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Lost my mom two weeks ago and insensitive husband


bartlisa2

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I lost my mom two weeks ago and was doing well in my grieving process until two days ago. I got up that morning and had started down the stairs. My husband was coming up with laundry and I wanted to help him bring things up from the downstairs. He had a laundry basket in his hands, so when I asked what I could bring up, he said....you can get your mom. He nodded to a box on the stairs and he had picked up my moms cremated remains from the funeral home without my knowledge. I freaked out and ran to my room sobbing....called my sister and came out of my room crying asking my husband what was wrong with him. That is my mother.  This has put me back to day one of my grieving. My husband feels terrible (rightfully so), and I can't bring myself to talk to him. I have never heard of someone doing something as stupid as this before. Feeling lost.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother is hard.

Unfortunately, yes, people (including those who love you) will do and say insensitive and stupid things. I'm going to guess your husband hasn't lost his mother yet. Regardless, people differ in how they feel about and treat the cremated remains of a loved one (my sister was far more pragmatic than I was). Your husband feels terrible for upsetting you. Has he adjusted how he talks about and handles your mothers urn? If he's learning what to say and do, and what not to say and do - this is what matters.

But it still hurts. You lost your mother. I'm sorry.

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Dear bartlisa2,

I am so sorry for your loss.  So recent and raw.  2 weeks after my mom died I fainted in my apartment.  I was just walking to the bathroom and the room started spinning, I was drenched in sweat and woke up on the floor.  In that 2 week period I also had flashing lights in one eye, I thought I had a detached retina or something.  All of it was shock from losing my mother.  Shock and panic.  I would say even if your husband had said something so insensitive 3 months later it would be horrendous.  2 weeks into the loss of your mother though is brutal and I completely understand how you feel.  People say stupid things.  We expect more from the ones closest to us and thats why it hurts so much.  Even they fail us though at times.  I am glad he has apologised.  I am so sorry for your loss.

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He had just picked her up from the funeral home so her remains are still in a box. They were also inside a cardboard box. No urn or anything. Just in a box setting on the stairs.  His mother is still living. His dad was embalmed and buried.  

 

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Dear bartlisa2,

I'm very sorry for your loss. During this difficult time sometimes even the people closest to us are unaware of how their words affect us.

I know its very hard. But I hope you will find a special place and way to honor your mom. Thinking of you.

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