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Loss of Mother


Wholeagain

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Hi, first time I have been on this site, thanks for the add! My Mother who was 93 passed away on 8/6. I have been her caregiver for the past 3 years, full time 24/7. We shared some very special times and I have great memories of her. She suffered from dementia during this time and watching the disease progress was like a long, long road to her demise. I know she is in a more peaceful and wonderful place, in my mind. Though I miss her so very much. I am trying to rebuild my life at the same time as dealing with her death. I purposely have not worked during this time and am finding trying to return to "the real world" a HUGE struggle! I think I find not moving forward is keeping her closer to me, though reason tells me this can't be. Therin is my struggle. I am blessed to have had her in my life. Anyone else find themselves in a similar situation?

thanks all.....

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Dear Wholeagain,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. It is very hard to transition so soon after losing your mother. It was so good of you to care for her and spend those years with her.

I feel it takes time to rebuild our lives after a long period of caregiving. Please know its not a betrayal to move forward and make new plans. I'm sure your mom would want you to live the fullest and happiest life possible. You have already honored her with your time and love.

Its been 11 months since my dad passed and I too am struggling with finding a new purpose. I made my dad my reason for being and without him there are many days I don't know I'm even here.

Be kind to yourself. Take it easy for now. Day by day. Moment by moment. I am sure you will ease back into the real world but it just takes time.

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I am dealing with the same pain tomorrow make  1month 8/20  my mom passed away she also had dementia the changes that I saw her go through we're so painful what a horrible disease. She was 82 she was my best friend and I miss her so much. I still pick up the phone to call her. I feel like my life went on a standstill and everyone around me just went on.., it hasn't even been a year that I lost my sister dealing with two pains at the same time. 

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Dear wholeagain and Rina,

My mother had dementia also so i know exactly how you feel.  I too feel at a standstill with no purpose.  I desperately want to move forward in life and have a meaningful existence but I feel stuck and depressed.  It is better than it was but its still very hard 8 months later.  To wholeagain, caring for your mother for 3 yrs must have been very hard even though they were some special times.  I cared for my mother part of the time so I know the sadness of watching her decline, the worry but also the special moments we shared.  I feel its very hard for others to relate to the pain of watching your mother have dementia, watching them disappear.  unless you've lived it, you can't relate.  its a psychologically devastating disease.  I re-live so many things that happened.  I feel guilty I didn't do enough when things weren't so bad but my mother was in denial of it happening and so proud and independent.  I constantly go through, what could I have done differently.  I should have been there more.  sometimes I have regret, other times I think, I spent a lot of time with her.  When you are left with nothing, I think it takes a long time to heal and process everything.  Rina, I am so sorry you lost your sister as well.  Its so so much loss in a short time.  

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