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Sweetheart346

I feel guilty...

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Monday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death. The previous day, Sunday, my older sister was acting a little moody and said she's on the verge of having a panic attack. On Monday I was so focused on the eclipse and getting to see it, that I wasn't even thinking hard about how it was the anniversary of my mother's death. It's as if other days I'm sad, but when the 21st of each month rolls around, some I'm ok, others I'm not. I kind of feel bad for not feeling that bad about it specifically on the 21st...if that makes sense. Especially since my sister was sad, but I wasn't since it was a pretty good day for me and I felt happy getting to see the eclipse for the first time in my life. The only thing I felt bad about is that the eclipse is one of the many  cool things in my life that I won't get to experience with my mother. Still, I enjoyed it that day. Is this weird? Sorry if my rant doesn't make any sense.

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Dear  Sweetheart346,

Loss doesn't make sense so how can our changing feelings and emotions make sense?  I am glad it wasn't a bad day for you.  No need to feel guilty.  I am sure you have and have had plenty of bad days, weeks and months over 3 yrs.  It was my mothers birthday last month.  I anticipated it was going to be worse than all the other days but it wasn't.  It wasn't a good day, it wasn't a terrible day.  It was just another day.  The first birthday since she died so one would expect it to be more brutal than the other days.  It wasn't.  Brutal days come and go.  I am glad you enjoyed the eclipse.  Enjoy some happiness when it comes along even if its brief.

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