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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
yuyu

first birthday

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Karl   

As someone who actually doesn't celebrate birthdays, but when my anniversary comes along, I go away and do something different, my first anniversary without her I couldn't go away but last year me and my daughter climbed Ben Nevis on the day that would have been our 25th, this year I did a 1400 mile camping trip to the north of Scotland. I'm already planning next year, I also go away on the anniversary of her death, so I would say that is what works for me. In any case, do something that you want to do, to honor or mark someone that was special to you, whether its alone or with someone else, you make the choice.

 

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On 9/5/2017 at 10:56 AM, M88 said:

I honestly can't remember what I did the day of my first birthday without my darling.  It was such a stressful period.  Next month I will spend it in Court - at the trial of the man who killed him. 

Hi M88, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's unbelievable that such an irresponsible person took his life and lives. I believe that you will get him justice. I'm here with you! 

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This is a hard question for me. My panda's birthday is 27th March and mine is 21st March. So only 6 days apart. We've spent all of our birthdays together since we've been together. Usually, he likes to book a fancy hotel and take me shopping and for dinner. We would watch a movie together. I miss him. Everything about him. I don't know what I would do next year for our birthdays. I don't even know if I can visit his grave as he hasn't been buried and I'm not sure where his family would bury him. I miss him every second and wish he can give me another chance.

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M88   
2 hours ago, Cutie Pie said:

Hi M88, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's unbelievable that such an irresponsible person took his life and lives. I believe that you will get him justice. I'm here with you! 

Thank you, Cutie Pie.  Yes, the truth will kill this man's lies and denials.  

Hugs Xx

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M88   
3 hours ago, Cutie Pie said:

This is a hard question for me. My panda's birthday is 27th March and mine is 21st March. So only 6 days apart. We've spent all of our birthdays together since we've been together. Usually, he likes to book a fancy hotel and take me shopping and for dinner. We would watch a movie together. I miss him. Everything about him. I don't know what I would do next year for our birthdays. I don't even know if I can visit his grave as he hasn't been buried and I'm not sure where his family would bury him. I miss him every second and wish he can give me another chance.

It hits home pretty quick, with a kick in the guts, that we will never again feel the love and joy we previously felt on our special days - and we begin grieving for that loss as well.  We also grieve for the past memories we made together as we can no longer say 'hey,  remember when ........?  

As special dates get closer, I guess we all start pondering how will get through the day and what will we do to mark it.  Personally, I try not to think about it until the actual day arrives.  My family and friends don't push me to make plans with them, which is a relief. They know me well.  Oh, I've just remembered what I did on my birthday last year!  My daughter and I spent it in a beautiful native forest.  A favourite place of both my late hubby and my daughter.  It was the first time we'd been back there and oh boy, it was emotionally very tough going. 

Your Panda sounds like he ws a romantic guy, Cutie Pie. I'm glad he made your birthdays special. 

My darling wasn't a romantic and neither am I really.  We stopped buying each other gifts long ago and would put the money towards a weekend away trout fishing at a lake, or fossicking around on another part of the coast. 

Sending strength, love and hugs Xx

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KMB   

Karl,  It sounds like you have good plans for your special days. Getting out and getting away is sometimes the best way to honor our loved one. It also distracts us from the heavier aspects of grieving and we have somewhere to go in able to focus on the trip itself. Besides, somehow we have the sense that our loved one would want for us to keep plugging on with our life, the best we can.  I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know how hard this is.

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KMB   

Cutie Pie,  I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the reason you are here, but relieved you found us. You are in good company here and I hope you find some level of comfort whether by just reading posts or by expressing yourself when you feel the need.

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KayC   

It helps to have some kind of plan in place to face those special days, something YOU want to do, even if it means "nothing", but think about it ahead of time so you can know what you'll do and not be caught off guard with it.  It won't be easy, no matter how we tackle it.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/h.html

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Sharyn01   

I just had my first birthday without Mike. I went about my day as usual and kept busy so I didn't really think about it being my birthday. This Saturday we (a few family members) are going to get together just as we always did, the Saturday between our birthdays, (mine is Sept 10th, his was Sept 20th) and have a bonfire and hang out. Hopefully I can get through it like I did my birthday. 

I have managed to keep myself so busy I don't have time to think about grieving but work is slowing down and things are going to start hitting me and I know they are. But I am hoping I can just keep functioning and going about life as I need to without to much of a meltdown. 

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Eagle-96   
16 minutes ago, Sharyn01 said:

I just had my first birthday without Mike. I went about my day as usual and kept busy so I didn't really think about it being my birthday. This Saturday we (a few family members) are going to get together just as we always did, the Saturday between our birthdays, (mine is Sept 10th, his was Sept 20th) and have a bonfire and hang out. Hopefully I can get through it like I did my birthday. 

I have managed to keep myself so busy I don't have time to think about grieving but work is slowing down and things are going to start hitting me and I know they are. But I am hoping I can just keep functioning and going about life as I need to without to much of a meltdown. 

I'll be thinking about you on Saturday as I know it will be difficult to celebrate(or at least try to) without Mike. Tell stories about him. Laugh. Cry. Just remember that he is there with you in spirit.

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KayC   

Sharyn,

Thinking of you as Saturday approaches and hoping like Sean says that you can feel him there with you in spirit even as you're with your family.

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Tomorrow would have been our 5th year anniversary. I am too tried and too worn out to do anything. I'll probably come back from work and directly go to bed... Just one more thing added to the list of things he'll never get to see.. 

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Eagle-96   
24 minutes ago, TooDevastated said:

Tomorrow would have been our 5th year anniversary. I am too tried and too worn out to do anything. I'll probably come back from work and directly go to bed... Just one more thing added to the list of things he'll never get to see.. 

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for your strength. You do whatever is best for you and that includes nothing if that suits you. 

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1 hour ago, Eagle-96 said:

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for your strength. You do whatever is best for you and that includes nothing if that suits you. 

Thank you! I will use all of my strength on just try not to think about how excited he would have been about it. One of my friends recently told me he asked for her opinion for rings as he was preparing to propose to me. So tomorrow could have been a wonderful day if only..

Life is so unfair.

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KMB   
9 hours ago, Sharyn01 said:

I just had my first birthday without Mike. I went about my day as usual and kept busy so I didn't really think about it being my birthday. This Saturday we (a few family members) are going to get together just as we always did, the Saturday between our birthdays, (mine is Sept 10th, his was Sept 20th) and have a bonfire and hang out. Hopefully I can get through it like I did my birthday. 

I have managed to keep myself so busy I don't have time to think about grieving but work is slowing down and things are going to start hitting me and I know they are. But I am hoping I can just keep functioning and going about life as I need to without to much of a meltdown. 

Good to hear from you, Sharyn! I have been wondering how you are. I have been keeping busy also. What else can we do? But, outside chores are slowing down for me as well. It is fall here now. Soon, it will be winter.We know what that means--- more time spent indoors, easier access for the mind to try and bring us to the low places again. I have been jotting things down on a list for things to keep me busy this winter.

Happy Belated Birthday! Mine was the 12th. Even though I didn't feel like it, my daughter took me out for brunch and then to a coffee shop afterwards where we could sit outside and people watch. I did feel a little better for getting out.It would have been something I would have done if my husband were still here, but you know all the usual things just don't have the same appeal anymore.

Go ahead and celebrate yours and Mike's birthdays in the same traditional manner. You know Mike will be there in the spiritual sense. Our loved ones do not miss out on anything. We are just unable to see or hear them. :wub:

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KayC   
18 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for your strength. You do whatever is best for you and that includes nothing if that suits you. 

I agree.  The most important opinion we can have is our own.  Listen to your own needs.

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KayC   
16 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

One of my friends recently told me he asked for her opinion for rings as he was preparing to propose to me. So tomorrow could have been a wonderful day if only..

Oh Hon, that is so hard!  Definitely wishing some comfort for you tomorrow.  As you're thinking about how you're missing out on this tomorrow, remember that nothing took away his love for you, and his feelings remain even though his physical body and your tomorrows did not.  He loves you still, hold onto that.

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KMB   
On 9/14/2017 at 0:41 PM, TooDevastated said:

Tomorrow would have been our 5th year anniversary. I am too tried and too worn out to do anything. I'll probably come back from work and directly go to bed... Just one more thing added to the list of things he'll never get to see.. 

Thinking of you today and sending prayers. We all know how hard every day is, even more so the special days. hard isn't even the bulk of it. There really are no words to describe anything to do with loss.:wub:

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6 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh Hon, that is so hard!  Definitely wishing some comfort for you tomorrow.  As you're thinking about how you're missing out on this tomorrow, remember that nothing took away his love for you, and his feelings remain even though his physical body and your tomorrows did not.  He loves you still, hold onto that.

Thanks Kay! The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that he is there somewhere, waiting for me. I'm so grateful for the signs he has given me so far. His love is so strong that I have had loads of strong signs. It doesn't stop me from feeling miserable about the future we would have had though. Never will I find a man who can love me more than he does (not that I want to anyway...) just as he couldn't have found another woman to love him more. He was such a great guy that I am completely crushed and hurt by his absence. 

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KayC   

Wondering how you are doing today.  I understand your feelings about not finding anyone like him...me neither.  When you've had the best it'd be hard to settle for less!

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