Sick with Grief

[Ema]

I've never joined a group like this but im just so sad. I had to euthanize my baby , my dog after 18 beautiful years.An Italian greyhound.  She wasn't eating or drinking, could not stand and no balance . The vet ruled out vestibular syndrome .Normal blood and urine . I would have had to put her through tests and probing to hunt for a diagnoses and didn't want to put her through all that to prolong her life for me. 18 years is amazing. She went very peacefully under our tree in the backyard with me blanketing her with love while our very kind gentle vet sent her to the rainbow bridge where we will meet again. Im just overcome with extreme sadness. I gave her a beautiful burial at the cemetary and tribute with family and friends. Im so empty. My house is empty. How do I go on?

[AJWCat]

Ema, I am so sorry to hear about your sweet dog! I won't lie to you, since you loved so deeply, the pain will be tough. She was a major part of your life. When we lost our cat, everything looked dark. I didn't do much at all for a week - I was a zombie. Hopefully you are little better than me! All you can do is grieve and cry and try to remember all the years together, all the good times. There are many tragic stories here, so how wonderful to read about her peaceful end. I know you are very sad but I will tell you that you are lucky to have had that. I wish you all the best and wish there was some way to ease your pain. They leave a hole when they go. For me, I have had to document my feelings here as I have been so devastated, I have to get it out somehow. The people who come here understand the pain of pet loss.   

[Ema]

Thanks so much for your kind words. Only a person who has experienced the multi faceted relationship with a pet can understand the depth of this pain. I don't feel complete, a part of me is missing. I know it's just the first day but Im so sad I can't stand it. Going through photos to put together a book of her . I we can all find peace in time. Peace to you.

[MarvaMac]

Let me first say how sorry I am for your loss, I too understand so dearly of what you're going through right now.... We had to put our beloved cat Rex down back in June the 22nd because of cancer and let me tell you the agony and pain was so overwhelming.....I couldn't explain it to anyone who would have understood it . We had Rex for 16 glorious years together and he is sorely missed each and every day that passes, my friend Ema I pray that you will get through this the best way you can....cry when you need to, look at pictures when you want to, and grieve as long as time allows for you to do so. But know this, our babies are up there over the rainbow bridge together right now .....probably chasing each other or who knows what those rascals are up to along with the other fur baby angels!!!! Take it easy on yourself and if you need to pour your heart out.....I'm right here with and for you!!! You're not alone in this .....we are all here for each other on this beautiful site when we can't get it anywhere else that understands. May God bless you and your family.....

[Ema]

Thank you so much for your comforting words. Im so sorry also for your loss. The imagery about them playing over the rainbow bridge will stay with me. These babies are playful balls of love and energy and Im praying that heaven is holding them safe and warm like our arms and kisses did here . Im just so broken hearted, sad, longing for my little sweetie . So grateful for this site and all the supportive feedback and sharing. 

[Maria9]

Dear Emma,I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. Please try to be comforted by the knowledge that your doggie had a long and wonderful life with you and that she died peacefully in your arms. This the best one can wish for one's beloved pet. I know it won't ease the pain of loss ,but believe me when I say you are lucky to have had this. I wish I could help ease your pain. Honestly, I don't know how you go on from here. I am still struggling with my loss too, of my kitty. I guess you take it one day at a time, you cry ,you grieve, you let it out , you try to be with people who understand. Write here as much as you need, everybody here understands.

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.  There is a Greyhound Rescue down the street from me (I'm in the country) and they are beautiful wonderful dogs.

OMG, 18 years is amazing!  I had a Whippet, but she only made it 14 years.  Her equilibrium was also off, having a hard time walking, falling, she was incontinent the last two years, and I realized she no longer smiled like she always had.  When she started crying in her sleep, I decided it was time, I couldn't let her suffer any longer just because I wanted to keep her around for ME.  It sounds like you made the same self-sacrifice in the best interest of your dog.

We continue to miss them, it's hard, I kid you not.  I love The Rainbow Bridge, and it is how I choose to think of my Lucky girl, and hope that's how you see your boy.

 

[Ema]

It's 2 days since I said goodbye to my dog. I put pictures around. I just cannot comprehend that after 18 years with her , now it's over?..this chapter of my life just over?.. did I imagine it?...was she real?...how does a part of your heart just cease to exist out of nowhere? I know that I was blessed to have her so long and I know it was her time but should have given her steroids for her legs and meclizzine for dizziness and continued forcing her to eat with a syrynge?. I know, Im replaying everything in my head. Me, her mama , putting her to rest. OMG, I just cannot take this sadness and emptiness and I want to be sure and let God know that I don't need to learn any lessons in appreciation. I have my kids..my family..my health and Im blessed. In just so sad about losing my little friend. 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Ema said:

this chapter of my life just over?.. did I imagine it?...was she real?...how does a part of your heart just cease to exist out of nowhere?

I remember feeling this exact same thing when my husband died.  I literally had to go look at his identification, birth cert., marriage license, death cert., our pictures...yes, he existed.  It's weird how it all feels so surreal afterwards, you doubt yourself, like you made it up.  It's hard to imagine having had it after you've lost it!  But it was real, very real, the most real part of my life, and I know that's how you're feeling about your dog.  You had your dog far longer than many marriages last!

13 hours ago, Ema said:

should have given her steroids for her legs and meclizzine for dizziness and continued forcing her to eat with a syrynge?

It wasn't a solution, it would have only bid her more time, but even so, she would have suffered even with that.  I think you gave her the best life you could and made decisions based on her best interest.  We love them more than life itself, I know because I am my Arlie's mom.  We who love our dogs this much, we have this in common, we can spot a fellow mom.

Of course you will continue to miss her, I just wish it didn't hurt so much, someday it won't hurt quite so bad but the missing will continue.  I feel that way still about my granddoggy, Skye, my heart still aches for him even after four years.  I will ALWAYS miss him, he was so special, there is no dog like him.  I've had to learn to live with the missing him.  This is the one part of life that really sucks. 

[Ema]

I do so appreciate your support that can only come from someone who knows what this is like. One minute I think I'll be ok. The next In sobbing. I have to pull myself together for my kids. When I lost my father, before kids, I used to make time every night to write in a journal . This site is kinda like that but with feedback from others. Thank you, all.

[KayC]

I, too, used to journal, but you're right, forum is kind of like that with feedback, but it also connects us to others so we're not quite so alone in our journey.  

Oh the waves of grief!  How quickly it can shroud us, coming out of seeming nowhere, to slam us again.  I had to learn to flow with it and not fight it, it continues...fortunately it becomes less intense with time.  Hard enough to get through the changes it means to us!

[AJWCat]

Ema, it is so nice you have everyone around you - that you are not alone, and yet of course still there is emptiness and sadness. I expect it is going to take a while to feel more "normal" - it did for me. I'm not two months without my cat and I miss him terribly. I remember when I lost my two cats I had from when I was 19 to about 32/33 it was like my whole young adult life! And when I lost the first and then later my second cat, I was lost. I lost a little of who I was. It felt like it was all a dream. Animals are such a major physical presence, when they are not there it's such a powerful emptiness not having them. You did the right thing in the end, she sounded severely ill. The courageous thing in my opinion, that is, ending your dog's suffering and starting yours. Take it one day at a time, miss her, grieve, it's all you can do.