Bad day

[Azipod]

55 minutes ago, KMB said:

I agree. The medium readings only provide temporary comfort. Reading about the afterlife and what our loved ones are doing and enjoying,  just makes me envious and even more sad at having to be separated by these 2 realms of life.

I watched 2 hours worth of Swendenborg videos in bed last night prior to finally passing out.    What if the spirit world wasn't true?  I would be mighty disappointed!  But again, I'll be dead so I wouldn't feel anything.    Imagine if and when we cross over, we can look back at the earth-plane and say.... "Geez, they were right all along!"   That would be amazing.

[TooDevastated]

58 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I watched 2 hours worth of Swendenborg videos in bed last night prior to finally passing out.    What if the spirit world wasn't true?  I would be mighty disappointed!  But again, I'll be dead so I wouldn't feel anything.    Imagine if and when we cross over, we can look back at the earth-plane and say.... "Geez, they were right all along!"   That would be amazing.

I wondered last night if our dead partners are hanging out and supporting each other like we do here! They'd surely have the upperhand as they don't need to carry this pain and they still can see us. 

[TooDevastated]

4 hours ago, Azipod said:

That is what I am hoping for too.  I want this pain to just take me away.  I want to die from a broken heart.

I think that's what we all want!

[Azipod]

7 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

I wondered last night if our dead partners are hanging out and supporting each other like we do here! They'd surely have the upperhand as they don't need to carry this pain and they still can see us. 

It's all love and joy over there.   There are no physical limitations since everything is in spirit.  No logistic issues. So even though my wife is in the U.S., and your boyfriend is in Europe, they can still connect at the flip of a finger.   Maybe they are talking about all of us here.   Even though I am miserable, I think my wife would be proud of me to have carried on for 3-months and 8 days now.

[Patti14]

2 hours ago, KMB said:

I have tried the same thing. It is said that spirit is drawn to candles and will flicker the flame to let you know they are there. I even have a pic of my husband near the candle. No dreams, no candle flame flicker, nothing.  Makes me feel foolish for wishing so badly for something.

I have no signs or dreams of my husband either. It is driving me crazy. It's bad enough he is gone. Why can't I dream about him.

[Patti14]

2 hours ago, Azipod said:

 

Shows you how we desperately miss our loved ones.    We would do just anything to get connected.  I wish there was something to ease this agony and pain.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just us that are suffering.  I mean, there are other visitors on the forum and those who don't come here.   Does that mean these individuals have accepted the loss and have moved on to other things in life?    As much as I come online, I'm surprise to see that there's only about half a dozen of us who are always here.   

What does everyone else do???  

I would do anything to have my husband back. Take both my arms and legs. All my money everything I own just bring him back.

[Patti14]

5 minutes ago, Azipod said:

It's all love and joy over there.   There are no physical limitations since everything is in spirit.  No logistic issues. So even though my wife is in the U.S., and your boyfriend is in Europe, they can still connect at the flip of a finger.   Maybe they are talking about all of us here.   Even though I am miserable, I think my wife would be proud of me to have carried on for 3-months and 8 days now.

I really do hope they are watching over us. I really hope we get to be with them again. I really hope for a sign and dreams of my handsome husband. I really hope it's true.

[Patti14]

2 hours ago, KMB said:

It is painful and it is hard. I had chest pains for the first month or so. I think it was part of being in shock. It didn't kill me like I was hoping for. The intensity of the pain does lessen over time. then the pain levels off into a deep sadness which I feel is what we will always carry with us. Adjusting to life without our loved one is a painful, bumpy road.

I am still in shock and just want my beautiful husband back. The world was a better place with him in it. It is so dark now. I am incredibly sad and miss him more than anything.

[Azipod]

9 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I really do hope they are watching over us. I really hope we get to be with them again. I really hope for a sign and dreams of my handsome husband. I really hope it's true.

It took me around the 5-7 week mark to start seeing some signs.   They happened when you least expect it to.    When I started seeing some signs, I didn't think much of it.   In fact, I questioned whether some of them to be signs or if things did happen.   It was not until I finally told myself to let things be, and open my mind to accept all possibilities.   It was then before I received my first visitation from my wife.

[TooDevastated]

8 minutes ago, Azipod said:

It took me around the 5-7 week mark to start seeing some signs.   They happened when you least expect it to.    When I started seeing some signs, I didn't think much of it.   In fact, I questioned whether some of them to be signs or if things did happen.   It was not until I finally told myself to let things be, and open my mind to accept all possibilities.   It was then before I received my first visitation from my wife.

3 months ago, I would have never imagined there to be a group of people in the world that hope for nothing more than visitation dreams! We we are in life is so surreal.

[Patti14]

10 minutes ago, Azipod said:

It took me around the 5-7 week mark to start seeing some signs.   They happened when you least expect it to.    When I started seeing some signs, I didn't think much of it.   In fact, I questioned whether some of them to be signs or if things did happen.   It was not until I finally told myself to let things be, and open my mind to accept all possibilities.   It was then before I received my first visitation from my wife.

I will be looking forward to that day. 

[Patti14]

1 minute ago, TooDevastated said:

3 months ago, I would have never imagined there to be a group of people in the world that hope for nothing more than visitation dreams! We we are in life is so surreal.

It is so surreal yet I wish for nothing else except for him to come back or for it to not be true. 

[Azipod]

6 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

3 months ago, I would have never imagined there to be a group of people in the world that hope for nothing more than visitation dreams! We we are in life is so surreal.

That is so true.  A few months ago, I never thought that I would be a member of a club that no one wants to be apart of.  I wouldn't be talking about taking my life.  I wouldn't be having a picnic at a grave site.  And worse of all... is that several months ago, I had no knowledge that my wife would no longer be here.     

[TooDevastated]

11 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

It is so surreal yet I wish for nothing else except for him to come back or for it to not be true. 

3 months into this... I still expect an undo button to appear. A second chance. waking up from this nightmare....

[TooDevastated]

7 minutes ago, Azipod said:

That is so true.  A few months ago, I never thought that I would be a member of a club that no one wants to be apart of.  I wouldn't be talking about taking my life.  I wouldn't be having a picnic at a grave site.  And worse of all... is that several months ago, I had no knowledge that my wife would no longer be here.     

Every day, I wish that we had died together. I feel dead anyway. We would be together even if our dreams and plans would still go out the window so it would be a lot better than this. 

[Patti14]

1 minute ago, TooDevastated said:

3 months into this... I still expect an undo button to appear. A second chance. waking up from this nightmare....

I think all of us on this group we don't want to be apart of feel the same way. I think we will for a long time. We had true love our soulmates. Now we have nothing but a dark world to live in. The one we loved made this world a better place.

[Patti14]

1 minute ago, TooDevastated said:

Every day, I wish that we had died together. I feel dead anyway. We would be together even if our dreams and plans would still go out the window so it would be a lot better than this. 

I feel the same way it would be better than living with all this pain. Even our poor dogs are missing him so bad. They are in pain to. 

[Azipod]

6 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

3 months into this... I still expect an undo button to appear. A second chance. waking up from this nightmare....

Yeah, there's no undo on this one.  This is our new life, our reality.    When I was at the hospital with my wife's lifeless body, I made sure to ask myself to see if I was in a dream.  I was not.  This is as real as it gets.    This is a real life crisis.

[Azipod]

6 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

Every day, I wish that we had died together.  

Next to getting marry, this is the most beautiful thing in life.   To be able to leave with someone you love is absolutely a gift.   It should happen more often.

[Azipod]

I just realized that LoveGoli has been missing.   I hope she is doing OK.

[Patti14]

3 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Yeah, there's no undo on this one.  This is our new life, our reality.    When I was at the hospital with my wife's lifeless body, I made sure to ask myself to see if I was in a dream.  I was not.  This is as real as it gets.    This is a real life crisis.

Unfortunately there is no undo. I know we all wish there was. I keep hoping to wake up from a nightmare 

[TooDevastated]

2 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Yeah, there's no undo on this one.  This is our new life, our reality.    When I was at the hospital with my wife's lifeless body, I made sure to ask myself to see if I was in a dream.  I was not.  This is as real as it gets.    This is a real life crisis.

Well, it has made me question how real reality is! That is how much I cannot accept Bruce's death to be real. 

[TooDevastated]

2 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I just realized that LoveGoli has been missing.   I hope she is doing OK.

It is late night here. Probably later where she is. I hope she is having a good sleep and peaceful dreams. 

[KMB]

2 hours ago, Azipod said:

  Imagine if and when we cross over, we can look back at the earth-plane and say.... "Geez, they were right all along!"

Wouldn't that prove that there is somewhere else we go?

[Patti14]

2 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Next to getting marry, this is the most beautiful thing in life.   To be able to leave with someone you love is absolutely a gift.   It should happen more often.

I always thought we would grow old together and have just our time when we got older. That never happened. I knew we probably wouldn't go together since he was 9 years older than me but I thought we had at least 30 to 40 more years together.

[KMB]

56 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

really do hope they are watching over us. I really hope we get to be with them again. I really hope for a sign and dreams of my handsome husband. I really hope it's true.

We have to hang onto that belief. This life here cannot be all that there is. Dream visitations and signs will come in their good timing. It isn't easy for spirit energy to break through our grieving when it is in the intense freshness.

[Patti14]

3 minutes ago, KMB said:

We have to hang onto that belief. This life here cannot be all that there is. Dream visitations and signs will come in their good timing. It isn't easy for spirit energy to break through our grieving when it is in the intense freshness.

That is what I am hoping that I am still grieving to hard and they will come. I long for that day.

[KMB]

16 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I always thought we would grow old together and have just our time when we got older. That never happened. I knew we probably wouldn't go together since he was 9 years older than me but I thought we had at least 30 to 40 more years together.

I hear you on that one!  Why were we the ones that didn't get lucky with getting into our 80's or 90's with our partners? Granted, my husband had health conditions, but I was praying for more years. I kept asking God to take care of him so he could enjoy some of his retirement time. When it is my time, I hope to have a sit down with God and get some answers.

[Azipod]

22 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I always thought we would grow old together and have just our time when we got older. That never happened. I knew we probably wouldn't go together since he was 9 years older than me but I thought we had at least 30 to 40 more years together.

This hits home for me.  We're both 39.  No idea someone was going to leave so early in our marriage.  I was so confident and felt so secure that we would be together for a long long time.   Now, I've realized that it was a false sense of security.  You read about tragedies every day on the news.  No idea that it would hit home this time around.    I'm not sure what to do with myself now.

[Patti14]

1 minute ago, KMB said:

I hear you on that one!  Why were we the ones that didn't get lucky with getting into our 80's or 90's with our partners? Granted, my husband had health conditions, but I was praying for more years. I kept asking God to take care of him so he could enjoy some of his retirement time. When it is my time, I hope to have a sit down with God and get some answers.

I know it breaks my heart that he had to work so hard and never got a chance to enjoy retirement. We had such amazing plans. It makes me sad and angry that he didn't get to enjoy any of it.

[KMB]

26 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

It is late night here. Probably later where she is. I hope she is having a good sleep and peaceful dreams. 

I hope she is okay too. Maybe they gave her some good drugs and her body is getting the rest it needs.

[TooDevastated]

1 minute ago, Azipod said:

This hits home for me.  We're both 39.  No idea someone was going to leave so early in our marriage.  I was so confident and felt so secure that we would be together for a long long time.   Now, I've realized that it was a false sense of security.  You read about tragedies every day on the news.  No idea that it would hit home this time around.    I'm not sure what to do with myself now.

He was 10 years older than me. But he was only 35! I thought we had at least a good 30 years together. 

[Patti14]

1 minute ago, Azipod said:

This hits home for me.  We're both 39.  No idea someone was going to leave so early in our marriage.  I was so confident and felt so secure that we would be together for a long long time.   Now, I've realized that it was a false sense of security.  You read about tragedies every day on the news.  No idea that it would hit home this time around.    I'm not sure what to do with myself now.

I know the feeling I will be 39 in January and never thought I would be a widow. He always went out of his way to make sure I was happy and felt secure. I wish I could at least have one more day to talk to him. 

[Patti14]

4 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

He was 10 years older than me. But he was only 35! I thought we had at least a good 30 years together. 

Why are we all the unlucky ones and lose the love of our lives so young.

[KayC]

On 10/6/2017 at 4:34 PM, Francine said:

SO TRUE!  My belief as well.  When I think about The Almighty knowing our sufferings, 1Peter 5:10 comes to mind which states "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." and Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes,  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away".    The pain we are experiencing now will not compare to the joy that is coming.

 

That scripture is one of hope and so encouraging, I've always loved it.  It points us to what is to come, we just have to hold on!

[Patti14]

12 minutes ago, KMB said:

I hear you on that one!  Why were we the ones that didn't get lucky with getting into our 80's or 90's with our partners? Granted, my husband had health conditions, but I was praying for more years. I kept asking God to take care of him so he could enjoy some of his retirement time. When it is my time, I hope to have a sit down with God and get some answers.

Right it's not fair that we all have to be the unlucky ones. Why is it that people that don't deserve to live are still alive but our loved ones are gone.

[KMB]

7 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

He always went out of his way to make sure I was happy and felt secure

My husband was the same way. He placed me first. I placed him first also. We took care of each other. Neither one of us lacked in any of the important ways of a relationship. I miss him so much!

[KMB]

5 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

Why is it that people that don't deserve to live are still alive but our loved ones are gone.

I have thought of that often. I feel that maybe God is waiting for them to get their act together. God always has faith and belief in us.

[Patti14]

19 minutes ago, KMB said:

My husband was the same way. He placed me first. I placed him first also. We took care of each other. Neither one of us lacked in any of the important ways of a relationship. I miss him so much!

We were so lucky to have love like that and so unlucky to have it taken away. I miss mine so much to.

[Patti14]

18 minutes ago, KMB said:

I have thought of that often. I feel that maybe God is waiting for them to get their act together. God always has faith and belief in us.

That is true he does it just feels so unfair.

[Never ending pain]

Yes, we all wish that but it will never happen. Nothing will ever be the same for me I do know that.  It has been a little over a year now and it hurts like it was yesterday.  I still feel numb and foggy headed.  I have never experienced so much pain and agony in my entire life. I just want him to come get me.......

[KMB]

1 hour ago, KMB said:

I hope she is okay too. Maybe they gave her some good drugs and her body is getting the rest it needs.

Sorry, LoveGoli. I do hope you are okay. I got you mixed up with TooDevastated. She is the one in the hospital.

[KMB]

8 minutes ago, Never ending pain said:

Yes, we all wish that but it will never happen. Nothing will ever be the same for me I do know that.  It has been a little over a year now and it hurts like it was yesterday.  I still feel numb and foggy headed.  I have never experienced so much pain and agony in my entire life. I just want him to come get me.......

Same here. Almost 14 months. Can't believe it has been that long because it still feels like the first day in so many ways.I say the same thing to my husband too. Come back and get me.We never left the other stuck somewhere. I ask God for the same. But I know God wants me here yet. And I guess my husband has to listen to God too.

[Azipod]

4 hours ago, KMB said:

Same here. Almost 14 months. Can't believe it has been that long because it still feels like the first day in so many ways.I say the same thing to my husband too. Come back and get me.We never left the other stuck somewhere. I ask God for the same. But I know God wants me here yet. And I guess my husband has to listen to God too.

I don't know how I'm going to make it.  I was in an Art Therapy class earlier this evening.  While I was putting together my shadow box, I couldn't help but kept getting a wave of grief smacking me on the head.  It kept saying "you're wife is gone.  she will never be back.  this is your biggest nightmare, ever.  you're going to miss her."    I had to just keep working on my project and ignored the grief monster.    But now when I'm thinking about the repeating messages, I feel so sad.    Sometimes I make it through the day just because I tell myself to.  Only occasionally, I sit down and think about how big of a loss this is.... and when I do that, i feel so miserable and even though my wife has been gone for 3 months now, I still cannot imagine not being with my wife for the rest of my life.  

[Patti14]

7 hours ago, Azipod said:

I don't know how I'm going to make it.  I was in an Art Therapy class earlier this evening.  While I was putting together my shadow box, I couldn't help but kept getting a wave of grief smacking me on the head.  It kept saying "you're wife is gone.  she will never be back.  this is your biggest nightmare, ever.  you're going to miss her."    I had to just keep working on my project and ignored the grief monster.    But now when I'm thinking about the repeating messages, I feel so sad.    Sometimes I make it through the day just because I tell myself to.  Only occasionally, I sit down and think about how big of a loss this is.... and when I do that, i feel so miserable and even though my wife has been gone for 3 months now, I still cannot imagine not being with my wife for the rest of my life.  

It is so hard to imagine the rest of our lives without the one we love. The grief is hitting me hard again this morning. I had another sleepless night and I getting sick on top of it. My nerves are shot and I am not doing well at all. I don't know how to do this.

[LoveGoli]

15 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I know the feeling I will be 39 in January and never thought I would be a widow. He always went out of his way to make sure I was happy and felt secure. I wish I could at least have one more day to talk to him. 

I am just 29 , and part of this terrible group. Can't describe my pain, anger, frustation in words. Never thought i will lose him at 30 , this is beyond words.

[Patti14]

47 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

I am just 29 , and part of this terrible group. Can't describe my pain, anger, frustation in words. Never thought i will lose him at 30 , this is beyond words.

I am sorry we have to go through this so young. It is beyond words. I am outside at work crying my eyes out. 

[TeddTodd]

I am sorry too Is ok just cry... I did the same. I don't care people around us won't understand. But we do.... just cry because we need to. And you will feel a little better. 

[Azipod]

19 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I think that's what we all want!

I made a shadow box last night in my Art Therapy class.   It expresses these feelings exactly...

[Azipod]

4 hours ago, Patti14 said:

It is so hard to imagine the rest of our lives without the one we love. The grief is hitting me hard again this morning. I had another sleepless night and I getting sick on top of it. My nerves are shot and I am not doing well at all. I don't know how to do this.

I know how you feel.  It's still very early for you.  It will be like this for some time.   Have you considered seeing a doctor to get some sleep pills?   I know you mentioned that you've returned back to work -- I'm just thinking that having a better nights rest would be easier for during the day.  Of course, "easier" is a relative term.  Nothing is easy about grief.