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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
AJWCat

Sick with grief and guilt

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AJWCat, I am so sorry you had to experience all of that. I totally understand your pain, your guilt, and you feeling miserable when you were supposed to be having a nice time.

And I agree, it is not obsessing. You loved this cat, and your thoughts and worry show how much Your cared, and I know your kitty knew as well. I too, have to fight back on showing anger to others out of frustration, but try to be there for your husband as hard as it seems, you can be surprised how much companionship even from a human can help ease the pain. And yes, being at home does make realization set in and I won’t lie, it hurts :/ 

 

and you said you feel like no one understands you. I know that feeling! I feel so sad knowing others know it though. I also visioned losing my cat too possibly old age, but he got sick and this all happened so quick. All I can say is, I know your pain and trust me you aren’t alone. I hope things will get better for you.

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AJWCat   

Thanks Rebecca. We do all understand each other all too well. I know right where you are too. The first week was pretty much hell. The next two were a little better. This forum really helped me, I am glad you are here!  Hope you are okay too. 

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AJWCat   

Just over 3 months now. I came across our cat's "file" - I still have his paperwork from the day we adopted him in 2007. And a bunch of recent vet visits and his rabies certificate. It expired 11/11/2017. I never did call the vet to see if they got my email about him passing away. And so I guess they cancelled our appointment after all. I can't believe they would be so heartless not to even email me back. I don't think I want to go there with my next cat. :( 

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KayC   

Honestly, I think I would call them.  If they got the email and didn't bother responding, shame on them and they need to FEEL their shame!  :angry:  If they didn't get the email, it'd be good to make them aware of what happened and it'd make you feel better to know they aren't just uncaring and callous.

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Maria9   

Yes, give them a call...I cannot believe they are so cold and uncaring not to send you a message. You have to know what happened with them. I hope that they didn't get your e-mail and also hope, well.....that you'll be ok when making that call.

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AJWCat   

I know @Maria9 I fear breaking down in tears. (I think I also fear being judged. I leave town on a long vacation and manage to have our cat pass away.)

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Maria9   

Please don't have this fear, of being judged. No one is in a position to judge you. Accidents happen, whether during vacation or not .What happened ,it was absolutely not your fault..You have suffered and are still suffering so much, don't add such a fear to your burden.                                                                                                                                                          It is difficult not to cry during such a call.I cry too every time I mention my kitty.It is not the tears I fear so much but the wave of sadness that comes with them.

Anyhow, I wish that this will be for you as painless as possible.

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KayC   

You don't deserve any judgment.  Our pets can pass away at any time with no notice, as far as that goes, so can we, if anything, death has taught me that.  

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AJWCat   

Okay so I finally called. Got someone I didn't recognize. I mentioned that our cat passed away a few months ago and that I emailed but wasn't sure if they still had our appt.

She checked and said they didn't have an appointment on file. She was sympathetic and nice enough but they clearly got my email, cancelled my appt., and that was that. It's too bad b/c they are a cat only clinic and normally very good. You'd think a vet office would be very mindful of these things. 

 

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Maria9   

I am so sorry. One would expect they would be more caring and considerate. They could have sent you at least a card or e-mail. We trust them with our pets and they surely must know what it means to lose them.

When my vet was on vacation I took my kitty to this vet clinic where they told me nothing could be done for her.They just gave me some medications.After a week I went there again. They coldly told me that my kitty had only 3-4 days of life and that was it. I had to press them to give me more medication to help her. I hate to even pass outside this clinic  now. I had to wait for my vet to return ,to help my kitty and take her in. My vet has just a small office near my home, but she is kind, experienced and has a personal relationship with all her clients, animal and human.                                                                                                                                                                                                                            My point is that maybe sometimes vet clinics, like hospitals, can be impersonal, viewing us and our pets as "just clients".And we don't get to see this until a loss happens . And this is awful.Of course not all vet clinics are this way but some of them are. On the other hand they have all this technical equipment that many vet offices do not have.The ideal would be to find a vet clinic with a kind and humane staff.                                                                                                                                                                                                               

I just wanted to share my own experience .I don't know if all this is helping you.I hope it does, in some way....

 

 

 

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KayC   

I feel the same way about the clinic that misdiagnosed my King George, causing him a month of needless pain and suffering.  I wish I had him back to hold and love and then put to sleep a month sooner!  Even when I called them after he died and told them they didn't examine him thoroughly (for which they'd charged me an arm and a leg) and how much it caused him suffering, they were cold and callous and did not care.  No apologies.  I will never take an animal there.  But there are other clinics in town I will no longer use either, I have some horror stories I could share.  It's so sad how hard it is to find a good caring vet that does their job and understands animal nature.  Unfortunately it's become "big business" just like the other corporations.  Where is James Herriot when you need him?

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AJWCat   

Wow, so so sorry to hear both your stories. Ugh, terrible!

I get it, people make mistakes, they are running a "business" - Maria you are right, but just a little communication and some compassion would go a long way!

 

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