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I haven't slept yet. Have been awake since 3:30pm yesterday afternoon. This morning around 5/6am I took 5 tramadol and 5 tylex tabs I have no idea what the mg was on them. I am so stressed out. My beautiful man passed away almost 2 years ago next month and I have NEVER got the chance to grieve as I have my 5 y/o son to take care off. My husband is a workacholic and my dad doesn't want to know how I feel any more. To them I need to "get over it" it's not at all fair  I have no one. What do i do. I can't be a mother to my son as I need to help myself first. I have vomited 3 times already today. The last episode  being horrendous . What do i do. I am told by my dad and husband I am selfish. And I hear voices in my head telling me to kill myself. Help.....

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Hey Mariesgril. Yes, it is not fair for them to tell you to get over it. Everyone does this in his or her own pace. It seems like you really need some time for yourself. And this is very important, as you also believe, because if you don't help yourself, you won't be able to be be there for your little one. You need to take things step by step and set your priorities straight. And the priority right now is you. Don't postpone, don't make up excuses. Give yourself a break, take some days off, go alone somewhere, do something for you and try to see where all of this is coming from, what makes you not want to move on a little bit. Or take your son with you if that helps.
The idea is that the persons who don't support this need of yours, i'm sorry to say this, don't deserve to be in your life. I know it's a cliche but it's the truth. And nobody except you can distance from them. This is not selfishness,  this is you who tries to be ok in order to be ok also for others. And if they can't understand this, it's their problem. 
It's clear you still haven't solved the problems you've faced because you didn't have the chance to grieve at that time. And it got worse. Don't let them add up. And don't take pills to solve it because they actually don't. It's a fake escape and you need a real one. I truly believe you are strong cause if you weren't you wouldn't have gotten here. Stay strong, lucid and alive. Please.  
I know there is great responsibility reling on your own shoulders, but you are your own savior. And we are all here to support you. Because yes, there are people who understand. Remind yourself that. We believe that you can pass thought this. You just need to believe it yourself.  

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Please seek medical help if you are feeling suicidal.  You owe it to yourself, your son, your family and even to your mother.  The pain you are feeling is natural and understandable. And it does take time to work through grief.  But what would your mom advise you to do?  How do you think she would feel if she knew you were suicidal?  I'm sure she loved you with all her heart and she would want you to continue to live life in her honour and to take care of your son.   She taught you so many life lessons and raised you to continue living in her memory.  You need to continue her memory by sharing who she was and what she taught you.  She was a very special person for you and the world deserves to know about her.   Your son still needs you and you need to show him how to honour a loved one after they are gone.  Please seek counselling, and work through the grief.  For your son and your mother's memory. 

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