Theatre_Girl

Mom passed away, feeling anxiety about Dad

4 posts in this topic

My mom passed away unexpectedly on July 9th, 2017 (a month ago). She was 64. I was the one who found her... I went to wake her up to watch TV & ask what she wanted for dinner... But she was gone...

Since she passed away, I've been feeling anxiety about my dad... I've feel anxiety/fear at night after he goes to bed...

I don't know how to stop being scared of finding my dad gone too...

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that words don't really matter, but maybe they mean something coming from someone who has been through something similar. 
I seems that now you are afraid that the same thing might happen to your dad and I think you want to be prepared.


Let me tell something about my situation. I am a person who is always prepared for stuff. I'm what you might call a control freak. But you see, life had a way of showing me that even though I think I am prepared for everything, I am not. And that's how life took away my mom about 5 months ago, the person I least expected to live me this soon, when I least expected it, how I least expected it. 
What I'm trying to say and what I've learned is that you cannot be prepared for all things. Also, this happening to you with your mom doesn't mean it will happen with your dad. It's horrible for you to go through that and it leaves a mark, but this mark can be dealt with. Take some time for yourself, with yourself and try to understand where this fear is coming from, what feeds it on a deeper level. Maybe writing stuff down will help. It does for me sometimes. I just grab a piece of paper and just write about what I feel about something, without stopping for 15 minutes. And the real problems tend to come out.  
All in all, the idea is not to make a precedent out of this, because situations and people cannot be foreseen based on a single happening and you cannot live with this fear, cause this is not living. Things will happen even if you think about them or even if you don't. I know it's hard, but that's what I'm telling myself everyday as well. So, you're not alone. We're all here. 

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Dear Theatre_Girl,

My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm very sorry for your loss. During this painful time, we all have these thoughts of just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Flory is right. Whether we think it or not in life, things happen. Terrible things that none of us can control. And I know this doesn't make it easier but just to say that try to be kind to yourself. Spend as much time with your dad to reassure yourself, he will be ok. And if you want to, consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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Dear Theatre_Girl,

I am so very sorry for your loss and I send all my deepest and heartfelt condolences to you. 

I lost my mother a little over a year ago and I experienced very similar moments of anxiety and panic when my father would go to bed when he would stay with me. In his specific case is a somewhat heavy drinker and I was positive he'd stop breathing in the middle of the night- I was convinced that alcoholism and grief would take him and I worried it would do the same to me. I would actually open his bedroom door to check if he was indeed still breathing on some occasions. I started questioning if I was going crazy, but I tried to be kind to myself (always easier said than done) bc grief is a pilgrimage. It is so unique and with it's own set of challenges and emotions for each individual. And though our paths are all different through this grief pilgrimage, often we experience similar happenings. You are not alone. Always remember that. And the fear of his death in the night has subsided for me, although it finds other ways to creep back in. However, the fear and panic are not as jagged and rough and immediate as they once were especially the first few months after my mom's death. Keep putting one foot forward in front of the other and savor all our time with our remaining parents, I always need to remind myself. I should call my dad now.

All my best to you 

Peace and love, dragonheart

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