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Sudden cardiac death


Jokkyp

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My boyfriend passed away 3 weeks after a cardiac arrest at the gym..

I was away in Tenerife when this happened and also we work together which makes it difficult to go back to work.. I still in a state of shock and hurt, the pain in my heart is unbearable..

I also lost a close friend to Cancer in Feb 2017 and am not  recovered from that and this happened again.

How can I get through this, itsbeen difficult

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On 28/09/2017 at 8:56 PM, Jokkyp said:

My boyfriend passed away 3 weeks after a cardiac arrest at the gym..

I was away in Tenerife when this happened and also we work together which makes it difficult to go back to work.. I still in a state of shock and hurt, the pain in my heart is unbearable..

I also lost a close friend to Cancer in Feb 2017 and am not  recovered from that and this happened again.

How can I get through this, itsbeen difficult

My boyfriend's funeral was on 16th of October 2017, it was a really painful and sad day, the next couple of days after were quite difficult.

And today 04th of November would have been his 40th birthday and it's been a tough day..I can't cope!!!

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I feel your pain and my heart breaks for you. I know how hard the special days, the "firsts", can be. I had so many days/nights where I wished I could get out of my own skin because of the pain and where you feel like you are going crazy. The mind races, the heart races and you just don't know what to do, except cry, holler, let out the emotions. There were even a few times when I went out to the woods and screamed the anguish out.

Maybe you could light a candle and talk to your boyfriend. Tell him Happy Birthday and pour your heart out to him. I believe they can hear us. I also do a lot of journaling to my husband. It has been very therapeutic for me to get those those feelings, thoughts, on paper. I like to think that my husband is reading my words over my shoulder, as I write.

Going for walks also helps. Something about being out in nature, the fresh air, placing focus on what is going on around you and the exercise is all good for the body, mind and soul.

Sending prayers for God's continued love, strength, comfort and peace.  (HUGS)

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On 9/28/2017 at 2:56 PM, Jokkyp said:

My boyfriend passed away 3 weeks after a cardiac arrest at the gym..

I still in a state of shock and hurt, the pain in my heart is unbearable..  I also lost a close friend to Cancer in Feb 2017 and am not  recovered from that and this happened again.

How can I get through this, its been difficult

I am so terribly sorry for your loss and know the pain you are experiencing.  My Charles passed away from cardiac arrest; we were on our way to the clinic when it happened.   For me,  losing my Charles, no matter what, will always feel as if the most important person will always be missing and my family will always be incomplete. Life will never feel A-okay again. Sure it will have moments of bittersweet joy, and bittersweet happiness, and you will eventually laugh again, and find stupid things funny, but it will never again be what it once was.  There will never again be those wonderful feelings of happiness– the kind that feels naive now, the kind you wonder if ever existed at all? You might never again have the feeling that all is right in the world. You can’t fix it, mend it, or even cry it away. No matter how many years go by, the ache remains.

How do you get through it? - I don't think you do.  Does it ever get easier?  The hard truth is a resounding no. Not for me, anyway. It hasn’t gotten easier to live without a huge piece of my heart. Grief is always there, lurking around every corner. It doesn’t get easier to walk this earth without my Charles.  It doesn’t get easier to breathe while choking on air. It doesn’t get easier to try to make new friends when you don’t have normal answers to normal questions anymore. It doesn’t get easier to try to live in the present moment while half of you is living in the what should be’s and why the hell is it not, space.  It doesn’t get easier seeing other loving couples holding hands together or sneaking kisses.  It doesn’t get easier to wonder what your life would have been like.  It doesn’t get easier, but it becomes different— softer, at times– louder at other times. It’s like a storm. You can’t predict when it’s coming, and you can’t predict whether you’ll be able to find shelter or not. You can’t predict whether you’ll even survive. You just hold your breath, brace yourself for the impact, and hope you can find some solid ground.

It is difficult and hard, and it may feel like you are never gonna get through this or if you even want to.  But we find a way, step by step, day by day.  It doesn’t get easier, it just becomes different. Some might call that pessimism, but for me, it’s truth. It’s simply the reality of a bereaved widower.  My prayer is for God to send you HIS Love, Peace and Strength to make it through is horrific time. HE will, just ask HIM, open your heart to HIM and watch what happens.

 

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13 hours ago, Francine said:

It doesn’t get easier, but it becomes different

Well put.  Nothing easy about this.  We do eventually adjust as much as we can, but the hard part is for the most part we have to learn to live with it, live with the aftermath, the consequences of our loss.  It's hard and great and those who haven't been through it can never imagine what it's like.  Our whole world is before and after that day.

We have to remind ourselves to BREATHE for gosh sakes!  We have to try to eat and drink water when we least feel like it.  

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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On 9/28/2017 at 0:56 PM, Jokkyp said:

My boyfriend passed away 3 weeks after a cardiac arrest at the gym..

I was away in Tenerife when this happened and also we work together which makes it difficult to go back to work.. I still in a state of shock and hurt, the pain in my heart is unbearable..

I also lost a close friend to Cancer in Feb 2017 and am not  recovered from that and this happened again.

How can I get through this, itsbeen difficult

Hi Jokkyp.  I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend.  It hurts me every time I see a new member on the forum.   Being "in shock" is going to be the new daily you for a while.  It will follow you for some time -- and being in shock does not neccesarily mean that you are non-functional.  You could be completely capable of doing things and being able to take care of yourself, while still being in shock.  I learned this just a few months ago.   In fact, even now at 4-months, most of my "shock" phase has subsided, but I do feel that there's still a small part of me that's in shock.  Sometimes it's simmering below the radar deep under the sadness, sometimes it will rock me with a wave that comes every now and then.      

There is nothing easy about going through the grief journey.  Do you have a support system?  If not, its time to start thinking and reaching out to people that can support or just plainly be able to listen to what you want to say, and about how you feel.    Start researching your options for therapy and a grief support group.   And of course, come back here frequently and share with us how you feel.  You will quickly realize that with this type of loss, there are not many out there in the world that will understand you --- but we will.   We're in the same shoes.

Take good care of yourself.  The grief journey in the early weeks/months is going to be one heck of a roller coaster.

On 11/4/2017 at 11:04 AM, Jokkyp said:

My boyfriend's funeral was on 16th of October 2017, it was a really painful and sad day, the next couple of days after were quite difficult.

And today 04th of November would have been his 40th birthday and it's been a tough day..I can't cope!!!

This is terrible.  I lost my wife and she was 39 as well.    I don't know Jokkyp --- even though I'm calm, I do very often wonder how I'm going to make it through the rest of my life.  It is very painful and sad indeed.

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On 11/5/2017 at 4:57 PM, Azipod said:

I lost my wife and she was 39 as well.     --- even though I'm calm, I do very often wonder how I'm going to make it through the rest of my life.  It is very painful and sad indeed.

 

Losing someone so dear is devastating at any age, but losing someone so young, seems unreal.  My Charles and I retired and had (or so we thought) our golden years in front of us; but now I don't know what to do.  Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing is worth it without him.  I've been trying to desperately find some miracle cure by talking to people. People talk to me.. say things to me; and in a way, their words give me hope for a second or two and then leaves me down in the bottomless darkness pit again.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.  It seems as if I'm mad at anything and everything because anger numbs the pain. But the pain just haunts me.  What I need is 5 more minutes with my husband;  Just 5 minutes to say all that's in my heart and to hear him tell me what to do. That he loves me, that he will wait for me somehow.  Tell me, how do you go on breathing when the life has gone out of you? Do you honestly think it's worth living a life without the one person that gave meaning to life?

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1 hour ago, Francine said:

Tell me, how do you go on breathing when the life has gone out of you? Do you honestly think it's worth living a life without the one person that gave meaning to life?

I hear you, Francine. No matter what else is going on in our lives, with others we love and care for, it still comes down to these last 2 sentences of yours.:(

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3 hours ago, KMB said:

I hear you, Francine. No matter what else is going on in our lives, with others we love and care for, it still comes down to these last 2 sentences of yours.:(

I don't disagree and I actually feel exactly just that this evening.  It's not my best night.      I guess the only thing I can add to that is this........   Who is going to remember our dear (wife/husband) if it's not us?   Who will carry their legacy?   We need to keep them alive.  Because they will always be alive as long as I am alive.

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4 hours ago, Francine said:

 

Losing someone so dear is devastating at any age, but losing someone so young, seems unreal.  

That's me thinking every morning when I get out of bed.  First thing I do is say f**k and shake my head.    Give me 40-years and I still won't be 80.    Man, I got a very long way to go.  sigh!

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15 hours ago, Francine said:

Losing someone so dear is devastating at any age, but losing someone so young, seems unreal. 

I agree.  We didn't even meet until our 40s!  We got all too short time together, he never got to retire, never expected this, but I can't even imagine loss in your 20s or 30s!  My daughter is 35.  I don't know which is worse, her husband, the love of her life, leaving her after 17 years together, shocking her world, or if he'd have died.  If he'd have died her memories wouldn't have been colored with his betrayal and abandonment, but you never wish that to happen and it's so final.  I guess the two losses can't compare, they're different and horrible in their own way.  My son is 33, married, has a toddler and a baby, and I have thought if this happened to him, how hard it would hit him.  I could move in and take care of his kids while he worked but no guy wants to live with their mom, his "family" would be turned upside down, I can't imagine the grief and pain.  They have a friend this happened to, he has babies to care for, and the family has been good to help out, but nothing is the same for him in his life anymore.  It's just not right!

 

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28 minutes ago, KayC said:

  I guess the two losses can't compare, they're different and horrible in their own way.

They are, and I can only speak on losing my husband through death.  Knowing I'll never see him (in good times and bad); knowing we'll never be able to communicate; knowing I can never hold him, or kiss him again is unimaginable.

They say that time helps lessen the pain, but I hurt now, and I want the "fix" now. The issue is there is no magic cure for this kind of pain. What we're going through is a "trial" that's going to test us. It's going to hurt like hell and it's going to feel like  ****, and not everyone manages to get through it, and none of those who do will get through it unscathed.

My Charles was my reason for being, that much is clear from my posts.  With him gone, I'm lost, don't know what to do, where to turn, don't know what's supposed to come next. I know that part of what I'm feeling is a fear of the unknown, because all that I have known has changed, and will never be the same. Perhaps the fact that I'm scared may suggest that I still want to go on; not just for myself, but for Charles as well;  even with all the pain I'm going through. Perhaps, somewhere, deep down, I do have a reason to live, even if I can't pinpoint what that is quite yet. The best thing any of us can do  is hold onto that knowledge and use it to push through to the next day. - Or perhaps, I just rambling - who knows - a prime example of grief.

Sometimes, I think that living for the sake of living might seem pointless, but if our husbands cared about us as half as much as we care about them, I guarantee you they'd want us to go on and try to find a reason to be happy again. I'd also like to end with another thought in the same vein as this.   For me, I know my Charles loved me and when I think about that, then I don't need those 5 extra minutes with him.   I can't speak for him obviously, but the fact that our devotion for one another was so great, I know I can hold on until we see each other again - and we will.  Won't that be glorious.

 

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12 hours ago, Azipod said:

Who will carry their legacy?   We need to keep them alive.  Because they will always be alive as long as I am alive.

My words exactly.  All I can say is Amen!

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21 hours ago, Francine said:

the fact that our devotion for one another was so great, I know I can hold on until we see each other again - and we will.

That is exactly how I feel.  We still love each other, death couldn't change that, and what a great reunion day that will be!

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On 11/13/2017 at 7:01 PM, Francine said:

 

Losing someone so dear is devastating at any age, but losing someone so young, seems unreal.  My Charles and I retired and had (or so we thought) our golden years in front of us; but now I don't know what to do.  Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing is worth it without him.  I've been trying to desperately find some miracle cure by talking to people. People talk to me.. say things to me; and in a way, their words give me hope for a second or two and then leaves me down in the bottomless darkness pit again.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.  It seems as if I'm mad at anything and everything because anger numbs the pain. But the pain just haunts me.  What I need is 5 more minutes with my husband;  Just 5 minutes to say all that's in my heart and to hear him tell me what to do. That he loves me, that he will wait for me somehow.  Tell me, how do you go on breathing when the life has gone out of you? Do you honestly think it's worth living a life without the one person that gave meaning to life?

Francine ... One of these days soon I will tell my story but I lost my wife of 24 years on 26 Aug 17 ... I too wish I had 5 more minutes just to tell her I love her and tell her I will be with her when my time is up ... I am 50 years old with 3 grown children ... it was supposed to be our time now ... anyway when I feel better I will share more ... but I know wanted you to know I understand how you feel ... take care ...

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David,

I do hope you will continue to come here and post, you're the fifth new one here today.  I want to share this with you also, so I hope others will bear with me because I've shared it with all of you new ones today, you can skip over it if you've already read it, but I'd like to make sure you've seen it as these are things I've learned that have helped me.  I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, I can't think of anything worse than to lose your spouse or children.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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21 minutes ago, KayC said:

David,

I do hope you will continue to come here and post, you're the fifth new one here today.  I want to share this with you also, so I hope others will bear with me because I've shared it with all of you new ones today, you can skip over it if you've already read it, but I'd like to make sure you've seen it as these are things I've learned that have helped me.  I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, I can't think of anything worse than to lose your spouse or children.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

Thank you KayC ! .... like I said I will tell my story soon ... Maybe it will help me alot as well if I do share it ... just let everyone here know a little about my wife Cathy ... these next few weeks and months are going to be the hardest because of the holidays ... we always depended on her great cooking throughout the years but  especially around the holidays ... I will definitely share my story soon as I am not the only one this is affecting ... my kids are going through this as well .. all are under 30 years old ... I thank you for your kind words ...

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6 hours ago, DAVID2018 said:

Francine ... One of these days soon I will tell my story but I lost my wife of 24 years on 26 Aug 17 ... I too wish I had 5 more minutes just to tell her I love her and tell her I will be with her when my time is up ... I am 50 years old with 3 grown children ... it was supposed to be our time now ... anyway when I feel better I will share more ... but I know wanted you to know I understand how you feel ... take care ...

Whenever you are ready, know that we are always here.  Know that you are in my prayers.

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6 hours ago, DAVID2018 said:

Francine ... One of these days soon I will tell my story but I lost my wife of 24 years on 26 Aug 17 ... I too wish I had 5 more minutes just to tell her I love her and tell her I will be with her when my time is up ... I am 50 years old with 3 grown children ... it was supposed to be our time now ... anyway when I feel better I will share more ... but I know wanted you to know I understand how you feel ... take care ...

David2018.  I am sorry to hear that you too have a story to share.  Whenever you are ready, feel free to share what you are comfortable with.  We are here to provide support, guidance, or just be all ears to listen to what you have to say.   Having those extra minutes to share our hearts with our loved ones would have been great.   I'm sure that are loved ones know deep inside, how much we care and love them.  Depending on your beliefs, they likely already at this very moment how much they are missed.   I am sorry that you had to join our club.  This is a safe place for us to share what we desire -- this is one of those few places out there where people just understand.

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10 hours ago, DAVID2018 said:

 One of these days soon I will tell my story but I lost my wife of 24 years on 26 Aug 17 ... I too wish I had 5 more minutes just to tell her I love her and tell her I will be with her when my time is up ... I am 50 years old with 3 grown children ... it was supposed to be our time now ... anyway when I feel better I will share more ... but I know wanted you to know I understand how you feel ... take care ...

David,  We will be here for you, when you are ready. It is not easy sharing a love story that has a devastating, sad ending. We are consumed with the pain, lost, confused, angry, sad, stressed, frustrated, destroyed, shattered, alone with our own agony.   I had 25 years with my husband and he unwillingly, suddenly, left our life to cardiac arrest. i still have a problem with comprehending how someone can be here one moment and permanently gone the next. We have grown children as well. They go on with their lives. Their grieving is far different than mine. My husband and I had just started with the retirement process. We had our plans for a peaceful, less demanding life. No joy in retirement for me now. The loneliness and adjusting to being alone is the hardest to cope with.My one consolation is the "knowing" I will be with him again someday. It is this waiting, this surviving, that is so darn hard and painful.

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The holidays are hard to get through, not sure it ever gets easier.  My kids were young adults when my husband died, they wanted to put up a tree, my son cut one down and my daughter helped decorate it, if not for that I would have skipped the whole thing.  Now I'm alone but I put up the tree for my George, he loved everything about every holiday, every season, he had so much zest for life.  He didn't want to miss a thing.  I like to imagine him here with me.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/coping-with-holidays-suggested.html 

http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/9038-tips-for-handling-the-holidays/ 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/getting-through-the-holidays-when-you-are-newly-bereaved_us_582c7767e4b0466f4579334f?

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