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This hurts so much - my ex in-laws


Paluka

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On 10/21/2017 at 2:02 PM, KayC said:

It is.  I cannot say which is worse, to lose someone so young as you're just beginning or when you are old and so interdependent, both are unique and significant losses in their own right.  But I think to lose your partner when you are so young must be the worst because you have so many years to bear without each other.  Bad enough my mom was 59 and had to endure 32 more years alone, she was 92 when she died.  I worry that will be my fate and I was only 52.

I can't even imagine this even though I'm already headed in that direction.  Who knows?   Life may throw a new curve ball at me.  Maybe something else will happen to me aside from being single for the next 50-years.

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I have found myself feeling jealous!! I feel selfish. What’s up with this? 

Lauri was a very used lifting person. She always seemed to help others feel better about what was going on. She was very supportive. I have met literally dozens of people who said “Lauri was my best friend.” They May have felt that way because of how supportive and positive she was with everyone but she didn’t see them that way.

I see people posting stuff on social media about how much they miss Lauri and how sad they are and so forth. Then they go on to post something about a puppy or some other BS. I want to yell out “when was the last time you actually talked to her! This is my grief not yours and you have no idea who she was inside. You don’t know her the way I know her. You weren’t even invited to our wedding!” 

I know she was good to a lot of people. She was a wonderful person but these people really upset me. I feel almost like I’m in a competition, if that makes sense. We planned a life together and now she’s gone. 

why am I feeling this way? Ugh  I found this article that makes some sense. It’s so frustrating still.

 

https://medium.com/@MrsTDJ/stop-read-this-before-you-post-another-rip-on-social-media-4c879cf69c5b

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2 hours ago, Paluka said:

I have found myself feeling jealous!! I feel selfish. What’s up with this? 

Lauri was a very used lifting person. She always seemed to help others feel better about what was going on. She was very supportive. I have met literally dozens of people who said “Lauri was my best friend.” They May have felt that way because of how supportive and positive she was with everyone but she didn’t see them that way.

I see people posting stuff on social media about how much they miss Lauri and how sad they are and so forth. Then they go on to post something about a puppy or some other BS. I want to yell out “when was the last time you actually talked to her! This is my grief not yours and you have no idea who she was inside. You don’t know her the way I know her. You weren’t even invited to our wedding!” 

I know she was good to a lot of people. She was a wonderful person but these people really upset me. I feel almost like I’m in a competition, if that makes sense. We planned a life together and now she’s gone. 

why am I feeling this way? Ugh  I found this article that makes some sense. It’s so frustrating still.

 

https://medium.com/@MrsTDJ/stop-read-this-before-you-post-another-rip-on-social-media-4c879cf69c5b

It’s called diaherra in the mouth.  People don’t think before they open their trap.  When you lose someone special, you will quickly see that people around you will begin to revolve.  You will see that those who you thought were friends slowly find their way out of your life. Then, you will also see those that you did not expect to somehow show up to offer you support.  Don’t let this get to you too much, but I can understand why this gets you angry.  In some time, you may find stuff that other people do or do not do to be petty.  I’ve got to a point where I can careless about other people. My energy is more focused on my own healing and my ongoing love and thoughts about my wife.

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12 hours ago, Azipod said:

It’s called diaherra in the mouth.  People don’t think before they open their trap.

That's for sure!  And they don't seem to have the ability to look at things from our perspective (empathize) and see how we feel.

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22 hours ago, Paluka said:

 I found this article that makes some sense.

I read the article. It is very well written and should be included with grieving tips in how to be there for a person who is grieving.

I didn't have this issue when my husband crossed over. I didn't post anything myself on social media. I kept my grieving as private as possible. My social media page is only set up to stay in contact with one of my kids who lives out west and a couple of friends who live long distance. If it wasn't for them, I most likely wouldn't be on social media. The majority of our friends don't make use of social media. One of my husband's friends did stop over at the end of the 2nd or 3rd week. He told me about something he had done in honor of my husband, a pic and his words he had posted. He asked me if it was alright that he had done that. I gave him assurance that it was just fine and that my husband would have loved what had been done in honor of him.

I wish more people were as considerate.

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19 hours ago, Azipod said:

  I’ve got to a point where I can careless about other people. My energy is more focused on my own healing and my ongoing love and thoughts about my wife.

I have been behaving the same way.

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I had an interesting experience I wanted to share. I have been pretty obsessed with trying to figure what caused Lauri's death. Yesterday marked 6 weeks since she passed away and I suspect it will take several more weeks until I find out the cause of her death (final autopsy report). I have felt guilty about her death (Irrational I know) and have been trying to reframe guilt as "regret." Anyway, I have narrowed down the possibilities and sent an email to a pathologist I do not know. I was reading about some of his cases and he seemed like he knew so much. I sent an email detailing everything I could in the hope that he might be able to suggest a cause. Please keep in mind that this pathologist has been doing this for 40+ years but lives several states away. What I received in return was more than I expected.

While he did address my questions he could provide nothing definite or anything remotely close to a cause. He did state that when I was given the initial verbal report that the pathologists didn't have enough time to examine slides under the microscope, do histology stuff or anything else. Therefore, when I was told that there was "no sign of trauma or any obvious cause of death" they were only getting started.

However, he also offered so much more. He was empathic and described my emotions perfectly. In addition, he seemed to know that my Faith in God was taking a big hit. He sent me links of his documentation of near death experiences. He has been studying NDE for all his career and I had no idea of this. There were links to various books, testimonies and spiritual experiences and videos. I sent an email thanking him for giving me a spark I needed to rekindle my Faith. He wrote me back again! He prayed for me and Lauri. He told me he would help me if I needed anything and to not hesitate to contact him. He also shared a story of a friend whose wife and child died in an automobile accident when the man was just 27 years old. This man talked about the pit of despair and how leaning on others allowed him not to sink and be lost forever in his grief.

I cannot explain exactly how this helped me. I just seemed to KNOW (for the first time) that Lauri was actually in Heaven. Yesterday was the first day since Lauri died that I have not cried hysterically. I have cried some today but that's ok.

All I can say is this doctor chose to respond to me, said what I needed to hear (which was not what I was seeking), and opened my eyes to things I was struggling to see. I honestly believe that I was meant to reach out to him and he was meant to respond in the way he did. I do not know if this sense of comfort will last but I'll take this brief reprieve as a gift.

 

 

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I’m glad the doctor helped you feel a bit better. Unfortunately, no matter how good the doctor is, no one is going to be able to tell you what happened until the coroner releases their findings. Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. For myself, it didn’t matter all that much. All that mattered was that my wife was gone. There was nothing they could tell me that would bring her back. But I know it matters to you so I’ll say again I hope it’s faster than it was for me. 

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Paluka,

I am relieved to read that you have restoration in your faith. You were led to send that email and the response you got back was of help to you. Take it as a sign from Lauri and God that led you to do what you did. They would know how your mind operates and needing to hear what you did from a pathologist was the way to get confirmation to you, that you would believe. Lauri is indeed in Heaven, under God's care.

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37 minutes ago, KMB said:

Paluka,

I am relieved to read that you have restoration in your faith. You were led to send that email and the response you got back was of help to you. Take it as a sign from Lauri and God that led you to do what you did. They would know how your mind operates and needing to hear what you did from a pathologist was the way to get confirmation to you, that you would believe. Lauri is indeed in Heaven, under God's care.

Thank you, KMB. I believe this is true.

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2 hours ago, Paluka said:

However, he also offered so much more. He was empathic and described my emotions perfectly. In addition, he seemed to know that my Faith in God was taking a big hit. He sent me links of his documentation of near death experiences. He has been studying NDE for all his career and I had no idea of this. There were links to various books, testimonies and spiritual experiences and videos. I sent an email thanking him for giving me a spark I needed to rekindle my Faith. He wrote me back again! He prayed for me and Lauri. He told me he would help me if I needed anything and to not hesitate to contact him. He also shared a story of a friend whose wife and child died in an automobile accident when the man was just 27 years old. This man talked about the pit of despair and how leaning on others allowed him not to sink and be lost forever in his grief.

I cannot explain exactly how this helped me. I just seemed to KNOW (for the first time) that Lauri was actually in Heaven. Yesterday was the first day since Lauri died that I have not cried hysterically. I have cried some today but that's ok.

All I can say is this doctor chose to respond to me, said what I needed to hear (which was not what I was seeking), and opened my eyes to things I was struggling to see. I honestly believe that I was meant to reach out to him and he was meant to respond in the way he did. I do not know if this sense of comfort will last but I'll take this brief reprieve as a gift.

Paluka --  I've concluded that life can be very spiritual and mystical.  Of course, I was never this way until my wife passed away.  I never believed in this stuff before but I do so now.  Like you, I've had some very touching moments where I felt like "things were meant to be" when I somehow stumbled in front of different individuals who helped and contributed to my recovery through this journey.   It's quite incredible.   I think as long as we continue to calm our minds, continue to be open-minded while opening our hearts, we will continue to have these moving experiences to help guide us through this grief.

I am very interested in the  materials that he sent to you.   Can you share?

Thank you.

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3 hours ago, Azipod said:

Paluka --  I've concluded that life can be very spiritual and mystical.  Of course, I was never this way until my wife passed away.  I never believed in this stuff before but I do so now.  Like you, I've had some very touching moments where I felt like "things were meant to be" when I somehow stumbled in front of different individuals who helped and contributed to my recovery through this journey.   It's quite incredible.   I think as long as we continue to calm our minds, continue to be open-minded while opening our hearts, we will continue to have these moving experiences to help guide us through this grief.

I am very interested in the  materials that he sent to you.   Can you share?

Thank you.

Absolutely. 

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Paluka,

I'm glad you reached out to him and that he cared enough to respond, not only with his head, but with his heart.  His story reminded me...I once had a pastor who when he was young, had a wife and two baby girls.  They were all in a car accident and his wife and daughters killed.  He went through his struggles but came through it, realizing that some people do suffer such losses...why him...why not him.  It's hard because we're going along in life thinking the next day will be like the rest and all of a sudden something occurs that sets that day apart and our whole life as well.  It's a lot to wrap your mind around.  NDEs have been common enough and similar enough to lend validity to their testamonials, without having to have scientific proof as backup.  We don't have to explain everything.  That's why I don't like to go into great detail when recounting my own, it's mine, it's not for someone else to refute or dissect, it is what it is, and that's it.  I'm not interested in whether someone else chooses to believe it or not, I know what I experienced.  My beliefs are based on faith and that is something no one else can shake.  George and I based our relationship on faith in each other, that's what it continues still on.

I hope you find out what caused her death, we all deserve to know that much.  I understand DJH's feelings also, that the end result is his wife is gone.

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Lauri's son just sent me a text asking if it were okay for him and "a group of boys" (21 and up) to come into town "to gather some of Mom's stuff." I like her kids and I was planning on allowing them to have anything of Lauri's that they wanted. My counselor asked me what I wanted to keep. I honestly do not know!! I have letters to me and our pictures. I have her engagement ring as well. Not that it matters but the big items are her TV, sofa and car. I'm cool with them taking just about anything.

However, this process scares me for several reasons. First, just her son and his friends are coming. I guess her daughter has decided not to come or cannot come. She is taking it very hard. Second, I do not trust Lauri's parents and worry that they have some sort of influence in this. Third, and most of all, this is also another step in the process of grieving. I am afraid of how large of an impact this will have on me. Lauri made our house a home. It's so sad to me that her possessions (I do not know how much) will be taken from our home.

I am sentimental but I have no idea what I would keep. I want the dress she wore for our wedding and some books perhaps but I want some things to stay so it does not appear that she was never here (if that makes sense).

I figured I would keep my stuff in one thread. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I have been nervous about this day. 

 

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Paluka, can you share where these links are.? My faith has also been questioned. Unlike you, I never feel the spiritual presence of my husband. Not even a little. I'm not sure if that is part of my own defense, it hurts less for me that way perhaps? Anyway, I question everything. Thinking your links to these sites may help. Bless you. You deserve to know definite cause of her passing. I remember waiting for my husbands death certificate was horrendous, and I pretty much knew what he passed from. Continue to post. My heart is helping you hold your soul.

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11 minutes ago, Donna7431 said:

Paluka, can you share where these links are.? My faith has also been questioned. Unlike you, I never feel the spiritual presence of my husband. Not even a little. I'm not sure if that is part of my own defense, it hurts less for me that way perhaps? Anyway, I question everything. Thinking your links to these sites may help. Bless you. You deserve to know definite cause of her passing. I remember waiting for my husbands death certificate was horrendous, and I pretty much knew what he passed from. Continue to post. My heart is helping you hold your soul.

http://www.theeffectivetruth.info/neardeath.html#momma

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1 hour ago, Donna7431 said:

Paluka, can you share where these links are.? My faith has also been questioned. Unlike you, I never feel the spiritual presence of my husband. Not even a little. I'm not sure if that is part of my own defense, it hurts less for me that way perhaps? Anyway, I question everything. Thinking your links to these sites may help. Bless you. You deserve to know definite cause of her passing. I remember waiting for my husbands death certificate was horrendous, and I pretty much knew what he passed from. Continue to post. My heart is helping you hold your soul.

Donna7431 - I'm sorry that you have not had any spiritual connection with your husband.   Sometimes, the signs and connection is there right before us and we, for one reason or another, cannot see it.  Of course, I'm not saying that this is happening to you.  For myself, I'm sure my wife has sent me plenty of signs, a lot more than what I've been able to see.  I can just hear my wife saying, "gosh, can't he be a bit more observant!?"    Just make sure you are keeping an open-mind, and that you are truly believing that your husband is still with you.  You may need to meditate.  You may need to find calmness, serenity, and peace in life.  You may need to find special moments each day so you can clear your mind, ground yourself, so that you can eliminate all the distractions that you encounter during the hours of the day.   Also, depending on your emotional state, you may be blocking some of the signs to come through.   With time, and if you allow it, you should see signs.  They don't come all the time, but they do come sporadically.    

Incidentally, I received my wife's death certificate today.  Well, actually it's the United State's addendum to be attached to a Foreign Country's Death Certificate (my wife passed abroad).  I'm feeling OK with it.   But of course there's a bit of uneasiness.  It always hit us emotionally when there are some documents that are presented to us.   It's another "official sign" that they are no longer around.    I've learned that handling the death of a loved one's administrative matter is never ending.  There's always something to do. 

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1 hour ago, Paluka said:

I am sentimental but I have no idea what I would keep. I want the dress she wore for our wedding and some books perhaps but I want some things to stay so it does not appear that she was never here (if that makes sense).

Even though as Lauri's husband, with the right to keep everything, this is a hard decision on what you are willing to part with. I would definitely keep personal belongings that have deep attachment for you. Even something you might flip flop on, keep it so that you don't regret it down the road.

I am very sentimental with all of my husband's belongings. I took care of all those things for him. So far, I parted with a brand new pair of shoes my husband only wore once to a doctor's appointment shortly before he passed. His son wants some of his dad's hats, but I will be selective on which ones, whenever the son actually comes over to get them and a new winter jacket never worn.

I don't want to part with anything, so I can understand your feelings with this. Because it is early days for you yet, maybe ask the son to give you some more time to make such personal choices?

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1 hour ago, Paluka said:

Lauri's son just sent me a text asking if it were okay for him and "a group of boys" (21 and up) to come into town "to gather some of Mom's stuff." I like her kids and I was planning on allowing them to have anything of Lauri's that they wanted. My counselor asked me what I wanted to keep. I honestly do not know!! I have letters to me and our pictures. I have her engagement ring as well. Not that it matters but the big items are her TV, sofa and car. I'm cool with them taking just about anything.

However, this process scares me for several reasons. First, just her son and his friends are coming. I guess her daughter has decided not to come or cannot come. She is taking it very hard. Second, I do not trust Lauri's parents and worry that they have some sort of influence in this. Third, and most of all, this is also another step in the process of grieving. I am afraid of how large of an impact this will have on me. Lauri made our house a home. It's so sad to me that her possessions (I do not know how much) will be taken from our home.

I am sentimental but I have no idea what I would keep. I want the dress she wore for our wedding and some books perhaps but I want some things to stay so it does not appear that she was never here (if that makes sense).

I figured I would keep my stuff in one thread. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I have been nervous about this day. 

 

Paluka -- Try not to make any big decisions for at least a year.  When we are grieving, we are vulnerable.  We will also at times, lose sight of what could be important and meaningful for us.  You should try to avoid making any decisions which you may regret down the line.  This includes giving up your wife's personal belongings.   It may feel OK for you right now to give away certain things, believing that it has no impact on your feelings/emotions.  But in time, your feelings may change.      

I don't plan on giving away any of my wife's belongings.  And when I do, I want to know exactly, before hand, who wants what and when.  Then I will decide if it's a yes or no.

 

   

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Thanks to you both. Lauri's father has given her son a list of things he wants "back" like a painting he had painted for her and so forth. He seems to think he can dictate things over which he has no control. Again, he is invalidating our marriage. 

I know he and Lauri's mother are grieving. I get it, but this is not his show to run. I'll be honest I'm furious with him and Lauri's mother. I am here making sure that a couple of letters that Lauri had written to them are saved so they can read them while it feels like I am irrelevant. I could be a real SOB about all of this. I'm not a pushover and I'm getting to the point where I'm about to dig in my heals and tell them where to stick it. 

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Paluka,

I've never heard of the family taking a spouse's things like t.v., etc.  Unless it's something they specifically gave her or was something handed down in their family, I can't imagine parting with any of it!  Just don't allow anything you might regret.  Unbelievable!

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27 minutes ago, KayC said:

Paluka,

I've never heard of the family taking a spouse's things like t.v., etc.  Unless it's something they specifically gave her or was something handed down in their family, I can't imagine parting with any of it!  Just don't allow anything you might regret.  Unbelievable!

Tell me about it. They gave Lauri the TV as a gift a couple of years ago. This is all about her Dad. I am beyond frustrated and hurt. Her Kids can have what is rightfully theirs. I really do not think the kids want much at all. I will talk to her son and work this out somehow. 

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Paluka, Stick to your guns in dealing with Lauri's belongings. Grieving can bring out the worst behaviors in families. A lot of selfishness and greediness. Lauri's dad doesn't sound like a compassionate, empathetic person. You know the love between you and Lauri, the quality of your relationship. You know the real person she was. Keep that in your heart and it will never steer you wrong in your decisions.

Good luck with Lauri's son. The one thing I have learned, is that the kids of today don't have much regard for sentimentality of material things. They are growing up in an age of ever changing technology and have the mind set that things are replaceable. Out with the old and in with the new. Us adults know what is important.

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6 hours ago, KayC said:

Azipod,

Getting that addendum had to be hard.  All of these things are hard.  :(

It is.  It's just another reminder which confirms that they are no longer here.   It still bothers me to see my dear wife's name on it.   To say bluntly, it just sucks.  I never imagined seeing this day.

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On 11/1/2017 at 2:49 AM, Paluka said:

Thanks to you both. Lauri's father has given her son a list of things he wants "back" like a painting he had painted for her and so forth. He seems to think he can dictate things over which he has no control. Again, he is invalidating our marriage. 

I am in a somewhat similar situation, only difference is me and Carlo weren't officially married when he died. I have his sister telling me same thing, she wants her family's stuff "back" to her...

It is outrages, how people can be so greedy after losing someone they love. The biggest problem is they don't realize how they are just losing so much more from these stupid requests about material stuff, they are losing a connection and a relationship with the person that was closest to their daughter/her brother.

Having people and true love in your life is much more important than material items, sentimental as they may be.

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I can't imagine asking for a t.v. or something back, it seems money-grubbing!  How would Lauri feel about this!  These people are hurting you.  You should be recognized as her husband, the one she chose above all others to go through life with, and you should be able to take your time with all of this, they're forcing your hand when you can't even think yet!

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Her son does not want to do this right now. His Grandfather is pushing the issue. I told her son that there was no rush and that nothing was going anywhere. I also told him to let me know what Lauri's Dad wants and I will consider dropping it off to him when I visit Lauri's grave on her birthday (November 16th). He is supposed to let me know. Like I said I have friends that will be with me and I talked to a Buddy of mine who is a police officer. He will be on stand by in case there is any nonsense.

Yes, they should recognize me but right now they just blame. It's all they know.

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Paluka,

I'm glad you will have support with you, a policeman sounds good indeed!  I hope they realize you aren't under obligation to comply with their wishes, they should appeal rather than demand.  Some people.

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53 minutes ago, KayC said:

Paluka,

I'm glad you will have support with you, a policeman sounds good indeed!  I hope they realize you aren't under obligation to comply with their wishes, they should appeal rather than demand.  Some people.

Thank you. It is all I know to do at this point. I have bent over backwards for them yet things still seem to be this way. They demand because it is a toxic thing to do.

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Paluka,  I am sorry you are having to deal with this. You are going about it the right way and you have the knowing that Lauri would commend you on that. Some people is right, like KayC said. No sense of respect, consideration or sympathy for your grieving. Makes you wonder if they really miss Lauri, when their interest/demands is in material possessions.

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23 hours ago, Paluka said:

Thank you. It is all I know to do at this point. I have bent over backwards for them yet things still seem to be this way. They demand because it is a toxic thing to do.

You're right.  Their demands are reflective of who THEY are, nothing to do with you.  By the same token, you don't need to give in to their demands, nothing obligates you to.  I'd consider what would make your wife happy, what YOU are comfortable with, let go of their mouths moving.

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Lauri’s son and some of his friends came by to gather up some things. I sent the things her Dad wanted with him. He was very good about everything. I said what he was allowed to take and what he was not allowed to take. He honored my wishes. 

Overall, it went very well. He really is a good kid. More worried about me than himself or “stuff.”  

I am viewing this as another step in the grieving process. I am currently an emotional mess but it’s okay. There was no reason for me to keep anything he took. It’s just hard to see anything that belonged to Lauri leave our house. It makes this more real and sad. 

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Paluka,   I understand how upset you are. It is so painful letting go of anything that belonged to our loved one. We still have that sense of responsibility, protectiveness. I guess it is because inside of our heart is the longing that they will come back to us.

Lauri's son is a good, stand up person. A testament to his mother's love and upbringing, and his feelings towards you. It touches my heart he was concerned for you and not the stuff.

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1 hour ago, Paluka said:

I am viewing this as another step in the grieving process. I am currently an emotional mess but it’s okay. 

One moment at a time. You took care of one challenge. Your energy can now be shifted to the next task.  It’s OK to be an emotional mess.  At 4 months, I am still a mess in many ways.  And I’m OK with that. I know it will be like this for a while.  But it won’t be like this forever.  

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I know how you feel. It is so hard with the trying, the surviving. It is a day in and day out constant struggle, that will last us the rest of our life. I miss my husband every second --------

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Paluka,

I'm glad that went well, it does sound like she raised a good son.  It is hard to let go of anything like letting go of a piece of them.  George had a fishing hat that everyone wanted.  I knew who I wanted to have it but wasn't ready to let go of it...it took me nine years to but I finally gave it to his best friend Dan.  He teared up when I gave it to him, he knew it was an honor.

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I have been doing okay. The holidays were pretty rough. I had to excuse myself multiple times to go fall apart. I cried all the way home (3 hour drive) after my family's get-together on January 30th. I am still recovering emotionally this week from so many events without her. I hope everyone had a better time than I did.

I also found out that the local florist where I was getting flowers for Lauri's grave has been calling Lauri's parents to tell them that I was doing so. I had a glass heart made and placed it at her grave site. I found out that Lauri's mother has been taking everything I place on the grave and throwing it away! One of Lauri's relatives was able to get her to give her the heart and the other things I had placed there. This woman is so damn vicious. None of her relatives would dare to confront her because "she'll come after me." Can anyone believe this crap?

I also found out that her parents may try to exclude my last name (Lauri's married name) from her marker. Seriously? How these people live any kind of life is beyond me. Why'll I am very angry, I REFUSE to allow my love for Lauri to be turned into bitterness and conflict. I have my family's support and the support of all of her family except her parents.

I did have a picture of Lauri placed on her tomb. It is cemented into place so they'll have to chisel it off if they want to remove it. Maybe I should do the same thing with everything! HAHA

Lauri's toxicology report finally came in and showed nothing out of place. She did not have anything in her system that would have killed her. I have not told anyone this except you guys. Now, I wait to get the final report from the medical examiner.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

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Paluka,

OMG, I have never heard of people being so horrid!  Have you contacted the cemetery and let them know that these people are stealing things you place on your wife's grave?  How can they have any say in the marker, you are her husband!  YOU are next of kin!

Wow.  I'm so sorry.

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I am so sorry that you have to deal with this type of trouble.  All I can say is bad karma for them.  They will get to experience this pain and hurt when it's time for them to do their life review. Shame on them.

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I HAve contacted the cemetery. They can’t do much unless they catch her. 

As far as the marker is concerned this is her mother’s attempt to change what was ordered. They asked to split the cost of the marker. Now I know why. She’s being so hateful. I will never understand this type of thinking and behavior. 

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I'd do my best to reimburse her her share of the marker and do things MY way!  But that's me, I'm fiercely independent and will not have anyone trying to control me or undermine me.  They'd have a huge fight on their hands.  Don't worry that it's her mother, she is enemy #1!

Does the cemetery have video cameras?  Maybe if they have people desecrating plots, they should install some!  I'd check with the police, but I'm pretty sure she's breaking the law by stealing from a plot.

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I have an attorney friend who is talking to the police for me. Video stuff is in the works as well. I am not going to let this occur. It's as simple as that.

I was very respectful and generous with my in-laws but they have pushed me too far. Since they have not shown any respect or dignity then it's game over. I do not care for her mother's opinion and she knows that based on her behavior. The marker will say what I want it to say. Period.

 

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Good for you!  When I lost my husband, the fight came out in me to stand up for myself, we need that, we need to fight not only for ourselves, but for our spouse and what their wishes would have been.

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It sounds so much like my wife’s family. Unfortunately with them it’s pretty much everyone and not just her parents. I just cut off contact with them. No point. Hang in there

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