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horrible guilt and shame


Maria9

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Hello,I'm new here. A month ago I noticed that my cat had lost her appetite.I took her to my vet and she examined my cat,finding nothing wrong.She said it was probably because of the heat

wave.Then my vet left for vacation.My cat continued not eating and I stupidly assumed it was still because of the heat.I waited too long.By then she looked sick and I found a vet clinic.I took

my cat there.They found she had FIP, which is a fatal virus.They sent me home because there "it was a very sick cat and they  could do nothing for her" except for an antibiotic injection I was shocked.Since then I had been trying to save her life with antibiotics, medicine and syringe feeding.I didn't leave her side,day or night,showing her all the love I could. For a while she seemed  to be getting a little better,but then she got worse. My vet returned and took her for intravenous feeding and serum. My agony grew as I saw her not getting better but I was still hoping and praying

for a miracle..I took her home again for a few days so she could be with us ,in her familiar environment.I kept her home for a couple of days and then I returned her to the vet's to drain the fluid from her little belly.I visited her twice a day there, stroking her,kissing her ,telling her how much I loved her. Last time I saw her it was Saturday noon.The vet's is closed for visits on Sat.evening

and Sundays.Monday morning when I went to visit her they told me she had passed during the night. I cannot eat,cannot sleep,cannot function.I cry all the time.I miss her so much.I know getting her to the vet  clinic earlier would not have changed the outcome,she was doomed,but I feel I neglected her and betrayed her by my stupidity and laziness.I hope she has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself.

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Oh no, I am so sorry to read this and for your loss. Guilt is one of the worst emotions isn't it? I know it well. At least she passed being cared for in a safe place. You really did everything you could. Please don't feel you were stupid or lazy. Cats hide illness very well and by the time you really could see it you went back to the vet and it had progressed badly. She was lucky she had you. I wish there was something I could say to make the agony and grief go away. I am just over 4 weeks and I still miss my cat terribly. I do okay some days not on others. All I can wish for you is peace and if you can - try to remember all the wonderful times you had together. 

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Dear Maria,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know its hard. You loved cat so much and from everything you said you tried so hard. I know during these early days we grievers tend to be very hard on ourselves. We go over every moment and berate our self.  Be kind to yourself. You loved her! You took care of her! I hope with more time you will see how devoted you were.

Thinking of you during this difficult time.

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Maria,   I am deeply sorry. Grieving for a family pet is just as hard as grieving for a special person. Our minds go through the "whys", the 'what ifs", the "would, should, and could haves".We so much wish to go back in time and change the outcome.Guilt is a common emotion we all go through. We feel so responsible and beat ourselves up with the guilt feelings. Please, do not do that to yourself. You did everything you could and so did the vets. You did not neglect or betray your cat in any way. There are just some things in life we have no control over. Your cat does not hold anything against you. She knows how well you loved and cared for her.You gave her a good home for the time she had here.

Sending you prayers for comfort, strength, love and peace.

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8 hours ago, AJWCat said:

Oh no, I am so sorry to read this and for your loss. Guilt is one of the worst emotions isn't it? I know it well. At least she passed being cared for in a safe place. You really did everything you could. Please don't feel you were stupid or lazy. Cats hide illness very well and by the time you really could see it you went back to the vet and it had progressed badly. She was lucky she had you. I wish there was something I could say to make the agony and grief go away. I am just over 4 weeks and I still miss my cat terribly. I do okay some days not on others. All I can wish for you is peace and if you can - try to remember all the wonderful times you had together. 

Dear AJWCat,thank you for your kind words.I read your story.I understand how horrible you must feel.But please try to think that although you loved your cat so much,sometimes we cannot protect them from everything or predict what will happen.We are only human.Your kitty lived such a good life.I am so sorry for your loss.I wish I could hold your hand and offer you comfort.

As for me, I do not see the guilt going away.What kind of person would watch his cat not eating and not do anything about it? it's like I did not want to admit that she could be sick.And in hindsight I realize that my poor kitty tried to catch my attention but I was so blind, so trying to reassure myself that everything was ok .Is no this insane?It is true that the virus she had could not be prevented or cured,but this does not change a thing. I still feel like a monster. I could have done so much better. Although I have a family and other cats life seems empty.

 

 

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8 hours ago, reader said:

Dear Maria,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know its hard. You loved cat so much and from everything you said you tried so hard. I know during these early days we grievers tend to be very hard on ourselves. We go over every moment and berate our self.  Be kind to yourself. You loved her! You took care of her! I hope with more time you will see how devoted you were.

Thinking of you during this difficult time.

Dear reader,thank you so much for your kind message. It is true I loved my cat dearly  but I think I did not try hard enough ,at the initial stages.I did not give her much attention at first.  I cannot be kind to myself.

Thank you again for thinking about me .God bless you.

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6 hours ago, KMB said:

Maria,   I am deeply sorry. Grieving for a family pet is just as hard as grieving for a special person. Our minds go through the "whys", the 'what ifs", the "would, should, and could haves".We so much wish to go back in time and change the outcome.Guilt is a common emotion we all go through. We feel so responsible and beat ourselves up with the guilt feelings. Please, do not do that to yourself. You did everything you could and so did the vets. You did not neglect or betray your cat in any way. There are just some things in life we have no control over. Your cat does not hold anything against you. She knows how well you loved and cared for her.You gave her a good home for the time she had here.

Sending you prayers for comfort, strength, love and peace.

Dear KMB ,thank you from my heart for your prayers and your kind words.But I still feel I did not everything I could from the beginning. I neglected her because I let many days pass without me doing anything.And I cannot understand this,since I loved her so much.Where was my mind? Yes,my only consolation is hoping that my kitty knows and feels how much I loved her,how much I still do.

 

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4 hours ago, Maria9 said:

Dear AJWCat,thank you for your kind words.I read your story.I understand how horrible you must feel.But please try to think that although you loved your cat so much,sometimes we cannot protect them from everything or predict what will happen.We are only human.Your kitty lived such a good life.I am so sorry for your loss.I wish I could hold your hand and offer you comfort.

As for me, I do not see the guilt going away.What kind of person would watch his cat not eating and not do anything about it? it's like I did not want to admit that she could be sick.And in hindsight I realize that my poor kitty tried to catch my attention but I was so blind, so trying to reassure myself that everything was ok .Is no this insane?It is true that the virus she had could not be prevented or cured,but this does not change a thing. I still feel like a monster. I could have done so much better. Although I have a family and other cats life seems empty.

 

 

@Maria9, please remember your intent. Your intent was never to harm your cat. You loved her. Looking back you say you would have done more. There was really nothing more you could do, had you gone to the vet sooner, nothing would have changed. When I think back, my cat was acting a little funny the day before he got very sick. And I brought him to this vacation house! I truly "did" that to him! I am working on my guilt too. But I loved him, my intent was never to harm him. And neither was yours. Because you love her, whatever you did will never be enough because in the end we both want them back and to not have gotten sick. I am so sorry you are going through this. Life does seem empty, please love your people and your other cats, they need you too!   

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Maria,

I am so sorry for your loss of your cat.  As you said, the outcome would have been the same, you didn't know.  I know that guilt is a common grief feeling, we want to rewrite the ending to the story, but we can't.  But I also know that your guilt is not deserved or rational, it is a feeling, not based on reality.  

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml 

Guilt's role in our lives is to call attention to something we need to change.  Beyond that, it has no purpose.  When we have learned from what we've gone through, guilt does not belong there.  If we choose to keep guilt around it shames us and holds us down, the opposite of it's very purpose!  We have to consciously make the choice to let it go.
A better thing to hang onto would be the good memories with your cat.  Choosing to memorialize your cat can help by bringing honor to their existence. 

http://www.griefhealing.com/memorializing.htm 

My hope for you in the upcoming days would be comfort and peace would fill you as you remember your special cat and all of the meaning she brought to your life.  We know when we adopt them that they won't live as long as we do, yet we choose to adopt them anyway...it seems the price for loving them is missing them when they're gone.  It's hard.

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2 hours ago, AJWCat said:

@Maria9, please remember your intent. Your intent was never to harm your cat. You loved her. Looking back you say you would have done more. There was really nothing more you could do, had you gone to the vet sooner, nothing would have changed. When I think back, my cat was acting a little funny the day before he got very sick. And I brought him to this vacation house! I truly "did" that to him! I am working on my guilt too. But I loved him, my intent was never to harm him. And neither was yours. Because you love her, whatever you did will never be enough because in the end we both want them back and to not have gotten sick. I am so sorry you are going through this. Life does seem empty, please love your people and your other cats, they need you too!   

Thank you so much.You are right about my intent.It was always to give her all my best.Yes,and I am writing this with tears,we just want them back.You give me some comfort.I am sorry about what you are going through too. I don't know you personally but you are being like a true friend.

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Thank you! I hope to give back just a little. For example @KayC has been with me every step of my journey selflessly reading my story and has really helped as have many others. Please keep writing if it helps you. I do because I have to get it out, the pain has to go somewhere. 

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

Maria,

I am so sorry for your loss of your cat.  As you said, the outcome would have been the same, you didn't know.  I know that guilt is a common grief feeling, we want to rewrite the ending to the story, but we can't.  But I also know that your guilt is not deserved or rational, it is a feeling, not based on reality.  

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml 

Guilt's role in our lives is to call attention to something we need to change.  Beyond that, it has no purpose.  When we have learned from what we've gone through, guilt does not belong there.  If we choose to keep guilt around it shames us and holds us down, the opposite of it's very purpose!  We have to consciously make the choice to let it go.
A better thing to hang onto would be the good memories with your cat.  Choosing to memorialize your cat can help by bringing honor to their existence. 

http://www.griefhealing.com/memorializing.htm 

My hope for you in the upcoming days would be comfort and peace would fill you as you remember your special cat and all of the meaning she brought to your life.  We know when we adopt them that they won't live as long as we do, yet we choose to adopt them anyway...it seems the price for loving them is missing them when they're gone.  It's hard.

Yes,it's so unbelievably hard Thank you for being so kind and understanding. Maybe someday the memories will bring me comfort and peace,but for now it is all too painful

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5 minutes ago, AJWCat said:

Thank you! I hope to give back just a little. For example @KayC has been with me every step of my journey selflessly reading my story and has really helped as have many others. Please keep writing if it helps you. I do because I have to get it out, the pain has to go somewhere. 

Thank you.It helps.I am so glad I found this forum.Yes the pain has to go somewhere,because sometimes I feel like it is killing me.

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I am still feeling like I am in hell.I am burning inside with grief and guilt. I miss her so much. People keep telling me "it was just a cat".

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I am not surprised, as much as we try to talk you out of feeling so much guilt, it's hard to let go of! Re-read this entire page starting with your first post and it might make you feel a little better. I am 5 weeks now today from losing our cat. I don't talk about it w/ anyone else but my husband for exactly what you say - people who don't get the pain of losing a pet. Either they haven't or it wasn't the same for them. Either way, they aren't bad people, but they don't understand. Grief and guilt were a package for me too. When the guilt finally dissolved I simply had grief. And the grief is so profound on it's own! I will after 5 weeks I now can allow myself happy memories of our guy and I can go for a time being "normal." But then suddenly I will be overcome with despair over his death suddenly and the grief is back. I wish I could speed up this process for you. It is SO hard losing a sweet kitty that you loved so much.    

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Yes, when I read all of your replies it does make me feel a little better,for a short while.In fact it is the only thing that makes me feel a little better.I am grateful for this,to be offered kindness and consolation at such a difficult time.I can imagine how hard these 5 weeks must have been for you. I am glad that you now have some intervals of happy memories of your dear cat.I hope they grow longer as time goes by ,replacing the moments of grief.I guess all this is a long process.Thank you so much for wanting to speed it up for me.

 

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I do hope you're read the links about guilt that I posted, I especially like the first one, it was helpful to me, and both were designed with pet loss in mind.
You are right, in the beginning the memories bring pain, but in time it our grief changes and those memories do bring comfort.  Hang in there, I know how hard those early days/months are, very hard!  We will always miss them, but I know for myself it has changed to that of being grateful for each day I had them in my life, even though i didn't get to have them forever.  I do believe, with all my heart, we will be reunited, and that hope helps me immensely.

 

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10 hours ago, KayC said:

I do hope you're read the links about guilt that I posted, I especially like the first one, it was helpful to me, and both were designed with pet loss in mind.
You are right, in the beginning the memories bring pain, but in time it our grief changes and those memories do bring comfort.  Hang in there, I know how hard those early days/months are, very hard!  We will always miss them, but I know for myself it has changed to that of being grateful for each day I had them in my life, even though i didn't get to have them forever.  I do believe, with all my heart, we will be reunited, and that hope helps me immensely.

 

KayC thank you,the links do help a little and the video...well,it made me cry. I will try to think of my cat being at Rainbow Bridge.But I miss her so...I so wish she was here with me.

I miss everything about her and it hurts so much. I wish I could reunite with her right now.

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It's okay to release those tears, they help us process our grief.  I think of what is to come, that great reunion day, it helps keep me going.  I've lost not only many pets, but my sweet husband, my parents, a niece and nephew, grandparents, friends, so many more.  It's where now I have more gone before me than are still here with me.  Each loss in and of itself is so painful at the time, it takes a while to learn to coexist with our grief.

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4 hours ago, KayC said:

It's okay to release those tears, they help us process our grief.  I think of what is to come, that great reunion day, it helps keep me going.  I've lost not only many pets, but my sweet husband, my parents, a niece and nephew, grandparents, friends, so many more.  It's where now I have more gone before me than are still here with me.  Each loss in and of itself is so painful at the time, it takes a while to learn to coexist with our grief.

Words are not enough to express how deeply sorry I am for all your losses .  It is a  hard and  brave thing to learn to live with them . It does take a while to learn to live with the grief and the pain, maybe a long while .  And this is my consolation too: that our beloved ones ,people and pets ,are just somewhere else,somewhere beautiful,  watching us,waiting for that day.

 

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Not sure about brave as we're not given a choice, but hard for sure.  The missing them continues throughout our lives, but we do eventually adjust and learn to cope...just we never stop missing them.

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It's true. If you loved someone you never stop missing them. It's been a week today since my cat was gone ...and the pain is even more intense. I look around the house,at all the places she would have normally been ,but she isn't there . I'm thinking "I'll never see her or touch her again " and  my heart breaks. I do not know how to cope with this.

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7 hours ago, Maria9 said:

It's true. If you loved someone you never stop missing them. It's been a week today since my cat was gone ...and the pain is even more intense. I look around the house,at all the places she would have normally been ,but she isn't there . I'm thinking "I'll never see her or touch her again " and  my heart breaks. I do not know how to cope with this.

Being only a week w/o my cat seems like forever ago. You are so new to this reality. :(  I was still in shock too, even after a week. So I am not surprised sorry that you are still so sad. I am just over 5 weeks and still have waves of sadness between periods of being "normal." Looking around at all the places is awful. I am so sorry your heart is still breaking. Just shows how much you loved her. Let yourself cry over her, get it out if you have to. I did. Sometimes I have to just let myself sob. And nothing changes but I feel like I can function. 

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Yes crying is a release. I find myself starting to cry at the most unlikely places,the bakery, the super market....It seems I cannot be in a public place for long.

I found this web page and it helped me a little. I posted it on your page, maybe it will help you too.

http://www.afterlifetv.com/2013/03/24/do-pets-go-to-the-afterlife-with-danielle-mackinnon-part-2/

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I feel so guilty that i cannot grieve anymore. You are all so kind,helping me with this but I still cannot live with myself. I neglected my cat horribly. I was her parent. I have read many posts, NO ONE has ever done such a horrible thing,to not provide IMMEDIATELY medical care. it is everywhere on the web: "if a cat is not eating  for 24 hours provide  vet care immediately ." How many days did I wait? 10?12? .I was too self absorbed .I was in denial of her condition. I have no excuses. My self horrifies me. I cannot believe I am such a monster. I do not deserve  anyone's sympathy or kindness. My poor kitty was wasting before my eyes and I acted as if nothing was happening. I do not understand it. Before this,if I noticed something amiss I always took them to vet. How could I do this to a creature I loved? My vet doesn't know this, she thinks I am a good person, but I will tell her. Any vet who hears of what I did will think me a psychopath. Maybe this is what I am.

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My cat was the gentlest kindest cat in the world .She did not deserve me to have her as her parent.

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My only explanation is that I was too scared too admit that something was wrong .This is neither sane nor an excuse. I miss her so much. I want her back.

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On 9/15/2017 at 7:58 AM, Maria9 said:

Maybe someday the memories will bring me comfort and peace,but for now it is all too painful

I was just reading an article about this very thing...your feelings are normal and it is extremely painful.  It does take quite some time for us to process our grief before we can feel that comfort from memories...for now the pain is up front and all encompassing, I am so sorry.

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Maria, I have been reading your painful posts and I am sorry in that you keep beating yourself up for your loss. I wish I could say something that will help you. There are so many things with this life that we cannot do anything much about. Loss of pets and people are those things. It takes a very long time for our minds to fully process a loss. We feel responsible. We blame ourselves. When our minds begin to absorb our loss, to adapt and start thinking rationally again, we are able to cope easier. Our thinking gets more logical in that we did our best at the time. We come to the realization that things happened that we had no real control over. Please, just have patience for yourself and time will take care of the rest. :wub:  Your cat is not blaming you for anything. In time, you will be able to forgive yourself. That is when the healing will begin.

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6 minutes ago, KMB said:

Maria, I have been reading your painful posts and I am sorry in that you keep beating yourself up for your loss. I wish I could say something that will help you. There are so many things with this life that we cannot do anything much about. Loss of pets and people are those things. It takes a very long time for our minds to fully process a loss. We feel responsible. We blame ourselves. When our minds begin to absorb our loss, to adapt and start thinking rationally again, we are able to cope easier. Our thinking gets more logical in that we did our best at the time. We come to the realization that things happened that we had no real control over. Please, just have patience for yourself and time will take care of the rest. :wub:  Your cat is not blaming you for anything. In time, you will be able to forgive yourself. That is when the healing will begin.

Thank you, thank you for your kind words .They are like a light in the dark.

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My heart breaks for you, I understand the guilt. You are not a bad person. You didn't want anything bad for your kitty, it was the opposite. You don't need to think of anything else beyond that. I know it doesn't change what happened. I know how sad you are. Let yourself be sad for the loss, not for the situation, which was not your fault. I actually could have prevented losing my cat and I have managed to start to forgive myself. 

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5 hours ago, AJWCat said:

My heart breaks for you, I understand the guilt. You are not a bad person. You didn't want anything bad for your kitty, it was the opposite. You don't need to think of anything else beyond that. I know it doesn't change what happened. I know how sad you are. Let yourself be sad for the loss, not for the situation, which was not your fault. I actually could have prevented losing my cat and I have managed to start to forgive myself. 

Thank you for your kindness, for being here for me. It seems that self-forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do,especially after the loss of someone you loved so much.

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What KMB wrote is right on, so is AJW.  We've been through a lot of loss together, it does take much time.  It'll be important to work on self-forgiveness, you cat wouldn't want you to feel that way about yourself.

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I can't tell you how grateful I am, to all of you, for your enormous support and understanding. And I appreciate it even more knowing that you're carrying ,each one of you, your own share of pain and loss. I wish that I could somehow ease your burden and help you find healing and peace. I know each one's journey through this is unique but i am here to share.

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I am grateful to everyone as well. And I am trying to pay it forward to be here for others. I think people might feel awkward sharing how much pain they are in over their pets but I know what it is like. And if I can help I am so glad to. Losing pets is so tough. :( 

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I wish this place had a "like" button!  There is healing, but it's not an end, but rather a process.  We continue missing them, even as we adjust to what their absence means to our lives.  It's tough but we make it through this, together.

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6 hours ago, KayC said:

I wish this place had a "like" button!  There is healing, but it's not an end, but rather a process.  We continue missing them, even as we adjust to what their absence means to our lives.  It's tough but we make it through this, together.

So well said. I "like" it! :)

 

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It is a process indeed...And even if I make it through this, the guilt, the pain, I know my life will never be the same again. i have a fear that I will forget my kitty. Right now I remember every little thing about her and it hurts so much but will my memories last? She was with us only 6 short years. I still cannot accept it. I always wished that my pets would  live to their old age . But I'd rather live with the pain and the memories for the rest of my life than forget her.I don't know how many more years I have still to live,but I want to remember her until the last day of my life

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Ahh, Maria, you won't forget your Kitty.  We don't leave them behind, we carry them in our hearts.  I pray I outlive my pets because I don't want them left here wondering where I am or being scared, I couldn't bear that.  So when I lose one, I remember that, and am consoled by the fact they had me with them to the end.  

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Maria, I totally agree with you. I miss my cat so much and yet I am starting to forget the little things, details. I hate it. It's like I am losing him again! But KayC is right of course, he will always be in my heart. I know I will never forget - I could never forget. And yet it's sad (and oddly scary) how memory fades. Also, I am glad though that nothing happened to me leaving our cat without me/us. He was so attached to me. He would talk at me (yell at me I used to day) when I was gone or when we came back from a trip. 

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Thank you KayC,you are right in this. But another thought that is torturing me is that I was not with her till the end. She died alone,in the dark,in a vet cage .Did she want it this way? Was she wondering where I was, was she hanging on with the hope that she would see me? I can't bear these thoughts. Should I have taken her home? but the vet said ''Leave her here to continue the treatment ,she seems to be doing a little better because of it."  Then overnight she got worse .Was it because I left her there? My only consolation is that maybe my kitty ,who is in spirit form now, knows what happened, that I did not abandon her, that my heart was with her and that I was praying constantly for her and hoping. I often wonder, is she seeing me now ? Does she know how much i miss her, how much I still love her? I wish I could have proof of this.

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AJWCat, this is what scares me too. The fading of memory. But you are both right. We could not forget, never. And it is good that we did not leave them behind.

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Maria,

We can't have the proof we'd like, we have to proceed on faith that it is so.  In the hospital that fateful weekend, my husband started having a heart attack...I ran for the nurse station and they called the code, medical personnel came running.  I could see what was happening and told George to hang in there, he shook his head no, I told him again, again he shook his head no.  I knew I was losing him.  That was when a nurse physically threw me off the ward, locking the door behind me.  For 12 years it's bothered me.  In his extreme pain with all that was going on, did he even know I couldn't stay there?  Did he feel abandoned by me?  Did he wonder what happened to me, why I was gone?  We were there for each other always, then at his greatest moment of need, I was deprived of that.  I can't tell you the times I've cried over that.

Then I remembered a cat that I had for 14 years.  She went off to die alone, I never found her body.  I was her owner, her mom, yet she chose NOT to be with me when she died.  They say that cats often do that, they focus on what's happening, wait for what comes.  I wondered, maybe George needed to be alone to focus on his transition.  Maybe just maybe it helped him.  I still wish I could have been there as he was going through it, I still wish he knows I wanted to be, but I have to trust that like everything in our relationship, it proceeds on faith until we can explain it in person...that is how our relationship was founded on, that is how it now continues.

I wish peace for you as you try to settle this within yourself.  I know it's hard, but try to keep having faith in your relationship with your kitty that she knew you are there for her and love her.  You will be together again.  Tell her now, maybe she can hear you.  

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Oh KayC  I am so sorry, my heart breaks for you....I am sure your George knew you would never,never abandon him, that something else was going on. You could never abandon him, he knew how much you loved him and he passed on with this certainty. And yes,maybe it was his choice to be alone during his transition ,no matter how much he loved you. A friend told me the other day that some people choose to do so, because they are more focused on the next world during those last moments. I don't know. But I know that the love you had between you is something that does not end with one of you passing. It cannot be otherwise. I am so sorry that you have been living with this agony all these years, ,along with your grief. I wish I could make it easier for you.

I am so sorry about your agony over your kitty too .It so terrible to know that they died somewhere alone, without us. But yes, they say that cats often do that when it's their time,no matter how close to us they are. It is their choice because they view death in a different way than we. Yet it is so hard for us to accept this.                                                     Maybe my kitty wanted it this way too...I often talk to her ,usually crying, and I tell her how much I miss her.I ask her to forgive me for all the things  I failed to do.                              Sometimes the pain is so deep, I can't even cry.

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@Maria9 I am not saying this should make you feel better, but your kitty was in a quiet, safe place. Like KayC said, they want to go be alone to pass. Of course, you'd rather have been there, but at least I think your kitty was in a "good" place (I know, not perfect!) I absolutely would have left our cat at the vet if I'd thought they were better able to treat him. I am so sorry it happened the way it did.

And @KayC for all of my pain over our cat, I can't imagine what you went through w/ George.  What a devastating experience for you at the end. I am so sorry you had to go through that. But I am certain of this, he never would have felt abandoned by you, never! At some point (my belief) he passed looking on peacefully with no trauma, only with love for you. You are so kind to help so many go through what you have had to endure yourself with people and pets.    

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My reason for sharing what I did was to help you consider that perhaps it was easier for them to go through their last moments without us there, they can focus on the transition and now they are happy and waiting for us to join them.  I believe with all my heart that our animals are in heaven and we'll be with them again.  This time there won't be a leash or any dangers and they can fully enjoy themselves!

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