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gisele98

When will it end

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I lost my boyfriend almost 4 months ago, I'm still pretty much devastated. I'm only 19 years old I NEVER thought I would be going through this at this age yet here I am. I try so hard to keep moving forward but some days I can't even leave my bed, my friends were there for the first months but now not so much anymore. I cry almost every night and I barely sleep. I often think about how everything would have been if he were still here, how happy we could have been. I feel robbed and I get so angry sometimes that he didn't even live to 21. I miss him more than anything. I wish we had more time.

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I'm sorry you find yourself here. I just lost my wife of 15 years 13 weeks ago so I do t have much advice. All I can tell you is that this is an amazing place with some amazing people. Keep coming here and keep posting.

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25 minutes ago, gisele98 said:

I lost my boyfriend almost 4 months ago, I'm still pretty much devastated. I'm only 19 years old I NEVER thought I would be going through this at this age yet here I am. I try so hard to keep moving forward but some days I can't even leave my bed, my friends were there for the first months but now not so much anymore. I cry almost every night and I barely sleep. I often think about how everything would have been if he were still here, how happy we could have been. I feel robbed and I get so angry sometimes that he didn't even live to 21. I miss him more than anything. I wish we had more time.

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going though at your young age.  When one lives through an unexpected or out of order passing of someone you love, your heat has, by definition, already been pushed too far.  Your heart has been pushed beyond its limits of what most people, many people, will ever have to endure. Sometimes God takes away something you never expected losing, but HE will replace it with something you never would have imagined.    But you know what, it's OK to feel a little heavy and it's OK to sit and catch your breath, and OK to be a mess at times, and it's just fine to be relatively normal other sometimes.  At you don't need anyone's permission to miss him (and miss him you will), cry for him, long for him, crave him and yearn for him.  And its just fine to let them all hit you, surrendering to your emotions and succumbing. 

I'm happy to know you are trying to move forward and I commend you for that; however, grief is going to take its own sweet time.  It is a total shock to your mind and body when your world falls to pieces and everything and everyone around you carries  on with life.  Grief has no rules and it will in many ways last as long as love does.  Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, week, month or year.  It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.  Don't expect family and friends to understand your journey, specially if they've never had to walk your path.

Since my Charles left this earth, I am no longer the person I once was.  His loss has reshaped me. My worst nightmare is now my reality.....and there is absolutely nothing that can wake me up.  I miss the old me; I miss the happy me; everything has changed.  For the better, no - I can't say that it has.  For the worst, I can't say that either - but it has changed.   For you, I hope change is for the better and I pray so.   Stay strong sweetheart; know that you are in my prayers and thoughts!

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3 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I'm sorry you find yourself here. I just lost my wife of 15 years 13 weeks ago so I do t have much advice. All I can tell you is that this is an amazing place with some amazing people. Keep coming here and keep posting.

Thank you very much, I'm so sorry for your loss as well, I was with my boyfriend for barely a year and this feels like a nightmare I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Stay strong.

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3 hours ago, gisele98 said:

 

I lost my boyfriend almost 4 months ago, I'm still pretty much devastated. I'm only 19 years old I NEVER thought I would be going through this at this age yet here I am. I try so hard to keep moving forward but some days I can't even leave my bed, my friends were there for the first months but now not so much anymore. I cry almost every night and I barely sleep. I often think about how everything would have been if he were still here, how happy we could have been. I feel robbed and I get so angry sometimes that he didn't even live to 21. I miss him more than anything. I wish we had more time.

 

It breaks my heart when I see someone so young joining our grief family. I am so deeply sorry for your reason in having to be here.  Of course you are still devastated!  4 months is still a very short time.  The intensity of our grieving is equal to the intensity of which we loved.  You are hurting. Your heart has been ripped to shreds. Your dreams, hopes, for the future destroyed. You are missing your loved one every second. We cry buckets of tears and we all feel robbed of that love, that future of more memories.

You will survive. I know you probably don't believe those words now, but it is true. You have already been taking steps in moving forward. Just keep trying. That is how all of us are doing this. We keep trying. One day at a time. One step forward at a time. Keep reaching out to your friends, your family, his family. It is hard for others to know what to say to our loss. We have to be the ones to maintain contact. Just let them know what you need. A listening ear, a hug, or sitting quietly with you.   Sending prayers of love and comfort to you.

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2 hours ago, Francine said:

 

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going though at your young age.  When one lives through an unexpected or out of order passing of someone you love, your heat has, by definition, already been pushed too far.  Your heart has been pushed beyond its limits of what most people, many people, will ever have to endure. Sometimes God takes away something you never expected losing, but HE will replace it with something you never would have imagined.    But you know what, it's OK to feel a little heavy and it's OK to sit and catch your breath, and OK to be a mess at times, and it's just fine to be relatively normal other sometimes.  At you don't need anyone's permission to miss him (and miss him you will), cry for him, long for him, crave him and yearn for him.  And its just fine to let them all hit you, surrendering to your emotions and succumbing. 

I'm happy to know you are trying to move forward and I commend you for that; however, grief is going to take its own sweet time.  It is a total shock to your mind and body when your world falls to pieces and everything and everyone around you carries  on with life.  Grief has no rules and it will in many ways last as long as love does.  Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, week, month or year.  It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.  Don't expect family and friends to understand your journey, specially if they've never had to walk your path.

Since my Charles left this earth, I am no longer the person I once was.  His loss has reshaped me. My worst nightmare is now my reality.....and there is absolutely nothing that can wake me up.  I miss the old me; I miss the happy me; everything has changed.  For the better, no - I can't say that it has.  For the worst, I can't say that either - but it has changed.   For you, I hope change is for the better and I pray so.   Stay strong sweetheart; know that you are in my prayers and thoughts!

Thank you so so much for this, it made me feel less lonely, I often feel like I cry way too much about it but you're absolutely right, it's okay to cry and be a mess.

I miss the old me too but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will never be like that again even though it hurts so much.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am, this is such an awful thing to go through, you're a beautiful soul I'm sure Charles is proud of you somewhere. 

Once again thank you very much.

 

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gisele,

I am so sorry, it is so unfair.  I see people so young with their losses, and it breaks my heart.  This should be the carefree time of life!  But I've learned by this old age that life does not always go like we think it will.  This isn't the life we ordered.  
I do hope by finding this place that you will feel less alone, that you will know your feelings are normal.  All of my friends disappeared on me when my husband died, my two best friends didn't even attend his funeral.  It's hard for me to understand, but people run from death as if it's contagious.  It's uncomfortable.  It makes them realize their mortality.  As uncomfortable as THEY think it is, can they imagine how uncomfortable it is for US?  We can't get away from it no matter how much we'd like to...we have only to learn to live with this, adjust to it.  It's kind of like learning to live with the plague, except in time, we find we do adjust somewhat.  But we're never the same again, our lives forever changed.  We know things we should not know, as if our innocence is stolen from us.  We realize that at any given moment everything can change, we can no longer take life for granted.

I know we'll be together again, there's no doubt in my mind.  God help you through this.

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On 9/20/2017 at 6:48 PM, KMB said:

It breaks my heart when I see someone so young joining our grief family. I am so deeply sorry for your reason in having to be here.  Of course you are still devastated!  4 months is still a very short time.  The intensity of our grieving is equal to the intensity of which we loved.  You are hurting. Your heart has been ripped to shreds. Your dreams, hopes, for the future destroyed. You are missing your loved one every second. We cry buckets of tears and we all feel robbed of that love, that future of more memories.

You will survive. I know you probably don't believe those words now, but it is true. You have already been taking steps in moving forward. Just keep trying. That is how all of us are doing this. We keep trying. One day at a time. One step forward at a time. Keep reaching out to your friends, your family, his family. It is hard for others to know what to say to our loss. We have to be the ones to maintain contact. Just let them know what you need. A listening ear, a hug, or sitting quietly with you.   Sending prayers of love and comfort to you.

Thank you so much for your words, all of these messages are really comforting, I'm trying not to think about the future too much though it's very hard, one day at a time is really helping though. Thank you 

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14 hours ago, KayC said:

gisele,

I am so sorry, it is so unfair.  I see people so young with their losses, and it breaks my heart.  This should be the carefree time of life!  But I've learned by this old age that life does not always go like we think it will.  This isn't the life we ordered.  
I do hope by finding this place that you will feel less alone, that you will know your feelings are normal.  All of my friends disappeared on me when my husband died, my two best friends didn't even attend his funeral.  It's hard for me to understand, but people run from death as if it's contagious.  It's uncomfortable.  It makes them realize their mortality.  As uncomfortable as THEY this it is, can they imagine how uncomfortable it is for US?  We can't get away from it no matter how much we'd like to...we have only to learn to live with this, adjust to it.  It's kind of like learning to live with the plague, except in time, we find we do adjust somewhat.  But we're never the same again, our lives forever changed.  We know things we should not know, as if our innocence is stolen from us.  We realize that at any given moment everything can change, we can no longer take life for granted.

I know we'll be together again, there's no doubt in my mind.  God help you through this.

It is unfair, I cry about that all the time, I shouldn't be going through this. None of us deserve this nightmare of a reality.

I keep thinking that we'll see each other again too at some point, it's somewhat comforting. 

Thank you very much for this message.

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We'll be here as you go through this.  Yes, it brings great comfort knowing we'll be together again.

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