly but today came out the Stars Wars Trailer and I was such a big fan and today I saw it and I didn't feel a single drop of excitement because all I could think was the theories we discuss together about the movie, also I was watching the Justice League Trailer and watching at Flash totally break my heart because he was his favorite super hero so what brought me once excitement and happiness now only brings pain and agony.Life is not what once was

I am not watching star wars anymore either. We loved it. It was an 'us thing'. Makes no sense to watch it alone... 

I understand how the smallest things are triggers. My boyfriend loved will ferrel films. Whenever I see the mans face, I get tears. The opposite of what I used to be. Life sucks now.

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2 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

Of course you have a good heart for trying not to hurt your parents. Maybe wait for a bit before moving out on your own. Dark thoughts might be harder to manage then. I had moved back with my mum some years ago to help her with her cancer surgeries etc. But she goes to a lot of holidays so I end up being alone most of the time. It helps having someone else (even though that someone else keeps giving me useless and hurtful comments).

This is just so hard. There havent been a day that I didnt spend hours crying. Why cant we have them back? Havent we suffered enough?

Yesterday I sat down and cried for hours and wonder why I was going through this? If I made something bad in a past life I was really sorry but I think nothing is bad enough to deserve this amount of pain and suffering. I have to say that I don't cry as much as I used to, maybe because I don't want to worry my parents but I wish I could be free to cry as much as I need to and not "worrying" anyone, I just want to be free in my feelings, let them go out and not having someone telling me if that's good or bad. 

All I want is Mario, I love my parents but I only want Mario, I want all my happiness and all my dreams with him back. 

I get so sad to look at them holding hands, joking around, it's also hard to see my sister with her husband going out, kissing, loving each other, with their baby, they have so much and I have nothing.

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1 minute ago, TooDevastated said:

I am not watching star wars anymore either. We loved it. It was an 'us thing'. Makes no sense to watch it alone... 

I understand how the smallest things are triggers. My boyfriend loved will ferrel films. Whenever I see the mans face, I get tears. The opposite of what I used to be. Life sucks now.

Yes it totally does, I used to spend my free time playing WoW, there is how I meet Mario now I can not even play or open battle net because I feel that part of me died with him. 

We loved to be geeks together and watch all the sci-fi and super hero movies together, I really enjoyed and he did as well, now it doesn't bring anything at all to me, no happiness, no excitement, just a lot of tears as you :(

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8 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

You tell me, a couple of days ago our country classified for the World Soccer Cup and everyone at home was so happy and yelling because they were excited and they went to the park to celebrate and I just felt like crap because I can not share all that happiness, and they give me this "pity look" and I hate I don't want people to feel pity I just want to be respected, if they don't understand it is OK, but I don't want a 24/7 psychologist on my bed asking me how I feel if it is obvious that I feel like sh*t.

I understand you I also lost the love of my life, for me everything is moving so fast around and I am the one who is frozen. I also hate a lot of about this situation I am getting more and more exhausted, the pain is restless everything is a trigger, even if I try to go back to the old me I smash myself with memories and thoughts that bring me back to this reality in which I am miserable without him. We shared so much and as he left me everything was also taken away, there is nothing left for me in here. It might sound silly but today came out the Stars Wars Trailer and I was such a big fan and today I saw it and I didn't feel a single drop of excitement because all I could think was the theories we discuss together about the movie, also I was watching the Justice League Trailer and watching at Flash totally break my heart because he was his favorite super hero so what brought me once excitement and happiness now only brings pain and agony.Life is not what once was

The emptiness, loneliness, and purposeless days are a drain.  There's no way out.  We're left at sea.  Some days, the waves consume us.  Some times, the waves are choppy.  At other times, it may be calm.  Either way, we are swimming every minute of the day.   I'm tired.  There's no way out of this.

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8 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I havent even had any OK days the last 3 months. My life is literally living hell.

Me neither.  There has not been a single day that I have not cried.    Can you believe it's been 3 months?   It's been so long since we've been separated with our loved ones.   The reality is that we're going to be apart for much longer.  It's so scary for me to tell myself that it's going to be like this forever.

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8 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

Some things are out of our comprehension , it makes me wonder if "our time" is already given and we can not do nothing to avoid, I always think in the amount of bad things that happened the day of the accident and it seems it was unavoidable, of course it doesn't bring me any peace or consolation. 

Not sure what your beliefs are.  I know some on the forum disagrees because we've visited this topic before.  Personally, I do believe that our life is already mapped out for us.  There is little that we can do to change it.  When things are meant to be a certain way, it will be that way.  There's no way around us.   If it's not time for us to die, then it's not time.   If it is, you may escape it once.... but death will catch up to you.

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2 hours ago, Azipod said:

Not sure what your beliefs are.  I know some on the forum disagrees because we've visited this topic before.  Personally, I do believe that our life is already mapped out for us.  There is little that we can do to change it.  When things are meant to be a certain way, it will be that way.  There's no way around us.   If it's not time for us to die, then it's not time.   If it is, you may escape it once.... but death will catch up to you.

Life isnt a Final Destination movie. Death isn’t some sentient being that will catch up to you no matter what. My wife wasn’t “meant” to die. It wasn’t her time. It was a random and terrible moment in a random and terrible universe.

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10 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

Yes it totally does, I used to spend my free time playing WoW, there is how I meet Mario now I can not even play or open battle net because I feel that part of me died with him. 

We loved to be geeks together and watch all the sci-fi and super hero movies together, I really enjoyed and he did as well, now it doesn't bring anything at all to me, no happiness, no excitement, just a lot of tears as you :(

I can’t believe you met playing WoW. That’s so neat. You always hear about that type of stuff.

I have very recently started watching some of the shows we watched together and gone to movies alone that we wanted to see together. The new Kingsmen movie really got to me and I bawled my eyes out in the middle of the theater not caring who saw. I haven’t been brave enough to watch the Star Wars trailer but I know I’m going to go to see it in the theater. For her. So she can see it with me.

If anyone is into gaming they may know Jessica Chobot from IGN and Nerdist. A couple days before she died, my wife told me we should check out her podcast, Bizarre States. I started listening to it about three weeks ago. One episode in particular really got me and I sent them an email telling them what a fan my wife was and how their podcast has been the only thing to bring me any comfort in the last four months. Today, out of the blue, I got an email back from Chobot saying that they had read my email on the show. She wanted my address so they could send me a bunch of stuff. It was so sweet and unexpected I broke down while reading her response. I immediately sent my wife a text to let her know. It breaks my heart that she isn’t here but it is nice to get a small reminder that there is some good in the world. It isn’t all dark.

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3 hours ago, Azipod said:

 It's so scary for me to tell myself that it's going to be like this forever.

Try not to think of it as forever. I know it feels like it, but no one lives on this earth forever. Our numbers will all get picked eventually. We just don't know when.This is why I take this day by day. I don't think beyond the next week or two or too far into the next month. It is too overwhelming. I set small goals for myself. If I meet a goal, I give myself a virtual pat on the back because I accomplished something to get me through until the next goal is met. For myself, it is easier to do things this way, instead of thinking too far ahead and just counting time and wishing for my end. This is torture enough as it is.

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I wonder if we have to go through this again if we choose to get remarry.   Would handling grief for a partner/spouse be easier the 2nd time around?   Hmmm.

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1 hour ago, Djh0901kc said:

but it is nice to get a small reminder that there is some good in the world.

Such a wonderful, thoughtful gesture! We need them reminders once in awhile.

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Just now, Azipod said:

I wonder if we have to go through this again if we choose to get remarry.   Would handling grief for a partner/spouse be easier the 2nd time around?   Hmmm.

Gosh, I'm not even going to go there. I couldn't see grief being easier a 2nd time around. Wouldn't it bring back the memories of the 1st time? What if you died first, knowing how painful it is? Would you want another person you loved, to go through that?

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2 minutes ago, KMB said:

Such a wonderful, thoughtful gesture! We need them reminders once in awhile.

I agree. I know it’s silly but getting an email from this person my wife loved so much was so unexpected. It truly meant the world. The episode airs tomorrow and it will be so strange to hear her say my wife’s name. Like I said, it kills me that Kayla isn’t here to see it herself.   But I know it would make her day and so it brings me some small measurement of happiness as well.

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8 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I wonder if we have to go through this again if we choose to get remarry.   Would handling grief for a partner/spouse be easier the 2nd time around?   Hmmm.

You keep saying you just want to die because you miss your wife so much. If that’s the case, I would assume you won’t ever have to worry about this. Thank goodness. I’m glad this is one concern I will never have.

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1 minute ago, KMB said:

What if you died first, knowing how painful it is? Would you want another person you loved, to go through that?

I think we would have to make an agreement to somehow die together.  (Yes, I know i'm dreaming).

There's some wild fires here in California.  BIG headline news in the local paper.   "First 2 casualties are husband and wife."    The story talks about how these couples were celebrating their wedding anniversary in the area.  They were trapped and perished.  Yeah, I know dying from getting burned to death or smoke inhalation isn't exactly peaceful.   But the story goes on to say that the husband was 100.  The wife is 98.   They were celebrating their anniversary.   They were married for 75 years!       They got to leave this pathetic world together!!!

Now why is this a headline?  This is NOT a tragedy.  Dying with someone you love, after spending 75 years with them and living a full and complete life is no tragedy.  There is no pain for the surviving spouse. This is a gift.  It's the best possible way to go considering the circumstances!

I'd giving anything to be in THEIR shoes.

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Just now, Azipod said:

I think we would have to make an agreement to somehow die together.  (Yes, I know i'm dreaming).

There's some wild fires here in California.  BIG headline news in the local paper.   "First 2 casualties are husband and wife."    The story talks about how these couples were celebrating their wedding anniversary in the area.  They were trapped and perished.  Yeah, I know dying from getting burned to death or smoke inhalation isn't exactly peaceful.   But the story goes on to say that the husband was 100.  The wife is 98.   They were celebrating their anniversary.   They were married for 75 years!       They got to leave this pathetic world together!!!

Now why is this a headline?  This is NOT a tragedy.  Dying with someone you love, after spending 75 years with them and living a full and complete life is no tragedy.  There is no pain for the surviving spouse. This is a gift.  It's the best possible way to go considering the circumstances!

I'd giving anything to be in THEIR shoes.

Holy Moses how crazy is that? 75 years together and they die on the same day. That’s as ideal a situation as it gets.

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45 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I'd giving anything to be in THEIR shoes.

It would have been the way to go, together.  But, unfortunately, for us, it didn't happen that way.

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18 hours ago, TeddTodd said:

I know this will sound crazy but that is sometime how I comfort myself. I won't be able to bear to see him in this stage that I am in either - full of sorrow and loneliness. I want him to be happy (he had a great holiday week with me before he passed away, no sign nothing) and so if I have to bear this pain as the one who is being left behind. I will take it. 1,000years on earth is 1 year in heaven which meant he will see me in less then an hr for him. It is a torture for me but I will take it for him. I will have faith, belief and pray. Hopefully it won't be too long. 

Those are my sentiments.  Sometimes it gets real hard but at least it's me, not him.

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8 hours ago, Azipod said:

The emptiness, loneliness, and purposeless days are a drain.  There's no way out.  We're left at sea.  Some days, the waves consume us.  Some times, the waves are choppy.  At other times, it may be calm.  Either way, we are swimming every minute of the day.   I'm tired.  There's no way out of this.

That's exactly how I feel, I feel I am in the middle of the sea, sometimes it turns out wild sometimes is calm, but we are always swimming with the hope of finding something or someone to hold on to. And even if I try to "make my best" and try to think in a positive way is hard to face our reality, nothing good or easy comes out from this situation, the more I try the more I realized this is an endless path of a lot of pain, I wish I could find motivation or as people say: living in the way he would like for me, this is pointless, I mean, he wanted a lot of things, our happiness mainly, definitely he didn't want to die so it doesn't depend on what he wanted or what he wants. 

8 hours ago, Azipod said:

Not sure what your beliefs are.  I know some on the forum disagrees because we've visited this topic before.  Personally, I do believe that our life is already mapped out for us.  There is little that we can do to change it.  When things are meant to be a certain way, it will be that way.  There's no way around us.   If it's not time for us to die, then it's not time.   If it is, you may escape it once.... but death will catch up to you.

Well since Mario died I am not sure in what I believe, certainly there is something "divine" out there but not sure what it is or how it works, because for me it doesn't make any sense to see how good people go through bad situations, Mario deserved a life of joy, happiness, a big family, has a long life but it wasn't possible, so I don't what is out there, about our time, I don't know either, let's say I can not disagree with any theory because all of them are equally possible, and none of them bring me any consolation

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6 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I can’t believe you met playing WoW. That’s so neat. You always hear about that type of stuff.

I have very recently started watching some of the shows we watched together and gone to movies alone that we wanted to see together. The new Kingsmen movie really got to me and I bawled my eyes out in the middle of the theater not caring who saw. I haven’t been brave enough to watch the Star Wars trailer but I know I’m going to go to see it in the theater. For her. So she can see it with me.

If anyone is into gaming they may know Jessica Chobot from IGN and Nerdist. A couple days before she died, my wife told me we should check out her podcast, Bizarre States. I started listening to it about three weeks ago. One episode in particular really got me and I sent them an email telling them what a fan my wife was and how their podcast has been the only thing to bring me any comfort in the last four months. Today, out of the blue, I got an email back from Chobot saying that they had read my email on the show. She wanted my address so they could send me a bunch of stuff. It was so sweet and unexpected I broke down while reading her response. I immediately sent my wife a text to let her know. It breaks my heart that she isn’t here but it is nice to get a small reminder that there is some good in the world. It isn’t all dark.

That was heart touching, I mean, they are honoring your wife without knowing her, that's really kind and sweet. Is nice to know people out there, without knowing us are doing so much for us, Mario was a big fan of Terry Crews and now I try to keep up with news and post about him, as you said, are little things that bring us little drops of hope and maybe "happiness".

Knowing someone for what we both liked is amazing, we didn't need to "make couple time", we just get together to enjoy the things we liked as individuals, and been able to share what we like together made it amazing, we connected so much and in so many ways thanks to the video games, movies and all this stuff, working together as a team, sharing thoughts are crazy theories, improve so we can play together all we wanted it was amazing, maybe that's why this is so hard now, doing everything you liked with the person you love and now been alone... is like everything becomes meaningless.

Haha, since the Trailer of Kingsmen was released I knew I wanted to see it with him and we spent a lot of time talking about crazy theories of The Last Jedi, actually the last weekend we spent together we both were excited about Wonder Woman, we were waiting to buy tickets of Wednesday to watch it together, sadly, it never happened, I saw the movie alone in my room like 3 weeks ago and I cried almost all movie and the end was heart breaking for me.

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8 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

That was heart touching, I mean, they are honoring your wife without knowing her, that's really kind and sweet. Is nice to know people out there, without knowing us are doing so much for us, Mario was a big fan of Terry Crews and now I try to keep up with news and post about him, as you said, are little things that bring us little drops of hope and maybe "happiness".

Knowing someone for what we both liked is amazing, we didn't need to "make couple time", we just get together to enjoy the things we liked as individuals, and been able to share what we like together made it amazing, we connected so much and in so many ways thanks to the video games, movies and all this stuff, working together as a team, sharing thoughts are crazy theories, improve so we can play together all we wanted it was amazing, maybe that's why this is so hard now, doing everything you liked with the person you love and now been alone... is like everything becomes meaningless.

Haha, since the Trailer of Kingsmen was released I knew I wanted to see it with him and we spent a lot of time talking about crazy theories of The Last Jedi, actually the last weekend we spent together we both were excited about Wonder Woman, we were waiting to buy tickets of Wednesday to watch it together, sadly, it never happened, I saw the movie alone in my room like 3 weeks ago and I cried almost all movie and the end was heart breaking for me.

We had tickets to go see Wonder Woman the day after Kayla died. I went and saw it in the theater about a month later. I also cried the entire movie and the end...well it was pretty painful.

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I have not manage to watch any movie or even manage to finish any song since...  just turn to news all day. I cannt take the pain when I watch movie. We were having such a good time watching our favorite movies together and he was singing all the time as we walked New York City together. I cannt watch movie with New York scenes, it just reminded me so much of him. 

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I also saw Wonder Woman after my boyfriend died, a month after I guess. I didn't like the movie but yeah the end was painful to watch. We sometimes watched movie together and the last one we watched is Hachi ... If any of you knows about the movie or the story, I feel like that dog now, waiting for him to return.

The It movie came out recently and I remember how excited he was. We planned to watch the movie together but he didn't get the chance. He loves horror stuff. It's the Halloween month, he would be so happy seeing decorations and stuff. I wish he was here so we could enjoy the Halloween events...

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14 minutes ago, KylieL said:

I also saw Wonder Woman after my boyfriend died, a month after I guess. I didn't like the movie but yeah the end was painful to watch. We sometimes watched movie together and the last one we watched is Hachi ... If any of you knows about the movie or the story, I feel like that dog now, waiting for him to return.

The It movie came out recently and I remember how excited he was. We planned to watch the movie together but he didn't get the chance. He loves horror stuff. It's the Halloween month, he would be so happy seeing decorations and stuff. I wish he was here so we could enjoy the Halloween events...

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like the dog from that movie to. I saw It on the Friday before he died with my cousin and sister while he went and played cards with the guys. My husband wanted to see it to. I was going to go watch it with him again then he died the next morning. It's not fair all the stuff they miss out on because they die early. 

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4 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like the dog from that movie to. I saw It on the Friday before he died with my cousin and sister while he went and played cards with the guys. My husband wanted to see it to. I was going to go watch it with him again then he died the next morning. It's not fair all the stuff they miss out on because they die early. 

There're so many things for them, for us to explore. He planned a three-month vacation just two days before he died. It's not fair, not just for them but all of us here. I try not to compare my life to the others, but it's really hard to seeing others at the same age having happy lives while our loved ones and we can't enjoy life anymore.  

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Just now, KylieL said:

There're so many things for them, for us to explore. He planned a three-month vacation just two days before he died. It's not fair, not just for them but all of us here. I try not to compare my life to the others, but it's really hard to seeing others at the same age having happy lives while our loved ones and we can't enjoy life anymore.  

I know what you mean I do the same thing. It makes me upset seeing couples happy and together. Even though I would never wish this pain on anyone. Why do we have to lose the loves of life so young. 

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16 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

it doesn't make any sense to see how good people go through bad situations

I feel you.  There's a book called When Bad Things Happen to Good People https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/when-bad-things-happen-to-good-people-harold-s-kushner/1100618268/2673554814102?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Catch-All,+Low_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP79700
It talks about this subject although we still don't like it!

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32 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I know what you mean I do the same thing. It makes me upset seeing couples happy and together. Even though I would never wish this pain on anyone. Why do we have to lose the loves of life so young. 

I totally feel like an outcast.  Couples in their 30s are busy starting their lifelong journey together. Many have young kids in the family.

Me?  Nope.  I'm a widower grieving in a sad sad world.

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5 minutes ago, Azipod said:

  I'm a widower grieving in a sad sad world.

It is sad. it is sad for all of you that are younger. Hopes, plans, children, dreams, an entire future ripped away.

None of this makes sense for any of us, no matter our age. Loss of our soul mate is cruel. When 2 people are lucky to even find each other in this big world, there should be a guarantee they will be on the journey together until natural old age.

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12 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

We had tickets to go see Wonder Woman the day after Kayla died. I went and saw it in the theater about a month later. I also cried the entire movie and the end...well it was pretty painful.

Is nice to know someone understand me, because at the end I cried so bad. I know is silly but it's "funny" to see even a goddess couldn't save the one she loves. 

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

I feel you.  There's a book called When Bad Things Happen to Good People https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/when-bad-things-happen-to-good-people-harold-s-kushner/1100618268/2673554814102?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Catch-All,+Low_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP79700
It talks about this subject although we still don't like it!

Hi KayC, is nice to see you are back, I read a book called "The Shack" by Willian Paul Young it is about a father who loss his child and he talks to god about it, it's pretty good for those who believe in god.

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8 minutes ago, Ka9219 said:

Is nice to know someone understand me, because at the end I cried so bad. I know is silly but it's "funny" to see even a goddess couldn't save the one she loves. 

Exactly. As I was sitting there, just a few weeks after my wife died, I thought you have got to be kidding me. He can’t really be about to die. It smashed me right in the heart

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51 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

Exactly. As I was sitting there, just a few weeks after my wife died, I thought you have got to be kidding me. He can’t really be about to die. It smashed me right in the heart

Yes, I was thinking the same, I was like: I can't believe it, she is a goddess she can save him, come on! Do something!!!!! Now it seems we have a superhero with can connect with 

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7 hours ago, Azipod said:

I totally feel like an outcast.  Couples in their 30s are busy starting their lifelong journey together. Many have young kids in the family.

Me?  Nope.  I'm a widower grieving in a sad sad world.

I know what you mean. I am 38 years old and my life as a couple has ended. Actually my life has ended because he is no longer here. How do you get over loving someone for 20 years. Not having that person you always started and ended your day with.

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25 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

How do you get over loving someone for 20 years. Not having that person you always started and ended your day with.

You never get over loving them. That love bond is your connection to him where he is now. That will always be there. We just have to get used to their physical absence. That is the most difficult part of loving someone when there is this permanent separation. Getting used to it. I'll never get used to it.

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2 minutes ago, KMB said:

You never get over loving them. That love bond is your connection to him where he is now. That will always be there. We just have to get used to their physical absence. That is the most difficult part of loving someone when there is this permanent separation. Getting used to it. I'll never get used to it.

No I will never get used to it either. 

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15 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I know what you mean I do the same thing. It makes me upset seeing couples happy and together. Even though I would never wish this pain on anyone. Why do we have to lose the loves of life so young. 

My bestfriend just told me she got her first boyfriend yesterday. She was so happy about it and I was also happy for her that she found a person she like. But I'm also jealous, that she will have a happy life from now but mine is already gone. At the same age of 22, my bestfriend found her love but I lost mine. I can somehow picture her having wedding and kids in the future that I will never have. Of course I would never wish anything happen to anyone, but I have such complicated feelings. I just hope that my life can be brief, I don't think I'm capable of watching the others living their happy lives for 50 years and live all the years alone.

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It is complicated.  We have so many feelings all at once and so hard to deal with them all.

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2 hours ago, KylieL said:

My bestfriend just told me she got her first boyfriend yesterday. She was so happy about it and I was also happy for her that she found a person she like. But I'm also jealous, that she will have a happy life from now but mine is already gone. At the same age of 22, my bestfriend found her love but I lost mine. I can somehow picture her having wedding and kids in the future that I will never have. Of course I would never wish anything happen to anyone, but I have such complicated feelings. I just hope that my life can be brief, I don't think I'm capable of watching the others living their happy lives for 50 years and live all the years alone.

I know what you mean but it is so hard to see other people happy when we are in a new dark place. Not that we wish bad for anyone it is just so hard.

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15 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I know what you mean. I am 38 years old and my life as a couple has ended. Actually my life has ended because he is no longer here. How do you get over loving someone for 20 years. Not having that person you always started and ended your day with.

Patti,  I know it is so difficult.  Many of us here have very unique losses.   Sometimes, I wonder if it makes any difference whether someone was married for 20-years vs 5-years?  I guess time is really just one form of measurement.  There is also consideration for how happy the couples were in the relationship and how meaningful it was.   With all things being equal, I still cannot fathom someone losing a spouse when they've spent 20-years together.   It is a total game changer.    My marriage was much shorter, just shy of 6-years.   But even then, I feel robbed of my soulmate.   I thought we had so much more time to enjoy our time together.  We just started out and things were falling in place and we were settling in.   Having a short marriage, sometimes makes you wonder how much more we could have had.      I guess every lost is unique.  You can't really compare two losses together.

 

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