Watching my baby die from lymphoma

[Ashley d]

I have never been through a loss of a pet before , I've had my lily for 7 years , she's a pure bred boxer , she will be 11 in December . I found out 5 months ago she has lymphoma and every day I have watched her die .

she use to be so full of life and now she can barely make it up the stairs . She is the sweetest girl in the world , and has always been a perfect angel , I do everything for her including changing diapers , singing to her and laying with her to comfort and love her . 

I have researched a million things to try and keep her alive longer . We have been to the vet at least 15 times in 4 months for b12 injections , checkups , and questions .  I don't  have the money for chemo which could have prolonged her life longer , so we opted for the prednisone and pain meds .

Her lymph nodes have started to swell up again and she's having trouble breathing and eating . She still eats a lot though I soften it up and make sure she doesn't choke . I am so broken and haven't stopped having uncontrollable bouts of nausea , anxiety and crying since I found out she had cancer .

I fear the worse when the time comes and I am unsure of how to deal with the intense anxiety of her being gone . I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with really bad anxiety from crying too much .I am starting to feel like it's not normal . The end is near I know this and I won't allow her to suffer I have set things up with a vet to come to my house when the time comes , since she gets really bad anxiety at the vet .

what makes this harder is I have a 9 year old male boxer and she is his world , I've been told to let him sniff her when she passes so he knows , but the nightmare of this and how he will react haunts me . He knew she was dieing before I did . He would sniff her and cry , that's why I took her in to the vet and how I found out . Ever since we found out he won't leave her side , he saves her extra food , and when she sleeps he whimpers and licks her , and lays by her and holds her , it is tearing me up inside in ways I can't describe , I literally feel like I'm losing a child . 

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  I lost my husband 12 years ago and can attest to the anxiety that comes with loss and grief.  It's the hardest thing in the world.  I also know that animals grieve, as my Lucky grieved when I lost my husband, George.  It does help to give the animal that is left extra attention and understand that they are grieving, just like we are.

I have lost many pets over the years, it doesn't get easier just because I've been through it before.  If anything I'm even closer to my dog that I have now, but then I guess I felt that way back then too.  You say it's like losing a child, yes, it's very much like I would imagine that to be, they are our family member, and dogs are so loving, so loyal.

Keep coming here, it helps to express yourself, we'll be here listening, caring as you go through this.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/12/anticipating-death-of-cherished-pet.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/07/anxiety-attacks-in-grief-tools-for.html

[AJWCat]

Oh my I am so sorry to read this! The crying and anxiety is normal. I had two cats that both died of lymphoma. It was a slow process but it was so hard. I am glad the vet will come to your house when it is time. You will know when the time is right. I know, I did. I remember the day for each of my cats. I could tell. Life wasn't any joy, it was only pain and I had to do the right thing for them. Please do come back, talk out your feelings as you move through this. Both dogs are so lucky to have such a wonderful person who has taken such good care of them and given so much love. My heart breaks for you!!