Been nine months. Not doing well.

[Donna7431]

I'm blowing up at people all the time. I'm not myself anymore. And I think I am missing him more now than ever. The initial few months, though a nightmare to live through, still wrapped me in a cocoon of shock. I just dug out three pictures of us in Hawaii. I'm crying so hard, keep yelling out to the sky that I want to die. I'm trying to reach a psychic that somebody here recommended. I wonder if contact with him  could help me heal? I never feel him around me as many others have felt their spouses. I used to wonder how I would feel when he passed away. He was 11 years older than me and had issues with his heart. I never imagined it would be this horrible. I imagined myself being able to move on. Now I feel like I can't.  I am rambling, I know. The grief is just stabbing at me now. So glad I had somewhere to say this to.

[KMB]

Donna,  I know how you feel. I'm not myself anymore either. My husband was 12 years older than me with heart issues as well, caused from diabetes. But,we were staying on top of his medical issues. We were just a few days away from starting a new treatment to ease the load on his heart. I never thought that he would leave this life as soon as he did. I never contemplated what life would be like alone. My husband had a bigger than life personality. Always there to help others. He was doing that right through his last day. He was always there. For me, for everyone we knew. In one night, he was gone.

I've blown up at people too. Feel guilty afterwards, apologize, but these people are friends, family, and at least for my sake, they understand.

I am having a hard time moving forward too. I have made some progress, but this morning, I slid backwards all the way.

I have talked to a few mediums. The comfort and messages I have received are short lived. Nothing relieves the physical absence, their voice,, their smile, their touch. Life as we knew it is gone with them. We have no choice but to try and go forward as much as we are able to.

[Patti14]

I know how you both feel. My husband was 9 Years older than me and I just lost him on 9/23/17. They said it was heart issues. I have never been in so much pain in all my life. I am angry, scared,lost and don't know how I am going to do this without him. I hate that we all have to go through this. I hope we can learn to be strong. I just don't see how right now.

[KMB]

Hi Patti, I replied to you on another thread. This is the hardest trial of our lives, trying to get through this life without our soul mate. I still get angry once in awhile. Angry at God, angry with just life in general. God understands though. He knows our pain and suffering. This is the time we really need to hang onto our faith. He sees the bigger picture with all this.  I don't know if you are of faith or have any other belief system. Whatever it may be, hang onto it. We need whatever we need, to help us on this alien path we were forced onto.

You will find your strength. You do have it deep inside you. It will help you take it one day at a time. Do not think about the future. It is an unknown and just getting through the present day is enough to handle.

[LoveGoli]

5 minutes ago, KMB said:

his is the time we really need to hang onto our faith. He sees the bigger picture with all this. 

Do you really think there is big picture with all this, I was believer of God but now I totally lost my faith on him and I don't see any big picture with this, actually I don't see anything, just darkness.

[KMB]

17 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Do you really think there is big picture with all this

There has to be. We have to keep an open mind and an open heart.There is a reason why we are here. God knows His plans for us. Personally, I think of this life as school. We have to learn our lessons, teach others, before we graduate to Heaven.  Our soul mates graduated before us.

There are many of you here, that are so young, to have to be going through loss like this. But really, when God knows we have completed our schooling, it is our time to graduate. Some just manage to get through this life faster than others. We are not conscious of this, but our soul is.

[LoveGoli]

17 minutes ago, KMB said:

There has to be. We have to keep an open mind and an open heart.There is a reason why we are here. God knows His plans for us. Personally, I think of this life as school. We have to learn our lessons, teach others, before we graduate to Heaven.  Our soul mates graduated before us.

There are many of you here, that are so young, to have to be going through loss like this. But really, when God knows we have completed our schooling, it is our time to graduate. Some just manage to get through this life faster than others. We are not conscious of this, but our soul is.

Did he learn all his lesson at age of 30 , I mean how, how can he learn all life lesson while he was just exploring life, he was just planning our future., I don't believe in this.

[Myangel0419]

58 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Did he learn all his lesson at age of 30 , I mean how, how can he learn all life lesson while he was just exploring life, he was just planning our future., I don't believe in this.

I had the same question but when I found this site https://www.soulproof.com/articles/  it made perfect sense to me .

[Djh0901kc]

7 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

Did he learn all his lesson at age of 30 , I mean how, how can he learn all life lesson while he was just exploring life, he was just planning our future., I don't believe in this.

I do not either. What happened was random and ****ed up. Kayla should still be alive. She didn’t learn anything that last day that she didn’t know the day before. 

[LoveGoli]

1 minute ago, Djh0901kc said:

I do not either. What happened was random and ****ed up. Kayla should still be alive. She didn’t learn anything that last day that she didn’t know the day before. 

And we are those unlucky people who got selected randomly. I noticed one thing that for some people life is just bed of roses and for some life is full of troubles since childhood to old age. Why this partiality?

[Djh0901kc]

2 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

And we are those unlucky people who got selected randomly. I noticed one thing that for some people life is just bed of roses and for some life is full of troubles since childhood to old age. Why this partiality?

I don’t have the answer to this. In my opinion there is no grand plan to life. Everything is random and nothing happens for a reason. That’s just me though. I don’t know any better than anyone else.

[LoveGoli]

1 minute ago, Djh0901kc said:

I don’t have the answer to this. In my opinion there is no grand plan to life. Everything is random and nothing happens for a reason. That’s just me though. I don’t know any better than anyone else.

I don't know if its random, because same person selected every time can't be random, there are other peoples as well then why same person again and again.

[Djh0901kc]

I wish I knew

[KMB]

Djh, LoveGoli-----  This info might be helpful. It pays to have an open mind about why we are here and why our lives go as they do.

 On facebook, go to faragibsonpsychicmedium. Keep scrolling through her page and read the postings. Go back into September and she has a posting about how we pre-write our lives. For anyone who has had a crappy life filled with obstacles/challenges, it is because we wrote that into our life to learn the lessons that our souls wanted to learn.  Fara also posts about the readings she has done with the clients permission for posting. There is also a website with testimonials and for ordering a reading.

For anyone interested, I, myself, had a pre-birth plan reading done by a different psychic. The info I provided was my name, birth date, time and place of birth. The reading I got back, by email, was long and detailed. Every part of my life rang true in it. All my obstacles, challenges, people that included my parents, grandparents, my 2 marriages and my kids. Even the reason why I am here and what my purpose and lessons are.

[KMB]

Maria,  Thanks for listing the link to soulproof.com.  The articles there are informative. There is definitely a lot more to our existence here and what is outside the scope of our conscious mind.

[Azipod]

36 minutes ago, KMB said:

For anyone interested, I, myself, had a pre-birth plan reading done by a different psychic. The info I provided was my name, birth date, time and place of birth. The reading I got back, by email, was long and detailed. Every part of my life rang true in it. All my obstacles, challenges, people that included my parents, grandparents, my 2 marriages and my kids. Even the reason why I am here and what my purpose and lessons are.

I am interested in having a pre-birth plan reading.  Can you give me a recommendation? Thanks.

[KavitaHubby]

KMB,

You are mentioning about open mind but it takes long to go to that stage and during the path we sometimes are back to where we started. We will be taking 4 steps forward and 2-3 steps backward. Most of the members above are new and right now for them to have open mind is almost impossible. Everyone if you are angry with God please discuss with god as that's the best way. Go to temple, church, mosque or any other place like a room in your house and cry in front  of god and hope god will reduce the pain. As time passes we learn to cope with our pain and start faking smiles which start turning to real ones. So please start faking if possible. Remember people laugh with you but you cry alone. 

About the reading there are many past life therapist all over the world which can help you but not all are genuine. I did a medium reading and initially thought he was right but now when I am in my proper  mind (70-80%) I know he wasn't all right but some things he told was right or he was good at guessing.

[Djh0901kc]

I’m not going to fake being happy for anyone. I’m ****ing sad and if someone can’t deal with it then that’s tough ****.

[Djh0901kc]

I think I understand your point being if you fake being happy maybe it will become reality. But still. I’ll pass

[TooDevastated]

45 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I think I understand your point being if you fake being happy maybe it will become reality. But still. I’ll pass

I agree. I am ANGRY that we have been separated from each other. I'll never hear him say "My baaaby!", he'll never bring me cute gifts and flowers, we'll never get to hold each other. He didnt ask for this. I didnt ask for this. 

We f***ing wanted to have the rest of our lives together! 

Why would I fake smiles when I am so angry and sad inside? If I was turned inside out, people would see an acid attack victim. Maybe worse. I am torned apart inside. Im not faking being happy!

[TooDevastated]

1 hour ago, KMB said:

For anyone who has had a crappy life filled with obstacles/challenges, it is because we wrote that into our life to learn the lessons that our souls wanted to learn.

I'd have a hard time believing this. One must be really masochistic to have written my life story...

[KavitaHubby]

55 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I think I understand your point being if you fake being happy maybe it will become reality. But still. I’ll pass

Point is how long you want people around you to suffer seeing you suffer. If I can keep crying I can expect my kids to move forward either. I made sure not to cry in front of them after funeral. It doesn't mean I didn't cry. I had people coming from India to pay condolences. I could cry in front of them but again my kids are there. When at work with clients you don't want to tell everyone and keep on discussing this so you fake and move forward. I only faked it in front of my kids few days after funeral as I can see they were getting affected by seeing me in this condition. I think just faking in front of them made me a better faking purpose when it came to other people too. Do whatever you think is right and makes you feel better but remember life is going move forward whether we like it or not. I use to unnecessary feel guilty during my drive (1hr one way) and would cry whole time to ensure I don't get that emotional when i come in front of kids.

Looking for peace

[Djh0901kc]

5 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

I'd have a hard time believing this. One must be really masochistic to have written my life story...

I don’t want to say anything hurtful but I don’t believe this for a second either. I’ll leave it at that. Everyone is welcome to their own beliefs.

[Djh0901kc]

6 minutes ago, KavitaHubby said:

Point is how long you want people around you to suffer seeing you suffer. If I can keep crying I can expect my kids to move forward either. I made sure not to cry in front of them after funeral. It doesn't mean I didn't cry. I had people coming from India to pay condolences. I could cry in front of them but again my kids are there. When at work with clients you don't want to tell everyone and keep on discussing this so you fake and move forward. I only faked it in front of my kids few days after funeral as I can see they were getting affected by seeing me in this condition. I think just faking in front of them made me a better faking purpose when it came to other people too. Do whatever you think is right and makes you feel better but remember life is going move forward whether we like it or not. I use to unnecessary feel guilty during my drive (1hr one way) and would cry whole time to ensure I don't get that emotional when i come in front of kids.

Looking for peace

I don’t have kids. I don’t cry in front of clients at work. I give ZERO ***** what anyone thinks about me or my sadness. I get what you’re saying but it’s not something I’m going to subscribe to. Like you said, whatever works for each person is all that matters. Everyone do you.

[KavitaHubby]

6 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I don’t want to say anything hurtful but I don’t believe this for a second either. I’ll leave it at that. Everyone is welcome to their own beliefs.

I agree with you let everyone have their own belief. Every religion or faith is based on different beliefs. Our beliefs and faith will keep changing during this journey as sometimes we will believe in god and some times we just want to ignore. Now we all follow simple rule, my life my rule.

Hugs

[KavitaHubby]

Just now, Djh0901kc said:

I don’t have kids. I don’t cry in front of clients at work. I give ZERO ***** what anyone thinks about me or my sadness. I get what you’re saying but it’s not something I’m going to subscribe to. Like you said, whatever works for each person is all that matters. Everyone do you.

Agree

[Djh0901kc]

Just now, KavitaHubby said:

Now we all follow simple rule, my life my rule.

Hugs

That’s perfectly said. Whatever works. 

[TooDevastated]

4 minutes ago, KavitaHubby said:

Do whatever you think is right and makes you feel better but remember life is going move forward whether we like it or not. 

You sound a bit like my mum. She keeps asking me whats the point of crying..

There is no point. I cant help it! I am hurting. I never thought someone could hurt this much. I know life is moving forward for others. It has just stopped for me. I am stuck! And I hate that this happened to me! 

I understand that you have kids and you have be strong for them. But look at it this way... They keep you going. They give you a motivation to keep living. 

I dont have this. There is nobody that needs me. Nobody that truly loves me. I lost my only family. So I am sorry if it bothers people that I cant fake smiles...

[Djh0901kc]

1 minute ago, TooDevastated said:

You sound a bit like my mum. She keeps asking me whats the point of crying..

There is no point. I cant help it! I am hurting. I never thought someone could hurt this much. I know life is moving forward for others. It has just stopped for me. I am stuck! And I hate that this happened to me! 

I understand that you have kids and you have be strong for them. But look at it this way... They keep you going. They give you a motivation to keep living. 

I dont have this. There is nobody that needs me. Nobody that truly loves me. I lost my only family. So I am sorry if it bothers people that I cant fake smiles...

I feel the same with pretty much everything you’re saying. But there are some people that need you. I need you. You’re one of the VERY few people I have to bounce things off of. Don’t feel the need to fake being happy or anything. I’m just saying. You are still important to the world even if you don’t know it.

[KayC]

On 10/5/2017 at 3:05 AM, Djh0901kc said:

I do not either. What happened was random and ****ed up. Kayla should still be alive. She didn’t learn anything that last day that she didn’t know the day before. 

I agree.  I don't think someone planned this, and I can't even tell you how it made me feel when someone said it was "God's will", hogwash!  We are free agents, what we do in life makes a difference in our outcome (like eating healthy) but there are other factors too, like other people that go out and shoot people or hit them with their cars.  And there's just the random things that happen, genetics.  Not sure if I believe in luck, but it sure seems some people are unluckier than others.  But I also believe in making the best of things and that has helped me in getting through this.  I know, it feels like there IS no "best" about it, but believe me, there is. We have to do our best for ourselves, we have to value ourselves and realize we are worth it.  In the beginning I don't think I cared whether I ate or not, lived or not (I preferred not to), but somewhere along the way I realized I needed to give myself the best possible chance of getting through this by taking care of myself, helping my brain have clarity, etc.  I also needed to build things into my life to live for, like when I adopted my pets.  One of my cats was dumped on me, the other one just showed up, she adopted ME, but my dog I actually went out and adopted, and having them as my family has meant all the difference in the world to me since I lost the pets I had with George.  They gave me someone to come home to, a reason to live, made me realize I mattered to someone.  People laugh that they only care because I feed them but that's not entirely true, we have an actual bond, a relationship, and I don't want to do anything to hurt them.  

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I feel the same with pretty much everything you’re saying. But there are some people that need you. I need you. You’re one of the VERY few people I have to bounce things off of. Don’t feel the need to fake being happy or anything. I’m just saying. You are still important to the world even if you don’t know it.

Reading your response to Too Devastated, that is so sweet...also so true!

[KavitaHubby]

16 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

You sound a bit like my mum. She keeps asking me whats the point of crying..

There is no point. I cant help it! I am hurting. I never thought someone could hurt this much. I know life is moving forward for others. It has just stopped for me. I am stuck! And I hate that this happened to me! 

I understand that you have kids and you have be strong for them. But look at it this way... They keep you going. They give you a motivation to keep living. 

I dont have this. There is nobody that needs me. Nobody that truly loves me. I lost my only family. So I am sorry if it bothers people that I cant fake smiles...

I can be your mom if that helps .. But you have point in crying and please cry I never said don't cry as crying, putting blame on you getting angry are all part of the process. What I am saying is now after one year I am not same as last year when  I was out only few months but things change. I still have pain but have learned to cope with it. I haven't slept for more than 4-5 hours at a same time  for more than a year, started getting various type of pain in body but have to keep moving forward as If she is watching she will not be happy to see me this way. Its your life and you make rules for it now.

In search of Peace

[KayC]

40 minutes ago, KavitaHubby said:

I can be your mom if that helps .. But you have point in crying and please cry I never said don't cry as crying, putting blame on you getting angry are all part of the process. What I am saying is now after one year I am not same as last year when  I was out only few months but things change. I still have pain but have learned to cope with it. I haven't slept for more than 4-5 hours at a same time  for more than a year, started getting various type of pain in body but have to keep moving forward as If she is watching she will not be happy to see me this way. Its your life and you make rules for it now.

In search of Peace

So so true!  It's important to allow ourselves to go through our grief, it does evolve, it doesn't stay the same but we can't skip it, we need to cry, express ourselves, feel all our feelings, let it out, it's all part of the process!

[TooDevastated]

On 06.10.2017 at 0:30 AM, Djh0901kc said:

I feel the same with pretty much everything you’re saying. But there are some people that need you. I need you. You’re one of the VERY few people I have to bounce things off of. Don’t feel the need to fake being happy or anything. I’m just saying. You are still important to the world even if you don’t know it.

Thanks for telling that Djh. We are among the very few people who went through such a loss and we also happen to react similarly! I am lucky to have found this place. At least I have a place to complain about my loneliness.... Since I stopped therapy, I pretty much have noone to talk to.

[Donna7431]

No one to talk to. Yes. I talk out loud all day long to the cats, a wall, statues, whatever. I never went to a therapist. Didn't feel like talking about this to anyone I didn't know, didn't have the energy to seek one out anyway. I have an appointment on line with a psychic somebody here recommended through Facebook. I'm so looking forward to this. I almost feel like I have a date to mentally be with my husband. Worried I will feel even more heartache if nothing evolves from this. I never feel his presence around me. I am so lonely, but don't want to socialize. Somebody on this forum posted a topic, Nine months and moving on, or something like that. It is nine months for me and I can't bear this. My heart is so broken. I can't foresee healing.

[TooDevastated]

21 minutes ago, Donna7431 said:

No one to talk to. Yes. I talk out loud all day long to the cats, a wall, statues, whatever. I never went to a therapist. Didn't feel like talking about this to anyone I didn't know, didn't have the energy to seek one out anyway. I have an appointment on line with a psychic somebody here recommended through Facebook. I'm so looking forward to this. I almost feel like I have a date to mentally be with my husband. Worried I will feel even more heartache if nothing evolves from this. I never feel his presence around me. I am so lonely, but don't want to socialize. Somebody on this forum posted a topic, Nine months and moving on, or something like that. It is nine months for me and I can't bear this. My heart is so broken. I can't foresee healing.

It broke my heart to read your post. Do not put a lot of faith on the medium reading. Based on my experiencei the communication may or may not happen. But, it's not absolutely certain. 

I will start therapy again with a different psychotherapist. Try and make an appointment if you can. Most people seem to believe they help. I haven't realised getting any better from it yet but it might in the long run.

I hope you get a sign from your husband soon to let you know he is around you. And hey! We have each other to talk to! X

[KayC]

Going by faith in my husband and in our love, I know he still loves me and we will be together again.  I could count on him during our time together and know I still can.  Right now I have to do my everydays by myself, but I'm hanging on to the day we'll be reunited, it gets me through.

TooDevastated, 

I wish you well with your next therapist.  I hope it's someone with a degree in Thanatology.  Let us know how it goes!

[Djh0901kc]

35 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

It broke my heart to read your post. Do not put a lot of faith on the medium reading. Based on my experiencei the communication may or may not happen. But, it's not absolutely certain. 

I will start therapy again with a different psychotherapist. Try and make an appointment if you can. Most people seem to believe they help. I haven't realised getting any better from it yet but it might in the long run.

I hope you get a sign from your husband soon to let you know he is around you. And hey! We have each other to talk to! X

I have an appt Wednesday with an online therapist. Not sure how it will go. My wife went to counseling for years but I have never done it.

[TooDevastated]

10 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I have an appt Wednesday with an online therapist. Not sure how it will go. My wife went to counseling for years but I have never done it.

I hope it goes well! Let us know either way. I might as well try online therapy if it seems helpful.

[Donna7431]

Yes, online therapy. Maybe I could do that. Start a new topic with that and tell us. 

[Paluka]

I've been seeing a therapist (not online). Honestly, he has helped me with a few things. He holds me accountable for things I need to do.

I went to the gym today for the first time since Lauri died. I was injured before but could have gone. I normally would workout 5-6 times a week so not going was bad for me. He pushed me and helped me to see it as not being disloyal to Lauri. It was hard to go because our friends were there and Lauri and I would go together. I went so it's progress for me. Still wanted to cry the whole time I was there. 

[KMB]

4 hours ago, Donna7431 said:

 

No one to talk to

 

My heart is with you on this. I talk out loud to my pets, the thin air. I talk to my daughter, but she is involved in her life and her issues, which seem so petty compared to mine. I don't say that to her though. I don't intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. But if I had my husband here, and her issues, I would still be happy. I'm not happy no more and right now, I just don't see that ever happening. My husband was my true happiness. I was on cloud 9 all of our years together. It was ripped away from me in one night. There is no coming back from this, to the person I used to be, the life I knew.

I wish you well with your medium reading. I hope you get evidence validations that will prove the connection and I hope he gives you loving messages.

[KMB]

4 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I will start therapy again with a different psychotherapist

Please keep us posted. I don't have therapists in my area. I've thought about finding one online for phone consults but my insurance doesn't cover it.

[KMB]

4 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I have an appt Wednesday with an online therapist. Not sure how it will go.

I wish you good luck. Keep us posted!

[KMB]

1 hour ago, Paluka said:

I went to the gym today for the first time

It is a baby step for you and I'm glad you did that. The more we try with the baby steps, the more we are helping ourselves. Lauri is proud of you!

[Paluka]

31 minutes ago, KMB said:

It is a baby step for you and I'm glad you did that. The more we try with the baby steps, the more we are helping ourselves. Lauri is proud of you!

Yes. It is a baby step for me. Lauri being proud of me makes me smile. It's just so strange because I could picture her at the gym with me. I had to stop because I was getting upset. 

It's so difficult. I take this step but cry this morning, during therapy and just finished crying again. All these steps just feel like going through the motions.

 

[KMB]

20 minutes ago, Paluka said:

All these steps just feel like going through the motions.

It did for me too and it still does. I feel that just making the effort is what counts. We might be going through the motions, but it does get us through the hours of the day. Every night I think that I managed to get through another day and that alone brings me one day closer to my expiration date for this life.

[Azipod]

3 hours ago, Paluka said:

I've been seeing a therapist (not online). Honestly, he has helped me with a few things. He holds me accountable for things I need to do.

I went to the gym today for the first time since Lauri died. I was injured before but could have gone. I normally would workout 5-6 times a week so not going was bad for me. He pushed me and helped me to see it as not being disloyal to Lauri. It was hard to go because our friends were there and Lauri and I would go together. I went so it's progress for me. Still wanted to cry the whole time I was there. 

This is good work.  It's going to be hard.  But keep going to the gym.  Going to the gym will be easier with time.   The grief on the other hand, I cannot be so sure.

[Ka9219]

On 4/10/2017 at 2:35 PM, Donna7431 said:

I'm blowing up at people all the time. I'm not myself anymore. And I think I am missing him more now than ever. The initial few months, though a nightmare to live through, still wrapped me in a cocoon of shock. I just dug out three pictures of us in Hawaii. I'm crying so hard, keep yelling out to the sky that I want to die. I'm trying to reach a psychic that somebody here recommended. I wonder if contact with him  could help me heal? I never feel him around me as many others have felt their spouses. I used to wonder how I would feel when he passed away. He was 11 years older than me and had issues with his heart. I never imagined it would be this horrible. I imagined myself being able to move on. Now I feel like I can't.  I am rambling, I know. The grief is just stabbing at me now. So glad I had somewhere to say this to.

Hi Donna, well I feel that I understand you in so many ways, when Mario was at the hospital I wondered one day, what would happen if the worse thing happen? I never, ever imagine this could affect me in this way, I am not saying that I was expecting to be good after three months, but today I see myself crawling from one day to another, my heart is filled with anger, agony and sadness, I am not even able to recognize myself, I am always looking for something that make me feel "better" so I am constantly eating chocolate -I know this sounds silly but chocolate itself and all the sugar it contains brings a "fake sensation of wellness"- and I tried to laugh at dumb things so I can feel a little less miserable.

I was expecting to start to feel "better" by this time -I am in the fourth month- and as you said the nightmare is over because it becomes my reality, nothings helps much, I went to see a psychic two weeks after Mario died and I had some answers but it doesn't give me any sort of consolation, as you I am not able to feel him around as other people do, I don't know why, we were so close and love each other so much, I expected to see plenty of signs and have a lot of visitations, maybe I am having them but I am not able to recognize them or I am just refusing to believe in it. Still is good to have some answers to our questions, it's up to you if you want to believe, everything is possible if you are brave enough to believe it.

[Donna7431]

Ka9219, yes. I also thought I would have signs from him. A friend suggested perhaps I don't, because I really don't want to. More hurt that way instead of consolation? I don't know. Every morning I ask God to get me through one more day. Tomorrow night is my hopeful connection with him. Chocolate is safe. I drink every day. Mostly to excess. Anything to help my heart.