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The Only Thing That Helps Me. (This Might Not Be Final).


Jeff In Denver

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Jeff In Denver

First, I wanted to say hi to my old friends here.  I had stepped away for quite a while as I had been obsessed with this site.  I hope you guys are finding some comfort and light during this horrendous reality.  Second, I wanted to share with others some of my thoughts, having lost the love of my life on June 14th, 2016.  My life has been turned upside down from this devastating loss, as I am sure that yours has.  I will never move on.  It's now a matter of surviving.  I will find a way to honor her as often as I can.  I think about her every day, all day.  I can't tell you how much I love and miss her.

It's really sad to come back to this site and see people who have just been thrust into this.  I'm sorry...

Please note that I am expressing my opinions here.  I have no answers.   What I have found helps some people.   It's not for others.   But research has shown that, in general, people who don't look at this kind of loss as final tend to handle grief a little better than those who do.

I am a hardcore skeptic and an agnostic bordering on atheism.  I used to laugh at talk of the afterlife, etc.  But then this happened.   The only thing that keeps me going is the prospect and hope that this isn't the end.

This isn't the forum for afterlife discussions.  It's a grief forum.  I should probably be posting this in the ADCs, Visions, and Dreams forum, but it doesn't look like it's used much.  I wanted to post some information that had earlier this year as, sadly, there are a lot of new people here.  I am writing this because I hope that it helps some of you - even if it's just a little.

There is a well-rated Swedenborg book, "Our Life After Death," that is available free as a PDF on Swedenborg's site:  https://swedenborg.com/product/life-death/

I have also found a lot of information on http://afterlifeforums.com/.

As my old friends here know, I really like the non-profit Forever Family Foundation.  They have a lot of science-based research, webinars, and other resources that can help.

If you have any questions please e-mail me or put them here.  I would love your feedback.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi Jeff, it is good to hear from you.  Someone posted about Swedenborg on another thread.  It's not in keeping with my beliefs but there's a wide array represented here.  

1 hour ago, Jeff In Denver said:

But research has shown that, in general, people who don't look at this kind of loss as final tend to handle grief a little better than those who do.

I totally agree with this!  To those who do not have beliefs in the hereafter, I would only ask them to consider being open to the possibilities of what may be.  It helps to look at the universes, how vast they are, keeping an open mind to the fact that there is so much we do not know!  Allow yourself to contemplate the possibilities...

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I have let my once strong Faith in God slip past me over the years. I am trying very hard to recapture my Faith. I need to know that Lauri and I will be reunited. 

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3 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

 

I am a hardcore skeptic and an agnostic bordering on atheism.  I used to laugh at talk of the afterlife, etc.  But then this happened.   The only thing that keeps me going is the prospect and hope that this isn't the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is my situation exactly. And even now, even though I am desperate to believe in something so I can see her again, I still can’t shake the skepticism. I have to avoid certain posts so I won’t end up saying something hurtful to someone that doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes when I see posts about God they actually make me angry that people speak with such certainty even though they are really just as clueless as me. Even though I don’t know what or if I believe, I pray every night. I always say the same four words: Please increase my faith. Can you tell me more about how it has been for you as someone with your beliefs or lack thereof? I feel like it’s a much different point of view than that held by most of the people here in the forum.

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Paluka and Djh, This link and the accompanying articles and links therein, provided me with some comfort. Maybe it will for you also. Hanging onto our beliefs is so very hard to do when we are in so much pain. We do need our beliefs so that we do not drive ourselves completely over the edge. Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven? | Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life

 

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Jeff In Denver

KayC, good to see you again.

KMB, likewise.  I know that KayC has a different view, and I appreciate that, but I wanted to add the video that ties into your post.

 

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5 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

But research has shown that, in general, people who don't look at this kind of loss as final tend to handle grief a little better than those who do.

I believe there's got to be more; my faith tells me that we just couldn't have been put on this earth to endure, hurt, sufferings, and pain and that's it  - the end, the last call, the finale.  I believe on this sinful, fallen earth, life will remain difficult, filled with death, suffering and sadness.   I'm looking forward to a better home - for me, that's heaven - and for me, heaven is always better in every realm than this earth.

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Can I ask, in all seriousness, what makes this Swedenborg character a reliable source? Who is to say he’s not just some random guy with schizophrenia who wrote down what he thought was true but was, in reality, just the result of mental illness?

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Jeff In Denver
3 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Can I ask, in all seriousness, what makes this Swedenborg character a reliable source? Who is to say he’s not just some random guy with schizophrenia who wrote down what he thought was true but was, in reality, just the result of mental illness?

That is a very good question, and one that should be asked.     I don't think he was crazy.  He was respected scientist, philosopher, theologian, and a very smart guy.   Of course there is a video:  

 

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6 hours ago, KMB said:

Paluka and Djh, This link and the accompanying articles and links therein, provided me with some comfort. Maybe it will for you also. Hanging onto our beliefs is so very hard to do when we are in so much pain. We do need our beliefs so that we do not drive ourselves completely over the edge. Will Happily Married Couples be Together in Heaven? | Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life

 

I have one question may be stupid but what if someone married twice or thrice , will they all live together there.

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Jeff In Denver
41 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

I have one question may be stupid but what if someone married twice or thrice , will they all live together there.

That has long been a concern of mine.   It is also one of the reasons why I will never seek another loving relationship, or have one.  It is addressed in the first video on this page:  "Will we see..."  Go to about 27:19.

 

 

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53 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

I have one question may be stupid but what if someone married twice or thrice , will they all live together there.

I'm not quite sure of the answer. That would be something that your soul would decide, in agreement with the other souls involved. Each and everyone of us are connected together soul wise. In the afterlife, we do have our soul families. When we decide our life plan for our earth life, we make agreements with those in our soul family for the roles we will play in this life. Some of our soul family are already here, for example, who our parents, grandparents, etc., are. For anyone who has had multiple life partners, you will be reunited with all of them, if your soul wishes, or the one who has been mainly your soul mate partner in past lives and in this life.

From what I have learned from my own medium readings, my husband and I are soul mate life partners. We have had 16 previous past lives here. If we decide on having another life experience here again, we will be husband and wife again.

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KMB is correct.  My understanding is that if you have more than one partner, you will likely get paired up back to the one that is truly your soulmate.  Whether we can tell which one while we are still alive on earth I don’t know.  Perhaps you can, you will know which partner you have the most in common and strongest bond with.  Basically, whoever is your true soulmate.   You likely will still be met by all of your loved ones, but the energy will be so positive that you will figure things out and there will be no feelings hurt.  You will naturally connect with the special one.

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I want to die so desperately so that I can meet him (I am not feeling suicidal) , just so curious after watching videos and reading blog. I wish I have someone like medium whom I can ask something about my husband but we don't have any, I tried so hard to look for them but did not find any.  

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Jeff In Denver
5 minutes ago, Azipod said:

KMB is correct.  My understanding is that if you have more than one partner, you will likely get paired up back to the one that is truly your soulmate.  Whether we can tell which one while we are still alive on earth I don’t know.  Perhaps you can, you will know which partner you have the most in common and strongest bond with.  Basically, whoever is your true soulmate.   You likely will still be met by all of your loved ones, but the energy will be so positive that you will figure things out and there will be no feelings hurt.  You will naturally connect with the special one.

Very comforting, and that is what Swedenborg says.

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Azipod, you said it so much better than I did!  it is hard to explain to those who are skeptics about the afterlife, souls, soul family connections, past lives, reincarnation----. We come to this earth life over and over for the experience of physical, 3D earth life. We come here to learn and teach lessons for the growth of our souls. It is when our souls have reached total growth, that we can stay in the afterlife for eternity.

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7 minutes ago, KMB said:

Azipod, you said it so much better than I did!  it is hard to explain to those who are skeptics about the afterlife, souls, soul family connections, past lives, reincarnation----. We come to this earth life over and over for the experience of physical, 3D earth life. We come here to learn and teach lessons for the growth of our souls. It is when our souls have reached total growth, that we can stay in the afterlife for eternity.

I’ve been watching Swedenborg videos each night.  As soon as I am done here, I’m going to hop into bed alone (sign), and fire up YouTube. ;)

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16 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

I want to die so desperately so that I can meet him (I am not feeling suicidal) , just so curious after watching videos and reading blog. I wish I have someone like medium whom I can ask something about my husband but we don't have any, I tried so hard to look for them but did not find any.  

Just know that there are Mediums that can do Skype or over the phone. It doesn’t have to be in person.  Just something for you to consider giving your geographic challenges.

LoveGoli..... are u ready for another Friday leading into another weekend? I hate it.  It’s 8:30 pm Thursday night here.  Not looking to wake up to another Friday.  It’s going to be another low.  It would be nice if I went to sleep for good tonight.  Knowing my luck, i’d say I’ll be alive tomorrow and be back on this forum by 10am.  Sigh.

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2 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Just know that there are Mediums that can do Skype or over the phone. It doesn’t have to be in person.  Just something for you to consider giving your geographic challenges.

LoveGoli..... are u ready for another Friday leading into another weekend? I hate it.  It’s 8:30 pm Thursday night here.  Not looking to wake up to another Friday.  It’s going to be another low.  It would be nice if I went to sleep for good tonight.  Knowing my luck, i’d say I’ll be alive tomorrow and be back on this forum by 10am.  Sigh.

Azipod, can you please share any medium name who do skype, I live in India.

Its Friday morning here, and I was thinking same about Weekend. Unfortunately we have long weekend this week due to local holiday, that means I have 3 days weekend and it really sucks. Before this , me and my husband were planning for this week to go somewhere even we were just booking our tickets but suddenly he got sick, this weekend reminding me about that trip which never happened.

Friday night is going to be hard and as you said , I know I will be alive on Saturday morning, laying on the bed and crying.

 

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The faith and hope that I will someday be with my husband Kevin again is I think a LARGE part of what keeps me going.  I'm going to check out the links you all have here.  Thanks for sharing!

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21 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I have to avoid certain posts so I won’t end up saying something hurtful to someone that doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes when I see posts about God they actually make me angry that people speak with such certainty even though they are really just as clueless as me.

PLEASE don't strike out at anyone here because of our faith.  We speak with certainty because we HAVE certainty.  It's something you can't make sense of intellectually or merely reason out if you haven't had that transformation, but it's real. It's as real to Francine and I as anyone living and breathing here. You are frustrated, understandably so, and we would never intend to push our beliefs on you, just because we make reference to them doesn't mean we're trying to force YOU into believing anything you don't.  Our beliefs are our choice, God himself doesn't force himself on us.

10 hours ago, Stonesie said:

The faith and hope that I will someday be with my husband Kevin again is I think a LARGE part of what keeps me going. 

It is for me too.  I don't know how people make it through this without that hope.  I remember someone posting links for someone who doesn't have these beliefs, was it Jeff in Denver?  I can't remember, but I saved the link because it is the best article I've read along those lines:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ali-a-rizvi/atheists-death_b_4134439.html

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6 minutes ago, KayC said:

PLEASE don't strike out at anyone here because of our faith.  We speak with certainty because we HAVE certainty.  It's something you can't make sense of intellectually or merely reason out if you haven't had that transformation, but it's real. It's as real to Francine and I as anyone living and breathing here. You are frustrated, understandably so, and we would never intend to push our beliefs on you, just because we make reference to them doesn't mean we're trying to force YOU into believing anything you don't.  Our beliefs are our choice, God himself doesn't force himself on us.

It is for me too.  I don't know how people make it through this without that hope.  I remember someone posting links for someone who doesn't have these beliefs, was it Jeff in Denver?  I can't remember, but I saved the link because it is the best article I've read along those lines:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ali-a-rizvi/atheists-death_b_4134439.html

I said I avoid posts so I DONT say anything hurtful. But no one speaks with certainty about God or the afterlife. No one really knows. You’re free to have your faith but you KNOW just as much as every other living person.

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Semantics DO matter...guess we have to agree to disagree, we're just coming from polar opposite perspectives. ;)

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12 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

Azipod, can you please share any medium name who do skype, I live in India.

Its Friday morning here, and I was thinking same about Weekend. Unfortunately we have long weekend this week due to local holiday, that means I have 3 days weekend and it really sucks. Before this , me and my husband were planning for this week to go somewhere even we were just booking our tickets but suddenly he got sick, this weekend reminding me about that trip which never happened.

Friday night is going to be hard and as you said , I know I will be alive on Saturday morning, laying on the bed and crying.

 

I will do some checking and let you know what I find out about the Mediums.

It's Friday here now.  I woke up today feeling like crap even before I got out of bed.  I woke up realizing that it's another nightmare.   As I got up and wandered around the house, I'm again reminded at how empty the house is with just me around.  I see all the things that we've created together in our home but it's only left for me to appreciate (which obviously I cannot at this time).   It didn't take long before I started to cry ... i started to cry even before I made it to the bathroom.       

This is so depressing and sad. 

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30 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I will do some checking and let you know what I find out about the Mediums.

It's Friday here now.  I woke up today feeling like crap even before I got out of bed.  I woke up realizing that it's another nightmare.   As I got up and wandered around the house, I'm again reminded at how empty the house is with just me around.  I see all the things that we've created together in our home but it's only left for me to appreciate (which obviously I cannot at this time).   It didn't take long before I started to cry ... i started to cry even before I made it to the bathroom.       

This is so depressing and sad. 

I am so sorry you are feeling this way and I don't have any words to give you some comfort. This is going to be my tomorrow morning and i am so sure about this because every Saturday he used to give me bed tea. Now no one here, no one with whom I will spend lazy Saturday morning, cuddling on bed till its breakfast time.

When we got married, we had nothing in our house not even a single thing. We bought every small to big thing and now he is not here and I left with all these stuff, sometime even if I see knife, spoon or any basic thing it makes me cry so I understand what you are feeling right now.

All I can say cry if you want.

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3 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

When we got married, we had nothing in our house not even a single thing. We bought every small to big thing and now he is not here and I left with all these stuff, sometime even if I see knife, spoon or any basic thing it makes me cry so I understand what you are feeling right now.

All I can say cry if you want.

We were just like you!   We didn't even having a dining table for over a year.   Now, we have everything.   Everything, except my wife.

My house feels so empty.  My life is so empty.   Everything feels hollow.  Time is at a standstill.   There is no purpose.    Being in the house, alone, still feels so surreal.   All of the hard work we've put in to make it ours, is done.    But now that it's done, where is my wife???

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10 hours ago, KayC said:

PLEASE don't strike out at anyone here because of our faith.  We speak with certainty because we HAVE certainty.  It's something you can't make sense of intellectually or merely reason out if you haven't had that transformation, but it's real. It's as real to Francine and I as anyone living and breathing here. You are frustrated, understandably so, and we would never intend to push our beliefs on you, just because we make reference to them doesn't mean we're trying to force YOU into believing anything you don't.  Our beliefs are our choice, God himself doesn't force himself on us

Thank you for this! Your post is on point and my sentiments exactly.    We are all individuals, we are who we are; we like what we like and we believe in what we believe.  And you know what, that's OK.  Because I might disagree with others on this forum, doesn't mean I don't respect their beliefs.  While my beliefs may differ from theirs and they may not agree or understand them; it doesn't mean I am wrong, invalid or inappropriate.  I hope I am not judged when I set different limits than others do; that's the beauty of this forum; to respectfully disagree and not be criticized for it.    I know humanity has its flaws, but if we believe in honesty, compassion, understanding, empathy, treating others the way we want to be treated, helping those in need and loving one another, beliefs or not, we're on the right track.

On 9/28/2017 at 0:31 PM, Djh0901kc said:

Sometimes when I see posts about God they actually make me angry that people speak with such certainty even though they are really just as clueless as m

They shouldn't make you angry; and perhaps we are just as clueless as you; but for me, I'd rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than to live my life as if there isn't and die to find out out there is.

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7 hours ago, Francine said:

Thank you for this! Your post is on point and my sentiments exactly.    We are all individuals, we are who we are; we like what we like and we believe in what we believe.  And you know what, that's OK.  Because I might disagree with others on this forum, doesn't mean I don't respect their beliefs.  While my beliefs may differ from theirs and they may not agree or understand them; it doesn't mean I am wrong, invalid or inappropriate.  I hope I am not judged when I set different limits than others do; that's the beauty of this forum; to respectfully disagree and not be criticized for it.    I know humanity has its flaws, but if we believe in honesty, compassion, understanding, empathy, treating others the way we want to be treated, helping those in need and loving one another, beliefs or not, we're on the right track.

They shouldn't make you angry; and perhaps we are just as clueless as you; but for me, I'd rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than to live my life as if there isn't and die to find out out there is.

Well sometimes they do make me angry. You can’t make a post discussing how you’re free to have your own beliefs and then tell me I can’t feel a certain way. You can all believe whatever you want. I hope I do someday as well.

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I should say that I don’t think KayC tries to force her beliefs on anyone. When she discusses them she generally works it in subtlely so that it will help those who find comfort in it without clubbing them over the head. I find that to be ideal and I really appreciate it.

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Havent we all just experienced the most terrible pain there is? Havent we all realised how little importance everything else makes after our loved ones passing?

We all have to walk around, eat, work, drive, sleep with stabs in our hearts. And we share that here with others. We are the only ones to understand what it is like to get up from bed and know there is absolutely nothing exciting for us anymore. 

Our differences barely matters. Its our pain and trying harder and harder to exist that unites us. We need to focus on that! It doesnt matter if we are christian, jew, muslim, buddhist or an atheist. It doesnt matter if some of us believes our loved ones journey was complete while some of us believe they died untimely. It doesnt matter if some of us decides to move on and see others while others decide to wait to reunite. It doesnt matter because these are the different ways we cope with this terrible pain! We are all different. Our relationships were different. Of course we cope differently!

We need to focus on comforting each other and its OK to explain the things that have helped us on the way hoping it might help others. Noone can impose their beliefs onto others and I know none of the good people here would intentionally do that.

I am glad you guys are there to tell me there is light in the end although I have not seen it and I dont think I will any time soon. All I do is complain and feel terribly sad and angry and you guys are there trying to comfort when none of my family or friends are interested in doing that anymore. Xxx

 

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4 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Well sometimes they do make me angry. You can’t make a post discussing how you’re free to have your own beliefs and then tell me I can’t feel a certain way. You can all believe whatever you want. I hope I do someday as well.

Okay, point taken. I guess I also choose not to accept responsibility for and worry about your anger, it's yours to deal with.  I just don't feel I have to be apologetic about my beliefs.  I am sorry that you feel such anger though.  Keep in mind, though, that this is a time when emotions run amok, everyone newly grieving IS sensitive, and sometimes can take things the wrong way, I know I surely experienced that in my first year of grief!  It's common.  I've seen discussions on forums where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because SOMEONE is going to take offense at what you say!  It's just how it is.  Easy to feel like you're walking on eggshells sometimes.

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4 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Well sometimes they do make me angry. You can’t make a post discussing how you’re free to have your own beliefs and then tell me I can’t feel a certain way. You can all believe whatever you want. I hope I do someday as well.

I never have nor will I ever tell a person how they can or cannot feel.  Their feelings are their feelings and they have a right to them; but I also have a right to mine and someday I too hope you do.

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3 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

Our differences barely matters. Its our pain and trying harder and harder to exist that unites us. We need to focus on that! It doesnt matter if we are christian, jew, muslim, buddhist or an atheist. It doesnt matter if some of us believes our loved ones journey was complete while some of us believe they died untimely. It doesnt matter if some of us decides to move on and see others while others decide to wait to reunite. It doesnt matter because these are the different ways we cope with this terrible pain! We are all different. Our relationships were different. Of course we cope differently!

Your post is spot on and so all that needs to be said.  Thank you for it!

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TooDevastated--- I agree with Francine on your post. We are all going through the most traumatic loss of our lives here.  Individual faith, belief systems or no faith or belief is a personal choice. However each of us expresses words alluding to our personal choices, is only meant to bring a measure of whatever comfort we can provide each other here.

I do believe in God, but I also believe in the workings of Heaven, the next realm of life we go to from here. For this life here on earth, we require a dense, physical body, a shell to house our soul/spirit. We have to shed that physical body to transition to Heaven. We have a body there, but in spirit form, to accommodate the requirements of that form of existence.

What really matters is what we hold in our hearts to be true for ourselves. We need all the help and comfort we can get to see us through this agonizing, lonely journey.

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

Okay, point taken. I guess I also choose not to accept responsibility for and worry about your anger, it's yours to deal with.  I just don't feel I have to be apologetic about my beliefs.  I am sorry that you feel such anger though.  Keep in mind, though, that this is a time when emotions run amok, everyone newly grieving IS sensitive, and sometimes can take things the wrong way, I know I surely experienced that in my first year of grief!  It's common.  I've seen discussions on forums where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because SOMEONE is going to take offense at what you say!  It's just how it is.  Easy to feel like you're walking on eggshells sometimes.

I never said anyone needed to apologize to me or worry about my anger. I said how I felt and I said about 50 times that everyone is free to believe in whatever they want. My post was about how I felt not how anyone else needed to change anything. I’ll leave it at that

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7 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

You can’t make a post discussing how you’re free to have your own beliefs and then tell me I can’t feel a certain way.

Perhaps what you posted and what you meant to say was taken out of context and if you felt I was telling you that you can't feel a certain way, that simply was never the intent.  You have the right, just as we all do, to feel whatever you feel.  And as you indicated, we'll leave it at that!  Let's get back to why we're here in the first place, to uplift one another on this horrific journey. :)

 

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2 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Thanks you guys. I’m really sorry for being a jerk

Youre not being a jerk! I don't think anyone here would ever think that.  

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4 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

Thanks you guys. I’m really sorry for being a jerk

My opinion of a jerk is someone who is rude, angry and tries to make other feel bad about themselves whenever the opportunity arises.  I don't sense nor get that from you and my guess is no one on this forum does either.  We're all just trying to get through this most difficult time in our lives. 

 

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20 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I never said anyone needed to apologize to me or worry about my anger. I said how I felt and I said about 50 times that everyone is free to believe in whatever they want. My post was about how I felt not how anyone else needed to change anything. I’ll leave it at that

I realize that, didn't think otherwise.

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Jeff In Denver
On 9/29/2017 at 2:25 PM, Azipod said:

My house feels so empty.  My life is so empty.   Everything feels hollow.  Time is at a standstill.   There is no purpose.    Being in the house, alone, still feels so surreal.   All of the hard work we've put in to make it ours, is done.    But now that it's done, where is my wife???

You summed it so up well...

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On 9/28/2017 at 8:51 PM, LoveGoli said:

Azipod, can you please share any medium name who do skype, I live in India.

I am going to see her next month for an in-person ready.   Found her through a string of positive reviews.   Per her website, it looks like she does readings via Skype too.

https://www.angelichope.com/

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3 hours ago, Azipod said:

I am going to see her next month for an in-person

That is great! You have time to think about and write down the questions you want to ask. Also, have something to record the session. You can use the recording for your own comfort when you need it.

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