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Patti14

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5 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

Hi Azipod, I just read your this post today.

Thanks for caring, I am ok and doing fine. I made few friends on this forum and they are helping me in this horrible journey , we chat almost daily that's why I was just away for few days.

Your post really means a lot, hope you are doing ok too.

Lots of hugs for you from me and my Goli.

Hello there.  Glad to see that you are back and OK.   Take care of yourself and come back soon.

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Patti, You have us here to help hold you up. I haven't been on my own for many years either. It can be scary and the loss of my husband upset my sense of comfort and security.  You know this for yourself as well. It takes a long time to adjust and figure things out for ourselves. It does get less difficult over time, but I don't think that feeling of loneliness for our loved one ever goes away.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:
19 hours ago, Maria0419 said:

 

I know how you feel I can't stop crying tonight either. It was a really bad night for me. I am tired of all this pain to. My heart won't stop racing. 

This is like crashing you and your spirit over and over again. It's  never ending. Sometimes I don't want to try to move forward anymore because Everytime I think I'm ok suddenly the floodgates will open and next thing I'm doing again is balling my eyes out when I least expect it. And no matter how hard I cry and scream and beg I know my husband will not come home anymore. 

By the way it's Friday today, another sad and and lonely weekend. 

Hugs to you Patti.

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On 10/18/2017 at 2:53 PM, KavitaHubby said:

Find someone you can talk to you. Your friend relative anyone. I started talking to my MIL and it was so good as we

There's nobody among our friends that I can talk to about my husband. It seems like they don't want to talk and don't feel comfortable about his passing Its seems like nothing happened . They just talk normal stuff and everyday life. That's why I don't call them ,ignore their calls or even engage in long conversations. My mom is the only person I can talk to about my Alex but she's in a different country and different time zone. I can't always call her when I want to.I guess you're really on your own when dealing with grief. 

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

Patti14.  I went through the exact same feelings you have during the past months.  It is sad.  Your body aches, your mind is going wild, and life feels frozen while the rest of the world has moved on.   In the past, I wake up each day knowing that I am waking up in hell.  I shake my head and cry as soon as I get out of bed.    You are correct.  Our partners/spouses were our anchor.  They were our support.  We always leaned on them because we knew that if there was one person who would accept us, it woudl be them.  We felt invincible when we were with them.  We knew that as bad as anything gets, we can always fall back on them and they would accept us.   Now, we are totally devastated because they are no longer here.

It's just me and my single income as well.  Once we get over this grief, it's going to be time to start rebuilding our life.... but don't even think about that now.  Just take care of yourself and take it one moment at a time.   There is no better time than to just be selfish now, thinking about yourself, and love yourself.  That's all you can do.  We all need it.

Yes life feels frozen for me as everyone else is moving around me. I am stuck in this hell. I cry all the time. I felt completely safe and comfortable with my spouse. He loved me for me including all my flaws. He never judged me. I am having a hard time loving myself or being about me because the one thing I want in this world I can't have.

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19 hours ago, KMB said:

I know how you feel, Maria. Even after a little over a year, I still have trouble sleeping, still have the occasional panic attacks and carry a heavy load of sadness in my heart. I miss my husband so much and all I want is to be with him. I hate this separation and there are days I feel it is going to drive me insane. Nobody teaches us about death and grieving and how it really is. We have to learn the hard way and I know there is no easy way about this.

I don't even know if I'm going to make it for another day or week. How do you guys do it? Somehow you're surviving this terrible pain and longing. Such very strong spirits. I guess for me it's easier said than done. I always tell myself that I can do it or I'll try again but every time I'm feeling down I don't want to get up again.:(

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52 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

Yes life feels frozen for me as everyone else is moving around me. I am stuck in this hell. I cry all the time. I felt completely safe and comfortable with my spouse. He loved me for me including all my flaws. He never judged me. I am having a hard time loving myself or being about me because the one thing I want in this world I can't have.

Patti14, I totally understand you.  I know it's meaningless for you to hear this from me at this point, but there is truth that with time, the pain will ease and you will feel different.  I also understand that the only focus and desire right now is to have your love one back. We all wish for that.    In time, you you will want to consider viewing grief as an experience and not focus on what you can't have.  Grief needs to be faced.  The grief journey needs to be walked.  It needs to be experienced.   Don't look at grief as a problem.   Grief is a life experience.   As soon as you can get into this mindset with that, you will be on the road to recovery.     Take your time.  Everyone needs to experience grief in their own way and pace.

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1 hour ago, Maria0419 said:

There's nobody among our friends that I can talk to about my husband. It seems like they don't want to talk and don't feel comfortable about his passing Its seems like nothing happened . They just talk normal stuff and everyday life. That's why I don't call them ,ignore their calls or even engage in long conversations. My mom is the only person I can talk to about my Alex but she's in a different country and different time zone. I can't always call her when I want to.I guess you're really on your own when dealing with grief. 

Same here.  Aside from therapists, the only person that I could turn to is my own mother.   It's true that the average person out there cannot understand what we go through.  Even within your own family, people grieve differently and they may not wish to talk.  Either way, it's highly probable that they don't understand you.   For myself, I thought that I could lean on my in-laws for support when I lost my wife.  I didn't get that.  It was a cultural issue and they did not grieve with expression like me.  They grief in silience without discussion.    I eventually leaned on my mother.   I don't believe my mom truly understands how I feel, but she allowed me to talk and express myself.   The support in itself, was very helpful.    I would encourage you to keep talking to your mom.  Make the time and make the arrangements.    No one can "fix" this problem.  But the right person can provide you the support and hear you out.

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1 hour ago, Maria0419 said:

I don't even know if I'm going to make it for another day or week. How do you guys do it? Somehow you're surviving this terrible pain and longing. Such very strong spirits. I guess for me it's easier said than done. I always tell myself that I can do it or I'll try again but every time I'm feeling down I don't want to get up again.:(

You are much stronger than you think.  Doing this isn't easy.  However, we don't have a choice.   You're almost at 3-months.  You've made it this far already.   Know that it is possible.  It just takes a lot of work and pain.   I know it doesn't sound refreshing but it is very possible.

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5 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Patti14, I totally understand you.  I know it's meaningless for you to hear this from me at this point, but there is truth that with time, the pain will ease and you will feel different.  I also understand that the only focus and desire right now is to have your love one back. We all wish for that.    In time, you you will want to consider viewing grief as an experience and not focus on what you can't have.  Grief needs to be faced.  The grief journey needs to be walked.  It needs to be experienced.   Don't look at grief as a problem.   Grief is a life experience.   As soon as you can get into this mindset with that, you will be on the road to recovery.     Take your time.  Everyone needs to experience grief in their own way and pace.

Thank you. I do know that we all wish for this. I hope the pain does ease. It's a sad thing that the grief journey must be faced. I hop one day I do recover.

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I had a rough day today I had to sign up for my benefits at work. It was horrible having to put widowed for my marital status. It also sucked not being able to put him as my beneficiary.

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14 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I had a rough day today I had to sign up for my benefits at work. It was horrible having to put widowed for my marital status. It also sucked not being able to put him as my beneficiary.

Yup. Those things can be tear-jerkers.     Or you may run into a form that only has Married or Single.   Well, I'm still married in my mind .......   Then yes, there's the beneficiary..... now you'll have to list someone new.    I had to re-do my benefits earlier this year because I was getting everything through my wife's employers and it only carried over to the end of the month.

Another few to be prepared for: Emergency contact when filling out forms at a medical office, Cancelling loved one's cell phone service, or just simply unaware people asking: "Are you married?"

I'm so glad you are allowing yourself to feel this grief (I know you don't really have a choice), recognizing it, and working with it.    You being here also helps some of us who are slightly ahead, to confirm that what we've gone through, as well as our feelings, are all normal.

Thank you for helping us with our recovery too.

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53 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I had a rough day today I had to sign up for my benefits at work. It was horrible having to put widowed for my marital status. It also sucked not being able to put him as my beneficiary.

I already did some of that too and everytime they asked me his Death certificate I just cry. I didn't want to handle doing the rest because it's too much for me . I guess some of those  things can wait. 

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3 hours ago, Azipod said:

You are much stronger than you think.  Doing this isn't easy.  However, we don't have a choice.   You're almost at 3-months.  You've made it this far already.   Know that it is possible.  It just takes a lot of work and pain.   I know it doesn't sound refreshing but it is very possible.

Thanks Azipod for these encouraging words. It's very uplifting. Somehow I can see a little hope . 

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47 minutes ago, Maria0419 said:

I didn't want to handle doing the rest because it's too much for me . I guess some of those  things can wait. 

Yes, those minor issues can wait, like cell phone service ( unless it is a financial concern, like mine was),  joint accounts, etc. Only the most important things need to be dealt with in the beginning. I cried my way through those early major changes. I hated seeing my husband's name obliterated, like he didn't exist. Even though it has been over a year, I still have a few things in joint yet. I don't care. There is only so much we can handle emotionally and we need to take breaks and recharge for awhile.

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2 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I had a rough day today I had to sign up for my benefits at work. It was horrible having to put widowed for my marital status. It also sucked not being able to put him as my beneficiary

Sorry you had a rough day, Patti. Having to make those changes rips your insides apart. When it comes to marital status on forms, I've drawn a line through widow and write bereaved. I hate the term widow and in my heart I am still married.

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2 hours ago, Azipod said:

Yup. Those things can be tear-jerkers.     Or you may run into a form that only has Married or Single.   Well, I'm still married in my mind .......   Then yes, there's the beneficiary..... now you'll have to list someone new.    I had to re-do my benefits earlier this year because I was getting everything through my wife's employers and it only carried over to the end of the month.

Another few to be prepared for: Emergency contact when filling out forms at a medical office, Cancelling loved one's cell phone service, or just simply unaware people asking: "Are you married?"

I'm so glad you are allowing yourself to feel this grief (I know you don't really have a choice), recognizing it, and working with it.    You being here also helps some of us who are slightly ahead, to confirm that what we've gone through, as well as our feelings, are all normal.

Thank you for helping us with our recovery too.

I didn't think about forms at the doctor's office. Yeah I have not cancelled his cellphone service yet. Our bill was due after he passed away and I still paid the bill for both of us. I still text him everyday actually multiple times a day. Of course no response back. I have not notified the bank yet either. We still have a joint account. Actually all the bills are still in his name to. I am glad I am able to help people in their recovery to. I know you guys help me some. As much as I can be helped right now.

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1 hour ago, Maria0419 said:

I already did some of that too and everytime they asked me his Death certificate I just cry. I didn't want to handle doing the rest because it's too much for me . I guess some of those  things can wait. 

I have waited on everything except for the benefits I just had to do which was so hard. I guess we will do those things when we are ready. I still paid my husband's cell phone bill because I can not stand the idea of turning it off. I still text him everyday. I'm still waiting for a response of course it will never come.

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42 minutes ago, KMB said:

Sorry you had a rough day, Patti. Having to make those changes rips your insides apart. When it comes to marital status on forms, I've drawn a line through widow and write bereaved. I hate the term widow and in my heart I am still married.

Exactly in my heart I am still married to. Why do you have to put widow. If you were married when they passed away you should still be able to put married.

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I so understand. I am so alone.  I didn't lose my husband for I know where he is and he is in heaven entered 9,,29,,17.  Nothing seems to help. I have tried staying busy and trying to go back to work. No help

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3 hours ago, Sadtweety said:

I so understand. I am so alone.  I didn't lose my husband for I know where he is and he is in heaven entered 9,,29,,17.  Nothing seems to help. I have tried staying busy and trying to go back to work. No help

I lost my husband on 09/23/17 and nothing has helped me yet either. I have gone back to work to. I am just miserable there to. I have a hard time focusing because he is all I think about. I am so alone to.

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Lostwithoutmyhusband

I just got my benefit selection in the mail yesterday and it still has his name on it but next to it says No Coverage Not Enrolled. It is so hard to look at that paper. I am sitting here crying just thinking about it. I haven't even thought about beneficiary yet. Both of my kids are minors, so I don't even know how to go from there. Every time I try to stay busy I find something of his or something he was doing and I just cant do anything after that. I can't wait to go back to work, I have been off since he left me. I know it will still be hard there but at least I won't be home where I know he passed away at. It is so hard to be in our home anymore but I can't leave it. Its hard to be here but even if I could buy another home, I don't know that I would want to cause this was our home. I keep asking God to give me strength but it just hasn't happened yet.

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On 10/20/2017 at 0:09 PM, KMB said:

It does get less difficult over time, but I don't think that feeling of loneliness for our loved one ever goes away.

I have gotten used to living alone for the most part but I miss him in the most intense way whenever something happens and I feel the need for him, which can be quite often.  Not sure I'd call it loneliness but just missing him.  I will always love him.

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Lostwithoutmyhusband,   I know your pain and what you are going through. I lost my husband suddenly last year at home here and I still feel lost without him.  I am deeply sorry for your loss. The pain is unrelenting and trying to continue on is the hardest thing to do.I understand your conflict with wanting or not wanting to stay in your home. I chose to stay because my husband loved his family home. We lived and loved here and it has become my sanctuary with all of its beautiful memories.

God does hear your prayers. He understands our pain and loss. He is sending you strength and comfort. When we are in the early days of our grieving, we are just not aware of God's presence because we so focused on ourselves and how miserable we are.

I am sending you prayers also. This forum is a safe place for expressing your feelings and thoughts. We are here to help each other.

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On 10/21/2017 at 7:31 AM, Lostwithoutmyhusband said:

I just got my benefit selection in the mail yesterday and it still has his name on it but next to it says No Coverage Not Enrolled. It is so hard to look at that paper. I am sitting here crying just thinking about it. I haven't even thought about beneficiary yet. Both of my kids are minors, so I don't even know how to go from there. Every time I try to stay busy I find something of his or something he was doing and I just cant do anything after that. I can't wait to go back to work, I have been off since he left me. I know it will still be hard there but at least I won't be home where I know he passed away at. It is so hard to be in our home anymore but I can't leave it. Its hard to be here but even if I could buy another home, I don't know that I would want to cause this was our home. I keep asking God to give me strength but it just hasn't happened yet.

I know exactly what you are going through because I went through this in recent months.  You're right.  Dealing with the paperwork for day-to-day matter, no matter how slight, is an uphill battle.  Listing a new beneficiary, checking off the marital status, or putting down a new person for the emergency-contact section on the forms will really bring up the memories and trauma.   Take care of your kids.   I don't have any children but I have heard that young children are a lot more resilient to these things than we are.     Staying home from work is OK.  But at some point, you have to tell yourself that you're going to go back.   Then ease yourself back into work.   You're going to have to push yourself a little bit.  You need the income and you need to feed your children.  Try not to have a "secondary loss" by not going back to work... which can have a domino effect.       Oh and finally... the whole home thing was one of the most difficult things for me to face.   Going back to an empty home.  You will feel lonely.  All you feel is that your loved one is suppose to be there... but they are not.    During the earlier days, I felt so sad everything I walked up to the door, knowing that I will be going into an empty house.  The feeling is terrible.    Now, almost 4-months later, it's not as bad.  It's tolerable.    You are right.  You can't move either.  For me, I didn't want to, it was OUR home.   No way I was going to walk away from OUR home, even though it felt horrible for me to stay there alone.

Hang in there!

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On 10/21/2017 at 10:31 AM, Lostwithoutmyhusband said:

I just got my benefit selection in the mail yesterday and it still has his name on it but next to it says No Coverage Not Enrolled. It is so hard to look at that paper. I am sitting here crying just thinking about it. I haven't even thought about beneficiary yet. Both of my kids are minors, so I don't even know how to go from there. Every time I try to stay busy I find something of his or something he was doing and I just cant do anything after that. I can't wait to go back to work, I have been off since he left me. I know it will still be hard there but at least I won't be home where I know he passed away at. It is so hard to be in our home anymore but I can't leave it. Its hard to be here but even if I could buy another home, I don't know that I would want to cause this was our home. I keep asking God to give me strength but it just hasn't happened yet.

I just recently had to do this. It was so hard and terrifying. I try to stay busy myself but it doesn't help. All I think about is him. It's so unfair that our loved ones are not with us anymore. The house is so quit without them. It is so hard to be home with all his things and not him. I went back to work because I didn't have a choice. It sucks so bad and is really hard. However I just started this job a few weeks before my husband passed away. My last job I had for 15 years outsourced our department. So that makes it hard to. Plus I hate the way people look at me now. I just burst out into tears.

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On 10/20/2017 at 3:29 PM, Maria0419 said:

There's nobody among our friends that I can talk to about my husband. It seems like they don't want to talk and don't feel comfortable about his passing Its seems like nothing happened . They just talk normal stuff and everyday life. That's why I don't call them ,ignore their calls or even engage in long conversations. My mom is the only person I can talk to about my Alex but she's in a different country and different time zone. I can't always call her when I want to.I guess you're really on your own when dealing with grief. 

Hi Maria,

Sorry you have to go thru this. My all relatives and old time friends are in India and I am in Canada. Don`t have any relatives here except some friends and most of them abandon me already. My MIL is also in different time zone but I made efforts to call her everyday while driving to work. 

Everyone deals with journey differently. I still cannot sleep for more than 5-6 hours at a stretch. Last night only slept for 3 hours but life has to move forward. Hang in there it will start changing but we have to do some efforts from our side. I know some of you might not like my this statement but please don`t spend all time on this forums as it can make you more depressed. Sorry don`t want to hurt anybody`s feeling but I remember in my early days I would be little on but the moment I am on forum reading someone`s pain will put me back on it. So I started reading other sites too.

Once again sorry I am just writing my feeling and what i have noticed considering I don`t cry much now but when I am on this or other forums I feel everyone's pain and sometimes start crying but I keep coming back so that I can contribute and help others same way as others have helped me.

Peace

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14 minutes ago, KavitaHubby said:

I know some of you might not like my this statement but please don`t spend all time on this forums as it can make you more depressed. Sorry don`t want to hurt anybody`s feeling but I remember in my early days I would be little on but the moment I am on forum reading someone`s pain will put me back on it. So I started reading other sites too.

This is an interesting statement and is worthwhile for everyone to give it some thought.

One big thing to remember is that, within reason, there is no right or wrong way to handle/process your grief.  Everyone's grief experience is unique in their own way and everyone is affected by different things.  We all have different triggers and we all have different expectations in our recovery.  We are also susceptible and vulnerable to certain things whereas other people may be absolutely fine.

For me, coming onto this Forum has been a game-changer.  I find a lot of peace, comfort, support, and confirmation that my pain and grueling journey is normal.  Reading other losses here does not make me depressed at all.  It actually helps me understand that losing someone, and dying, is a part of life.  It is something that we cannot avoid and it is something that we have to face head-on.   That said, I can understand how some people can feel overwelmed here because of the topic of our discussions.   For some, it's hard for others to take on and read about other people's grief while they are trying to tackle their own.

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

We all need to evaluate what we need for our recovery.  No one can tell us what we need except ourselves.    In sum, there is no right or wrong way.   You just have to find out what works for you and keep it going. 

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On 10/21/2017 at 7:31 AM, Lostwithoutmyhusband said:

I just got my benefit selection in the mail yesterday and it still has his name on it but next to it says No Coverage Not Enrolled. It is so hard to look at that paper. I am sitting here crying just thinking about it. I haven't even thought about beneficiary yet. Both of my kids are minors, so I don't even know how to go from there. Every time I try to stay busy I find something of his or something he was doing and I just cant do anything after that. I can't wait to go back to work, I have been off since he left me. I know it will still be hard there but at least I won't be home where I know he passed away at. It is so hard to be in our home anymore but I can't leave it. Its hard to be here but even if I could buy another home, I don't know that I would want to cause this was our home. I keep asking God to give me strength but it just hasn't happened yet.

I am so sorry.  If you're talking about benefit of home being paid off, usually that happens when you take the loan out...we didn't have that either but I had to remortgage my house when he died to pay off all his medical/hospital bills, which they hadn't told me I wasn't responsible for, it varies state to state I guess.  At any rate, in spite of three job losses, I haven't lost my home.  Try not to worry, pray an answer will come to you.  

At the time George died, which we hadn't foreseen, I was in the process of haggling with an insurance company because we applied for life insurance but they came through with higher amount than quoted so then when he died, he wasn't covered.  :angry:  Lucky them, not so lucky me.

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11 minutes ago, Azipod said:

This is an interesting statement and is worthwhile for everyone to give it some thought.

One big thing to remember is that, within reason, there is no right or wrong way to handle/process your grief.  Everyone's grief experience is unique in their own way and everyone is affected by different things.  We all have different triggers and we all have different expectations in our recovery.  We are also susceptible and vulnerable to certain things whereas other people may be absolutely fine.

For me, coming onto this Forum has been a game-changer.  I find a lot of peace, comfort, support, and confirmation that my pain and grueling journey is normal.  Reading other losses here does not make me depressed at all.  It actually helps me understand that losing someone, and dying, is a part of life.  It is something that we cannot avoid and it is something that we have to face head-on.   That said, I can understand how some people can feel overwelmed here because of the topic of our discussions.   For some, it's hard for others to take on and read about other people's grief while they are trying to tackle their own.

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

We all need to evaluate what we need for our recovery.  No one can tell us what we need except ourselves.    In sum, there is no right or wrong way.   You just have to find out what works for you and keep it going. 

:) Totally agree if you feel better that's the way to go. Right now do whatever makes you feel little better and not to worry about others.

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8 hours ago, KavitaHubby said:

Once again sorry I am just writing my feeling and what i have noticed considering I don`t cry much now but when I am on this or other forums I feel everyone's pain and sometimes start crying but I keep coming back so that I can contribute and help others same way as others have helped me.

We are entitled to our own opinions/feelings and I respect your opinion in how you view the use of the forum. We all have different needs in how we cope with our loss. There is nothing wrong with crying when reading others posts. It shows your character in being an empathetic, compassionate person. I do some crying myself when reading of others stories.

But, I do agree with Azipod's view for myself. I feel that I am not alone and with kindred spirits here. I do feel sad when I read of new members, but at the same time, I feel a connection with humanity that there are so many of us forced onto a different path in life that is so unwanted.

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18 hours ago, Azipod said:

This is an interesting statement and is worthwhile for everyone to give it some thought.

One big thing to remember is that, within reason, there is no right or wrong way to handle/process your grief.  Everyone's grief experience is unique in their own way and everyone is affected by different things.  We all have different triggers and we all have different expectations in our recovery.  We are also susceptible and vulnerable to certain things whereas other people may be absolutely fine.

For me, coming onto this Forum has been a game-changer.  I find a lot of peace, comfort, support, and confirmation that my pain and grueling journey is normal.  Reading other losses here does not make me depressed at all.  It actually helps me understand that losing someone, and dying, is a part of life.  It is something that we cannot avoid and it is something that we have to face head-on.   That said, I can understand how some people can feel overwelmed here because of the topic of our discussions.   For some, it's hard for others to take on and read about other people's grief while they are trying to tackle their own.

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

We all need to evaluate what we need for our recovery.  No one can tell us what we need except ourselves.    In sum, there is no right or wrong way.   You just have to find out what works for you and keep it going. 

It helps me coming on here and realizing I am not alone in this pain. It helps knowing there are people who understand exactly what I am going through. I agree though everyone is different and for some people it might be to depressing to hear other people's stories. I am already depressed and sad so for me realizing I am not alone and someone else understands helps. Everyone needs to do what is best for them. I am thankful for everyone on here giving me support.

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20 hours ago, Azipod said:

A while ago, I posted that a particular family member had suggested that I should cut down on my weekly visits to a grief support group.   The reasoning was that everytime I go, I am potentially re-opening my wounds.    For me, I disagree with this view entirely.   Going to my weekly support group allows me to process my thoughts.  It allows me to connect with others who can understand me.  It allows me to understand that I am normal, and that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling.    In all, it gives me "some" hope that I can recover, and that I am not going through this alone per se.

I totally agree with your assessment!  It is so important to allow ourselves to sit with our grief and feel our pain in order to process it and begin healing.  Ignoring and stuffing our feelings does nothing to allow us to deal with them.  You ARE doing what is right for you!

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I worry quite a bit about bringing other people on this site down. I feel like everyone is already so sad because of their own loss, I don’t want to make it even worse for them.

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12 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I worry quite a bit about bringing other people on this site down. I feel like everyone is already so sad because of their own loss, I don’t want to make it even worse for them.

We all worry but actually we help each other. So keep writing please.

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Don't worry, Djh. You are not bringing anyone down. We all share in the same pain of losing our partner. No one could say anything to cause us to feel worse, because we are already dealing with the worst.

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9 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I worry quite a bit about bringing other people on this site down. I feel like everyone is already so sad because of their own loss, I don’t want to make it even worse for them.

It helps me to know we are not alone. I hate that we all have this in common but we do. So it helps to hear from others who are going through the same thing.

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14 hours ago, Patti14 said:

It helps me to know we are not alone. I hate that we all have this in common but we do. So it helps to hear from others who are going through the same thing.

This is indeed a depressing forum.  There likely isn't any real meaning for anyone to come onto this forum unless they are going through a horrible grief journey.    For me, it certainly helps to hear what other people are going through.  This allows me to reflect on my own grief journey and confirms that my feelings are normal.    Also, grief has allowed me to become more humanistic and I've taken pride in being able to share my thoughts with others... especially those who have embarked on this  terrible journey after me.    At the end of the day, we all need to walk our grief alone.... but that doesn't stop us from being able to share and talk with each other so that we can help one another along the way.

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I agree, it's helpful to share here and know we aren't crazy, that this is normal under the circumstances.

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