Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Recommended Posts

Hey, ...I'm dying of cancer and I just want to let nature takes its course. I've had cancer for 18 years; Breast 2000, 2002, 2004, Cervical 2002, Lung 2009, Squamous Cell skin and Melanoma of the skin in May of this year and now - Melanoma of my eye! I've had 9 surgeries, chemo and radiation both twice and god knows how many other tests and procedures. And, I'm done. I don't want anymore. My overall heath is poor, including CKD (kidney disease) that is close to the dialysis stage, which I also am refusing. I even had a heart attack recently no one invited me to. I'm so used to pain I just ignored it. I don't want anymore specialists or tests. As it is, taking care of myself is hard work enough. I live alone (with my cat). I'm "low income" poor. I have kids but one's too busy and the other is abusive. I feel like I can't die soon enough for my family. They've heard about my cancers for 18 years and they're as tired of it as I am (or maybe more). I fought before because my daughter was just 5 when it started and I had to raise her alone. Well, now she's 23, graduated from college and barely gives me the time of day. All I want now is to be free to enjoy what I can before I lose all of my vision and then, my life (here). I firmly believe there is something after this existence so I have never feared death. I just have to convince these money hungry doctors to get me Palliative care and Hospice. Then, I'll just paint and watch cable and take it easy. Anyone where I am? Probably not many because first - I know I'm different from others and second because so many people are scared to death to die, which I don't understand. Dying is inevitable; no visitors return from the undiscovered country (Shakespeare) but, it is also as natural as the birth life begins with. Yeah, I don't like pain but, death is a 1:1 proposition. And, I'm dying to see what is beyond, my boldness is not weakened by fear. 



Giving Up vs_ Having Had Enough _ True Dat _ Pinterest _ Had Enough ___ (2).jpg

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


I'm very sorry to hear of your long-term battle with cancer. Have you talked with your doctors and told them your decision? Do they believe you can recover from this current round? 

As far as your children, I am not an expert, but can you tell them how you feel? Would it help? Would counseling help you to deal with your physical battles? 

We will be here with you,


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, ALL my docs are aware and they put me in Palliative care. Of course being doctors they'd still love making a buck off me for Surgery or Chemo. I'm already in counseling and my kids, unfortunately are a loss, and I have to live with the knowledge of that.  

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now