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Dani1030   

I just lost my mom unexpectedly last Monday and we laid her to rest yesterday. She was a pretty healthy person, so we are just lost. I am 30..my mother was 60, but she was my best friend. If I ever did anything, it was with her. I pretty much saw and talked to her every single day. If I wasn't with her, I was texting her. My heart is broken, my brother's heart is broken, and most of all, my dad's heart is destroyed. My brother lives out of state and left today. I'm not angry with him, but I feel like I am the one that is left to try and pick up the pieces. I have no idea how to move on. I feel like no one understands the pain I feel even though people have lost parents before. That is why I am here. I just need to talk to someone who can comprehend this unimaginable sorrow. Please. 

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Dear Dani,

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I am here.  I am listening.  I understand how you feel.  My heart is broken too and I feel lost without my mother also.  You are still in shock.  I hate to tell you but that shock where its hard to absorb that this has happened goes on for a while.  For me it was at least 3 months.  After that period a different kind of pain enters where you begin to realise what has happened and that she isn't coming back and then its a deeper level more layered brutal pain.  I'm just trying to prepare you because in all honesty, it is very hard.  I can't offer advice as there is none.  What I can tell you is I am here.  We are all here with that pain thinking how can we go on? I get up each day.  I bathe, I dress, I eat but inside I feel empty and sad.  Anything makes me cry.  I distract myself as much as possible to slightly lessen the pain of never having a conversation with my mother again.  I too spoke to her every single day.  I can't tell you when it will get better, I don't know but I do understand your pain.

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Dani1030   
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Thank you for the reply. Can you give me any tips on how to cope with all this? I don't know if I am asking too soon. I'm just trying to prepare myself for the days to come.Thank you so much. 

 

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Dear Dani,

I wish there tips, a guide of some sort but there isn't as far as I know.  If there were I would be using them.  Its impossible to prepare for grief.  Its going to be hard Dani, you already know that because you're experiencing it.  I know it feels like you are just dangling out there.  There is nothing to hold on to.  for me it felt like my legs had been cut off and I need to learn to walk again.  It has lessened slightly.  It is an emotional roller coaster.  For me its like this.  Sadness, guilt, anger, feel lost.  Try to distract myself, tv, clean, prepare food, shop.  None of it helps, it just distracts temporarily and I need that.  I think its just the repetition of getting up every day and getting through each day and some days are bit better than others.  I am not close to family members and I am estranged from my sister who wasn't close to my mom so its very hard for me.  I am sorry there are real tips or help.  Try to take a little strength that people are here because they are suffering and they understand the madness of grief.  it is like madness I think.  Some days are less mad then others though.  Read other peoples stories too.  I find it helps me feel little less alone.

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