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asea

My husband - hero - best friend, one month ago

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asea   

My best friend and hero, my husband, died suddenly one month ago today. He went to work and died on the job, as a hero. I have been numb and taking care of details, but as the days go on I find myself not wanting to be here in this world. I miss him so much it's unbearable. We were each other's family. I have a daughter, but she is very unemotional and I feel like I am living in a vacuum of time/space. I just want to have him by my side again. I can't imagine living years and years like this without him. 

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45 minutes ago, asea said:

My best friend and hero, my husband, died suddenly one month ago today. He went to work and died on the job, as a hero. I have been numb and taking care of details, but as the days go on I find myself not wanting to be here in this world. I miss him so much it's unbearable. We were each other's family. I have a daughter, but she is very unemotional and I feel like I am living in a vacuum of time/space. I just want to have him by my side again. I can't imagine living years and years like this without him. 

Asea, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that's what everyone will say, and it doesn't really help, but I mean it sincerely. Taking care of the details will propel you through in the physical sense, but I very much understand the not wanting to be here. How old is your daughter? I ask because I've been dealing with this, with the help of therapists, with my David's daughter. 

He was my fiancé, and I lost him in a car accident in June. He had a daughter from his first marriage, but her mom was never really in the picture. He had sole custody, and he and his daughter were incredibly close. When I came into the picture, we all bonded very strongly and I thought of her as my own (and still do). She was in the car accident with us, but thankfully was physically unharmed. She is 14, and has been very stoic (almost alarming so) throughout. It is troubling to me, because I worry she is suppressing the grief and that it will hurt her more down the road. She didn't even cry at the memorial service, as I could barely breathe for my loss and hers, and I gripped her arm so tightly but couldn't even look her in the eye. It hurt too much, to see our beautiful girl, the one that would thank God every night in her prayers before bed for "daddy and Ashley and Seamus (our dog)". But I have been assured by therapists/counselers that for this age range, it is very normal to push through and to act as though nothing is wrong. Pre-teens especially, are apparently prone to this. 

It is a double-edged sword, because of course I don't want her to be hurting the way that I am, and I want to see her doing well and moving on...  but it's also the one person you expect to feel the same and to understand the magnitude of the loss. All I can do is take cues from her... if she wants to cry and talk about her dad, I will let it all go with her, and hopefully demonstrate that it's okay to let those emotions out... but when she wants to talk about the everyday, normal teenage stuff (school, clothes, social media, gossip), I will "buck up" and follow suit, and save my tears for when I'm alone. 

I know you can't imagine the years ahead, nor can I. Literally every plan/hope/dream for my future involved my David. All we can do is face one day (or hour, or minute) at a time and try to push through. What did your husband do for work? He was a hero, as you mentioned, so I thank him (and you) for whatever work he did ❤️

I wish I could be with you right now to give you a hug (it's not the same, trust me I know), or to get coffee (or a glass of wine) with you and so many of the people here. This is a pretty amazing website, I just wish we could all get together in person. 

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Ka9219   
1 hour ago, asea said:

My best friend and hero, my husband, died suddenly one month ago today. He went to work and died on the job, as a hero. I have been numb and taking care of details, but as the days go on I find myself not wanting to be here in this world. I miss him so much it's unbearable. We were each other's family. I have a daughter, but she is very unemotional and I feel like I am living in a vacuum of time/space. I just want to have him by my side again. I can't imagine living years and years like this without him. 

Asea, I couldn't agreed more with the post of Ashley. We used to say we sorry, and it is because we truly sorry, all of us in here have lost a love one, our bestfriend and our soulmate, the pain is overwhelming and sometimes it breaks us and the life make no sense anymore. There is no easy way, we are now facing probably the most devastating thing in our lives and is unfair, our plans, and dreams are now gone, they went with our love.

Take one day at a time, is the only way we can move with sanity, if we start to thinking about tomorrow, next month, next year or 10 years ahead we will lose our judge. Be patient with yourself, you will cry and you will suffer because losing someone is a tragedy. As you I lost my boyfriend in a sudden way, he was only 26 years old, an entire life ahead and now he is gone.

I wish I could say more, something worth saying, but there is not much I can say. I am here for you and we all are here for you, we understand the pain, the tears, the suffering and the grieve and again I am so sorry for your loss.

 

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asea   

Ashley, thank you. Your words are very helpful. She is also 14, and she acted the exact same way as your fiance's daughter.  Stoic, very few tears. Kevin was a firefighter in a very busy fire company...he had just had two back to back fires and came back to the firehouse and had a heart attack.  He left home for work, we kissed and said "I love you". We talked twice on the phone that morning, texted once, and then I thought "well he must've turned in for an early nap and forgot to call me" around 2:00, because he always called to let me know he was going to take the afternoon nap or watch.  No call. But I didn't want to wake him, so I didn't call. Oh how I wish I had called! He was still alive at that time.  

His boss called me 2 hours later to tell me that he had a heart attack and the department came out to the house to get me. It was then that they told me he had died.  

I'm so sorry for the loss of your fiance.  I wish we could get together for coffee or wine too. It's comforting to talk to others going through the exact same thing.  Kevin was my everything. He was strong, brave, funny, could fix anything, loved all the same things as me, and the best friend I ever had.

 

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asea   

Ka9219, that is a helpful tip. Maybe half a day at a time?  Thank you. I'm sad for you losing your love so early in life and having to feel this ugly pain.  Bless you. (Don't know why this is in bold, sorry if it shows up like that, I'm figuring this all out).

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Eagle-96   

Asea,

I am sorry for your loss. My wife died of a heart attack on 04/01/17 at the age of 46 so I know some of what you are experiencing. I wish you didn't have a reason for coming here but I am glad you found us. We are here to provide advice, knowledge, or even a shoulder to cry on. You will find a wide range of experience and time on this forum so any help we can provide, just ask and you will receive help without judgement. I wish nothing but peace and comfort on your journey.

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KayC   

Asea,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My husband died of a heart attack 2 years ago.  In the beginning I felt as you expressed here, I didn't see how I could live without him, but little by little somehow we adjust and keep going, (as someone here used to put it), one foot in front of the other.  Yes if we can't handle a day, break it down to an hour, or even a minute, whatever feels more doable.  

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KMB   

asea, So sorry for your loss and that reason for being here and joining our grief family. Welcome, and I sincerely hope you find comfort, compassion,commonality, in reading our stories and knowing we all feel the pain of this emotional roller coaster of grieving. For all of us, our soul mates are our heroes and your Kevin is a double hero as a fireman. Much thanks and appreciation to him for his service! Sending you prayers for comfort, love and eventual peace------

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