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Loss my mom... family heirlooms

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I lost my mom six months ago, and it has been so hard in so many ways. I miss her every day so much it hurts.

Lately, something awkward came up in my family and I'm wondering how others have dealt with it. We have not gone through my mom's stuff yet.. as I don't think we are quite ready. But my brother wants to propose to his girlfriend and asked if he could use my mom's engagement ring.

This stung for many reasons. Obviously I know he has equal rights to the ring as I do... but it feels like I am losing another part of my mom. I am not married, and it would mean so much if I could use the ring someday. It feels weird to me that someone that is not her child (my brother's girlfriend) would have my mom's ring on her finger.

I let him know that this upsets me, and now he is upset. I don't really care about the ring or worth or anything... just the meaning behind it, and knowing it would be gone forever to someone that is not her child (but connected to my brother), makes me so sad.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? I don't want to fight with my family over material items... but the sentiment behind the ring is really important to me.

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Dear Fletch14,

I hear you. Families are tough and during this difficult time when everyone is still grieving talking about your mom's possessions brings up a lot of emotions. Because the ring means so much to you, I hope your brother will come around and let you have the ring.

I know he only wants to show his girlfriend that she too is now part of the family and very important to him. But also maybe this is his way of including your mom as part of his major milestone in his life. I don't think he means to hurt you.

In my family, my one sibling wanted a watch that belonged to my father. I never thought twice about not giving it to her, but part of me has this regret as well.


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Dear Fletch14,

I am sorry for your loss.  It is so hard dividing the belongings of your mom.  Its so painful I completely understand.  I was able to take what I wanted of my mothers belongings because my sister wanted nothing!  Thats a different story though.  I agree with reader saying, families can be hard.  I personally have a lot of difficulty with my remaining family.

I think when you are grieving so early on after the passing, we are so very sensitive and raw with the loss and the small parts of her become so important.   I don't know what the answer is but maybe its too soon to decide on something so personal like the ring.  Is there other jewellery you might want to keep?  What about the wedding ring?  I understand why you are upset.  Remember during this highly difficult emotional time that everything is upsetting because we are so distraught.  I think maybe you could negotiate with your brother with the jewellery?  There must be other pieces too?

So very sorry for your loss.  Sorry to not be more helpful.

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