Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Struggling with the death of my best friend/partner


TheRobShow

Recommended Posts

  • Members

On June 8th, 2017 I lost my best friend and the love of my life. Rachel had drug problems long before I met her, but we all thought she was clean. She suffered from bipolar disorder and was severely depressed for a while. She refused to enter into any kind of therapy and would not take any kind of medication that would cause weight gain. 

She was 29 and had a 4 year old daughter. She just moved in with me. I knew she was having a lot of emotional problems, but I thought it would pass.  She had lost her job and had a job interview the morning she passed. I work 3rd shift and came home and started packing her daughters lunch for preschool, and helping her get ready. Rachel was having trouble with my printer to print her resume, she was stressing over minor things like not being able to afford the fancy private school she sent her daughter to, and not having teacher gifts finished because it was her daughters last day. They were painting wooden flowers because she could not afford actual gifts. I had tried to help the day before and did too much for her daughter which upset Rachel and she painted them white, so her daughter could do the work herself and show her own appreciation for her teachers. She was acting so erratic but with the bipolar she could always be a bit erratic.

She was stressing out in a major way that morning and she told me to take her daughter to the car and get her in the car seat and she would be down shortly. She still had to do her hair and make up. I can't believe I waited a half hour, but I wanted to give her space. I came upstairs and opened my bathroom door to find the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on all pale with purple lips. I told her daughter to sit on the couch and everything would be okay and I called 9-1-1. I really for the life of me did not believe she was dead. I was pressing on her chest and her body would make a little noise. I clung to any hope I could. The paramedics finally came and the woman drops her bag and goes "she's dead", I said "aren't you going to try anything?" And she said she was gone. My world stopped right there.

Rachel was a very complicated woman, but she was the light of my life. I miss her so much. I feel so incomplete without her. We weren't even officially dating. She didn't like titles. She was always afraid of jinxing things. She never told me she loved me, would just say stuff like "you should know how I I feel about you because I am always with you", she would call us a family and we had talked about marriage. She was an actor in the Pennsylvania Renaissaince Faire, it was a passion of hers. She wanted to marry at the faire. 

She dated my former best friend for about 2 years and then we were very close for 14 months. We became inseparable almost immediately after their break up. I don't know when she started using heroin again, and I was so naive to it all. I never did drugs in my life. She was nodding out a bit her final week and she told me she was just really tired. I was so stupid to believe it, but I knew she was not sleeping well.  

I feel like we squeezed a lot of love, friendship, and good times in our relatively short time together, but these are memories I will carry with me for a lifetime. I have trouble knowing that I am 33, and if I live an average life expectancy, I have to spend 40-50 years missing and loving Rachel. I just find it all so surreal and hard to process. I've rambled on enough, but I just needed to vent. I really miss her. I wish I knew the pain she was truly in and I wish she would have gotten help. This was truly a pointless death.

Rob

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hey Rob! Nice to meet you and its unfortunate we meet this way! I lost my boyfriend because of heroin as well. Most of the things you wrote about I can relate! I l know nothing about drugs and I was too stupid to realize my boyfriend was never clean! I'm sure you heard this so many times, but I am so sorry for your loss. It's not easy to understand a drug addict so we never understand their "pain". I agree, its tough to move on from the memories you two had but you did the best you could! Sounds like you cared so much for her! Listen, I miss Scott with all my heart and just know their is a happy world out there! One day you will meet Rachel in a much better place and you two will continue your love.  Stay strong, positive and happy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi. I actually never believed in Heaven until any of this happened. Then I had to believe, because I had to believe she was in a better place and I would see her again. I've been reading some books and I really do believe now.

It is horrible being so naive about drug use. I'm a heroin expert now, but it's too late to matter when it should have. I knew about her past too and I guess I just figured she was clean and that was that. I just don't know why on earth she started using again. 

Thanks for the kind reply. Sorry for your loss as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

@TheRobShow I've always believed in heaven. I keep saying to myself if god is love, why am I suffering? I mean, I believe in god and all but that thoughts still lingers in my mind! I've realized I have so much free time now that Scott is gone so I been writing all my dreams about him in a journal. Again, we wonder if we had done things a different way would they still be alive? Who knows some people believe our destiny's is decided as soon as we're born. I believe if our loved one's would of spoken up about using drugs again they would still be alive. Sadly, I met Scott too late. He had already been "shooting up" for five years. Oh yeah, he was an expert at shooting that thing! By the way, you have no idea how much I hate that stupid drug heroin! How did your partner die if you don't mind me asking. If you do not want to talk about it, I completely understand!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

@sunflowerlove she died shooting up. She went in the bathroom and she never came out. I don't know if she did too much or if it was laced. It was a bad morning for her and she had a lot of stressors and I guess she was looking for a little relief. I agree with you on heroin though. I hate it. I hate all drugs but especially that one. I found some of her writings from the past and describing using it and how it's the best feeling in the world. I know sobriety was a struggle for her. She didn't know how wonderful and beautiful she was. She just saw herself as a failure. So when I first met her she was a heavy drinker, but the drinking stopped a lot, I guess she moved on to something else. She loved acting because she didn't have to be Rachel, but Rachel was amazing. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

TheRobShow,

I'm so sorry for your loss, it is very hard when it's sudden death like that, such a shock.  Do you still have her daughter with you?  It must be really hard for her.

8 hours ago, TheRobShow said:

She loved acting because she didn't have to be Rachel, but Rachel was amazing. 

That says a lot.  (((hugs)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

TheRobShow,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Rachel and I know what you are going through.  It is evident the love you had for her and her daughter.  I know death has no number but 29 is awfully young and goodbyes hurt the most when the story should not yet be finished.  You won't ever quite get over Rachel's death; you just slowly lean how to go on without her but always keeping her tucked safely in your heart.

I'm sorry Rachel's demons, though quiet, were never quite silenced.  As calm as they may have been, they waited patiently for the reason to wake, take an overdue breath, and literally  crawled back into her head with all kinds of thoughts.  It is unfortunate she was not strong enough to overcome them.   We must learn not to hate the addict, hate the disease; don't hate the person, hate the behavior; it's hard to watch it, imagine how hard it must have been for her to live it.

The funny thing is no one ever really knows how much anybody else is hurting; we could be standing right next to someone who is completely broken and we wouldn't even know it.  There are many reasons why people can get very discouraged because of problems they perceive is insurmountable.  Some unfortunately go to drugs or alcohol but in the end, they are just searching for that tiny safe place, perhaps a hole, that gives them shelter from the terrible reality of this cold, cruel  world.  Addiction is a special kind of hell that takes the soul of the addict and breaks the hearts of everyone who loves them. 

My heart goes out to her young daughter.  Young children come to see themselves through the eyes of their parent. Whomever has a part in raising this child, my prayer is they raise her not to toughen her to face a cruel and heartless world but rather raise her with the idea of making the world a little less cruel and heartless.  I hope you are able to be a part of her life.

Continue to post; we are all here on this journey at this time, at this place for a reason; it's not a fluke, coincidence or luck.  It God's Will.  To uplift and encourage one another, definitely; but more than that - to be taught sufferings from one another and learn from them and most of all, to love one another.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

TheRobShow,  I am deeply sorry for your loss of Rachel. Sorry for you having a  reason for being here, but, welcome to our grief family. It darkens that cloud of sorrow already hanging over me, whenever I read of another person joining. Knowing the pain they are going through.

I hope you have some kind of a support system with family and friends. I also hope you are able to maintain contact with Rachel's daughter. She is going to need some TLC in coping with the loss of her mom. Sending you prayers for strength and comfort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks for the replies. I am apart of her daughters life and intend to be for the long haul. I still consider her family. Rachel's family has been great and very supportive. I also have Rachel's dog.

I am moving from my apartment in a couple months because it is too painful to be here. Every time I go into the bathroom, it's a reminder of finding her on the floor. I am moving into a friends house and I am hoping having someone else in the house will help me with my loneliness. Rachel wore many hats with me, but most importantly she was my best friend, my companion and she encompassed so much of my life, and without her it's been a lonely existence. 

@Francine I read a book of Rachel's, just a romance novel about love and addiction called Candy. It was very graphic in the heroin useage and also describing the pain with being without. I honestly have no idea how long she was using drugs. I know last year she told me she missed cocaine. I tried to tell her that she doesn't need that stuff, she has a daughter now, but I guess I never truly understood or even understand the desire to use drugs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you. As beautiful as she was on the outside, she was even more beautiful inside.  She loved that picture and being in the faire. This year she was supposed to be a lady. She looked forward to wearing an elegant gown. I miss our faire weekends, even if I only did it for her. It made her happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Wow, she is gorgeous!  I'm so sorry she struggled with addiction.  :(  It cost her, her daughter, you, dearly.  Oh if only people could feel more comfortable coming forward with their struggles instead of thinking they need to tackle them alone.  I know you would have done anything/everything for her.  I wish peace for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you. Yeah I really wish she told me what was going on, I am also mad at myself for not realizing what was going on. I bought all her excuses. I was so naive. I would have done anything and everything for her. I practically did everything for her. I attributed a lot of her issues to her bipolar disorder and never imagined she was using heroin. I look back and think of instances when she said she needed a break from me and her daughter and would go in the bathroom for a bit.  She was so sensitive, and easily stressed out and I just would give her the space she needed. I wish my eyes were opened more, maybe she would have just left my apartment and did what she was going to do elsewhere, and I would still have guilt. I have no way to soothe myself or ease my mind over the whole situation. It's been over 3 months and I think about her all the time.  I'm in therapy and it helps, but just the loneliness and thinking about her nonstop is so hard to bear. 

I wish Rachel gave herself a chance. She was always so hard on herself, even about her past drug use. She considered herself a failure. She tried to give her daughter the best to avoid her daughter ending up like her. Rachel was amazing though. I feel so bad for her daughter. Rachel loved her so much. Her daughter deserved to have that love growing up. She has an amazing family and support system, but Rachel was just special. I guess like everyone else here I am trying to figure out how to move on and have a productive life. Everything seems so empty without Rachel. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

1 hour ago, TheRobShow said:

I am also mad at myself for not realizing what was going on.

You mustn't be angry at yourself.  Addition is a disease of the brain, a living monster; it lives inside of you, feeds off you, takes from you, controls  you and unfortunately and eventually destroys you.  It is one of those beast that tears you apart, rips out your soul and laughs at your weakness.  It is like a stone concrete wall and its only purpose is to  keep you in and and rest of the world out.  Its like a shadow that is always lurking behind you, waiting to strike at any moment.  It is an addiction where the bars are on the inside and it feeds on the mind, sitting, staring, and waiting until it eventually wins. 

Such a beautiful young women Rachel was; and I know she will be truly missed.   If it is any consolation, know that she has no more pain; no more tears; no more fears; no more drama in her life; her spirit is free.   I hope that in the next life, you will find each other and perhaps then you can be together.  I believe her spirit has finally found the peace she so desperately sought.  

Stay Strong and know you are in my prayers; I'm sending a special prayer for Rachel's sweet, innocent baby girl. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

It will be important to let her daughter know how much her mom loved her, I hope you can stay in her life.  I've no doubt you will be with her again in the next life, when she is free of what haunted her.  We all look forward to that day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you @Francine for your comforting words. 

Also thank you @KayC. I hope I meet up with her again in the after life or another life. Sometimes I think maybe in an alternate universe we are together and happy.  Her parents asked me to remain in the daughters life. I want to remain in her life. I hope it's not a connection that eventually fades, but right now I see her about every week. I miss seeing her everyday.  I told Rachel's mom that I will be there for the daughter the same way I was when Rachel was around, and that won't change, so not to hesitate to call me or ask me to babysit, etc. I am an emergency contact for her with school. Me and Rachel's daughter discuss mommy sometimes, I never want her to be afraid to bring her up. I, along with the rest of her family will be sure she knows her mom. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rob,  You will be that little girls guide, support and parental figure. You will make sure to keep her mom's memory and legacy alive. By caring, loving, and giving to Rachel's daughter, that outward focus will help with your healing. It will help the daughter's healing also. Love, compassion and sharing has its benefits.:wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rachel would call me her dad sometimes, but then other times walk back on that. Rachel was afraid of commitment. Her daughter asked if she could call me daddy a week or so before Rachel died and I said I would be fine with it, but we have to ask mom. I never brought it up to Rachel. I didn't want her running, I was just happy to have her around. 

Now Rachel's mom and step dad are her guardians. I don't know if she will ever meet her biological father, but I'm happy to be the closest thing to a dad she has, I just don't mention titles because I don't want Rachel's step dad to feel short changed or whatever. I'm definitely there for her though. It's just sad, we were a family for a short time, way too short. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

My granddaughter calls both her grandfathers "pa" and her father "daddy".  Maybe she could come up with similar "titles" she'd be comfortable with, neither taking away from the other.  A child can't have too many people loving them!

I'm so glad to hear of your love and dedication to her.  Years ago, in my first marriage, my husband had a baby with someone else while we were married, and brought the baby home for us to raise.  I had him the first three years of his life, and often had his half sister (no blood relation to either of us) too.  I didn't know what to call myself but figured I was stepmom.  We divorced and I lost both the kids, he was physically abusive so it had to happen.  I didn't see the kids for years as they went to their biological mom and I had no legal "rights".  They are in my life today, both in their forties.  They neither one have anything to do with my XH for their own reasons, and their mom has since passed away, but I'm glad for the role I had in their lives and we continue to love each other even though neither one lives in this state.  I'm proud of the people they've become.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks I'll definitely try to continue to be a father figure. She can call me whatever she wants in time. I love her regardless and I hope I can make Rachel proud. Rachel taught me how to be a parent. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
3 hours ago, TheRobShow said:

Rachel taught me how to be a parent. 

You will make Rachel proud. Everything we learned and the people we became from having our soul mates with us, is how we can carry on their legacy and love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Rob,

You ARE a great parent, she is lucky to have you in her life.  There is no doubt in my mind that Rachel is proud.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you both. I'd joke with Rachel that I was father of the year on quite a few ocassions haha. I went to visit her grave today. It's still weird going to her grave. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
10 hours ago, TheRobShow said:

It's still weird going to her grave. 

it might feel weird for a bit. The more often you go, it might get easier. Considering that site as your special place to talk to her helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I had George cremated and spread his ashes in our back yard, in front of our forest.  He loved it here so I thought he'd like to have his resting place here, we spent a lot of time looking out over the back yard, watching the deer and hummingbirds come.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think that's beautiful. I don't know what Rachel wanted. She was 29, so we didn't talk about our final arrangements. She's buried in a lovely cemetery, I'm sure it will eventually become a peaceful place to go to talk to her. Though I talk to her almost daily, even as something as simple as "I love you and miss you so much."

I think I want to be cremated. I'd like someone to maybe sneak a cup of my ashes and sprinkle them on her grave. I don't know if that's in poor taste or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
9 hours ago, KayC said:

 

I had George cremated and spread his ashes in our back yard, in front of our forest.  He loved it here so I thought he'd like to have his resting place here, we spent a lot of time looking out over the back yard, watching the deer and hummingbirds come.

 

I finally spread Ed's ashes yesterday afternoon. I took my daughter with me, so she knows where to spread mine someday. Special places on the property and in front of our deck, where we liked to sit and relax and in the backyard around the bird feeders. He loved watching the birds. Also, where our pets are buried. I have been waiting for the right time. It was hard to part with that last physical aspect of him. The feeling came on strong yesterday that it was time and I followed it. The weather was a perfect fall day and we both loved fall. It doesn't hurt today like I thought it would. That last part of him is free, becoming part of our life's memories and the ground here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
7 hours ago, TheRobShow said:

 

I think that's beautiful. I don't know what Rachel wanted. She was 29, so we didn't talk about our final arrangements. She's buried in a lovely cemetery, I'm sure it will eventually become a peaceful place to go to talk to her. Though I talk to her almost daily, even as something as simple as "I love you and miss you so much."

I think I want to be cremated. I'd like someone to maybe sneak a cup of my ashes and sprinkle them on her grave. I don't know if that's in poor taste or not.

 

They hear us whether we talk to them through our thoughts or out loud. And no, it is NOT in bad taste to have some of your ashes spread at her grave. You are soul mates. Plan your own arrangements ahead of time with your specific requests. You can pick a trusted family member or friend that will make sure to carry out your wishes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
18 hours ago, TheRobShow said:

I think that's beautiful. I don't know what Rachel wanted. She was 29, so we didn't talk about our final arrangements. She's buried in a lovely cemetery, I'm sure it will eventually become a peaceful place to go to talk to her. Though I talk to her almost daily, even as something as simple as "I love you and miss you so much."

I think I want to be cremated. I'd like someone to maybe sneak a cup of my ashes and sprinkle them on her grave. I don't know if that's in poor taste or not.

Absolutely it's not in poor taste!  I wanted my mom's ashes spread on my dad's grave, I'd find great comfort in knowing they were together, it's how they would have wanted it, but my brother threw them out to sea and I don't even know where, none of us were invited to participate.

I talk to George all the time.  I try not to let on to any health professionals, they might alert someone.  :)  But I know it's common and normal among us who have lost the one who was everything to us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
10 hours ago, KMB said:

I finally spread Ed's ashes yesterday afternoon. I took my daughter with me, so she knows where to spread mine someday. Special places on the property and in front of our deck, where we liked to sit and relax and in the backyard around the bird feeders. He loved watching the birds. Also, where our pets are buried. I have been waiting for the right time. It was hard to part with that last physical aspect of him. The feeling came on strong yesterday that it was time and I followed it. The weather was a perfect fall day and we both loved fall. It doesn't hurt today like I thought it would. That last part of him is free, becoming part of our life's memories and the ground here.

It sounds like you opted for the same thing as I...I waited two years before doing anything with George's ashes.  We'd talked of spreading our ashes on our favorite walk, but in the end he was having a harder and harder time going on walks with me, he'd run out of breath (still the doctor didn't send him to a cardiologist??!) so we never got to talk about what our favorite walk was...but I knew this, he LOVED our home, where we lived, he always called it our home in the clouds.  It's nothing spectacular, just an old mobile home on a piece of property, but it was on a mountain with a forest and creek and both of us being nature people, we loved it.  It wasn't the house, it was the setting, and it was home!  I felt it was where he'd want to be and feel most comfortable.  Plus I feel comforted knowing this is where he's laid to rest, I can look out over the back yard and see the place.  It's where I want laid to rest.  I don't want my kids spending holidays visiting my grave, I want them to enjoy their family time and knowing I'm at peace here one day.  We too have our pets buried here, we jokingly call it "our family plot".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I met my partner through our common quest for healibg from addictions.  We both lapsed at times in our work...we would start hitting patterns and I succumbed a couple of times.  Even though we both got it, it was a personal struggle and we wouldnt share up front...we hid it from each other at first.  Thats the part we couldnt take away from the other...we didnt have control over each others addiction...nor did we expect each other too.  And we would always deny our risks.  I lost my partner a few weeks ago..not sure how yet but i suspect it was his heart.   Either way it feels like waiting 40 years to see him again...nothing can change what happened even though i told him he looked like he was going into shock i try not spending too much time wondering how i could have missed it.  He wouldnt want me to...im hopeful it gets easier.  I wish you the best and one day one minute at a time

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 9/23/2017 at 7:52 AM, KayC said:

t sounds like you opted for the same thing as I...I waited two years before doing anything with George's ashes.  We'd talked of spreading our ashes on our favorite walk, but in the end he was having a harder and harder time going on walks with me, he'd run out of breath (still the doctor didn't send him to a cardiologist??!) so we never got to talk about what our favorite walk was...but I knew this, he LOVED our home, where we lived, he always called it our home in the clouds.  It's nothing spectacular, just an old mobile home on a piece of property, but it was on a mountain with a forest and creek and both of us being nature people, we loved it.  It wasn't the house, it was the setting, and it was home!  I felt it was where he'd want to be and feel most comfortable.  Plus I feel comforted knowing this is where he's laid to rest, I can look out over the back yard and see the place.  It's where I want laid to rest.  I don't want my kids spending holidays visiting my grave, I want them to enjoy their family time and knowing I'm at peace here one day.  We too have our pets buried here, we jokingly call it "our family plot".

Nothing like home-----  Besides Ed being raised here,  we made it our home. His beloved mom passed in the early 80's.( I'm sorry I never knew her, but Ed said she would have loved me). Sudden cardiac arrest due to diabetes, just like Ed. His dad made it to 2005. We moved in a month after his passing.  I have no intentions of leaving our home.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

@SRB sorry for your loss. I'm sure your partner wouldn't want to worry about the details. I'm sure Rachel wouldn't want me to worry about the would ofs, could ofs, and should ofs. I guess that's how we eventually move on with our lives. 

@sunflowerlove I am getting by. The worst part of the day is waking up. After 3+ months waking up to this new reality is still hard. How are you doing with your loss?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 9/23/2017 at 7:52 AM, KayC said:

I knew this, he LOVED our home, where we lived, he always called it our home in the clouds.  It's nothing spectacular, just an old mobile home on a piece of property, but it was on a mountain with a forest and creek and both of us being nature people, we loved it.  It wasn't the house, it was the setting, and it was home!  I felt it was where he'd want to be and feel most comfortable. 

I feel you.  Like your George, my Charles loved our home and so did I.   It was a wedding gift from his dad and we had some major work done to it to get it where we wanted it to be.  He was born and raised there and we raised our children there.  That is one of the reasons I cannot ever leave it or sell it.  Just recently, I was able to go out on the back and sit on our deck without having my personal tsunami.  It was something both Charles and I loved to do.  I commend you for spreading his ashes in a place you both loved.

On 9/22/2017 at 1:33 PM, TheRobShow said:

She's buried in a lovely cemetery, I'm sure it will eventually become a peaceful place to go to talk to her. Though I talk to her almost daily, even as something as simple as "I love you and miss you so much." I think I want to be cremated. I'd like someone to maybe sneak a cup of my ashes and sprinkle them on her grave. I don't know if that's in poor taste or not.

Charles is also laid to rest in a lovely, peaceful cemetery as well and I too tell him how much I miss him and love him every day.  For the life of me, I truly feel that he hears me, somehow.  He was the type of man that no matter what, he would somehow get to me when I needed him.  I don't think that has changed; the only change is that I can't see him; but I know he's there, somehow.  Call it weird, but that is what I feel.  And if you want to have some of your ashes spread on Rachel, then by all means do it.

 

On 9/22/2017 at 9:26 PM, KMB said:

I finally spread Ed's ashes yesterday afternoon. I took my daughter with me, so she knows where to spread mine someday. Special places on the property and in front of our deck, where we liked to sit and relax and in the backyard around the bird feeders. He loved watching the birds.

I so admire you and KayC for your decisions.   I didn't think about cremation; all his siblings, parents and relatives before him, were laid to rest in the traditional way.  Had I thought of it, I might have considered the same thing.  Hearing how your Ed loved watching birds brought back memories.  Charles also like to watch the birds sitting on our deck in the back yard; he had even bought a bird feeder and fountain for them.  Boy did they gravitate to our yard; after a while, he wondered if that was the right thing to do and stopped feeding them so much.  That was funny and we'd both got a big laugh from it.  Boy, I miss that and all the other memories we had just sitting and enjoying one another company in the luxury of our home's back yard.  Those little things that now seem so big. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
4 hours ago, Francine said:

he wondered if that was the right thing to do and stopped feeding them so much.

Were they getting too fat?  :D  We loved watching the critters and birds, this was our heaven.  Our "home" is just a 39 year old mobile home that needs painted and new carpet, but it was ours.  The real love was for the property it sat on.  George always felt this was his safe haven.  He suffered anxiety but only when out and about, never at home, here he was safe and comfortable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Heartbroken87

I cant help but cry for u. I wake up an am puzzled because that soul isnt there. Im sure u can understand feeling alone when amongst people. We just have to find a diffrent normal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.