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I need help.


Dani1030

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Its been awhile since I've been on here and over a month that I lost my mother suddenly. I have been staying with my dad ever since, but I am ready to return to my own house..a house that I'm paying rent for and not living in.

My dad is not handling her death well at all..which I completely understand, but it is so hard to sit here and see him so sad. I feel like I can't begin to heal because of the sadness that I see from him everyday. What do I do? How do I go back home knowing he is so miserable? I am afraid that when I leave, he will stop taking care of himself. Honestly, he's not doing the best at that anyways..even with me staying with him.

He says he understands that I need to get back to my life, but when I mention going home, he tends to have a "bad day" and that makes me stay. I just don't know what to do. I only live like 5 minutes away. Does anyone have any tips on how I should go about this? I would appreciate any help that I can get.

Thank you!

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Dear Dani1030,

 I m very sorry for the loss of your mother.  A month it is so fresh and raw and still a shock.  I think seeing as you live so close to your dad maybe you could start to go home and check on him every day.  You could sleep at your house, call him in the morning and pop by every day for a while?  Do you think that is doable?   It's a difficult time and you both need support.  You have to look after yourself too though.  This way you have time and some space for your own grieving but you are still there for him.  

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@sadandlost Thanks for the reply. I plan on doing all that, but I just can't find the right time to go home. I guess it's going to be like ripping off a band aid. It's just something I need to do. He has bad days, but okay moments. I'm just afraid I'm going to leave him at the wrong time. I'm not even sure if I have really grieved. I feel like I have to be the strong one at all times since I'm around him so much. 

 

 

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Dear Dani1030,

I think grieving doesn't properly begin until after a few months.  The first month is shocking and you try to absorb what has happened and deal with the necessary, practical and immediate things.  I think it takes more than 2 months for it to sink in.  Then you really face that she is gone and it becomes harder from my own personal experience.  I think if you go home for a day and come back and start with a back and forth thing, gradually spending longer at your home.  It must be hard but you also need to take care of yourself otherwise you will be mentally and emotionally exhausted.  Just say, I have to go dad but I'm coming back at this time so he knows when you'll be back.  There will never be a good time to do it,  he is depending on you a lot which is understandable but you also need time for yourself to process it.

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