Never expected to be here again so soon, I'm lost.

[CassandraB]

Zeus, my 2½ year old ragdoll has been diagnosed with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (thickening of her heart). Her brother (Thor) from the same litter passed away when he was only 7 months old, and at the time we didn't know what caused the fluid build up in his chest. But after seeing Zeus go through so much I'm sure it was the same thing. Thor was just starting the diuretics to drain the fluid build up when he got stressed, panicked and  died while the vets tried CPR. It was horribly traumatic. Now I'm faced with this same awful disease, and no knowing when it will flare up again.

Zeus is home with me on her first of many medications that will not save her, after already experiencing congestive heart failure. Medications will not stop or even necessarily slow this disease, they will simply "manage the symptoms". So is it worth putting her through the stress of medication, vet visits and monitoring? Any day she could experience a blood clot, or more fluid building up in her chest. The logical part of my mind is saying don't risk letting her suffer, put her down so she can be at peace and out of harms way. Its the humane thing to do. But that feels so much like giving up! I want to fight this and fix her, shes still so young, shes too young to say goodbye to. She was the only reason I smiled after losing Thor. She made me laugh with her games, and kept me company. I have another cat besides her(Hades), who I'm sure will make me laugh like any other day and help me through this the way Zeus did. But that doesn't make this decision any easier. Hades I originally got as a companion for Zeus while I was at work. Who will Hades have when Zeus is gone? 

She is a funny cat with a lovely temperament, and she loves to play tag with Hades. But now all she does is sleep, or lay down watching the world go by. Hades hisses at her every time they get too close when just a week ago they would groom each other. She played with a toy today, but even that was a lazy attempt lasting only a few moments. She is not in pain(that I know of), and outwardly she seems like a sluggish version of herself. But inside she is very sick, and will get worse. She can make it around the apartment easy enough, just requires more time to get from point A to point B. She eats, though not as much as she should. She may bounce back enough with medication to be able to play and jump again, but her tolerance will be very low.  What kind of life is that? I know choosing euthanasia is the humane choice for her, but I'm struggling so much with the guilt. 

Its so unfair for such a beautiful little soul to go through this, especially so young. And to choose the day her life will end seems so wrong!

Everyone knows how much a pet's world revolves around its owner, but our world revolves around our pets just as much. My world is being thrown off its axis and I don't know how to keep going. 

 

 

 

[Ema]

Hi. I know your pain..going through it. The thought of my having to plan the end of life for my dog, the night before, the early morning of...all crazy,  incomprehensible to me. The thought of watching her decline in front of my eyes was incomprehenible..what to do?...its such a personal and hit wrenching decision. Im so sorry for you. You will get through this. I feel like in allowing my dog to pass that I went through a transition as well and now taking first steps to get through it. You will get through this time and also transition into your next steps, whatever you decide. Best to you and your little friend.

[KMB]

CassandraB,  I am sorry about what you are enduring with Zeus. I know how hard it is with the thoughts and decision making. I know congestive heart failure has no cure. While meds can manage the symptoms, as you mention, the heart will just get weaker and weaker.  Euthanasia or watching her leave this world at home from cardiac arrest?   I had to make this gut wrenching decision with a previous dog. He had kidney disease. He quit eating, was lethargic and just kept laid up, watching us with sad eyes. I sat up with him one night, just needing to stay with him and the knowledge I had to let him go. I noticed his eyes were starting to recede, which was from the dehydration due to his kidney function decline. He was suffering and my husband and I knew we could not just watch him slowly die, so we took him back to his vet to help him cross over peacefully and painlessly. It was a very sad time but we knew in our hearts that we had made the right decision.

It is unfair for what Zeus is going through and it does seem wrong to be the one to make decisions. But, we have to out of love. Zeus has given you joy, unconditional love and companionship. Making the decision some day to help her go is the most selfless act of love there is to give back to her.

[AJWCat]

What awful news. I am so sorry you are going through this. No one can tell you exactly what to do, hopefully you will know the right time. You will have guilt no matter what. (We all do! No matter the circumstance.) But you know the "humane" choice will be sooner than you think, because it is humane. You are ending life but you ending a lot of suffering and pain. It is so hard losing them but this is really terrible and so young.  

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  You are right, it is horrible to have to make this decision, but I trust you will make the decision that is in her best interests when the time comes.  It is heartrending, we don't want to lose our beloved animals, they are our family.  My sincere condolences to you as you make your way through this.