Been nine months. Not doing well.

[Ka9219]

10 hours ago, Donna7431 said:

Ka9219, yes. I also thought I would have signs from him. A friend suggested perhaps I don't, because I really don't want to. More hurt that way instead of consolation? I don't know. Every morning I ask God to get me through one more day. Tomorrow night is my hopeful connection with him. Chocolate is safe. I drink every day. Mostly to excess. Anything to help my heart. 

Well we all have different ways to make through this, alcohol, feeding habits, junk food, cigarettes, all of them are equally dangerous for our health, but I am not judging anyone, because we all look for ways to make the pain lesser, I know deep inside in our hearts we are just trying to accelerate "our time" with bad decisions and not healthy habits.

If you want to do it, do it, it might help, it might not but do it if you want to

[Azipod]

2 hours ago, Ka9219 said:

Well we all have different ways to make through this, alcohol, feeding habits, junk food, cigarettes, all of them are equally dangerous for our health, but I am not judging anyone, because we all look for ways to make the pain lesser, I know deep inside in our hearts we are just trying to accelerate "our time" with bad decisions and not healthy habits.

If you want to do it, do it, it might help, it might not but do it if you want to

I agree.  Do what you need to do to get through the grief.  It's all about taking care of yourself right now.

[KayC]

Just a caution (no judgment, we all understand) alcohol is a depressant...not something we need as we already feel depressed enough.  Taking a walk helps our mood on the other hand.  Also, I've started taking SAMe, which elevates mood and helps liver and joints.  It's OTC supplement and my doctor was okay with it.  Always run things by your doctor.

[KMB]

Thank you, KayC. I was going to make a comment about alcohol a bit ago. You put words together better than I do. 

I learned the hard way last winter, that alcohol to excess combined with grieving, is not a good thing. It definitely compounds the emotional pain and depression.  I still drink, but a small glass of wine or a small glass of anything, just to help take the edge off a little, is okay for me.

[KayC]

Yeah, a glass to relax is one thing, but turning to it as a way of coping can hurt not help us.  It's easy to get into when we feel down.

[KMB]

I hear you, KayC.  My husband and I had the occasional beer or I would have the occasional glass of wine if we went out for dinner. Going down that road now to the extreme is just going to make this situation worse.  The only way through grief is to face it and learn to adapt and cope the best you can. I don't think my husband would like to see me turn to alcohol and become bitter and angry. That is not the person he fell in love with.

[KavitaHubby]

I agree with above comments. Don't do anything excessive which you were not doing earlier even doing too much gym will be not good forget about smoking or alcohol. The best thing which helped me was talking. If you can find a person (even therapist) whom  you can discuss and talk about your spouse openly it will work as therapy. Most of the people around are not equipped to do this so trying with them is of no good. I found few friends who are divorced and I would talk to them for hours and i mean literally hours sometimes from 1 AM -5 Am. I would listen to their bad marriage stories and they would listen to mine. They were more understanding then others.

If someone needs an ear please let me know I would be glad to help someone out as others have done to me.

Hugs

[KayC]

13 hours ago, KavitaHubby said:

I found few friends who are divorced and I would talk to them for hours and i mean literally hours sometimes from 1 AM -5 Am. I would listen to their bad marriage stories and they would listen to mine. They were more understanding then others.

My daughter was with her husband for 17 years and he left her six months ago, abruptly, after they lost their baby.  She is grieving.  She's having to live without him and I find so much similar to what I've gone through with my George's death.  I feel sometimes I was luckier than her because he didn't choose to leave me and would never hurt me, but she has feelings of betrayal and heartbreak on top of the feelings I've had to deal with.  Not all divorces are equal.  Some people get over their spouse, but in a death situation, you don't ever get over them.  That is another striking difference.  I hope she does but right now she isn't ready to give up.  She knows she can't take him back as is, he needs to give up drinking and his job (bad influence) and really FEEL what he's put her through and be sorry, and they need to work on communication and get counseling...but so far he doesn't recognize or acknowledge anything and as long as he's in this state of mind it'd never work.  I feel so fortunate that I had my George for even the short time I did because he really was perfect for me.  I thought she had that too, it breaks my heart.