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Where to sleep on the bed?


Azipod

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I need some advice.    For the last two months, I've still been sleeping on my side of the bed.   Naturally, I think I kept things this way because I wanted to not disrupt my wife's spot.  In other words, I left a place on the bed for her.

Recently, it's been bugging me more and more to see that side of the bed being empty.  Not only empty, but entirely nice and neat compared to my side.  It is quite obvious when I make the bed in the morning.  The sheets on her side is completely flat and smooth while things are roughed up on my side.

I'm thinking about switching off positions and perhaps going into the middle of the bed.   Perhaps over time, I can move side to side, and then back to the middle to even things out.

I don't know.  I guess I'm OK with whatever I choose to do.  It doesn't really bother me, at least not at this moment.

What have you guys done in terms of your sleeping position on the bed?

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What I have done is just the opposite from you - I sleep on my Charles' side of the bed and my side stays neat and untouched.  Shortly after he left this world, I tried sleeping on my side, but always gravitated towards his side and am there permanently now.   I guess it's my way of being close to him. 

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I sleep on my wife's side now. I tuck pillows all around me. I sleep in bursts of like 90 minutes. I wake up several times a night

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So I actually sleep across the bed now. I had a pillow with the last night gown she wore on it but it doesn't smell like her anymore so it's kind of off to the side now. I can't get comfortable hardly at all I have a kind sized bed and use the whole thing. So to answer the question what side of the bed the answer is the side you sleep the best on. 

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I start on my side and wake up on Gerry's - just like I did when he was alive.  We have cold nights where I live and he always woke teteering on the edge of the bed. 

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I've stayed on my side of the bed. I guess its my heart telling me that she might need her side of the bed even though my head tells me I'm crazy. You just do what is comfortable for sleep(as we all know how difficult it can be to get a good night's rest) as well as what's comfortable for your heart.

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I gave up sleeping in our bed.  I can't get rid of it, but neither can I sleep in it.  I started sleeping in a recliner.  The bed felt like a cold reminder of how empty it is.  Whatever works best for you.

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Our bed is actually 2 twins pushed together to make a king.  We bought this way several years ago when he needed an adjustable foundation so he could sleep with his head elevated.  I have to sleep flat so.....  We bought Tempurpedic and I loved it.  He didn't so much so we have bought several mattresses for him since.  Had just bought a new Beautyrest for his side in March.  It's very firm.  Twin sheets on each bed with a king size comforter over both.   
I've been sleeping on my side.  And yes, the comforter on his side stays nice and neat.  I'm sorta thinking about moving to his side.   Don't know if I can sleep on the extra firm or not.  I could move my mattress to his side; I wouldn't be on his mattress but I'd be on his "side".
 

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Thank you all.  I think I'm am going to slowly use up the entire bed.  It's kind of bothering me seeing her side of the bed empty and neat.

this week, I've moved to a different type of sadness.  Every morning after I shower, I take a few minutes staring at our empty bed.  Before, she would typically still be sleeping when I came out of the shower.  This change has brought another level of reality to me. The empty bed just doesn't scream that she's not here, it screams that she will never be there, ever again.  This is so painful.

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41 minutes ago, Azipod said:

Thank you all.  I think I'm am going to slowly use up the entire bed.  It's kind of bothering me seeing her side of the bed empty and neat.

this week, I've moved to a different type of sadness.  Every morning after I shower, I take a few minutes staring at our empty bed.  Before, she would typically still be sleeping when I came out of the shower.  This change has brought another level of reality to me. The empty bed just doesn't scream that she's not here, it screams that she will never be there, ever again.  This is so painful.

Every morning when I wake up , I used to boil 2 glass of water , one for me and one for him, now I only boiled one for me only, and its so painful when I sit in bed and drink that water alone.

I used to give him Aloe vera juice at morning , we both drink that for better health (its reduce anti oxidants from our body) but now I don't drink that and the bottle is still in kitchen and in same amount like we used it last time. Every small thing remind me about him, people saying that change your home, but I don't think so, we bought every single stuff in  that house together, I can change room but stuff we bought, I can't leave that. He did so much research while buying those things, how can I leave those stuff so I am living in same home with same stuff.

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TooDevastated
16 minutes ago, LoveGoli said:

Every morning when I wake up , I used to boil 2 glass of water , one for me and one for him, now I only boiled one for me only, and its so painful when I sit in bed and drink that water alone.

I used to give him Aloe vera juice at morning , we both drink that for better health (its reduce anti oxidants from our body) but now I don't drink that and the bottle is still in kitchen and in same amount like we used it last time. Every small thing remind me about him, people saying that change your home, but I don't think so, we bought every single stuff in  that house together, I can change room but stuff we bought, I can't leave that. He did so much research while buying those things, how can I leave those stuff so I am living in same home with same stuff.

Mornings and nights are the worst. I get though the day somehow. With work and people around in the office (though I go to the bathroom and have silent cries everyday) but nights and mornings suck..

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1 minute ago, TooDevastated said:

(though I go to the bathroom and have silent cries everyday)

Just came from washroom and had silent cry. It sucks, this pain killing us.

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Same here. It's the end of the day for me.  Just got into our empty bed. Tears coming out now.  These repetitive days are getting old.

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6 minutes ago, Azipod said:

These repetitive days are getting old.

I used to say this to my husband that we are doing all repetitive things, going office and coming home, nothing is new. Now I have totally new experience that no one wants to feel ever in their life.

I wish I have that repetitive schedule back, I will not ask anything in future from anyone, I just want those days back.

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Files I've created about why my darling came to be killed and how I can help prevent another death like his, now take his place in our bed.  I research and email organisations with questions well into the night, every night.  

We used to do a crossword together each night. I always went to bed earlier than him and more often than not, he'd come from having a shower later and imitate me with  'hey, you'll know this one, dear'.  I'd sometimes make up something silly to get a reaction. We were creatures of habit.  I now have a stack of the unopened magazine we subscribed to on my bedside table - the monthly magazine which published our favourite crosswords. The two year subscription must be due to expire soon.  

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I prefer the long nights - I think maybe because I can be myself, feel my emotions as I work.  Keeping up daytime appearances is darned hard work unless I have an axe to grind.   I admire the strength of you folk who go to work amongst others each day. 

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1 hour ago, M88 said:

I admire the strength of you folk who go to work amongst others each day. 

Yes it is very hard to go office everyday, every morning I think why I am going office, I don't have any why, but to sake of my family I go to office, because my family think I am busy at office and no time to missing him or cry, but they have no idea how wrong they are.

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We always went to bed together, we did everything together.  It's been so long I've slept alone, it's hard to remember anything else.  It's hard to think about, so painful the reminder of what it was like, what I am missing now.  Getting used to something has its relief from the pain hitting you afresh every day.  It's hard enough living with his absence.

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9 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

I used to say this to my husband that we are doing all repetitive things, going office and coming home, nothing is new. Now I have totally new experience that no one wants to feel ever in their life.

I wish I have that repetitive schedule back, I will not ask anything in future from anyone, I just want those days back.

I know what you mean.  There's so much that I didn't get to say to my wife.  And now that she's gone, there's even more that I want to say but it's not going to happen.  Do I regret certain things?   Yes, but not really at the same time.    We didn't take each other for granted.  But neither did we know that she would leave this world so fast.   We were just enjoying each day, together.     Why did life having to rip us apart?

Everyday, I wish that I could have my wife next to me in our house again.   It's so scary knowing that it's never going to happen.

 

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15 hours ago, LoveGoli said:

Just came from washroom and had silent cry. It sucks, this pain killing us.

Ditto that!  When my sleep is interrupted, and that's almost every night, I can't go back to sleep.  I try turning on the TV (like my Charles did) or listen to music, which makes me sad and cry or just talk to him telling him how proud I am still being his wife and proud of him for loving me until his end on this earth.  I thank him for being my best friend and for our life together.  And I cry and cry and cry some more; and then I pray,  and pray and pray some more..  You're right it sucks big time!

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