Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
yuyu

first birthday

Recommended Posts

Cela   

Maybe I shouldn't respond because I haven't yet celebrated a birthday without my love, but I think if I were to have a birthday, say tomorrow, I would drive to this particular place that we loved to go when we first started dating. I think I would bring some lunch, pack my dog in the car, and go for a drive myself. Maybe bring my best friend, probably see how I feel and if I think I may need somebody else to drive for me. I think I would like to go and lay in the grass there and simply be.  Feel connected to him in a place that only really has significance to us. I've seen a lot of people release balloons and such. Maybe I would write a message and send it up. I don't know, thank you for asking the question though. I am interested to see how others have handled that day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Azipod   

This is a very valid question and I don't really know the answer.  I think you'll have to come up with something that is meaningful for you.   The first is always difficult.

Today was the first holiday I've spent without my wife.  In 20-days, it will be our first wedding anniversary.

It's been a tough day.  I've had 10-15 seconds "micro cries" as well as a bunch of reality-reminders about how my wife is no longer around.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
June   

My birthday was 17 days before I lost him.  Our anniversary was 13 days before I lost him.  Then his birthday was Aug 22.  It was hard to get through that day.  

I just started to say that today Labor Day is my first holiday without him.  Then I realized Independence Day was.  I was meeting with the funeral home on the 4th of July.  :(   

Today I went to one of our favorite antique malls and just walked around.  I saw so many things he would have liked.  
I can't even think about upcoming holidays.  Much less what it will be like for my birthday and our anniversary next year.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yuyu   

Yo!,

Thanks for your response. I heard you Azipod those micro cries is a pain in the ass. Cela, balloon idea is great, I think I will consider it. June, Sorry to hear that your love one just died recently, I'm on the 6th month now and it feels like it was just yesterday.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WaHaaf99   

My birthday is on the 10th of this month. I am dreading it. I have asked him to let me know he is with me for my birthday... but I can't get my hopes up because I know that visits or signs can be rare at times. I just feel worried a lot about my birthday. I was so looking forward to spending it with him... but sadly, I can't. I don't have that opportunity. I think I am going to visit my family that day and go to the mall. I don't know yet. :(.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cjoney   

My husband died a week before his 57th birthday. My son came over and we cleaned out the kitchen cupboards and then we went to his house for dinner. He also past away 3 weeks before my birthday. I was still numb at this point and I went to work and came home. I did not want to do anything. We did go out to eat later in the week. I am dreading what would have been our 36th anniversary, we tried to go away, even if it was only for a few days. I do have to work that day, so hoping that keeps my mind off of it. The next night we are having a 30th birthday party for my oldest niece. It's going to be at a winery, I don't really want to go but she is my God daughter so I feel obligated. My son and I made spaghetti sauce yesterday and today, that was hard because my husband always helped out. It's amazing how many "firsts" there are. I'm sure there will be sadness no matter what you do.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
M88   

I honestly can't remember what I did the day of my first birthday without my darling.  It was such a stressful period.  Next month I will spend it in Court - at the trial of the man who killed him. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KylieL   

I havent celebrated a birthday without my boyfriend because mine is in Nov. But his birthday was in July, he died 4 weeks before it. It was quite painful because last year he promised that we would celebrate together. I spent that day painting, a picture of him and me. I was planning to bake a cake but then I thought I couldn't finish one cake just by myself so I gave it up. I probably won't celebrate my birthday again, not without him. He used to send me gifts when it was my birthday and christmas. The end of the year is hard for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   
22 hours ago, yuyu said:

How to spend your first birthday without your love? 

My first birthday without George was horrible.  No one remembered or said "Happy Birthday" to me.  He'd always made a big deal out of it, so the contrast was striking and hit me hard.  I cried myself to sleep.
It might help to have a friend join you for dinner or something, just so you have some plans.  TELL them it's your birthday, don't leave it to people to remember.  It was the only birthday I was totally forgotten and being as I'd just lost him it was harder to brush off than it would have been at other years.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, KayC said:

My first birthday without George was horrible.  No one remembered or said "Happy Birthday" to me.  He'd always made a big deal out of it, so the contrast was striking and hit me hard.  I cried myself to sleep.
It might help to have a friend join you for dinner or something, just so you have some plans.  TELL them it's your birthday, don't leave it to people to remember.  It was the only birthday I was totally forgotten and being as I'd just lost him it was harder to brush off than it would have been at other years.

My wife always made a huge deal out of my birthday. But in a way she knew I would like. She knew I wouldn't want a party or anything so she would plan an adventure weekend and get a hotel room for us. My birthdays over the years saw us wandering through the field museum, Brookfield zoo, shedd aquarium. Last year she found a wild animal rescue and we got to hold a baby lion cub and baby black bear. I never cared who hit me up on FB on my bday or anything like that. I just couldn't wait to find out what she had planned. What the hell am I going to do now?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eagle-96   

My wife always planned my birthday. It usually entailed a dinner out somewhere with all of our closest friends. She handled everything. It was daunting to think of what will happen in February without her but my closest friends have already let me know that they are taking care of it next year and we will continue the tradition. They are also planning a weekend trip to celebrate Lori and my anniversary in November(with my blessing of course) to serve as a yearly celebration of our life together. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how blessed I am to have such amazing friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   

We didn't do "birthday parties" either, he made a big deal about it, but it was between us.  I miss that man, there is and never will be another George. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
June   

I think HIS birthday without him was harder than my birthday without him will be.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Azipod   

I haven't hit any "special dates" yet but will soon at the end of the month.

What are the special days to acknowledge?   Birthday?  Passing Date?  Anniversary?   Valentines?

This is all too new to me, but I'm thinking Anniversary and Passing Date as the minimum?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Francine   
On 9/4/2017 at 0:49 PM, yuyu said:

How to spend your first birthday without your love? 

Emotionally.   I got through his birthday better than I got through mine.  When you're always celebrating everything together and now you find yourself doing it solo, it is unimaginable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eagle-96   
15 hours ago, Azipod said:

I haven't hit any "special dates" yet but will soon at the end of the month.

What are the special days to acknowledge?   Birthday?  Passing Date?  Anniversary?   Valentines?

This is all too new to me, but I'm thinking Anniversary and Passing Date as the minimum?

Acknowledge the days that are special to you. There are no set standards and no minimum. For me there are plenty of hard days: our birthdays, anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, anniversary of first date, angel date.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cjoney   

I bought something that my husband would have gotten me for our 36th anniversary, which will be Tuesday. We used to go away for at least a day or two but I'm not ready to go anywhere by myself yet.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eagle-96   
9 minutes ago, cjoney said:

I bought something that my husband would have gotten me for our 36th anniversary, which will be Tuesday. We used to go away for at least a day or two but I'm not ready to go anywhere by myself yet.

 

Sometimes we have to do nice things for ourselves. Don't rush yourself. You'll know when you are ready to go by yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   

Sean's advice is spot on.  I think you'll find anything that was a special day to the two of you is going to be something difficult to make it through and it helps to have plans in place for those days.  Everyone is different though, so even though I've heard that recommended for grievers, some may choose to stay home alone on those days.  It's whatever is most comfortable for YOU.
It took me years to go back to "our place" and then I lost my job and couldn't afford it...by the time I could, they'd torn it down.  This is something very individual, some under a year out revisit their special places, others avoid them.  It's what you feel comfortable doing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yuyu   

Thank you for the replies! 

By far the saddest birthday that I will have. I'm going to bring flowers and balloons in her grave also I will attach some letters in the balloons so that as soon as I let it fly she will receive my thoughts then drink all night. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eagle-96   
5 minutes ago, yuyu said:

Thank you for the replies! 

By far the saddest birthday that I will have. I'm going to bring flowers and balloons in her grave also I will attach some letters in the balloons so that as soon as I let it fly she will receive my thoughts then drink all night. 

I think that sounds nice. Just be sure to make copies of the letters so you will have your thoughts to keep. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yuyu   

 Micro cries again. I want to cry out load and let out all of my feelings.

My birthday passed and its so painful. Now preparing for Christmas and New Year.

21430535_10210325272953475_3130321151122570663_n.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   

Yuyu,

I'm sure your birthday had mixed feelings...you have a group of supportive people with you, but the one you wanted the most could not be there with you in the way you wanted.  We do get through these days even when we don't know how that will be possible and it's not painless.  One day at a time.   (((hugs)))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WaHaaf99   

When was your birthday? Mine was yesterday. My one wish was to feel his presence or to see a sign, even if it were just a cardinal bird. I am not sure if I would count the Cardinals team at the grocery store and its' apparel... since that is always there. But anyway, I didn't get a sign, I don't think. Anyway, hope that - other than the pain that we all are going through - your birthday was nice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×