I'm here again

[sad_maddie]

It's me, Maddie again. This was my first post:

Past few days have been pretty good or strong. I tried to do my best to live such a way so that my darling could be proud of me. It really worked out, because I was feeling some kind of inner strength from my heart. Today is completely different. I'm crying and missing him... tomorrow would be his 16 birthday. I feel so downcast because a bunch of memories and thoughts (what if...) are hitting me and I can't throw it off my mind. Tomorrow would be his birthday party with me and our friends, there would be a campfire, I would have baked a cake for him... We would have so much fun together... But I'm here in my room, alone, surrounded only by memories... I miss him so much... Today I can't focus my mind on anything else, everything is so hard for me. I don't know what to do. When I'm trying to do anything, I can't focus on that. Does anyone of you have a remedy for such days?

[Ka9219]

Hi Maddie

What can I say? this "special dates" are terrible triggers, will brake us and will make us cry until our whole body aches. I know that because my boyfriend died 17 days before his birthday, and we spread his ashes only 6 days before his bday. I think that I was overwhelmed, good and bad memories was coming and going inside my head, I was planing a surprised party for him... I remember that me and his family had lunch together, to "honor" and "celebrate" his 27th birthday.

I wish I could give some sort of "remedy" but truth is we can't stop the pain, we can't stop the thoughts and the memories. You don't have to be strong, cry as much as you need, call your friends, call his friends, cry with them and "go through" the grieve because there is not "shortcuts".

Mario's favorite dessert was Lemon pie, we ate Lemon pie on his birthday, and it felt good because we were doing things that he liked. Try to honor him with something, you can cook his favorite food, or go to this favorite place. Do what feels right.

[KayC]

This is a roller coaster of emotions, we're doing pretty good (if we're lucky) until we're suddenly NOT.  It's very hard to navigate through grief with our emotions.  Pretending doesn't work.  We can't expect to be upbeat all the time.  There's no way but "straight through it".  No way to circumvent grief.  

Everything you are feeling is normal and to be expected.  Try to be patient and understanding of yourself as you would with a friend going through it.  Sometimes it helps to try to distract ourselves and mete out our grief in doses we can better handle, but even that doesn't always work.  It is important to take the time to allow ourselves our feelings of grief and not avoid it all the time.

"Special days" are especially difficult, huge triggers.  As we approach those days we can expect and anticipate they will be hard for us.  Some try to make plans for that day, some choose to stay home and contemplate, we all handle it differently.  Honoring that person with a tribute can help.  Whatever seems to bring you comfort.
This might be of some help: (It's not the particular event that is of significance to this article but the commonality of a special event and rituals to handle it)

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/02/grief-rituals-can-help-on-valentines.html