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      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Patti14   
On 10/21/2017 at 10:31 AM, Lostwithoutmyhusband said:

I just got my benefit selection in the mail yesterday and it still has his name on it but next to it says No Coverage Not Enrolled. It is so hard to look at that paper. I am sitting here crying just thinking about it. I haven't even thought about beneficiary yet. Both of my kids are minors, so I don't even know how to go from there. Every time I try to stay busy I find something of his or something he was doing and I just cant do anything after that. I can't wait to go back to work, I have been off since he left me. I know it will still be hard there but at least I won't be home where I know he passed away at. It is so hard to be in our home anymore but I can't leave it. Its hard to be here but even if I could buy another home, I don't know that I would want to cause this was our home. I keep asking God to give me strength but it just hasn't happened yet.

I just recently had to do this. It was so hard and terrifying. I try to stay busy myself but it doesn't help. All I think about is him. It's so unfair that our loved ones are not with us anymore. The house is so quit without them. It is so hard to be home with all his things and not him. I went back to work because I didn't have a choice. It sucks so bad and is really hard. However I just started this job a few weeks before my husband passed away. My last job I had for 15 years outsourced our department. So that makes it hard to. Plus I hate the way people look at me now. I just burst out into tears.

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On 10/20/2017 at 3:29 PM, Maria0419 said:

There's nobody among our friends that I can talk to about my husband. It seems like they don't want to talk and don't feel comfortable about his passing Its seems like nothing happened . They just talk normal stuff and everyday life. That's why I don't call them ,ignore their calls or even engage in long conversations. My mom is the only person I can talk to about my Alex but she's in a different country and different time zone. I can't always call her when I want to.I guess you're really on your own when dealing with grief. 

Hi Maria,

Sorry you have to go thru this. My all relatives and old time friends are in India and I am in Canada. Don`t have any relatives here except some friends and most of them abandon me already. My MIL is also in different time zone but I made efforts to call her everyday while driving to work. 

Everyone deals with journey differently. I still cannot sleep for more than 5-6 hours at a stretch. Last night only slept for 3 hours but life has to move forward. Hang in there it will start changing but we have to do some efforts from our side. I know some of you might not like my this statement but please don`t spend all time on this forums as it can make you more depressed. Sorry don`t want to hurt anybody`s feeling but I remember in my early days I would be little on but the moment I am on forum reading someone`s pain will put me back on it. So I started reading other sites too.

Once again sorry I am just writing my feeling and what i have noticed considering I don`t cry much now but when I am on this or other forums I feel everyone's pain and sometimes start crying but I keep coming back so that I can contribute and help others same way as others have helped me.

Peace

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Azipod   
14 minutes ago, KavitaHubby said:

I know some of you might not like my this statement but please don`t spend all time on this forums as it can make you more depressed. Sorry don`t want to hurt anybody`s feeling but I remember in my early days I would be little on but the moment I am on forum reading someone`s pain will put me back on it. So I started reading other sites too.

This is an interesting statement and is worthwhile for everyone to give it some thought.

One big thing to remember is that, within reason, there is no right or wrong way to handle/process your grief.  Everyone's grief experience is unique in their own way and everyone is affected by different things.  We all have different triggers and we all have different expectations in our recovery.  We are also susceptible and vulnerable to certain things whereas other people may be absolutely fine.

For me, coming onto this Forum has been a game-changer.  I find a lot of peace, comfort, support, and confirmation that my pain and grueling journey is normal.  Reading other losses here does not make me depressed at all.  It actually helps me understand that losing someone, and dying, is a part of life.  It is something that we cannot avoid and it is something that we have to face head-on.   That said, I can understand how some people can feel overwelmed here because of the topic of our discussions.   For some, it's hard for others to take on and read about other people's grief while they are trying to tackle their own.

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

We all need to evaluate what we need for our recovery.  No one can tell us what we need except ourselves.    In sum, there is no right or wrong way.   You just have to find out what works for you and keep it going. 

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KayC   
On 10/21/2017 at 7:31 AM, Lostwithoutmyhusband said:

I just got my benefit selection in the mail yesterday and it still has his name on it but next to it says No Coverage Not Enrolled. It is so hard to look at that paper. I am sitting here crying just thinking about it. I haven't even thought about beneficiary yet. Both of my kids are minors, so I don't even know how to go from there. Every time I try to stay busy I find something of his or something he was doing and I just cant do anything after that. I can't wait to go back to work, I have been off since he left me. I know it will still be hard there but at least I won't be home where I know he passed away at. It is so hard to be in our home anymore but I can't leave it. Its hard to be here but even if I could buy another home, I don't know that I would want to cause this was our home. I keep asking God to give me strength but it just hasn't happened yet.

I am so sorry.  If you're talking about benefit of home being paid off, usually that happens when you take the loan out...we didn't have that either but I had to remortgage my house when he died to pay off all his medical/hospital bills, which they hadn't told me I wasn't responsible for, it varies state to state I guess.  At any rate, in spite of three job losses, I haven't lost my home.  Try not to worry, pray an answer will come to you.  

At the time George died, which we hadn't foreseen, I was in the process of haggling with an insurance company because we applied for life insurance but they came through with higher amount than quoted so then when he died, he wasn't covered.  :angry:  Lucky them, not so lucky me.

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11 minutes ago, Azipod said:

This is an interesting statement and is worthwhile for everyone to give it some thought.

One big thing to remember is that, within reason, there is no right or wrong way to handle/process your grief.  Everyone's grief experience is unique in their own way and everyone is affected by different things.  We all have different triggers and we all have different expectations in our recovery.  We are also susceptible and vulnerable to certain things whereas other people may be absolutely fine.

For me, coming onto this Forum has been a game-changer.  I find a lot of peace, comfort, support, and confirmation that my pain and grueling journey is normal.  Reading other losses here does not make me depressed at all.  It actually helps me understand that losing someone, and dying, is a part of life.  It is something that we cannot avoid and it is something that we have to face head-on.   That said, I can understand how some people can feel overwelmed here because of the topic of our discussions.   For some, it's hard for others to take on and read about other people's grief while they are trying to tackle their own.

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

We all need to evaluate what we need for our recovery.  No one can tell us what we need except ourselves.    In sum, there is no right or wrong way.   You just have to find out what works for you and keep it going. 

:) Totally agree if you feel better that's the way to go. Right now do whatever makes you feel little better and not to worry about others.

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KMB   
8 hours ago, KavitaHubby said:

Once again sorry I am just writing my feeling and what i have noticed considering I don`t cry much now but when I am on this or other forums I feel everyone's pain and sometimes start crying but I keep coming back so that I can contribute and help others same way as others have helped me.

We are entitled to our own opinions/feelings and I respect your opinion in how you view the use of the forum. We all have different needs in how we cope with our loss. There is nothing wrong with crying when reading others posts. It shows your character in being an empathetic, compassionate person. I do some crying myself when reading of others stories.

But, I do agree with Azipod's view for myself. I feel that I am not alone and with kindred spirits here. I do feel sad when I read of new members, but at the same time, I feel a connection with humanity that there are so many of us forced onto a different path in life that is so unwanted.

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Patti14   
18 hours ago, Azipod said:

This is an interesting statement and is worthwhile for everyone to give it some thought.

One big thing to remember is that, within reason, there is no right or wrong way to handle/process your grief.  Everyone's grief experience is unique in their own way and everyone is affected by different things.  We all have different triggers and we all have different expectations in our recovery.  We are also susceptible and vulnerable to certain things whereas other people may be absolutely fine.

For me, coming onto this Forum has been a game-changer.  I find a lot of peace, comfort, support, and confirmation that my pain and grueling journey is normal.  Reading other losses here does not make me depressed at all.  It actually helps me understand that losing someone, and dying, is a part of life.  It is something that we cannot avoid and it is something that we have to face head-on.   That said, I can understand how some people can feel overwelmed here because of the topic of our discussions.   For some, it's hard for others to take on and read about other people's grief while they are trying to tackle their own.

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

We all need to evaluate what we need for our recovery.  No one can tell us what we need except ourselves.    In sum, there is no right or wrong way.   You just have to find out what works for you and keep it going. 

It helps me coming on here and realizing I am not alone in this pain. It helps knowing there are people who understand exactly what I am going through. I agree though everyone is different and for some people it might be to depressing to hear other people's stories. I am already depressed and sad so for me realizing I am not alone and someone else understands helps. Everyone needs to do what is best for them. I am thankful for everyone on here giving me support.

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KayC   
20 hours ago, Azipod said:

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

I totally agree with your assessment!  It is so important to allow ourselves to sit with our grief and feel our pain in order to process it and begin healing.  Ignoring and stuffing our feelings does nothing to allow us to deal with them.  You ARE doing what is right for you!

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I worry quite a bit about bringing other people on this site down. I feel like everyone is already so sad because of their own loss, I don’t want to make it even worse for them.

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12 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I worry quite a bit about bringing other people on this site down. I feel like everyone is already so sad because of their own loss, I don’t want to make it even worse for them.

We all worry but actually we help each other. So keep writing please.

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KMB   

Don't worry, Djh. You are not bringing anyone down. We all share in the same pain of losing our partner. No one could say anything to cause us to feel worse, because we are already dealing with the worst.

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Patti14   
9 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I worry quite a bit about bringing other people on this site down. I feel like everyone is already so sad because of their own loss, I don’t want to make it even worse for them.

It helps me to know we are not alone. I hate that we all have this in common but we do. So it helps to hear from others who are going through the same thing.

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Azipod   
14 hours ago, Patti14 said:

It helps me to know we are not alone. I hate that we all have this in common but we do. So it helps to hear from others who are going through the same thing.

This is indeed a depressing forum.  There likely isn't any real meaning for anyone to come onto this forum unless they are going through a horrible grief journey.    For me, it certainly helps to hear what other people are going through.  This allows me to reflect on my own grief journey and confirms that my feelings are normal.    Also, grief has allowed me to become more humanistic and I've taken pride in being able to share my thoughts with others... especially those who have embarked on this  terrible journey after me.    At the end of the day, we all need to walk our grief alone.... but that doesn't stop us from being able to share and talk with each other so that we can help one another along the way.

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KayC   

I agree, it's helpful to share here and know we aren't crazy, that this is normal under the circumstances.

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