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Lost my wife of 46 years to cancer


hammer

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She fought a battle with cancer for 5 years, now she gone . We did a lot in those 5 years but still not enough .The house is SO quiet !! It`s the hardness in the morning and evening .  We bought our retirement home 6 years ago and now empty just me  . She has been gone just a couple weeks . Have three grown kids and they check up on me regularly and have a family get together on weekend, plus see them through the week some. A very good friend who lost her husband to cancer too ,she is a couple hours away but we chat on the computer each day.

 Just see how other people are deal with their lost of a Partner. and some people to chat with that are in the same situation and what helping them through this very tough time in there life

  Thanks,    

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hammer, I am so sorry for your loss. Your wife's battle with cancer, that robber of life, was hard fought. 5 years is a long time to fight, but I bet she did it with courage and dignity.She kept fighting for you, your family and herself.

You are blessed with a loving family who check up on you and support you. We need that so much. The knowing that others care and will be there long term for us. It is also comforting that your friend who lost her husband is chatting with you. Only those of us who have lost our significant other understand what we are really going through.

I wish I had some wonderful words of advice, wisdom, to pass on to you, but, I don't. I lost my husband to sudden cardiac arrest a year ago last weekend. I am still floundering, feeling lost, empty and lonely. The only thing I can tell you is to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, one day at a time. I've found that focusing on others, helping them when I can is a big benefit. It takes me out of my own head, my misery for awhile. Yesterday, I stopped in to check on a mutual couple that knew my husband before I did. The wife is recuperating from hip replacement surgery. She is doing really well but her back was bothering her and she wasn't feeling up to driving into town for groceries. Her husband has gout issues with his feet. So, I offered to get their groceries for them. Doing that simple chore for them made me feel needed. I haven't felt needed since before my husband passed away. And just earlier this afternoon, another friend called because they had run out of gas. This person could have called someone else, but knew I was the closest to where they were at. So, I guess I do have a purpose to being here yet, and those times come along when I am feeling my lowest.

Just know that we are here for you. Whether you want to just read posts or if you want to share when you feel the need, this forum is here for either reason. We listen, we know your pain and we understand.

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MBK...Thank you for your caring kind words,  I 'am so sorry for the lost of your Husband. I have readied some on the Grieving process . I was a member of a Colon cancer form, trying to find all the information on the cancer. As with stage 4 cancer a  member wrote " you try prepare yourself for what coming down the road ..and when it does come, you realized you were nowhere close to being prepared "  How true ..Truly devastating the lost of a loved one 

Thanks again      

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Hammer, I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. You can never prepare for the loss. As the poster on your other forum said. NOTHING can prepare you for it. There are no words of advice or any instruction manuals for where we are right now. Lean on your family for support. If they offer help, take it. Right now you need all the help you can get even for the day to day tasks that seemed so easy and mundane before. KMB is right. Try to just take it day by day and even minute to minute. If you can get to the next minute or hour you are doing fine. To think about anything more can be overwhelming. I lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack at the age of 46 so I don't fully know what you are going through but I am here for you and hope that I can provide some comfort and direction for you as you walk this road.

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hammer,

I'm sorry for your loss too...I don't think there IS any way to prepare for this even if you know ahead of time, it still hits.  I lost my husband to a heart attack just after his 51st birthday.  It does help to express what you're feeling, as you've undoubtedly learned on your cancer forum.  I was caregiver to my MIL for the nearly three years she was bedridden with cancer...we grieved ahead of time alot, but even so, death brings a finality we can't possibly know until we're there.  I don't think there is an easy way for this to happen.

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Hammer, I am sorry to hear about your loss.  I was only married for 6-years when my wife passed away.  Your 46-years is quite impressive to say the least.  Hats off to you!  I know times are tough right now, but I think that you will have much to share with all of us as you begin taking on this challenging journey.  Please stick around and share your wisdom.   

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The Gilda`s Club has invited me to one of their Grief Connections meeting , I am thinking of going .I sure some of you have gone to Grief type meeting . Question ? Have you found them to be helpfully ?? 

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I've been leading a grief support group for several months and everyone says it's helpful.  It depends on the group, the leader, materials, etc., so if you don't like one, try another.

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hammer, I live in a rural area and attended a grief support group run by a local hospice. That one was my only choice. It was helpful being among others who have suffered loss. I actually preferred being with other grievers, compared to some family members and friends who haven't experienced losing a spouse or anyone they are really close to.

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Hammer, I am truly sorry for your loss.  I too lost my husband of 33 years to pancreatic cancer in February.  It is very new to you right now, so I would say just keep doing what you are doing, and when you need support, get it.  You are lucky that you have friends and family.  People who love you and will try to support you as best they can.

Take it one day at a time.  My prayers are with you.

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On 8/27/2017 at 2:11 PM, hammer said:

She fought a battle with cancer for 5 years, now she gone .

I Know.

Take the time to read my thread "Autocharge my Experance". Msg me If I can help.

Autocharge

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On 8/27/2017 at 2:11 PM, hammer said:

She fought a battle with cancer for 5 years, now she gone . We did a lot in those 5 years but still not enough .The house is SO quiet !! It`s the hardness in the morning and evening .  We bought our retirement home 6 years ago and now empty just me  . She has been gone just a couple weeks . Have three grown kids and they check up on me regularly and have a family get together on weekend, plus see them through the week some. A very good friend who lost her husband to cancer too ,she is a couple hours away but we chat on the computer each day.

 Just see how other people are deal with their lost of a Partner. and some people to chat with that are in the same situation and what helping them through this very tough time in there life

  Thanks,    

I am so sorry for your loss and know your suffering.  She was very strong person to have put up a good fight for 5 years; eventually the body tires and endures all that it can handle; that's when God steps in and takes on the rest. It may not turn out like you want it to, but only God's plan will give your life meaning.  Because God, who knows you best, knows what best for you.

My house too is silent and very lonely these days.  What use to be the perfect home,  whether you liked to eat or sleep or just storytelling or singing or reading or a pleasant mixture of them all.  Just merely being home with my Charles was a cure for whatever troubled me.  When we lose someone in our lives and realize that no matter how much time we spent with them or how often we told them we loved and appreciated them, it will never seem like it was enough. 

As hard as it is, the bible tells us that we are strangers in a foreign land, merely passing through. This earth is not our home; our citizenship is in heaven.  That keeps me going; knowing someday Charles and I will be reunited and this time we will never have to worry about parting again. 

I wish and pray that God gives you the strength and courage to face the most difficult time of your life.  Sometimes we just have to bow our heads, say a prayer, and weather the storm.  Don't try to calm the storm because you can't; what you can do is calm yourself and the storm will eventually pass.  Stay Strong!

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Hi Everyone and thank you very much on helping along this new and different patch in my life. Getting close the 4 months now since my wife pasting. The Grave maker was place last week. Now on to moving forward, I have been slow going through some of her snuff, doing ok with it most of the time..when it get to be too much  I stop a take a break ..Doing better at being alone ,witch is most of the time. The new normal for me, single , will be ok with that down the road as time move on . Thanks hammer      

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4 hours ago, hammer said:

Hi Everyone and thank you very much on helping along this new and different patch in my life. Getting close the 4 months now since my wife pasting. The Grave maker was place last week. Now on to moving forward, I have been slow going through some of her snuff, doing ok with it most of the time..when it get to be too much  I stop a take a break ..Doing better at being alone ,witch is most of the time. The new normal for me, single , will be ok with that down the road as time move on . Thanks hammer      

Good to see you checking in!  How do you feel about the grave marker? Some have mixed feelings when that piece is in place. Relieved at that last final gift and some feel that it makes loss so permanent, so real. My husband wanted cremation and his ashes spread on our property. I just finally managed that a couple months ago. I was waiting until I had the feeling it was the right time.

Take your time with the other things, such as going through belongings, giving things to other loved ones or donating. There is no time table with that. You don't wish to have any regrets down the road as to something you wished you had kept. It has been almost 15 months for me and my husband's belongings are still as he left them. So far, I have only given away a new pair of shoes my husband wore once ,to his last doctor's appointment and I gave his blood sugar monitor and supplies to one of his oldest friends who has since found out he is diabetic.

Take care of yourself, hammer. Take your time with things and be kind and patient with yourself. We are going to be grieving the rest of our lives. The future will take care of itself and go for us the way it is meant to. I don't like being alone either. Adjusting to being alone has been the hardest for me.    (HUGS)

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Hammer,

You had five years to slowly adjust in addition to the time since, it sounds like you're doing pretty well.  Just keep doing what you're doing, little by little.  No hurry about getting rid of things, can take as much or little time as you want.  Thanks for checking in and let us know how you're doing.

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