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BeckC

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I’ve just passed the two year mark of losing my boyfriend. We were together for 5 years and he was my best friend for 3 years before that. 

I lost everything when I lost him. 

I haven’t talked to or even met people going through anything like all of us are. So. I figured I’d try this out. 

I think I’m at that point where friends have kinda moved past everything and I’m stuck. So I don’t really continue to talk to them about it mostly because it seems so repetitive. I kind of just want to talk to or be around people that get it. So here I am. 

Does anyone else have that feeling? Like everyone else has moved on so it’s not something you can talk about anymore?

 

 

 

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8 hours ago, BeckC said:

Does anyone else have that feeling? Like everyone else has moved on so it’s not something you can talk about anymore?

This is the case with my family and friends now and it has only been 11 weeks since my boyfriend died. They cant stand me to talking or seeing me sad. Expect me to become my previous cheerful self magically! My mum actually asked 'Whats there to be sad about?' this morning! Can you believe that...

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12 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

This is the case with my family and friends now and it has only been 11 weeks since my boyfriend died. They cant stand me to talking or seeing me sad. Expect me to become my previous cheerful self magically! My mum actually asked 'Whats there to be sad about?' this morning! Can you believe that...

I am so sorry that your family doesn't understand you, in my case at least my family understand. Today my office friend was saying to me that try to involve in other things, we want that laughing person back which you were earlier,  they all are very sweet and helping but no matter how hard they try nothing makes me feel good. There is deep sadness and i am so tired that i don't even want to discuss with them.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your BF.  People who haven't been through it just can't get it, it's alien to them.  It's not that they don't care about you, it's that they are clueless about what such loss is like or how to respond to you.  They don't know.

I'm glad you've found this site, it really does help to express yourself among others that get it.  We're listening.

9 hours ago, BeckC said:

Like everyone else has moved on so it’s not something you can talk about anymore?

Everyone else may have moved on but that's not possible for you to do, it's important you have SOMEONE you can talk to.  Have you thought about joining a grief support group?  It might be a way of making a new friend who does get it.  We are forever changed by our loss, that moment in time forever separates the "before" and "after" points.

50 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Today my office friend was saying to me that try to involve in other things, we want that laughing person back which you were earlier,  they all are very sweet and helping but no matter how hard they try nothing makes me feel good. There is deep sadness and i am so tired that i don't even want to discuss with them.

I'm sorry, they speak out of ignorance, they just have no way of understanding you are not able to revert back to who you were before.  You have deep sadness and tiredness for a reason.  Grief is all pervasive.  

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13 hours ago, BeckC said:

I’ve just passed the two year mark of losing my boyfriend. We were together for 5 years and he was my best friend for 3 years before that.  I lost everything when I lost him. 

I haven’t talked to or even met people going through anything like all of us are. So. I figured I’d try this out. 

I think I’m at that point where friends have kinda moved past everything and I’m stuck. So I don’t really continue to talk to them about it mostly because it seems so repetitive. I kind of just want to talk to or be around people that get it. So here I am. 

Does anyone else have that feeling? Like everyone else has moved on so it’s not something you can talk about anymore?

Sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site.  Yeah, it's hard and sometimes we can't explain it ourselves,  but we can't stop grieving just because our friends believe it's time for us to move on; we can't stop hurting because they don't understand the stabbing pain in our hearts; we can't stop crying just because it makes them uncomfortable; our hearts are not suddenly mended just because they believe we have grieved long enough.  Until they have been in our shoes, they simply just don't get it.  I will grieve my Charles for the rest of my life.  Try not to think so much as moving on - but moving forward.  Sometimes God closes doors because it's time to move forward; HE knows we won't move unless circumstances force us to.   I think as we move forward, we can ALWAYS do so with our loved one by our side, in our hearts, within our breath.  They are and will always be a part of us . We can move forward with them and continue to engage in life because of their inspiration.

I do hope you continue to post; we are like family here trying to lift one another up as we travel this lonesome journey together.   My prayer is that God gives you the peace, hope and strength during this difficult time of your life. Peace to settle your soul; Hope to know that it will get better; and Strength to hold on until it does.

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12 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

This is the case with my family and friends now and it has only been 11 weeks since my boyfriend died. They cant stand me to talking or seeing me sad. Expect me to become my previous cheerful self magically! My mum actually asked 'Whats there to be sad about?' this morning! Can you believe that...

That is just awful. 11 weeks is like one second when it comes to this. I truly wonder what your mom was thinking when she said that to you 

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. It’s not fair at all. 

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23 hours ago, BeckC said:

I’ve just passed the two year mark of losing my boyfriend. We were together for 5 years and he was my best friend for 3 years before that. 

I lost everything when I lost him. 

I haven’t talked to or even met people going through anything like all of us are. So. I figured I’d try this out. 

I think I’m at that point where friends have kinda moved past everything and I’m stuck. So I don’t really continue to talk to them about it mostly because it seems so repetitive. I kind of just want to talk to or be around people that get it. So here I am. 

Does anyone else have that feeling? Like everyone else has moved on so it’s not something you can talk about anymore?

 

 

 

Hi BeckC.   Welcome.   Most of us here are very junior as we've recently lost our loved ones.   I'm not sure how I'm going to make it to my 2-year mark.   But I am so glad that you found the strength to get to where you are.  As you have already said, it's not easy and it's difficult and challenging.      We hope to give you the support you need.      Have you tried new activities and tried new interests in the last 2 years?    

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5 hours ago, BeckC said:

That is just awful. 11 weeks is like one second when it comes to this. I truly wonder what your mom was thinking when she said that to you 

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. It’s not fair at all. 

She thinks I should be back to normal by now. HAHAAHA funny mum. "You have no choice but to accept what has happened and move on. I dont understand why you're acting the way you do..." 

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Wow, I can't believe the things you guys' moms say to you!  My mom was widowed for 32 years before she died so she was one person that understood, except she got dementia and forgot ever even knowing George, that hurt.  He was someone very special to her.  Lord I hope I don't get dementia if it means forgetting someone that meant so much to me!

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

I can't believe the things you guys' moms say to you! 

Same here.  But sometimes people, including moms, just don't know what to say and the words they think will encourage you, may do just the opposite. The tongue s a small thing but what enormous damage it can cause.  I wish people, including moms, would think before spitting words out. Words hurt and they may hurt their loved ones without the intention.

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I feel the same way. Most of our friends stop texting and calling me after a month when my husband passed away. I do understand that they have no clue what I'm going through and they don't know how to handle it when I cry or start talking about my Alex. It's also my choice to give myself some space to grieve alone because seeing most of my couple friends makes me so jealous and miss my Alex more.  I do have my family with me always. My mom would Skype with me every night which is day time for her  ( she lives in another country) until I fall asleep. As a matter of fact, we're in Skype right now.

I don't know what to tell you , i'm still in my early stage of grieving but what I know is that I feel the same way you're feeling. 

Hugs

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7 minutes ago, Maria0419 said:

I feel the same way. Most of our friends stop texting and calling me after a month when my husband passed away. I do understand that they have no clue what I'm going through and they don't know how to handle it when I cry or start talking about my Alex. It's also my choice to give myself some space to grieve alone because seeing most of my couple friends makes me so jealous and miss my Alex more.  I do have my family with me always. My mom would Skype with me every night which is day time for her  ( she lives in another country) until I fall asleep. As a matter of fact, we're in Skype right now.

I don't know what to tell you , i'm still in my early stage of grieving but what I know is that I feel the same way you're feeling. 

Hugs

Its almost 3 months for me and none of my friend called me except one , that is only one time. This grief teach me that its my journey and I have to walk alone on this path no matter how hard it is. 

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Hi BekC,

So sorry for your loss. Yes friends and family sometimes makes stupid comments or become insensitive and sometimes they don't know what to say or how to interact with you. I remember someone telling me in first month that now-a-days everyone gets remarried. I was about to slap the person but controlled my emotions. This is our journey and nobody can help. I made some new friends which were single parents and that helped little bit as they were all new and wanted to talk about their spouses and can hear about my spouse. This journey will teach , torture and might make us a better person.

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I know your pain I lost my husband on 09/23/17. I am lost and don't know how I am going to do this without him. I just wanted to let you know I understand.

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14 hours ago, Maria0419 said:

I feel the same way. Most of our friends stop texting and calling me after a month when my husband passed away. I do understand that they have no clue what I'm going through and they don't know how to handle it when I cry or start talking about my Alex.

This is our new life.   People will evolve around us after we go through a loss.   Some times, those who we thought were our friends actually slowly and quietly exit out of view.  Then, those we least expect may come around and offer their comfort.    You will quickly realize who are your true friends.

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14 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

This grief teach me that its my journey and I have to walk alone on this path no matter how hard it is. 

This is so true.  We learn this through the hard way.   I am walking this route alone.  I can share my grief.  I can have others listen.  But no one, other than those who have gone through this journey, can come anywhere close to understanding what we endure and carry on each day, everyday.     Most will say "try not to think about it much."  Sure.  Easier said than done.  Even when my wife was alive, how could I not think about her?  Now that she's not here, the thinking has quadrupled.

Sometimes I just want to say screw it and forget about life.   The most important person in my world is already gone.  Whats the point?

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39 minutes ago, Patti14 said:

I know your pain I lost my husband on 09/23/17. I am lost and don't know how I am going to do this without him. I just wanted to let you know I understand.

Patti14, I'm sorry to hear about your husband.   Things are very new and raw for you right now.   Any feelings and emotions you are going through are normal.  We've all been through it and just about all of us are still have daily difficulties to some extent.    Grief work is very difficult.  It is grueling to say the least.   It's OK to feel like sh*t.   There is nothing good that comes out of this.   We are all in a club that no one wants to be a part of.    Keep visiting here and posting your feelings.   It'll help you get some weight off your body.

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That is absolutely true a club nobody wants to be a part of. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. 

12 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Patti14, I'm sorry to hear about your husband.   Things are very new and raw for you right now.   Any feelings and emotions you are going through are normal.  We've all been through it and just about all of us are still have daily difficulties to some extent.    Grief work is very difficult.  It is grueling to say the least.   It's OK to feel like sh*t.   There is nothing good that comes out of this.   We are all in a club that no one wants to be a part of.    Keep visiting here and posting your feelings.   It'll help you get some weight off your body.

 

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On 9/30/2017 at 8:28 AM, KayC said:

Wow, I can't believe the things you guys' moms say to you!  My mom was widowed for 32 years before she died so she was one person that understood, except she got dementia and forgot ever even knowing George, that hurt.  He was someone very special to her.  Lord I hope I don't get dementia if it means forgetting someone that meant so much to me!

My dad died of cancer three months before I was born so I assumed my mom, having been widowed, would understand more. It dumbfounded me that she doesn’t get it.

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TooDevastated
3 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

My dad died of cancer three months before I was born so I assumed my mom, having been widowed, would understand more. It dumbfounded me that she doesn’t get it.

Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. And it has been a long time for her. She could even have forgotten what the pain was like in the early months.

Nobody will understand our loss exactly. The only other person who knows the happiness we had is gone. So we are the only ones left behind to know. Noone else knows so noone else can REALLY understand. Thats why some people here say 'we walk alone on this grief journey' and its true.

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TooDevastated
26 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

I won’t ever forget this pain. I don’t know how I could

I dont think I can ever forget this either... 

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15 hours ago, Azipod said:

You will quickly realize who are your true friends.

You know what I realize, I don't have any true friend, my only friend was him. I was so involved/busy with him that I never develop close friendship with any one and did not bother about this.

I wish I have one close friend with whom I can share my feeling, my pain, I really miss my Goli. I was so depend on him, how can he leave me so alone, he knew I don't have anyone except him.

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15 hours ago, Azipod said:

Sometimes I just want to say screw it and forget about life.

Sometime I want, I lost all my memories, everything what happened in last 10 years. 10 years before I was living simple life, without love and with my family everything was sorted. The moment I fell in love with him, my life totally changed, suddenly I was the happiest person, smiling all the time, new energy, dreams about future. I want my simple life back, I can live with that because falling from clouds is so hard rather than living simply.

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10 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I dont think I can ever forget this either... 

Me too, till the time I am alive I will not forget this.

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14 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I won’t ever forget this pain. I don’t know how I could

Nor will I.

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8 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I wish I have one close friend with whom I can share my feeling, my pain, I really miss my Goli. I was so depend on him, how can he leave me so alone, he knew I don't have anyone except him.

It is so painful.  The one person that showed us what love is, the one person who is able to comfort us, the one person who can touch us in the most spectacular way, is, for some reason, taken away from us.  The pain is too much to bear.  

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12 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

Sometime I want, I lost all my memories, everything what happened in last 10 years.

I wouldn't want to lose my memories of the years I spent with my husband. I want to remember that those years were the best of my life. I feel so blessed that my husband chose ME to spend the rest of HIS years with.  I feel blessed that we were lucky to find each other in this huge world and we both experienced, true, soul mate love. Some people are not that lucky or blessed.

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4 hours ago, Azipod said:

It is so painful.  The one person that showed us what love is, the one person who is able to comfort us, the one person who can touch us in the most spectacular way, is, for some reason, taken away from us.  The pain is too much to bear.  

I agree. But, if the pain was too much to bear, we wouldn't still be here. We would have succumbed to broken heart syndrome.  I prayed for that so much in the beginning months. My chest literally hurt with the pain. I survived thus far. Must be a reason why. It is not my time yet.

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4 hours ago, Azipod said:

It is so painful.  The one person that showed us what love is, the one person who is able to comfort us, the one person who can touch us in the most spectacular way, is, for some reason, taken away from us.  The pain is too much to bear.  

The truth is same person who showed what love means, and now we are pain due to same person taken away from us.

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6 minutes ago, KMB said:

I agree. But, if the pain was too much to bear, we wouldn't still be here. We would have succumbed to broken heart syndrome.  I prayed for that so much in the beginning months. My chest literally hurt with the pain. I survived thus far. Must be a reason why. It is not my time yet.

I really do wish I can die from a broken heart.  I'm hoping it will happen.

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25 minutes ago, KMB said:

I wouldn't want to lose my memories of the years I spent with my husband. I want to remember that those years were the best of my life. I feel so blessed that my husband chose ME to spend the rest of HIS years with.  I feel blessed that we were lucky to find each other in this huge world and we both experienced, true, soul mate love. Some people are not that lucky or blessed.

It makes me think of the Cypher question from the movie the Matrix. He says that ignorance is bliss. If you didn’t know you had ever been that happy then you wouldn’t miss it. I got into an argument with my philosophy teacher in college about this very question. Little did I know I would have actual reason to consider it in real life almost a decade later

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2 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

ignorance is bliss.

It might be for some people. Everyone is unique in how they view life.

When I met my soul mate husband, my life was crappy. I had  already started the proceedings to get out of a bad first marriage. My soul mate supported and encouraged me. We both had felt the chemistry between us and we had that "knowing" that we were meant to find each other. The years we had together were the best. I also learned a lot from being with him. He enhanced me and I still feel his love and know he is still watching out for me.

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16 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

It makes me think of the Cypher question from the movie the Matrix. He says that ignorance is bliss. If you didn’t know you had ever been that happy then you wouldn’t miss it. I got into an argument with my philosophy teacher in college about this very question. Little did I know I would have actual reason to consider it in real life almost a decade later

There is no way in hell I'd choose to obliterate my years with George, even if it meant absence of pain now.  The truth is, life was missing something BEFORE I met him, it was missing him.  At least now I have the memories of having been loved by him and they carry me still.  There is something more than just the residual pain we are left with...when the intensity clears you will find that the love carries you, it brings you comfort and encouragement and strength.  I am much better off for having had him in my life.  I learned so much from him!  I used to say he was the heart and I was the brains, because he had this huge heart for everyone, he'd give the shirt off his back to anyone in need.  I was the grounded one who thought logically and practically, I was the one that saw to making sure we got the chores done and bills paid, and he'd help me so we could have time to go off and play.  I think we balanced each other well, but more than that, we learned from each other.  We each took away from the other a part of the other one.

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

  The truth is, life was missing something BEFORE I met him, it was missing him.  At least now I have the memories of having been loved by him and they carry me still.  There is something more than just the residual pain we are left with...when the intensity clears you will find that the love carries you, it brings you comfort and encouragement and strength.  I am much better off for having had him in my life.  I learned so much from him

I love this thought of yours.  I hope we can all find strength by seeing things your way.  Thank you.

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I've come to love and care for all of you.  I hope it's sooner rather than later that things begin to ease a bit.

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TooDevastated
On 06.10.2017 at 5:05 PM, KayC said:

There is no way in hell I'd choose to obliterate my years with George, even if it meant absence of pain now.  The truth is, life was missing something BEFORE I met him, it was missing him.  At least now I have the memories of having been loved by him and they carry me still.  There is something more than just the residual pain we are left with...when the intensity clears you will find that the love carries you, it brings you comfort and encouragement and strength.  I am much better off for having had him in my life.  I learned so much from him!  I used to say he was the heart and I was the brains, because he had this huge heart for everyone, he'd give the shirt off his back to anyone in need.  I was the grounded one who thought logically and practically, I was the one that saw to making sure we got the chores done and bills paid, and he'd help me so we could have time to go off and play.  I think we balanced each other well, but more than that, we learned from each other.  We each took away from the other a part of the other one.

There is no way in hell I'd choose to obliterate my years with George, even if it meant absence of pain now.  The truth is, life was missing something BEFORE I met him, it was missing him.  At least now I have the memories of having been loved by him and they carry me still.  There is something more than just the residual pain we are left with...when the intensity clears you will find that the love carries you, it brings you comfort and encouragement and strength.  I am much better off for having had him in my life.  I learned so much from him!  I used to say he was the heart and I was the brains, because he had this huge heart for everyone, he'd give the shirt off his back to anyone in need.  I was the grounded one who thought logically and practically, I was the one that saw to making sure we got the chores done and bills paid, and he'd help me so we could have time to go off and play.  I think we balanced each other well, but more than that, we learned from each other.  We each took away from the other a part of the other one.

I absolutely LOVE this post of yours Kay. Yes. There was something missing in my life before I met him and I have gotten so used to feeling complete and happy that I feel as though I have been pushed off a cliff and left there in broken bones and bruises. 

I am terrified that I would forget even the smallest details about him! He has made me a better person! Even though he is gone, for the rest of my pathetic life, I will comfort myself with knowing that that amazing man had loved me with all of his being. I was once loved by this perfect beautiful heart and I wouldnt exchange it for anything! He had loved me until his last breath and I intend to do the same. 

I also think that he was the heart and I was the brains in our relationship. My Bruce, like your George, would give his anything and everything upon seeing people in need. I have never even seen him walk passed a begger! He had the biggest heart I have ever known and in the end it wad his heart that failed us...

We did a which fruit would you be quiz once. He got pinky peach and I got hard apple! He had always said I was the stronger one and he couldnt cope anything without me... But this.. I dont feel strong or like I will ever be able to cope this. It hurts too much all day everyday. I dont feel like I am that hard apple anymore :/

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I think I'm a strong person that doesn't feel strong.  I don't think any of us feel strong without them.

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

I think I'm a strong person that doesn't feel strong.  I don't think any of us feel strong without them.

Ditto, KayC!

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