Members Abby78 Posted August 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 I'm just laying here thinking how completely alone I am forever. How much I lost. Just having him here the rest of my life to love me, talk to me, make decisions about kids the house and other stuff together. It's all gone forever. Every day will be a struggle to not feel so alone. I had it so easy before. I hate this life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted August 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Oh I am right here with you. Been up since about 3am it's now after 5 am and all I can think about is him.... it's been almost 8 months and some days are easier..... some are not at all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted August 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Abby78, Heart, beat again--- I hear both of you. The pain, loneliness, is unrelenting. All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. day by day. Someday, when we are reunited with our loved ones, this part of our journey will disappear due to our overwhelming bliss of that reunion. It will be worth all this heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members June Posted August 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Living alone is very hard after being together 35 years. I have my little dog to keep me company. I stay up very late cause I don't want to go to bed alone. I sleep (or stay in bed) till about 7 am cause I don't want to get up to an empty house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted August 22, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 10 hours ago, Abby78 said: I'm just laying here thinking how completely alone I am forever. How much I lost. Just having him here the rest of my life to love me, talk to me, make decisions about kids the house and other stuff together. It's all gone forever. Every day will be a struggle to not feel so alone. I had it so easy before. I hate this life. I feel you and am so very sorry for your loss. Many times I find myself lying in bed looking up at the ceiling thinking about my Charles; just about any and everything we did together and I feel so blessed to have had this man in my life for 45 years. We all know that we must someday leave this place, but because God allowed Charles in my life, I lived and I love. He taught me that the most beautiful things in life are not just things, they are people, places, memories and pictures. They are feelings and moments, smiles and laughter. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. As hard as it is for you right at this moment, and you may not want to hear this, but know that you are blessed. You are so right - things will be a struggle and will likely get worse before they get better. This loss will be forever in heart, but one thing I know, it will become better, or should I say different. One day it will just click for you and you'll realize what's important and what isn't. Perhaps you'll see life differently and not hate it as you feel now. Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything seems different; and it is because everyday we are different. Everybody has gone through something that has changed them in a way that they could never go back to the person they once were. You learn to care less of what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You will realize how far you have come and remember when you thought things were such a mess you would never recover. And you will smile - smile because you will be proud of what you will have overcome and the person you would have become. My prayer is that God give you the hope and strength you need now to get through this horrific ordeal; hope to know that it will happen and strength to hold on until it does. God made you a masterpiece; start seeing yourself as a strong women, healthy and accomplishing your life and living the life HE intended you to live. When your life is complete, God will take you home and guess who will be awaiting your return, your loved one, but only this time you will never have to worry about parting again; this time it will be forever. Won't that be glorious. Until then, stay strong, because you are strong. I'm sending you hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted August 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2017 7 hours ago, June said: Living alone is very hard after being together 35 years. I have my little dog to keep me company. I stay up very late cause I don't want to go to bed alone. I sleep (or stay in bed) till about 7 am cause I don't want to get up to an empty house. it is the same for me. I stay up as late as my old eyes will let me. Mindlessly watching tv or reading. I hate sleeping without my husband. He had a way of making me feel safe, secure. My dog sleeps on the floor, next to my side of the bed and my cat sleeps next to my legs. I remember all the many nights all four of us in the same bed and I would be all scrunched up due to hubby and pets taking all the room and I would lay awake listening to hubby and the dog snoring. I was content, happy, that our little family were all together. What I wouldn't give to have those years back. This is my new normal now. Stay up late, stay in bed as late as I can in the morning and do what I can to get through the rest of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AlwaysDee Posted August 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'm with you all as well. So, unbelievably lonely! John and I were together all the time, every day. He worked from home, and I was a homemaker so we literally spent all day every day together. We moved in together right out of high school and have been living together our whole adult lives. Not only am I lonely without him, I don't know how to be alone at all! I've literally been by myself (and no more than a night) maybe 20 times in 10 years. I never realized at the time how much we were together, and now I am petrified and so, so lonely without him. I haven't been back to our home since he passed, about 4 weeks now. I know I need to go back and get things situated (I will have to sell...) but I just can't bring myself to go back without him there. I'm staying with my mom, stepdad and little sister for now. I have a lot of friends and family coming and going so thats a pretty good distraction. But its amazing how the house can be full of cousins and friends and everyone, and I still feel so lonely. I don't think it will ever go away. People keep asking me what my plan is... I'm 30, I don't want to live at home, We worked so hard to buy our little home and be on our own. I don't want to have to be dependent on living "at home" at 30, but I'm not sure what to do... I've never lived alone so its very scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eagle-96 Posted August 23, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2017 10 hours ago, KMB said: I would lay awake listening to hubby and the dog snoring. I was content, happy, that our little family were all together. What I wouldn't give to have those years back. Oh how I would give anything to hear my wife snoring again. It's funny that I used to lie awake at night trying to get back to sleep somewhat annoyed with her snoring. Now it is the sweetest music in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members June Posted August 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2017 23 hours ago, AlwaysDee said: I haven't been back to our home since he passed, about 4 weeks now. I know I need to go back and get things situated (I will have to sell...) but I just can't bring myself to go back without him there. My sister or a niece stayed with me for the first few days. Then his brother and SIL came down and stayed a few days till after the funeral. My sister convinced me to go out of town with her and her family on a trip they had already planned. So I was gone that second week. After we got home I stayed by myself. It's not been easy but I've managed. Our home is way out in the country and I have neighbors (but not like right next to be like houses in towns); but I can see their houses, so... Thankfully at our ages, our home is paid for so I don't have to worry about that. I removed all the medical related stuff. But all his other things arte still in place except for a few things I gave his children. I'll probably leave his "man cave" as it is since I don't need the room for anything else. I hope you are able to return to your home and find peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members June Posted August 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2017 I was just thinking earlier how no one has come to visit me except for his son and DIL for one weekend. I go to my sister's a few times a week for dinner. And she stops by to get me to go with her or her with me for whatever. I know people are busy, but it would be nice to have someone drop in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eagle-96 Posted August 24, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2017 The loneliness is hard to deal with. We just want to know that people still care. That people still think about our soulmate. A small part of me wants to know that people hurt over Lori's death. I don't want people to be in pain but I want to know her death affects others too. I fear that people will forget about Lori. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 24, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted August 24, 2017 June, That's one of the things I found so hard, people disappeared on me. I hope that doesn't happen for you, I'm glad you were able to be with family for a while. My daughter stayed with me at first, then was away more and more until she no longer was there. In the last 1 1/2 years my son visited briefly one time to pick up some stuff, other than that, no one ever comes here, I too am out in the country. City folks think we live so far out but they don't realize it's a two way street and the distance is the same both ways, they expect us to come to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members June Posted August 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 KayC, I don't have any children. I love his son and daughter but they live 5 hours away. So I'm dependent on my sister and her daughters and children. One brother calls me often - not like he did tho the first few weeks. The other brother was at the hospital for me and came to the house after it was over. He had planned a FL trip that week to watch his grandson play in a world series (9 years old). I convinced them to go ahead and go and not stay for the service. I thought when they returned I'd hear from him and he'd stop by. His 2 sons & their families came to the visitation; the daughter's son was the one playing baseball so she wasn't here. But she has yet to even call me. I guess she's busy with her life but it seems so unbelievable to me that she never called - or even sent a card. I guess they all think a on facebook is enough. I tell myself to move on. I tell myself that since our mother passed in January this year (our father 8 years ago), our family will probably become one of those who only see each other at funerals or weddings or baby showers. Even as close as I am to my sister and her family, I still feel very much alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted August 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 50 minutes ago, June said: I still feel very much alone. So do I. I live in the country and I would not trade it for the city though. My husband and I loved our peaceful life here. A couple of the neighbors still do crop farming and one raises bison. Everyone is busy. I keep busy with mowing and other outside chores. Come winter, I'll be stuck inside the house except for shoveling snow or taking walks if it isn't icy. But the loneliness of missing my husband can knock me down so much and is the constancy of grieving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eagle-96 Posted August 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 It's hard to see people drift away. We think things will be the same but sadly they aren't. I am blessed that Lori's family has stayed as close as mine has. I see my SIL now more than when Lori was alive. Lori would be so pleased to know that they still consider me family. I will still drive the two hours for holidays even though they won't quite feel the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 25, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 13 hours ago, June said: I don't have any children. I love his son and daughter but they live 5 hours away. So I'm dependent on my sister and her daughters and children. One brother calls me often - not like he did tho the first few weeks. I understand. I rarely hear from my kids and no one comes to visit. I do get phone calls with my sisters but mostly it's me that calls people. Changing us from a "couple" to a solo person changes the equation. George and I used to go camping or on trips or play games with and have barbecues with another couple in our church. In the 12 years since he died, they've never once invited me over. I'm not a "couple" anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members June Posted August 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 5 hours ago, KayC said: . In the 12 years since he died, they've never once invited me over. I'm not a "couple" anymore. That is so very sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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