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I am having a really bad day with this today. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost my husband. Today is 2 weeks since the last time I talked to him and laughed and joked with him. I want him back so bad. Why is that we want the things we can't have.

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Just now, KavitaHubby said:

I feel for you we all have gone thru and know exactly how cruel first few weeks are.. 

Hugs

Thank you

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Patti,

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  I wish there was a way to skip over this.  (((hugs)))

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9 minutes ago, KayC said:

Patti,

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  I wish there was a way to skip over this.  (((hugs)))

Thank you I wish there was to

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Patti,  Sorry about how you are feeling. I still feel the pain after a little over a year. The longest my husband and I were ever separated was a week. After his first week of going to Heaven, I was crying out that he could come back home. After the second week, I was crying to God to bring my husband back or take me to him. The joke was over, the nightmare could end. All the crying, the screaming, the begging, falls on deaf ears. It doesn't really though. God does hear us and knows our suffering. He provides us the strength and courage to take it one day at a time. That is my belief though, as painful as this is.

Hang in there, Patti.:wub:

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8 hours ago, Patti14 said:

I am having a really bad day with this today. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost my husband. Today is 2 weeks since the last time I talked to him and laughed and joked with him. I want him back so bad. Why is that we want the things we can't have.

Hang in there Patti.  You're still pretty new on the terrible journey.  I know that great longing to be with him no matter where he is; I felt that way when my Charles was taken from this world and I still do.  Don't forget we are human with human feelings and pain.  And it's OK to have a melt down, just don't unpack and live there.  Cry it out,  inhale, exhale and then refocus on where you're going.  Everything is going to be OK; actually, it's going to turn out better than OK, you'll see.  Anyone can give up, that's the easiest thing in the world to do.  But holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart is true strength; and that true strength is inside you, and when you bring what is within you out into the world, things will happen.  As crazy as it may appear, you are where God wants you to be at this very moment.

 

2 hours ago, KMB said:

All the crying, the screaming, the begging, falls on deaf ears. It doesn't really though. God does hear us and knows our suffering. He provides us the strength and courage to take it one day at a time. That is my belief though, as painful as this is.

SO TRUE!  My belief as well.  When I think about The Almighty knowing our sufferings, 1Peter 5:10 comes to mind which states "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." and Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes,  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away".    The pain we are experiencing now will not compare to the joy that is coming.

 

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3 hours ago, Francine said:

Hang in there Patti.  You're still pretty new on the terrible journey.  I know that great longing to be with him no matter where he is; I felt that way when my Charles was taken from this world and I still do.  Don't forget we are human with human feelings and pain.  And it's OK to have a melt down, just don't unpack and live there.  Cry it out,  inhale, exhale and then refocus on where you're going.  Everything is going to be OK; actually, it's going to turn out better than OK, you'll see.  Anyone can give up, that's the easiest thing in the world to do.  But holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart is true strength; and that true strength is inside you, and when you bring what is within you out into the world, things will happen.  As crazy as it may appear, you are where God wants you to be at this very moment.

 

SO TRUE!  My belief as well.  When I think about The Almighty knowing our sufferings, 1Peter 5:10 comes to mind which states "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." and Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes,  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away".    The pain we are experiencing now will not compare to the joy that is coming.

 

Thank you I appreciate it. It has been a very grueling couple of weeks and I know many more to come. I just wish he could come back as I am sure we all do.

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Oh Patti, hang in there. The first few weeks will be very hard. Just cry it out, talk to him , and keep your faith it will help you go through this. One day at a time. Going out for a walk or  just sitting at the park  being with nature even  for a few minutes will help you calm down a bit. My heart aches for our lost and the pain we are going through .

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1 hour ago, Maria0419 said:

Oh Patti, hang in there. The first few weeks will be very hard. Just cry it out, talk to him , and keep your faith it will help you go through this. One day at a time. Going out for a walk or  just sitting at the park  being with nature even  for a few minutes will help you calm down a bit. My heart aches for our lost and the pain we are going through .

Thank you. It is so hard. I hate that we all have had to go through this. I miss my best friend. As I know we all do. 

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Yeah, we all feel the same. Another lonely, long weekend. Another Saturday night without my husband to talk to and watch tv with. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this. We all need to just somehow keep plugging away day by day and hope that the rest of our life goes quickly.  We can do this and we will do it together!

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5 minutes ago, KMB said:

Yeah, we all feel the same. Another lonely, long weekend. Another Saturday night without my husband to talk to and watch tv with. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this. We all need to just somehow keep plugging away day by day and hope that the rest of our life goes quickly.  We can do this and we will do it together!

Same here. I just keep thinking we should be laying in bed watching tv together. 

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

Same here. I just keep thinking we should be laying in bed watching tv together. 

That would be nice. 

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

Same here. I just keep thinking we should be laying in bed watching tv together. 

Its Sunday morning here, i did nothing yesterday. Before this weekend time just flies but now its like 2 big crappy days, hard to spend.

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40 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Its Sunday morning here, i did nothing yesterday. Before this weekend time just flies but now its like 2 big crappy days, hard to spend.

So true! There's only crappy days now. I used to love the Holidays now I am dreading the idea of them coming.

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1 hour ago, Patti14 said:

So true! There's only crappy days now. I used to love the Holidays now I am dreading the idea of them coming.

I am not looking forward to it.  When everyone will be home with their love ones, I will be home alone, grieving.  How sad!

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

I am not looking forward to it.  When everyone will be home with their love ones, I will be home alone, grieving.  How sad!

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

I don't call this life, its hell and I say when you lost your spouse you learn how to live in hell without dying.

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2 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I don't call this life, its hell and I say when you lost your spouse you learn how to live in hell without dying.

Yeah. We have all died when we lost our better halves. Only we are cursed to walk among the living.

It really feels like I am living someone elses life right now. Laid on a hospital bed with a pale skin and noone to hold my hand by my side and no desire to keep going. My life used to be good! I bloody can't call this a life either...

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8 hours ago, Azipod said:

I am not looking forward to it.  When everyone will be home with their love ones, I will be home alone, grieving.  How sad!

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

I don't like it either! Not at all never will. I am so alone.

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3 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

Yeah. We have all died when we lost our better halves. Only we are cursed to walk among the living.

It really feels like I am living someone elses life right now. Laid on a hospital bed with a pale skin and noone to hold my hand by my side and no desire to keep going. My life used to be good! I bloody can't call this a life either...

No it's not life at all. It's a horrible hell that keeps happening every day again as soon as our eyes open.

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12 hours ago, Azipod said:

They say when we lose a spouse/partner, we need to understand that what we need to adjust to is a ‘new life.’  Yes. I don’t like this new life. Not even a tiny bit.

I don't like it either, Azipod. No matter how much reading we do, be it grief books, the afterlife, or other things, it is unwanted and miserable. I avoid the people who tell me I had a life before I met my husband. Well, I had a crappy life before and the years I did have with my husband were the best of my entire life. Why couldn't it continue well into natural old age like we think it is supposed to?

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18 minutes ago, KMB said:

I don't like it either, Azipod. No matter how much reading we do, be it grief books, the afterlife, or other things, it is unwanted and miserable. I avoid the people who tell me I had a life before I met my husband. Well, I had a crappy life before and the years I did have with my husband were the best of my entire life. Why couldn't it continue well into natural old age like we think it is supposed to?

Isn't this the truth? Read and pray. The loss of Lauri so early destroyed all our dreams. We had plans and she was such a joy to me. I've lost Lauri and all the dreams, hopes and plans we had went with her. 

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13 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I don't call this life, its hell and I say when you lost your spouse you learn how to live in hell without dying.

I agree.  This isn't a life.   I've been experiencing a constant wave of grief all weekend.    It really started to hit me last night as I was getting into bed.  I was again reminded of the sadness and emptiness in my life because my wife is not here.   The pain continued throughout all night and it was still there at the second I woke up on Sunday.   Going through this Sunday, it's been sad.  I've been at home doing chores and cleaning up things.   It's hitting me so hard that I am surrounded with what was a complete and beautiful home we've created for ourselves.  Except that is she no longer here.    The feeling is so surreal.  

Like others have suggested, I'm still taking a day at a time. What else can I do?  But it is still the unimaginable to tell myself that I have this home, and my wife will never be in here with me again.   This is so painful.

 

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7 hours ago, Patti14 said:

No it's not life at all. It's a horrible hell that keeps happening every day again as soon as our eyes open.

Patti14, you are so correct.   Even at 3-months and a week into this, I still feel the same.  There is an intense pain that comes with the realization that I no longer have my wife ..... it begins the moment I open my eyes.   It is still painful every morning.  Vice versa, I am starting the feel the pain when I go to sleep as well.....  I didn't have the pain when I crawled into bed until I was 2 months into it.

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2 hours ago, KMB said:

I don't like it either, Azipod. No matter how much reading we do, be it grief books, the afterlife, or other things, it is unwanted and miserable. I avoid the people who tell me I had a life before I met my husband. Well, I had a crappy life before and the years I did have with my husband were the best of my entire life. Why couldn't it continue well into natural old age like we think it is supposed to?

Sigh.   I know.   Wouldn't all of us just give anything in the world to have our spouse/partner back....    I am really tired from this grief.   I really don't know why we are put through this pain and agony.  Just earlier this afternoon, I looked at a picture of my wife in the house.    I miss her so much and I cannot believe that I haven't been with her for 100-days now.  How was this even possible?  How did I get through this time?   I am missing her more and more by the day and the pain just increases.  I feel so, so sad.

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