Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Sign in to follow this  
GaryJ

my sons dog Nash

Recommended Posts

GaryJ   

Not sure where to start with this.  My 27 yr old son had left his dog Nash with us over the weekend.  Nash was an amazing full of life 2 year old miniture schnauzer that my wife and I loved so much.  On Sunday he got past our pool gate and fell into the pool and drowned.  I found him and tried to revive him but it was too late.  Thankfully my wife or younger daughter didn't find him but since it happened I just can't get passed the grief, guilt, depression, sadness.  This little dog was my son's and my little buddy.  Going with us everywhere.  My son is staying with us for a while instead of going home to an empty house and he's doing his best to deal with the pain.  I feel like my greif is preventing him from dealing with his pain the way he should as he's always asking me if I'm ok instead of the other way around.  There just seems to be no controlling it.  Even now as I type this it's through eyes full of tears.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I logged in other than I just needed some place to write this down.  Trying to get through the day, crying every 10 mins.  Hoping the next day will be better than the one before.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AJWCat   

Oh Gary I am so so sorry to read this. My heart breaks for you. This is a very tough, horrible loss. It was also a tragic accident and not your fault. My husband are grieving the loss of our wonderful sweet cat who died suddenly and horribly from something that made him sick. I would not worry about "being strong" you simply have to let yourself grieve. Also, I don't believe that you are taking away from your son's grief. (You also had the trauma of being the one to find the dog.) Your son maybe processing his feelings differently. The only advice I have is if your son starts to open up or talks about the dog, stay quiet and listen. Come back and write again if needed. It has helped me as I have nowhere else to go and my husband who is also devastated deals by "not thinking about him" and I basically obsess. Time will help you heal but it will take time. Be patient with yourself.       

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GaryJ   

Thanks AJWCat.  My mother used to say 'this too shall pass'.  That is where my hope hangs now.  Hard to imagine when you're right in the depths of it.  We had to go to my Son's house last night to get some of his clothes.  I went with him to keep it company and it was tough.  Seeing the dogs things scattered around the house.  So sad.  I can't explain the way I'm feeling.  Obviosuly, at almost 50, I've lost close family members in the past.  Cried over losing them.  But i have never felt this kind of loss.  It's all encompassing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AJWCat   

All encompassing it exactly the right word. The world looks a little darker no matter where you look. And age, and no matter who or what you've lost doesn't make it any easier. I know about the stuff - so sad. :( I have the shirt I wore the night we lost our cat I will never wear it again, and when we leave the house we are in (we are on vacation) I will throw it away.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   

I am so sorry.  I understand the feelings of loss, I was very very close to my granddoggy.  I took care of him off and on half his life so it was more than just visits, but he was so precious.  It's been four years since he died and I still miss him, I always will.  My son buried him at my place because he was still in college and not in a permanent place.  I bought him a headstone to mark his grave.  I've found these little rituals we do to memorialize them help us.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GaryJ   

My son also asked for us to bury Nash at our house.  One of the toughest things I have ever done.  He couldn't help as he was so devastated.  I can't even look in our backyard without tears rolling down my face.  I closed the pool on Sunday right after this happened and honestly don't know if I will ever be able to look at the pool wihtout crying let alone going in it.  My daughter's a nurse and has seen a lot of death and grieving.  She told me that if loving something feels so good and right then losing that is going to carry that same amount of sadness and hurt.  And that's it in a nutshell.  It hurts so much beacause you loved so much.  Poor poor Nash is all I keep thinking over and over.  just want to pain to stop.  Hard to explain.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AJWCat   

Gary the pain will slowly slowly subside. Just give yourself time. I truly wish that I could speed it along for you. But Nash was too special and so you just have to cry and grieve. I also read other stories, it may seem odd but knowing I am not alone helps. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Missy P   

I know the feeling. It is heartwrenching. We adopted a one year old dog from the shelter at the beginning of the month. I had been walking through after delivering a donation & saw a beautiful black and white, friendly mixed dog. We have 3 dogs already and they did accept her.  I came home yesterday to find her dead on a large dog pillow, as if she passed while sleeping but her eyes were open. I really loved this dog. Her shallow breathing was a concern from day one but she was heartworm negative & the vet didn't think it was an issue. It was an unusually hot day yesterday but I had turned the ceiling fan off that we use in the room that she was found in that morning to give it a break. I was gone for about 3 hours. I keep thinking if I had left it on maybe this would not have happened. I have never found a pet deceased and I think I had a panic type attack. This was a dog found on the street that had been through a lot by the torn ear & scar but she died under my care and it is hard to get over! Husband not helpful as he says " things just happen" & "we don't know why" so get over it. It is very hard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GaryJ   

Thanks Missy P and AJWCat.  My wife had asked me to log on to this forum and talking about it with others that have gone through the same would help.  As usual she was right.  Missy P - I feel for you.  A few years ago a came home to my cat Mitsy lying on the floor, breating heavy and had to take her to the vet to put an end to her pain.  She was sick for a while.  She was ten years old though.  I expected that would happen.  This is over powering.  Nash was a little kid in my eye.  2 years old - full of energy and life.  As I said before I have never felt like this in my life.  This sadness and depression.  Can't shake the images in my head.  I'm a HUGE animal lover and what happened on Sunday is going to haunt me forever.  Spent the morning crying in my kitchen before I came to work.  Sitting here hoping i don't have to head out to my truck or hide in the bathroom 4 times again today so no one sees me crying.  As others on this forum say, I just want the pain to go away.  To get to that point where i can remember the good times with Nash without breaking down.  Not like it is now where just looking at my front porch makes me break down because Nash used to sit out there with me in the morning.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AJWCat   

Gary it is haunting. I am 4 weeks tomorrow and I have come to hate Saturday nights. The "fun night" for everyone is just me remembering our Sat. night with our cat, the horror, the emergency room, the hope and then the realization there was no saving him. Sorry I shouldn't drag you through my pain. Anyway, at 4 weeks now I am "less haunted." I can start thinking of the good times. You will too I promise and eventually you will have just the wonderful memories. Breaking down is going to happen, let it out when you can. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Missy P   

I am going to try and think of the good images, not the bad.  I will be happy that we had the time we did.  For anyone with grief, whatever kind- as Elizabeth Taylor said: "You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That's how I've done it. Thete's no other way."

I'm trying. Thanks for listening.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, GaryJ. I am so sorry to her about your der Nash. But AJWCat is right: the panic pain does slowly subside. I, too, hate Saturdays--it was three weeks ago tomorrow early in the morning that I had to make the decision about my dear little Potter. I also really understand about not being able to get images out of your head. They just haunt and haunt. The only way to deal with these images, I have found, is to let them come and to cry. It is the only way. 

I also found AJWCat's link helpful, especially the advice to make positive and negative lists. Thank you.

Please, GaryJ, allow yourself to cry. And know that, although the images will always be there, the grieving will allow you to process what has happened, and this will lessen the pain. 

Who was it who said 'as soon as we love, we give the Universe a massive weapon against us'? So true--but the very fact that you care so much means that you were a wonderful carer for Nash, and what happened was a tragic accident. if you had known it was going to happen you'd have acted differently. But you didn't know. And hindsight is the most exact of all sciences known to man..............  

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KayC   

Gary, 

It is so hard.  Yesterday was four years since we buried Skye in my backyard.  Although he belonged to my son, Skye loved his grandma, and he was such a special dog, it still tears me up. It seems like a mixed bag having them buried in our backyard where we look out on, it's a tough reminder, yet it feels comforting too to know he's close by.  I am so sorry for your loss, I know all too well how hard it is to adjust to.  Wishing you peace.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×