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TooDevastated

Seeing a medium?

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Eagle-96   
17 hours ago, Lulu said:

I haven't posted in a bit. I've been trying to get through each day and sometimes I feel I have nothing to share that will help anyone, as I am still working my way through this thick fog of pain and loneliness. But I too have often thought this, KMB. Is God upset with me for putting my Lily above all else in my life. I say maybe but He wants us to love one other and I believe love is the one thing He wants us to share. I guess I haven't done much sharing. I poured all my love into Lily and now I have nothing. Am I wrong to constantly think about her and wish for her to be here with me when I know she is in Heaven and God is taking care of her now? I sometimes think I am being selfish but I feel how I feel. I can try to distract myself or make myself think of other things, but that's just it, I'm forcing myself to do it. My thoughts always go back to Lily and how much I wish I could talk and laugh with her. I pray every night for God's guidance but I wonder if He listens to me. Is He waiting for me to abandon all hope and thoughts of her. I would disappoint Him if that's the case.

This resonates with me Lulu. I feel guilty because when I think of my death, I think of getting to be with Lori. I think of reuniting with her and the joy that will bring. THAT is my sole focus. The reality is my focus should be on God and his sacrifice. I have a real issue with my feelings on the subject and can't help but feel that Lori should be secondary. It's hard.

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KayC   

Hi Lulu, good to hear from you again.
KMB, I don't think we can be expected to feel any differently than we do, it's how it is between two people that love each other.  Of course I love my kids, but like you say, it's different, and the older they've gotten, the more they've separated from me, it's not like when they were little.  I still love them and would be crushed if anything happened to them, I thank God that's one thing I haven't had to go through.

I just made mention of this the other day, how I should be focused on getting to be with God but George seems to obliterate everything else.

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Sue P 67   
22 hours ago, KayC said:

Sue,

My husband has been gone longer than he was in my life, that feels really weird but I know it doesn't matter really, because what matters is how significant he was to me and to my life, and he was more so than anyone else combined.

I just love this site and how I have met so many that have the same feelings I am and have gone through.  You are so right...the significance means much more than "time".  

 That is exactly how I feel.  I have some in my life that truly don't understand how I could possibly have been so broken after only being with Scott for 4 months...the life we shared, the tragedy....it is embedded in my heart and soul for life.  I have become very close to his parents and grandparents since his passing....they have pulled me in as family.  I know I give them comfort as they do for me.  They get it...they know the love we shared....they know the gifts we gave each other and they know their son/grandson was loved completely when he died.  His Mom said "I could never have gotten through this without you...especially the end...you were my rock".  I had no idea.  Looking back I see it...as a mother myself...it would be heartbreaking to watch my child go through what Scott went through...I know she wanted to hold him and comfort him but he was a 45 yr old man & wasn't touchy feely with anyone but me so when his parents walked into his house and we were cuddled up on the couch watching TV or laying down together taking a nap....I think that gave her some sort of peace and comfort....to know he was being loved and cared for in a way that she couldn't.  I will never...ever...forgot any of my time with him.   I close my eyes and think about conversations and laughter and tears....I miss that man so much it hurts but I am so grateful he sent Dave to me to comfort me.   I am a true believer in everything happens the way it is supposed to and no one comes into your life by accident.  I know Scott is taking care of me. <3

 

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KayC   

I'm so glad you have a closeness with your MIL, that's so special, my husband's mom died before we met each other, I would have loved knowing her.  She always told him he'd know when he met "the one" and sure enough, he knew what she was talking about when he met me.  We'd both been married previously but it was nothing like this.

I count myself fortunate to have had this love in my life, so many never know it, I know the price we are paying now but it is worth it.

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Eagle-96   
41 minutes ago, KayC said:

I count myself fortunate to have had this love in my life, so many never know it, I know the price we are paying now but it is worth it.

I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even though I know the heartache and despair is the toll I will pay for the rest of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Lulu   
2 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even though I know the heartache and despair is the toll I will pay for the rest of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I couldn't have said it better myself! Although I still have moments where I ask why or wish that Lily had never gotten ill, or that God had healed her, I am grateful that He allowed me so many years with her and for me to remain at her side in the end. It's what I imagined, that we would be together longer and one of us would be there for the other. Unfortunately, it was me being there for her and way too soon. New things have come to light as well that make me think that God knew it was better to welcome Lily home when He did. I thank Him for taking care of her. It's not how I wanted, not how she wanted, but it was how He wanted. I still struggle with this but I remind myself she is well. She is better than ever! And that is all I ever wanted for her. Complete happiness, joy, peace and love. I just wish it was with me that she was enjoying all that she so deserved!

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Dian   

I feel exactly the same. As hard as this is I am so grateful. I knew I was loved everyday without question. Some people never have that their entire life, I was truly blessed. 

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Eagle-96   

Some people never approach the love we had with our soulmates. Some people spend a lifetime in search of what we had and always come up short. We reached the summit. We climbed the mountain and got to experience the beauty that only pure love can bring. The sad reality is that just as we were surveying all of the beauty, we fell off the mountain. Never saw it coming. Falling, hitting rocks and ledges along the way. As we hit bottom, the reality comes to light that we didn't die from the fall. We're left here broken and scarred. Bleeding from wounds that always seem to re-open. Alive, but not really living. We get to see the other climbers ascend the mountain with their partners. Two by two they shuffle past us. Some make it to the top and some don't. No matter how loud we scream they don't hear us. We lie there jealous of what they have. What we so desperately want back. BUT, each of us would do it all over again knowing the pain we now endure. It was ALL worth it. 

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KMB   
3 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

It was ALL worth it. 

It certainly was. Your whole post touched my heart. A year ago today, a Friday, which some consider the end of a week, was my husband's last full day here. For me, I consider it the end of a beautiful, fulfilling life between two people who gave to each other selflessly. I believe my husband visited me during sleep last night. I have no memory of it, but my inner self feels it so strongly that I cannot dispute it. I fought getting out of bed this morning. I was talking to my husband, telling him how much I miss him, telling him how I detest this life without him. He let me feel his presence, the tingling waves going up and down my body. Maybe that is why I have a sense of calmness right now, he is always with me.

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Sue P 67   
On 8/17/2017 at 11:43 AM, Eagle-96 said:

I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even though I know the heartache and despair is the toll I will pay for the rest of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I couldn't agree more.  

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I'm having a bit of a rough night, been crying like a fool for the last hour over stupid football, of all things. I thought trying to watch the game tonight would be a good distraction; instead it just ended being yet another reminder of all the things David will never see again. He won't see the next Super Bowl. He won't see 2018. He'll never know who the next president is, hear songs that have yet to make it to the radio, watch the next seasons of the stupid TV shows we liked.

So in an attempt to pull myself together, I will finally write out my recent experience with a medium here.

Please note, I know that this whole thing is counter to some of your beliefs, and truthfully was (and maybe still is) counter to some of mine. I just prayed for acceptance and understanding that my actions were coming from a well meaning place. I've been so desperate lately, I've been willing to try almost anything to find some peace. 

Also, I don't want this to be seen as encouraging or dissuading anyone from trying it; I'm just going to outline my experience, as factually as possible, for those who are curious.

I looked up a few different mediums online that are in my area, read reviews, and settled on a woman nearby that had mostly positive feedback. I called her number last Thursday, and it was answered by a receptionist, who said she had one opening later that afternoon for an hour. I provided my first name, but no other personal information. 

I showed up wearing long sleeves and pants, and this wasn't intentional, but I mention it because in hindsight, she had no way of seeing any physical clues that would suggest I had been in an accident.

She spent about 10 minutes upfront explaining the process, and making sure I was comfortable. She suggested that I record the session with my phone, which I did. 

As soon as we began the actual session, she said she sensed three spirits surrounding me: two grandparent figures, and one younger male with whom she knew was a romantic partner, as (in her words) he was standing right behind me, trying to wrap his arms around me, and possessively calling me "my honey". Now, this, like many other things from the reading, could be pure luck and a statistically lucky guess, but David did in fact VERY often say "my honey, my honey" when he would hug me.

She went on to describe him physically (quite well, but in somewhat generic ways) and then described my maternal grandparents physically to a T. She also used an interesting catchphrase that my grandfather often said. 

She talked about David having three dogs with him (he had exactly three dogs over the course of his life who passed away, and one more still alive today). She talked about him constantly being in or near water in the afterlife (he was an avid scuba diver). She said he was expressing a great deal of anger and trouble accepting the circumstances of how he passed. She asked if we were in a car accident, together, specifically (goes back to my clothing note before). She stated that he knew I was with him right before he passed, but not at the moment of his death, and he had not wanted me to leave him - this was accurate, we HAD been together, but were seperated during our transport to the hospital which is when he actually passed. 

She allowed me to ask questions, and "his" answers continued to be very accurate and appropriate. I even mentioned a phrase that was an inside joke to he and I, and she burst out laughing. I asked why, and she said she was taking cues from his reaction. Pretty strange. She did throw in a generic schpiel about him wanting me to find love again (ugh, pass) and that he is always watching me and waiting for me. 

At the time, I will say it was all very emotional, but also (momentarily) comforting. The effect did not last long though. I can't say I feel any better now for having gone through it, even though in theory what I heard *should* help. I guess in my mind 1) I have retroactive doubts about the validity of it all and 2) it doesn't change how much I miss him now, or the circumstances of being the one "left behind".

That said, I don't regret going, as even beforehand, I had kept my expectations low and figured it might be TOTALLY off the mark. It wasn't, and it's certainly given me something to think about, but I definitely would say to others thinking about it - it's not an "end all be all" type deal. 

Anyway, I hope that helps for anyone contemplating trying this out! 

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KayC   

I'm glad you had a good experience and that she seemed to know things she couldn't have known otherwise.  I don't understand the whole medium thing and haven't looked into it because of my spiritual beliefs, but I can understand why some seek them out.  We want to know what happened to them.  We want to know how they are.  These are things I take on faith in light of our spiritual beliefs so I already know George is alright, he is in the care of God now.  

I don't know of an easy way through this, I wish I did, but if it was there, I'm sure I would have found it by now, it's not for lack of looking for it.  It sounds like yours knew things that we can't explain away through logic.

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RWT143   

I think that's great, Ashley.  As I have said, I had a positive experience with a psychic medium as well and, at that moment in time, I was very comforted.  You're right, it doesn't necessarily make things better or easier, but for me it provided some validation as I felt him around me very often then.  He had only passed a few weeks before - the day after your David passed, actually.  I don't know if it is the passing of time, or because I have a few things on my plate at the moment that take up too much of my focus but I don't seem to feel him around me as often lately, and that scares me...   I know he must be with me, but I just miss feeling his presence. 

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Missy27   
On 8/12/2017 at 1:33 AM, TooDevastated said:

So I am sharing my experience with this medium. It was a disaster! She "guessed" everything wrong. She didnt even know I lost my boyfriend so the half of the reading was on career advise!!

After I asked questions about my boyfriend who died, she guessed his age and appearance and personality and all of that was wrong. 

She said things that would apply to everyone in my position like "He is sorry to have left you behind. He wanted the two of you to get married. He misses you so much but he wants you to keep going. Meet other people and have a life. Have kids. He will be waiting for you in the afterlife once yoh cross over. He is showing me a golden heart. Oh thats sweet. He loved you more than everyone."  bla bla bla.

It was a waste of time and money. But I did have a good laugh! She said nothing whatsoever that my boyfriend would have said. What a pity there are these people making profit on others need for assurance in a hard time of their lives. She just told me what she thought Id like to hear. Because I didnt give any reactions other than "hmmm" "OK" "I see", her usual tactics didnt work. 

If she is a real deal like everyone says, then she should have told me that she couldnt sense/anything about my boyfriend and that would have been better.

I will not lose faith that he is waiting for me, though. I have had SO many 'signs' as they call it. I know he is around me and doing his best to comfort me (I feel I am in pain beyond comfort, but thats another story).

So there it is. My medium experience was a scam and full of lies.

Hearing this saddens me because I really feel like I need this to work I'm going the 20th, and $180 is a lot of money for someone who has two kids and just lost everything but I'm so desperate right now. I feel like I will keep searching until I find someone who is real there has to be someone out there that's genuine. I have done a lot of research and I know not to feed into there questions don't give them answers just respond with I understand or don't understand.....but if she's not real it will be devastating

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2 hours ago, Missy27 said:

Hearing this saddens me because I really feel like I need this to work I'm going the 20th, and $180 is a lot of money for someone who has two kids and just lost everything but I'm so desperate right now. I feel like I will keep searching until I find someone who is real there has to be someone out there that's genuine. I have done a lot of research and I know not to feed into there questions don't give them answers just respond with I understand or don't understand.....but if she's not real it will be devastating

It made me have a good laugh.. But yeah.. It was a waste of 100 £ in my case. I wont pay for a medium again until I know for sure he/she is defo geniune. 

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Azipod   

Do our loved ones attend their own funeral?    I didn't sense any signs at my wife's service.  Perhaps I was to much in a cloud.   I do hope, that she did get a chance to see what we did as a family, for her.

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KMB   
3 hours ago, Azipod said:

 

Do our loved ones attend their own funeral?

 

Yes, they do. They are with us all the time. We just are not able to see or hear them. There are many books about the afterlife ,and people who have experienced NDE's. All of the information is quite consistent. We just have to believe. I know that is easier said than done when we miss them so much. Listen and feel with your heart. Our loved ones never leave us.

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Azipod   
14 hours ago, KMB said:

Yes, they do. They are with us all the time. We just are not able to see or hear them. There are many books about the afterlife ,and people who have experienced NDE's. All of the information is quite consistent. We just have to believe. I know that is easier said than done when we miss them so much. Listen and feel with your heart. Our loved ones never leave us.

It's a nice feeling and brings me a bit of comfort believing that our loved ones are still here, and seeing all the love we have for them.   I've received a lot of signs, none of which I have dismissed.     But seeing signs, sometimes is not enough, because they are not constant.    At some point, after a period of quietness, we get "hungry" again and we want to see more signs!   I know it sounds unrealistic, but sometimes I wish there was some "portal" where we can connect with the other side, on demand, anytime we want.

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1 hour ago, Azipod said:

It's a nice feeling and brings me a bit of comfort believing that our loved ones are still here, and seeing all the love we have for them.   I've received a lot of signs, none of which I have dismissed.     But seeing signs, sometimes is not enough, because they are not constant.    At some point, after a period of quietness, we get "hungry" again and we want to see more signs!   I know it sounds unrealistic, but sometimes I wish there was some "portal" where we can connect with the other side, on demand, anytime we want.

I have read in a book (from half a dozen books on spirituality I have read since my boyfriend died) that after meditation, we can invite loved ones spirits over and talk to them. And sometimes they leave signs behind. And you can ask them questions. For me, the right hand was yes and left hand was no and I explained this out loud and talked and asked questions. I have had so many signs that he was there so I no longer doubt my sanity or think I must be imagining it. I didnt get answers to all of my questions. I think he cant answer some of them (like if he was together with his dad). But I got clear answers after his funeral when I asked, 'Were you there at the funeral?' 'Yes'. 'Did you like my letter?' 'No'. 'Because it was too sad?' 'Yes'. 

So this is like a portal, we can invite them over although I realised they cant be here all the time. But the longing for a hug or their voice saying something, it doesnt make it go away. There are only two ways we can be truly satisfied with this: If they came back to life (How lovely that'd be!! I'd appreciate every hour and minute and second with him!) or if we go on to their side (since we dont want to jeopardise our chances of reunion by committing suicide, we have no choice but wait wait wait). 

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KMB   

Azipod, --- TooDevastated has it right. We can communicate. We have to be willing to practice and learn. It can be time consuming to do it, but so worth it. Besides meditation, tuning in, asking for signs that might take a day or so to be be noticed, I read about the mirror technique. Use a mirror propped on a table or attached to the wall behind. The mirror has to be big enough to show your face, shoulders. Light a white candle and have a pic of your loved one there. Focus on your loved one and state your intent on communicating with them. You will here their voice in your mind and sometimes they will show their face in the mirror, usually behind you or right next to your reflection in the mirror. I haven't been able to fully complete this one yet myself. It requires a lot of practice. The mirror acts as a portal to the other side. Our loved ones are always with us, and they want to communicate as much as we do.

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Azipod   

I've read a few of these communication techniques as well.

I'm a little bit scared to try these things.  I know that contacting our loved ones is all out of love.  And I know that my wife is the last one out there that will hurt or scare me.  But even then, I still contradict myself.   For example, for about 8-weeks after my wife left, I kept sleeping with the lights on in the bedroom.   I'm just afraid.   In the last 2-weeks, I moved in a lamp that I can dim and I use it the light up my bedroom at night.  I'll be sticking to this for a while.

Our wedding anniversary is coming up quick.  In one of the books that I read, I can ask to communicate with my wife by asking for help from my spirit guides.  Basically, right before bed, I'm suppose to write the loved one's name on a small piece of paper.  Then light a white candle while holding a memento of our loved one, and let it burn the piece of paper while asking for the spirit guides to help make the connection.     With this, it's suppose to ask our loved ones to come visit us.    They will either come in your sleep or leave you signs ... sometimes not right away but they will come.

The book said that this is to be done for special occasions and is not meant to be done frequently.    I will do this the night before our anniversary.   I know my wife would love this if she gets the message.

 

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8 minutes ago, Azipod said:

I've read a few of these communication techniques as well.

I'm a little bit scared to try these things.  I know that contacting our loved ones is all out of love.  And I know that my wife is the last one out there that will hurt or scare me.  But even then, I still contradict myself.   For example, for about 8-weeks after my wife left, I kept sleeping with the lights on in the bedroom.   I'm just afraid.   In the last 2-weeks, I moved in a lamp that I can dim and I use it the light up my bedroom at night.  I'll be sticking to this for a while.

Our wedding anniversary is coming up quick.  In one of the books that I read, I can ask to communicate with my wife by asking for help from my spirit guides.  Basically, right before bed, I'm suppose to write the loved one's name on a small piece of paper.  Then light a white candle while holding a memento of our loved one, and let it burn the piece of paper while asking for the spirit guides to help make the connection.     With this, it's suppose to ask our loved ones to come visit us.    They will either come in your sleep or leave you signs ... sometimes not right away but they will come.

The book said that this is to be done for special occasions and is not meant to be done frequently.    I will do this the night before our anniversary.   I know my wife would love this if she gets the message.

 

I have been afraid of trying to communicate at nights as well. And yes. I sleep with a dim light on in my bedroom. I dont know what it is I am afraid of. My boyfriend would never ever hurt me or scare me! I think he might have showed up or gave even stronger signs but he'd know that might scare me off so he didnt.

Its our anniversary tonight. I'll see if I'll feel up to that white candle and name on the paper thing before bed tonight... 

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Every night as I go to sleep I whisper " Please come to me tonight" over and over. I had the two visitation dreams that I posted about but nothing since the last one. I still dream about Kayla most nights but they're just regular dreams now. I'll take them all the same. Getting to be with her again for a few hours is the best part of my worthless life now even if it's not real.

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KMB   
48 minutes ago, Djh0901kc said:

they're just regular dreams now

Even if they are just regular dreams, it is still a connection being made.:)

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Azipod   
19 hours ago, TooDevastated said:

I have been afraid of trying to communicate at nights as well. And yes. I sleep with a dim light on in my bedroom. I dont know what it is I am afraid of. My boyfriend would never ever hurt me or scare me! I think he might have showed up or gave even stronger signs but he'd know that might scare me off so he didnt.

Its our anniversary tonight. I'll see if I'll feel up to that white candle and name on the paper thing before bed tonight... 

I know the anniversaries will be very tough.   I could feel my emotions coming even though its still 2 weeks away for me.  May I ask what you have planned, if anything?  Hang in there!

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