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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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17 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I wish there was something we could do for each other to ease the pain. I feel as though all of us here are comrades fighting in the same war and in the same side. 

We are indeed fighting the same war against grief.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder how others are able to carry on for so many years after losing their spouse/partner.  I mean, dying isn't something new.  People have been losing love ones since the beginning of time.

I don't know what the statistics are for widows/widowers, but I'm guessing the majority have been able to carry on to a renewed life after grief?   Perhaps there's a study out there that we should check out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.... if others have been able to survive, why can't we?   Are we not giving us a chance?  Are we thinking about surrendering to grief to early?

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8 minutes ago, Azipod said:

We are indeed fighting the same war against grief.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder how others are able to carry on for so many years after losing their spouse/partner.  I mean, dying isn't something new.  People have been losing love ones since the beginning of time.

I don't know what the statistics are for widows/widowers, but I'm guessing the majority have been able to carry on to a renewed life after grief?   Perhaps there's a study out there that we should check out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.... if others have been able to survive, why can't we?   Are we not giving us a chance?  Are we thinking about surrendering to grief to early?

I have no idea how people survive, maybe like we survived these 3 months , we will survive more. But I don't want to live this miserable life till my last breath , I have no idea what I am going to do, just flowing with time. Whatever comes I will accept good or bad.

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14 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

I have no idea how people survive, maybe like we survived these 3 months , we will survive more. But I don't want to live this miserable life till my last breath , I have no idea what I am going to do, just flowing with time. Whatever comes I will accept good or bad.

Someone else a while ago posted something to this effect:

"Happiness and true relief will come when my heart stops beating."

That's truly how I feel.  Even if I survive 10-years, I can never truly be happy and relieved again.   I lost someone I love.  I will never accept this.  I just can't.   

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14 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Someone else a while ago posted something to this effect:

"Happiness and true relief will come when my heart stops beating."

That's truly how I feel.  Even if I survive 10-years, I can never truly be happy and relieved again.   I lost someone I love.  I will never accept this.  I just can't.   

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4 hours ago, Azipod said:

Someone else a while ago posted something to this effect:

"Happiness and true relief will come when my heart stops beating."

That's truly how I feel.  Even if I survive 10-years, I can never truly be happy and relieved again.   I lost someone I love.  I will never accept this.  I just can't.   

This is also how I feel. They say there are stages of grief acceptance being the last stage. I will never accept what has happened to us. I cannot accpt it. I will never be able to reach that last stage. It's just impossible. 

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1 hour ago, TooDevastated said:

This is also how I feel. They say there are stages of grief acceptance being the last stage. I will never accept what has happened to us. I cannot accpt it. I will never be able to reach that last stage. It's just impossible. 

I'm not sure which Einstein came up with "acceptance."  How can there be acceptance when there is no consent?   I did not agree to this!  And neither did she.   I can never accept what has happened.  NEVER!

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53 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I'm not which Einstein came up with "acceptance."  How can there be acceptance when there is no consent?   I did not agree to this!  And neither did she.   I can never accept what has happened.  NEVER!

Agreed! 

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16 hours ago, Azipod said:

Someone else a while ago posted something to this effect:

"Happiness and true relief will come when my heart stops beating."

That's truly how I feel.  Even if I survive 10-years, I can never truly be happy and relieved again.   I lost someone I love.  I will never accept this.  I just can't.   

So true, for me real happiness when my heart stop because if I am  not happy then there is no point to live this miserable life.

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16 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

This is also how I feel. They say there are stages of grief acceptance being the last stage. I will never accept what has happened to us. I cannot accpt it. I will never be able to reach that last stage. It's just impossible. 

The Five Stages of Grief was written for terminal illness not loss due to death.  It's not applicable.  Acceptance as used by the professionals is intended in a different way than it strikes us.  We're never okay with this loss, we don't give our assent to it, it happens without our approval and we wouldn't give it anyway if given a choice.  We don't "like" what's happened.  But we do come to some realization of it, although it takes a while for even that to sink in.  In the early days/months we're still expecting them to come through the door.  We think when the phone rings it's them.  It hasn't sunk in fully yet.  Somewhere along the way we realize they're gone and we stop expecting them to show up.  It takes a long time though for this to get into our brains, we expect to wake up and find this is a bad dream.

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Very well worded KayC. When we stopped searching them in our house we have accepted/realized that what has happened is true and not one of our long bad dream. Before that you want someone to wake you up, your life to walk thru the door etc.

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