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AJWCat

Sick with grief and guilt

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KayC   
17 hours ago, AJWCat said:

I was sick from food poisoning and our cat was so sweet, he followed me around, in bed, out of bed, stuck by me at every turn.  

Ahh, that is so sweet.  It's amazing how they pick up on when something is wrong with us and make the effort to show they care.

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Maria9   

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, that you're not well and that you're feeling all this sadness...I know how it feels. When my guilt subsides I feel only the sadness and it is so deep. ...Your kitty was truly so sweet. In our moments of need we miss them even more, their comforting presence. Please take care of yourself. I wish I could help you with the pain but I can only share. I hope you get well soon.

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AJWCat   

Physically doing much better, I had a major sinus problem and went to the ER, twice. I am now so so sad and missing our cat. I can't cry either! Really not good for the nose. In one more week he'll be gone 2 months. I have made progress, I can function. But still so so sad. I look at pictures of him and want so bad to have him back. Also this is a little weird, I feel like he is showing me signs. It's been 2 months, we've vacuumed a couple times, swept, I've washed my clothes multiple times, still I will find one stray white hair of his sitting somewhere like on a table or on the bathroom mirror. Crazy? Maybe. Devastated still. Sadly yes.    

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Maria9   

I'm glad you're doing better but my heart hurts for you. I feel exactly the same loss ,the same sadness....I don't know what to say about it, except that everyone has their own grieving time and, maybe for you,  two months is still too early . At least, on a practical level ,it's good that you can function now.                                                                                     As for the signs, I wouldn't call you crazy. These things are said to have happened to some people who have lost their pets and are not considered a coincidence. There are some books and articles out there titled "signs of pets from the afterlife" ,I intend to check  them myself. But first of all trust your feelings. If your instinct tells you your kitty is sending you signs, then he is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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KayC   

When I lost my dog Lucky, I thought I'd be finding her hair the rest of my life!  It was short with invisible barbs that used to hang onto everything.  But alas as the years have gone by, it's to the point I no longer find one.  The other day, though, I found one in the couch...it's been nine years since she's been gone.

 

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AJWCat   

Wow! Yeah it's sad I have all these hair rollers. We leave here in just over a week. I am so sad, what a total disaster. 

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AJWCat   

I was on the verge of tears all day yesterday. Literally all day. Then I realized it was Saturday. The 7 week anniversary of losing our cat. Saturdays are just not that great anymore.  

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Maria9   

Oh ,AJWCat my heart breaks for you....I feel your pain. I am still crying over my kitty too. I wish I could say something to make it better for you. Except that I understand  and that your feelings are shared.  This sadness......it is unbelievable.

 

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KayC   

AJWCat,

I will be offline for the next couple of weeks while my son is installing a new operating system...I can't deal with Windows 10 anymore, Microsoft continually eating all my data allotment with their megaupdates.  I'm in a slow speed area with limited data, they act like we're all in big cities with high speed and unlimited data.  I can't even get on my computer without them taking over, it's worse than any virus!

Just didn't want you to think I wasn't responding to you.  Will try to get on line now and then if opportunity presents.

I'm sorry for your pain, I know it all too well...it's just hard to go through.  :(

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AJWCat   

Oh no @KayC what a pain! I will miss having you here but thank you for the update. My thoughts are focused on the next chapter, we leave here in just a few days. I have our cat's last two favorite toys. I hate parting with them, I may tuck one into my luggage. Everything else of his we dropped off at the local SPCA right after we lost him. I barely remember it - it was a blur.

I also have one of my fav t-shirts that I was wearing the night he got sick and died. I can't just wash it and wear it again so I will be throwing it away too. I am so sad driving away from here much lighter, no cat carrier, no supplies... no cat.  

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KayC   

It took me an hour to get on line today but I'm here, using laptop, starting to get more used to typing on it.  I miss my PC!  

You might want to keep his toys alongside his ashes.  I bought a headstone from https://www.personalcreations.com/personalized-pet-memorials-psephds?REF=PCRSRCHgoog_Sympathy&+Memorial+-+Desktop+-+Exact_pet+head+stones_e_c=&cvosrc=PPC.google.pet+head+stones&matchtype=e&PRID=pcrsrch25ypad

They do a good job and it's inexpensive, well worth it.

I know it's going to be hard to leave the last place he was, but just know he goes with you inside your heart, always.

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AJWCat   

I love my laptop, you will too I bet!

We didn't get his ashes. We're too mobile I couldn't see having to handle the ashes - and I was so distraught it didn't seem to matter. I have a ton of photos at least.  

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KayC   

That's good...I'm NOT a picture taking person, so I have few photos, something I will likely regret someday.  But each of my animals has been indelibly etched into my brain, with or without physical reminders...

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Maria9   
42 minutes ago, KayC said:

That's good...I'm NOT a picture taking person, so I have few photos, something I will likely regret someday.  But each of my animals has been indelibly etched into my brain, with or without physical reminders...

I'm not a picture taking person either, and I regret so much that I don't have many pictures of my kitty. If only I have known she would be gone... She's etched on my mind too.:(

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Maria9   
14 hours ago, AJWCat said:

I love my laptop, you will too I bet!

We didn't get his ashes. We're too mobile I couldn't see having to handle the ashes - and I was so distraught it didn't seem to matter. I have a ton of photos at least.  

 

21 hours ago, AJWCat said:

Oh no @KayC what a pain! I will miss having you here but thank you for the update. My thoughts are focused on the next chapter, we leave here in just a few days. I have our cat's last two favorite toys. I hate parting with them, I may tuck one into my luggage. Everything else of his we dropped off at the local SPCA right after we lost him. I barely remember it - it was a blur.

I also have one of my fav t-shirts that I was wearing the night he got sick and died. I can't just wash it and wear it again so I will be throwing it away too. I am so sad driving away from here much lighter, no cat carrier, no supplies... no cat.  

I am so sorry for your sadness....What can I say?  We always carry them with us ,in our hearts...I hope your new place will help you find some healing...

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AJWCat   

Thank you! I just realized the date. We lost our sweet kitty August 12. So I am at 2 months. I look at his pictures daily. Still can't believe we lost him. 

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KayC   

AJW, he is really beautiful.  My Miss Mocha had paws like that.  Beautiful fur.

Connectivity problems with my internet, I have someone scheduled to come out on Monday but not sure they find/fix it.  It may be my router and if so I don't have someone to call.  I'm not a tech and I hate stuff like this.  It's been very hard getting on line lately with all the computer issues.

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AJWCat   
1 hour ago, KayC said:

AJW, he is really beautiful.  My Miss Mocha had paws like that.  Beautiful fur.

Connectivity problems with my internet, I have someone scheduled to come out on Monday but not sure they find/fix it.  It may be my router and if so I don't have someone to call.  I'm not a tech and I hate stuff like this.  It's been very hard getting on line lately with all the computer issues.

Thank you! He was. We couldn't believe someone gave him up when we adopted him at the HS. I am sure Miss Mocha was adorable. 

Good luck on your internet, hopefully they can fix it once and for all, so annoying these days!

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KayC   

This is my Miss Mocha, the picture doesn't do her justice, she was gorgeous with blue eyes and a black heart shaped nose.  She was so feminine and used to blink-blink and was very flirtatious with men, which they couldn't resist!

59e1fb98641a7_MissMocha.jpg.4483245c55fdde0a96aa4539e8265bd2.jpg

I dreamed last night that she came back and I asked her where she'd been.  I was so glad to have her back!

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AJWCat   

Oh my gosh she is so adorable. I love her. How nice to have a dream about her. I dreamt about our guy last night too. It was very strange, he was curling up and I saw him and I realized somehow time had rewound and I could pet him. 2nd dream now. Both have been "distant" feeling. But I guess better than nothing. My husband and I are still so devastated he asked me if we'd ever be the same. We lost our "innocence" since this was so unexpected. He said he feels so weird being so upset still and I said, we are not alone, everyone on the forum is just like us. :( 

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